Still with me?  OK… here goes.  In no particular order.

You think Hogan looks old here? This was in 2008!

Mandatory Retirement Age

Now before you get your panties in a bunch realize that I’m not talking about a literal “happy birthday, you’re fired” retirement age.  I’m talking about that point in time where the wrestling business has passed you by.  Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair & Sting… I’m looking directly at the three of you.  You guys are legends of the wrestling business.  In fact, you’re probably (arguably) 3 of the top 5 or 10 wrestlers of all time.  But it’s over.  Please go away.  Don’t step in the ring.  Father time has caught up with you and you simply cannot “bring it” any more.  If you want to stick around the business in some non-performer role I’ve got no problem with it, but your days cutting promos, blading and trying to hang with the young guys are over.

Specifically talking to Flair and Hogan here.  Guys, you’ve ruined your legacy.  Note that I didn’t say “you’re ruining your legacy.”  Nope… that would imply that there’s a chance of NOT ruining it.  You’re both well beyond that.  You’re not only shells of your former selves, but you’re downright embarrassing at this point.  I’m sorry to say it cause I’ve got nothing but respect for you, but you’re pathetic.

And before you think that this is only an anti-TNA rant the WWE has its share of guys that are WELL beyond their prime.  The Undertaker is my all time favorite wrestler… but hung on way too long (though he only works about 3-6 months a year).  Bret Hart keeps trying to roll his way to the ring.  Kevin Nash finds himself in the middle of the main program.  Fucking Jerry Lawler main evented a PPV last year and made his FIRST WrestleMania appearance.  I hate the term “youth movement” but in this case it’s necessary.

So much for that title lineage...

Less Titles That Mean More

Ever since WWE purchased WCW (and essentially ECW) there are just too damn many titles.  WWE has the WWE Championship, World Heavyweight Championship, US, Intercontinental, Tag Team, Divas, and pretty soon (in all likelihood) Internet.  TNA has the World Heavyweight, Television, Tag Team, X Division, Knockout, and Knockout Tag Team.  In 2 federations, that’s 13 titles.  It seems like every match on every PPV is for a title.  They’ve been WAY watered down.  The WWE should combine the US & Intercontinental and the WWE and World titles.  TNA has no need a Knockout Tag Team title.  There’s too many titles and because of that they don’t mean shit.

Back in the day it MEANT something to be the Intercontinental Champion.  Honky Tonk Man was one of the best heels in history when he held the IC strap.  Why?  Cause the title meant something and he cheated to hold onto it.  Bret Hart and the British Bulldog main evented a PPV for the Intercontinental title in one of the best matches of all time.  These titles are nothing more than props at this point… they’re swapped with such regularity that it becomes difficult to even keep track of who’s champ.  The WWE championship and the TNA World Title have changed hands 6 times so far this year. The WWE & IC titles 4.  Those “prestigious” titles just simply should be swapping that often… it diminishes them.  I’d absolutely LOVE for Alberto Del Rio to hold onto the title through WrestleMania this year.  It’d make his match absolutely HUGE regardless of who he’s wrestling.  But if history is any indication… he’ll drop it in a PPV or two.

Finally starting to showcase Ziggler's brilliance

Push More Talent

I understand that some people sell more merchandise than others.  I understand that there will always be talent that rises to the top and thus gets more airtime that others.  I understand that this is a business and the feds are in it to make money.  But Jesus Christ… if I’ve got to hear that damn John Cena theme song one more time I’m going to shoot someone.  If I need to watch Eric Bischoff roll down to the ring to babble for 20 minutes with Hulk Hogan (brother) I’m going to puke (brother).  There’s a whole SLEW of talented guys that are relegated to secondary shows (Smackdown) or worse yet Internet or house shows.  We always hear about how both WWE and TNA are cutting back their rosters.  Back in the day both the WWF and WCW/NWA rosters were huge.  You know why?  Cause there were jobbers.  There were guys on the roster who’s only reason for being employed was to lose.  To make the stars look good.  The Iron Mike Sharpe’s and Barry O’s of the world are no longer there.  That’s a very bad thing.

Not only did we have jobbers, but the shows weren’t based around 1 or 2 top guys.  In the “Attitude Era” damn near every guy on the roster could win on any given night.  Damn near every guy could and would main event a show.  Part of that is that there was an overload of talent in the wrestling business at that time.  But another BIG part of it was the fact that they’d had enough TV time to build their characters and people knew who they were… and cared about them.  Sure, there were guys that stood out and had more TV time (Rock, Austin, Hogan, Hall & Nash) but those shows didn’t REVOLVE around them like WWE does Cena and TNA does Hogan/Bischoff these days.  Note to TNA, please see point #1 above.

I saw both Benoit & Guerrero win titles at WrestleMania XX. Both Gone.

Drug Testing

The drug testing policies in both the WWE and TNA are complete shams.  I don’t care what Vince McMahon and Dixie Carter say, it’s not being addressed.  Just in the last couple of months, Kurt Angle, Jeff & Matt Hardy, and Sin Cara (off the top of my head) have been linked to issues. These aren’t “isolated incidences” as we’re lead to believe.  Here’s the most comprehensive list of dead wrestlers I could find… 261 of them.   Sure, not all of them were drug related, but quite a few of them were.  Not just quite a few… more than quite a few.  Like, a shit ton more.

Just since the year 2000, check out this (very partial) list:

• Gary Albright (heart attack age 34)
• Bobby Duncam Jr. (drug overdose age 34)
• Yokozuna (heart attack age 34)
• Terry Gordy (heart attack age 40)
• Russ Haas (heart failure age 27)
• British Bulldog (heart attack age 39)
• Curt Hennig (drug overdose age 44)
• Miss Elizabeth (drug overdose age 42)
• Road Warrior Hawk (heart attack age 46)
• Hercules Hernandez (heart attack age 45)

Seeing a pattern yet?

• Big Boss Man (heart attack age 42)
• Eddie Guerrro (heart failure age 38)
• Bam Bam Bigelow (drug overdose age 45)
• Test (drug overdose age 34)

And that’s just the names most people would know.  Folks… it’s an issue.  Plain and simple.  There are just WAY too many heart issues for folks that are that young and in that good of shape.  Hell, if all these people are having “natural” heart attacks in the shape their in… I’m fucked.  Institute a mandatory drug testing policy with mandatory penalties.  3 strikes and you’re fucked.  Go home forever.  See you on the “Where Are They Now” DVD in a few years.

I’ve got a few more, but I’ve already ranted and rambled for over 1,200 words so I’ll stop with these.  I’m very passionate about this stuff because regardless of how much crap I take for it, I love professional wrestling.  I’ve enjoyed it for 3 decades and plan on enjoying it for many more to come.  I just really think that if some of these changes were made not only would I enjoy it more, but more wrestling fans would return or find it for the first time.

What do you think… Am I off base?  Comments welcome!

I was working on Friday and Al had the day off, so he was nice enough to give Pip a ride downtown.  After work, I rode the RTA into town to meet up with the boys.  Needless to say, I felt like a sardine riding the RTA to the stadium.  Apparently I wasn’t the only one with that brilliant idea.  We met up at Cadillac Ranch for some awesome pre-game grub.

Opening Day in Cleveland is essentially a holiday… second only to St. Patrick’s Day.  That said, there were a TON of people who were WAY ahead of us in the drinking department – including this guy who was busting a move to Footloose.  I can’t be hyper critical though… Pip and I did the same thing at his wedding.

We made our way to Jacob’s Field which was beautiful as always.  Yes… I know it’s called Progressive Field these days.  I don’t care… it’ll always be “The Jake” to me.  The Indians did a great job during the pregame and honored recently deceased Bob Feller with a very touching video.

After the game, we headed out to celebrate my buddy Brad’s birthday for a while.  Through many protests, we called it a night before going “next door” and headed home.  In retrospect a very good decision.

Saturday we hung out with the boys during the day and then met up with one of Pip’s high school classmates and her husband for dinner and some drinks.  SUPER cool people that I’m so happy to have met.  After meeting up with them, Pip had to make his annual trek to the Annex.  Even if its for one beer (which this year it was) it’s nice to be back “home”.  We continued our rounds of local bars with a stop at Legends to check out some of the scenery… and a very talented band.  Knowing that Sunday was going to be a big day we headed home rather early.

Sunday – WrestleMania day.  Marko got in on this year’s action and came over at around 5:00 for the 7:00 show.  We got ourselves some food and we were ready for the evening’s festivities.  I’m certainly not a “foodie” by the traditional sense of the word, but I have to say we did a pretty damn good job in the food department.

I won’t go into the details of the show here but if you’re interested in my thoughts you can find them here.  The Beeramid as per usual was a tall challenge but I’m thrilled to report that we once again were up to the task.

If you want the blow by blow details of the Beeramid challenge you can find them here.  Suffice to say it was once again A-W-E-S-O-M-E.  Monday morning rolled around rather quickly and just like that the weekend was over.  Miraculously I was at the office right around normal time on Monday morning and Pip was out the door and on the road by 9:00 as well.  We don’t have a date yet for my trip to visit the Pips but it’s typically in the fall.  I absolutely can’t wait (though my liver does need a bit of a rest).  See you soon brother!

Each year as part of our festivities, Pip and I watch the show, drink a few beers and make our match predictions.  When running down the card I realized that if there’s one match that’s a lock it’s that Snooki is going to win.  That pisses me off quite frankly but I can understand why it’s the case.  Vince isn’t going to bring in some high priced “talent” only the let them lose.  Let’s face it.  If Snooki wins it’s the WWE that will also be #winning (thanks to Charlie Sheen for that reference) as it will be covered on MTV, TMZ, ABC, ESPN and a bunch of other networks.  For all the other things that Vince McMahon is, he’s a brilliant businessman.

Not convinced that Ms. Polizzi is going to win?  I won’t go so far as to say I guarantee it (cause let’s face it… anything can happen in the WWE) but I think there’s some pretty compelling evidence from history.  Here’s a list of celebrities that have competed at annual WrestleMania events.  Check it out.

• WrestleMania
  Mr. T/Hulk Hogan vs. Piper/Orndorff
  Mr. T and Hogan get the victory over Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff. 
  Full event review
• WrestleMania 2
  NFL vs. WWF Battle Royal
  Technically I suppose this would be a loss for the celebrities as Andre The Giant won the event.  That said, I think it’s fair to say that the most “over” folks in the match were the NFL guys.
  Full event review
• WrestleMania XI
  Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
  Taylor gets the win over Bam Bam in what is generally considered the worst Mania in history.
  Full event review
• WrestleMania XV
  Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn in a Brawl For All
  Butterbean (who I’m not sure I consider a “celebrity” either) knocks out Bart in 17 seconds.
  Full event review
• WrestleMania 21
  Akebono vs. The Big Show (Sumo Match)
  Not sure there are any winners when you’ve got two guys in diapers, but Akebono gets the official victory.
• WrestleMania 23
  Bobby Lashley/Donald Trump vs. Umaga/Vince McMahon in a Hair vs. Hair Match
  Bobby Lashley gets the job done as Vince gets shaved bald in the middle of the ring by the Donald.
• WrestleMania XXIV
  Floyd Mayweather vs. The Big Show
  Floyd Mayweather knocks out the Giant.

So there you have it.  With the exception of a battle royal I can’t think of one time in history where a celebrity lost a WrestleMania match.  Still think Snooki has any chance of losing on Sunday?  Either way, it’s going to be a great event.  Bring on MANIA!!!

1. I’m part of the @clevelanddotcom Twitter Twenty! #CLE20
2. I live in Cleveland but I’m a Steeler fan. In my defense, I grew up in Pittsburgh.
3. I chewed tobacco for 17+ years. When I quit I started http://www.killthecan.org/ to help others quit.
4. I’m adopted. So is my brother but we’re not biological brothers. Still love him to death.
5. I once left a brand new grill in its box in my garage for over a month. @MikeHumphries was not happy about it.
6. I’m starting to think that doing this 100 facts list was a bad idea.  (Please note that I was only up to #6 before I started having second thoughts…)
7. Even though this list was a bad idea once I start something I’m uber stubborn. I will complete it.
8. Prime example of #7? The WrestleMania Project – http://wp.me/pj6R5-j7 First post in Sept 09 and still going.
9. I’m married to my high school sweetheart.
10. I’ve got two kids. I enjoy playing with their toys probably more than they do.
11. I have a blog at http://406northlane.com/ where I tend to act much younger than my age.
12. I have what some would consider “a potty mouth”. I freely admit it and don’t think it takes away from my character.
13. I blame @Ken_Diesel for giving me the crazy idea to do this list.
14. For some strange reason, I wasn’t even following @Ken_Diesel from this account. It’s been remedied.
15. All of these tweets will be compiled into a blog post. (You’re reading it now)
16. Sometimes I’m scared that I put too much of myself “out there”. Then I realize no one cares anyways.
17. I’m trying to be considerate and not flood people’s Twitter feeds. But its noon and I’m only 17/100. #GoTime
18. Robert B. Parker is my all time favorite author. I read his works over and over again. He passed away last year RIP
19. I wonder… does Twitter keep ALL of my tweets? Can I see every single one I’ve ever made?
20. I should pass 2,500 tweets during this exercise.
21. Megatron was my first Transformer. But I have to say Soundwave was probably my favorite.
22. I live in Ohio and I’m not a Buckeye fan. Sue me – I went to another Big Ten school. Don’t worry not Michigan.
23. I’m Polish. I enjoy Polish jokes. Anyone who gets bent out of shape over stuff like that is wound too tightly.
24. There are 2 topics I rarely talk about: religion and politics. It’s pointless. People have their minds made up.
25. I can no longer drink “regular” – diet all the way regardless of brand.
26. My family is the most important thing in the world to me. This should have been fact #1
27. I will be watching #WrestleMania 27 next Sunday evening. It will be awesome.
28. #WrestleMania 28 has already been announced to be in Miami, FL next year. I was hoping for #Cleveland
29. My all time favorite baseball player is Jim Thome. Got to meet him a couple weeks ago. Turned into a little girl.
30. I am fascinated by #tattoos but don’t have any… yet. I’ve got 3-4 designed in my head.
31. I just destroyed Taco Bell for lunch.
32. I will not tweet something that I won’t say to your face.
33. I’m convinced that there is a movie quote perfect for every situation.
34. Just bought this tremendous Voltron t-shirt: http://twitpic.com/4cu0ww
35. I’m pretty sure that this “Internet thing” is here to stay.
36. I truly do hope that I’m doing this slow enough to not spam up people’s feeds. I’d hate to piss people off.
37. Growing up I was a Leo. Not sure if that’s still the case or not.
38. I prefer Target to Walmart. It’s more “upscale” (though that’s not saying much).
39. I prefer Burger King to McDonalds. Their fries are FAR superior.
40. I was a competitive swimmer for 17 years. Amazing the difference between 8 miles/day and 8 beers/day #college
41. I’m pretty sure I’m addicted to fast food. Seriously.
42. IMHO there is only one “Trilogy”
43. I have some incredibly “pretty” Twitter followers.
44. Cleveland gets a bad wrap nationwide, but I will defend her to the death. It’s a GREAT place to live.
45. I love being a dad. Even though the kids are a pain sometimes, it’s totally worth it when they greet me at the door.
46. Though I’m being optimistic, I do not have high hopes for my beloved Cleveland Indians this year.
47. I stayed away from Twitter for a long time cause I thought it was silly. I still think it’s silly. #HereToStay
48. I’m starting to get worried that I’m going to get to #100 before the end of the day.
49. I promise to tweet less tomorrow. I recognize that this is ridiculous.
50. I am half way there. I am in fact, living on a prayer. #BonJovi

At that point, I made the following tweet:

I’m making the executive decision that 50 #100factsaboutme is more than enough…

And just like that… I was done.

This is simply a shot of my shirtsleeve.  I love this particular shirt, but the sleeves are just REALLY long.  Not really sure if it’s just made incorrectly or not cause the rest of the shirt fits just fine.

There’s an absolutely AMAZING restaurant in the Cleveland area called Melt Bar & Grilled.  They make grilled cheese.  That’s not quite fair… they make the best grilled cheese known to man.  The above pic is a shot of my sandwich from a recent trip with my wife, bro and sister in law: The Parmageddon.  The description from the menu: 2 potato & cheese pierogi, fresh napa vodka kraut, grilled onions, sharp cheddar.  My description: INCREDIBLE.

My boys are getting to that age where their toys come with decals.  As they’re 4 (G) and 2 (C – until next month) guess who gets to do the decaling work… Super Dad.  This particular kit was a tough one as it took me longer to get the stickers on than it did to build it.  However all of my frustration was totally worth it when I saw how happy they were.

Even with my infinite childlike behavior, I think my wife would agree that I’m good for at least one thing: running errands.  Unfortunately, many times I even mess THAT up coming home with the wrong thing.  SO, on a recent trip for additional fettuccine I decided to take a photographic “wish list” of what I was to bring home.  I’m happy to say that with minimal issues, I did in fact return home with the correct item.

For many people, spring means birds, snow thawing, and finally seeing green grass after a long winter.  For me it means WRESTLEMANIA.  And with WrestleMania comes one thing: The Beeramid.  I sent this shot to Pip just the other day letting him know that the pre-Mania stockpiling had begun.

NOTE: THIS WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)
Special thanks to my buddy Shawn Prior for hooking me up with this one.  As I said on my twitter feed, “The first 4 minutes of GI Joe the animated movie are some of the best in movie history.”  I hadn’t actually planned on watching this whole flick, but when you’ve got a 2 hour flight, followed by a 2 hour layover and then a 4 hour flight, shit happens.  This flick follows our favorite characters and introduces us to quite a few new ones.  Like most cartoon franchises in the 80′s, G.I. Joe was all about moving product off the shelves and this was a great way to introduce these new characters.  I won’t go into a plot review here other than to say that Cobra finds itself a new Allie in the form of the organic Cobra La.  There are quite a few purists out there that absolutely hate this movie, but I’ve always really enjoyed it.  My one big complaint is how they killed Cobra Commander.  He’s always been one of my favorite characters and for him to go out like that kind of pissed me off.  But then again look what happened to Fett.  If you’re a fan of the franchise I’m sure you’ve already seen this one, but if not you definitely need to.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
I’ve already reviewed this movie previously so I won’t go into a whole lot of detail here.  After watching the 87/animated version I figured I’d stay in the Joe frame of mind and watch the updated version.  I can say that I agree with my thoughts from my original review.  This is a very entertaining action movie that’s not NEARLY as bad as some of the haters out there would lead you to believe.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
Being such a bit Potter fan I’m shocked that it’s taken me this long to get to this one (especially since it’s one of my favorite books in the series).  That said, this one is decidedly “so so”.  My fears that there were too much going on in the book to translate onto screen were realized as I found myself time and time again going “huh?”  As with any novel turned flick, it’s difficult sometimes to give the movie audience enough background so they can follow the action.  There were quite a few times here where if I hadn’t read the book I’d have NO IDEA what was going on.  And while the movie house probably assumes that viewers have read the books there are at least a few out there that haven’t… and they’d be lost.  I was very happy with the treatment of Dumbledore’s death but would have liked to have seen his funeral and the battle that ensued as shown in the book.  I can only assume those events will be shown in the forthcoming movies.  As with the books, the story is getting better and better as the movies go on and the movies are LOOKING better and better as we move forward.  I can certainly see why this one made nearly a billion dollars and simply cannot wait for the next Potter flick.

Fanboys (2009)
Seeing as I’m a bit of a fanboy myself this one has been on my radar for quite a while.  This is essentially a road trip movie set to Star Wars.  5 friends decide to trek cross country to break into Skywalker Ranch to get a sneak peak at Episode I: The Phantom Menace.  The movie that ensues is full of Star Wars references, dialog and cameos (Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams, Ray Park, Kevin Smith, etc.)  Even though this was a colossal flop in the theaters (it cost 8 million to make and grossed less than 1) I can tell you that I completely enjoyed it.  If you’re not a Star Wars fan I’d urge you to stay away because A: you’re not going to get 3/4 of the movie and B: you’re not going to get the other 1/4 of the movie.  The non-Star Wars portion of the plot (one of the characters has cancer which is why they’re on this journey before he dies) simply isn’t strong enough to carry you if you’re not down with the Star Wars stuff.  However… if you’re a Star Wars fan and have been staying away based on the negative reviews and poor box office performance I’d say give it a shot.  May the Force be with you.

If you’ve never seen this show before and you’re a fan of modern day WWE stuff the first thing you’ll notice is the production value here absolutely blows.  But don’t judge them too harshly.  First off, this show was 25 years ago and it was the first time something like this had ever been done.

The first voice we hear is Gorilla Monsoon and he’s sitting next to Jesse “The Body” Ventura.  As an old school wrestling fan this is definitely my favorite combination on the mic.  From there Howard Finkel welcomes us to the show and then we head right into the Star Spangled Banner by non other than… Mean Gene Okerlund.  Um… what?

Tito Santana defeated The Executioner
Before the match gets started we get a brief intro by an incredibly uncomfortable looking Lord Alfred Hayes followed by taped interviews with Mene Gene, Tito and The Executioner.  Of note here is that Gene tells Tito that he knows absolutely nothing about The Executioner (Paul Perschmann better known as “Playboy” Buddy Rose) and Executioner tells Tito that he’s going to go after the leg that Greg Valentine had previously injured.  To his credit he does in fact “work the leg” during the match.  4:50 into the match Tito hits the flying forearm and then slaps on the figure four for the victory.

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Special Delivery Jones
More Alfred Hayes looking like a fish out of water. He’s so uncomfortable doing live TV it’s not even funny.  The introductions of the wrestlers and Jimmy Hart (accompanying Bundy) take longer than the match.  Bundy catches SD in a bear hug, throws him into a corner, hits the Avalanche followed by a splash and gets the pin.  They announce it as officially 9 seconds.  Bundy is announced as 458 lbs and Monsoon continually refers to him as over 500 lbs.  Hilarious.

Ricky Steamboat defeated Matt Borne
Matt Borne (would go on to WWF fame as Doink The Clown) and Ricky Steamboat are up next.  The pre-interviews are really funny here as they’re trying to create heat between them which just obviously isn’t there.  Steamboat is HUGE here – completely roided out which is weird cause when I think back to him I never picture him as being a monster.  Borne looks like he’s completely winded after about 4 minutes.  Steamboat gets the win after a flying tackle off the top rope (which Monsoon tells us was 15 feet across the ring).

David Sammartino (with Bruno Sammartino) fought Brutus Beefcake (with Johnny Valiant) to a double DQ
More uncomfortable camera time for Alfred Hayes.  It’s hilarious that the wrestlers are entering and leaving the right in the same isle where Hayes is broadcasting from.  Johnny Valiant is accompanying Beefcake and goes to great lengths to let us know that only HE will speak for Brutus.  In fact Gene sticks the mic in his face and all Beefcake manages is a fart sound / raspberry.  No shit.  This is “pre-Barber” days for Beefcake and he’s playing the heel very nicely.  This is actually a pretty good match with some sold back and forth action until Beefcake throws Sammartino out of the ring where Valiant slams him on the concrete.  Bruno is there to back up his boy and we’re off the races for a classic double DQ finish.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
The Junkyard Dog defeated Greg Valentine (c) (with Jimmy Hart)
In the pre-match interviews Valentine goes on record saying that he’s in the best shape of his career and that he’s lost quite a bit of weight going into this match… yeah right.  One thing that you notice very quickly in these older WrestleManias is that the guys aren’t NEARLY as ripped as they are today.  Valentine certainly isn’t out of shape but he’s not ripped up the way HHH and Batista are today.  That said, Monsoon does refer to “The Hammer” as the best Intercontinental champion in history here.  Solid match (though slow) with Hammer working over JYD getting him ready for the figure four and Dog getting in some patented headbutts.  Hammer gets the pin while having both of his feet up on the ropes.  Referee didn’t see it (do they ever?) and declares Hammer the winner.  As he and Jimmy Hart leave the ring here comes Tito Santana to let the referee know what he’s missed.  The referee determines that Tito is obviously telling the truth and restarts the match.  From here Hammer gets counted out and JYD is declared the winner.  He’s AWFULLY happy for winning the match (but not the title).  Monsoon says about 12 times that Hammer is still the IC Champion.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik (with Freddie Blassie) defeated The U.S. Express (Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham) (c) (with Lou Albano)
Prior to this match we get a great Lord Alfred Hayes interlude.  Hayes says, “Both these teams had pointed opinions.  Let us hear some more about those opinions that they had to express.“  Seriously?  We couldn’t find anyone better to be on the mic?  * sigh *  After that we get an interview with the Iron Sheik who’s always awesome.  “Gene Mean, this is my best time of life for shape situation.“  Translation… “I’m in good shape”.  We get the standard singing of the Russian national anthem from Volkoff which brings back some great memories.  I’m not a huge fan of tag team wrestling but this is decent for what it was.  Volkoff and Shiek play the heels but honestly they’re not really doing much “heelish” until the very end when Shiek breaks Freddie Blassie’s cane over Windham’s head to get the pin fall and the victory.  I have to wonder… where was Tito to save this title for the good guys?

$15,000 Body Slam Challenge
André the Giant defeated Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan)
This is a clusterfuck from the beginning.  I don’t remember the lead up to this match but the story goes like this.  Andre wins if he can slam Big John Studd.  If Andre doesn’t win he retires.  Beyond that, I’m not sure what to tell you.  Monsoon makes reference once to the fact that pin falls don’t count in the match up so it appears that the only way Studd can win is to make it to the time limit without getting slammed.  I’ve never been a fan of “big men” matches and this one doesn’t do anything to change my opinion.  It’s not Andre’s fault but he’s just too damn big to do anything in ring.  He’s completely winded after about 4 minutes of kicks, punches, bear hugs and ass-slams in the corner.  Yes… he puts Studd in the corner and essentially backs into him.  Apparently it’s a wicked offensive maneuver.  Andre finally ends the boredom by slamming Studd, winning the match and grabbing the $15k from Bobby Heenan.  He the proceeds to start throwing the cash to the fans until “The Weasel” grabs the back and heads to the locker room.  For as bad as Andre is in the ring, he’s worse on the mic and the WWF knows it… to the point where they completely cut off his post-match promo mid sentence.

WWF Women’s Championship
Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper) defeated Leilani Kai (c) (with the Fabulous Moolah)
This is the first “Rock and Wrestling” match as we get the inclusion of Cyndi Lauper accompanying Wendi Richter to the ring.  It’s obviously a ploy by the WWF to get another audience into wrestling and I’m not sure that it works.  I honestly don’t remember ever seeing this match before and after seeing it I see no reason to watch it again.  This is definitely not a “Diva’s Match” that we get in current story lines.  This is woman’s wrestling and it’s SLOW.  We’re treated to quite a few hammer locks, arm bars and pulling of the hair.  At least with current WWE Divas we get a bit of T&A that makes up for the sub-standard wrestling (though I have to say some of the current Divas are decent workers).  Near the end of the match Lauper and Moolah (accompanying Kai) get into it outside the ring.  Cyndi is obviously not comfortable in thie element and it shows.  This match thankfully comes to an end when Kai attempts a cross body block off the top rope which Richter clumsily rolls through to get the pin.

Hulk Hogan and Mr. T (with Jimmy Snuka) defeated Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff (with Cowboy Bob Orton)
This is the time where the WWF starts to bring out the big guns… sort of.  Billy Martin is announced as the special guest ring announcer.  Liberace (being accompanied to the ring by The Rockettes) is the guest timekeeper and Muhammad Ali is the special guest referee (though he’s a “floor ref” rather than in the ring).  This doesn’t start out promising as we get a complete  mosh right off the bat.  Cowboy Bob Orton (with the “bad guys”) and Superfly Jimmy Snuka (with the “good guys”) all make there way into the ring as does Ali.  At one point Snuka’s on the top rope waiting to do a splash but just jumps off feet first… lame.  I do have to give MAJOR props to Mr. T for his work here.  He’s doing body slams and hip tosses out there like this is his first job.  Well done B.A.  Well done.  Hogan is thrown to the outside and slammed with a chair (however the padded chair does cut down on the desired effect).  After another mele in the ring Orndorff has Hogan in a full nelson and is holding him so Bob Orton can come off the top rope and hit Hogan with his “loaded” cast.  Of course Hogan moves at the last minute pulling Orndorff into harms way “knocking him out” long enough for Hogan to get the pin.  We actually get a post-match interview which is rare as most shows these days go off the air with the winner posing in the ring.

General Thoughts

• The ropes are crazy floppy.  In fact the ring looks like it’s going to fall apart as the wrestlers are moving around.
• Moves that today are nothing more than “filler” are talked about as “power moves” – body slam, back body drop, suplex, etc.
• The ringside announce table is literally RIGHT at ringside.
• Whatever happened to announcing where people are from and their weights?
• Jesse makes reference to the fact that it’s the biggest card in history – 1.2 million people.  He’s obviously referring to the closed circuit crowd (remember this was before PPV) but he doesn’t reference that.
• I miss the times where “hooking the leg” was a prerequisite for actually getting a pin.
• Fans don’t throw trash into the ring anymore.
• For the most part the wrestlers are complete crap on the mic.  It’s obvious that back in these days the “product” was more about in ring than story lines.  Amazing that they gave the mic to some of these guys.
• Today, the concept of a “time limit” in any match aside from an Iron Man Match is completely absent.  During WrestleMania they announced the time limit for just about every match.
• Personally these shows have always been about the wrestling.  I like the idea of having one big show at the end of the “season” and I could do without all the celebrity stuff.  Let’s face it… Billy Martin, Cindy Lauper, Liberace, The Rockettes and Ali knew nothing about wrestling, care nothing about wrestling, etc.  They’re obvioulsy there for name value.  I’m sure it worked for some of the non-wrestling fans but for us “pure” fans they’re nothing but a boring distraction.

A few years ago, the WWE put out a DVD box set of all the WrestleMania’s to date (at that time it included the first 21 shows).  I received that box set for Christmas one year and (being the completionist that I am) have purchased each show’s DVD since then.  Those DVDs are at the center of what I’m calling “The WrestleMania Project”.

Over the next several weeks/months (or however long it takes me to get through it) I’m going to be watching all 25 WrestleMania shows and putting together posts for each show.  In the past I’ve done posts about my top matches but this will be a more “all encompassing” look at each and every show.  Hope you enjoy it!

• WrestleMania XV - The Brawl For All Of 35 Seconds
• WrestleMania XIV - The Attitude Era Begins With Tyson
• WrestleMania 13 - The Match That Made Austin
• Only A Few Matches But A Great Show - WrestleMania XII
• WrestleMania XI - The Lawrence Taylor Debacle
• WrestleMania X - Ten Years In The Making
• Bait And Switch Main Event - WrestleMania IX
• Double Main Event (Kind Of) - WrestleMania VIII
• Super Stars And Stripes Forever - WrestleMania VII
• WrestleMania VI - The Ultimate Challenge
• WrestleMania V - The Mega Powers EXPLODE!!!
• WrestleMania IV - Tournament To Crown A Champion
• WrestleMania III - Front Page Action
• WrestleMania 2 - Let's Try That Again
• WrestleMania - The Original Grandaddy
• The WrestleMania Project

HONORABLE MENTIONS

• Hulk Hogan vs. Andre The Giant (WrestleMania III)
  This match had Hogan defending his WWF Championship against Andre in a classic match at the Pontiac Silverdome in front of 93,173 people.  It’s known as a “passing of the torch” match where Hogan slammed Andre and retained his title.  A little slow for my tastes but obviously on any top list based on the sheer magnitude of the match.

• Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter (WrestleMania VII)
  Sgt. Slaughter had won the WWF championship a few months earlier from the Ultimate Warrior. This was taking place during the first Persian Gulf war and Slaughter was playing the anti-American heel to perfection. Hogan was in full “real American” mode and wins back the title in a bloody yet completely predictable finish.

• Bret “The Hitman” Hart vs. Owen Hart (WrestleMania X)
  No title on the line – just pride.  For months Owen had been bitching about how he was in the Hitman’s shadow.  In the end, Owen won an incredible match – and then watched Bret win the title at the end of the show.  Bummer.  Rest in peace Owen.

• The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin (WrestleMania X-Seven)
  The Rock who’s playing heel at this point defends his WWF Championship against Stone Cold (playing the face).  Pre-match this becomes a No Disqualification match.  After each wrestler uses his opponents finisher, Vince McMahon comes to the ring, turns on The Rock and gives Austin a chair which he uses to pummel The Rock winning him the title.  Another “double turn” which worked beautifully.

• Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels (WrestleMania 21)
  A straight up singles match.  Once again, no title on the line – just pride and proving how damn good you can be.  There were 3 more matches after this on the card but this one definitely stole the show.  Angle wins an unbelievable match where both guys gave their all.

THE TOP TEN

• Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat vs. Randy “Macho Man” Savage (WrestleMania III)
  Months before, Savage had attacked Steamboat crushing is larynx in the process.  This is Steamboat’s first match back and not only is it a grudge match, but it’s also for the Intercontinental title which Savage had held forever.  There’s a side story here with George “The Animal” Steele and Elizabeth but the reason this is a class is purely for the in-ring action.  Steamboat wins with an inside cradle after an unbelievable match.  Many consider this the best WrestleMania match of all time – I have a hard time disagreeing.

• Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage (WrestleMania V)
  After Macho Man won the WWF Championship at WrestleMania IV, he and Hulk Hogan teamed up to form the Mega Powers (essentially to keep Hogan in the spotlight and to set up this feud).  Long story short, Savage became angry when Miss Elizabeth took care of Hogan after a beat down.  This match was billed at The Mega Powers Explode with Hogan going after the title.  It’s pretty typical Hogan stuff in the end but like I said before, I’m an old school guy and for me this is a thing of mastery.  Seeing Hogan pose down after winning the title is second to none.

• Hulk Hogan vs. The Ultimate Warrior (WrestleMania VI)
  Hogan has had the title since WrestleMania V at this point (see previous bullet).  For the first time in history this bout would pit the WWF Intercontinental title against the WWF Championship.  Also of note is this was a “friend vs. friend” match where it was about mutual respect rather than the typical “I hate you I’m going to take your title” stuff we normally get.  Warrior kicks out of the Hogan leg drop and hits his finisher to win both titles and start a great era in the WWF.

• Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Bret “The Hitman” Hart (WrestleMania VIII)
  This is a match for the Intercontinental title where Piper is defending against the Hitman.  It’s the first and I believe only time Piper held a title in the WWF and marks the beginning of Bret Hart’s singles run where he became a dominant champion.  This is just a classic wrestling match that goes back and forth.  In the end, Hart reverses a sleeper hold and pins Piper while being put to sleep.  There’s a great mutual respect angle at the end with Piper handing Hart the belt.  Nice.

• Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels (WrestleMania X)
  This was a ladder match for the Intercontinental Championship.  Jack Tunney had stripped Shawn for not defending his title often enough and of course he didn’t think so… so there was two belts.  They were both suspended above the ring and “the ladder match” was born.  To this day, many people think this is the best ladder match in history.  Seeing “The Bad Guy” unify the IC title was an awesome spectacle for sure.

• Bret “The Hitman” Hart vs. Shawn Michaels (WrestleMania XII)
  This is the fabled “Iron Man Match” for the WWF Championship.  It’s before the Montreal Screw Job and it’s a time where both Hart & Michaels are in their prime.  The match is scheduled for an hour with the man gaining the most pin falls in that hour declared the champion.  They wrestled to a draw with Michaels trapped in the Sharpshooter to end the match.  In sudden death overtime, HBK hits Hart with Sweet Chin Music to begin his first title reign.

• Bret “The Hitman” Hart vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin (WrestleMania 13)
  There’s no title on the line here – just hatred.  Hart & Austin had been going at it for months and their feud culminated with this match with Ken Shamrock as the special guest referee.  This is a No Disqualification Submission Match rendering the Stone Cold Stunner worthless.   They go back and forth beating the hell out of one another until Austin is a bloody mess and locked in the Sharpshooter in the middle of the ring.  Austin “passes out” and never does tap out but Shamrock ends the match.  This match at the same time turned Austin face and Hart heel and kicked off the “Attitude” era in the WWF.  The “double turn” is incredibly difficult to pull off and it was done flawlessly here.

• The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan (WrestleMania X8)
  Billed as Icon Vs. Icon, this match lived up to hype – but not in the way the WWF intended.  At this point Hogan has been heel ever since returning from WCW and The Rock is about the biggest baby face ever to grace the squared circle.  The crowd had other ideas however and were totally behind Hogan from the beginning of the match.  This was a back and forth match with each guy hitting their finishing move with their opponent kicking out to the shock of the crowd.  The Rock finally put Hogan away after a couple of Rock Bottoms but then returned post-match when Hogan was being beaten up by Hall & Nash.  One last Hogan posedown was in store for the crowd – I marked out so bad during this match it wasn’t even funny… totally a sign of a good match.

• Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit vs. HHH (WrestleMania XX)
  This match holds a special place in my heart because it was the main event at a WrestleMania that I ATTENDED!!!  This was the first ever Triple Threat Championship Match to headline a WrestleMania card.  HHH was the title holder and he’d been feuding with Shawn Michaels since their DX days.  Chris Benoit won that year’s Royal Rumble to win his title shot.  After an outstanding match Benoit made HHH tap out to the Crippler Crossface winning him is first World Heavyweight Championship.  Looking back now it’s pretty terrible to realize that both main event winners (Benoit and Eddie Guerro) are now no longer with us.  That said, I remember this match for what it was – superb storytelling amongst three outstanding talents.

• Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker (WrestleMania XXV)
  It’s not often that a new match makes it onto this list.  This year’s 25th Anniversary show was pretty poor from top to bottom… except for this one.  Shawn Michaels is known as Mr. WrestleMania and The Undertaker (along with all of his other accolades) has “The Streak”.  Going into this show, he was an unprecedented 16-0 and WrestleMania events.  The build up to this match was incredible with HBK getting the upper hand on Taker for a couple of weeks running.  Once the match got going it was intense from the beginning.  There were quite a few false finishes making me really wonder if The Undertaker was going to get it done.  Even in a losing effort Shawn proved once again why he’s so damn good and Taker showed that he’s really got quite a lot left in the tank.

Construct a fortress to geekdom…

Construct… the Beeramid.

Pip and I started this tradition while watching WrestleMania one year and we’ve continued it every time he’s come to visit since then.  Now, just the thought of the upcoming weekend has me giddy like a little school girl.  I simply cannot wait.  And while it’s certainly not the amount of beer that we’ve drunk in the past, you do have to keep in mind that I’m an old married guy with two kids, Pip’s in an uber-serious relationship and NEITHER of us have been in college for a decade now.  OK, now that I’ve given our “old criteria” here are a couple of pics… more to come after this year’s installment has been created.

These first two pics from from the second annual event (unfortunately photos from inaugural 2005 event are not available – not sure why).

Construction Begins

Construction Complete

The third annual event was very successful on many fronts.  Not only did we continue the tradition but Undertaker won the belt… Pip was pleased.

The "UnderPipper"?

Amigos With Perma-Smiles

Photos from the 2008 version are also unavailable.  Not sure if this is some sort of trend or if there’s some reason that Pip and I forget to take pictures.  I can assure you that this year’s installment will be documented (if we remember).  Let’s get ready to RUMBLE!!!