I don’t do great at predictions, but I think I may have this one pegged.  I’m thinking Cena is going to go over (win) this weekend in Miami (which happens to be The Rock’s home town).  But I don’t think it’s going to end there.  I think we’re actually building to something bigger.  Cause let’s face it… Vince McMahon likes big dudes and even better… he likes big paydays.  What could be bigger than a Rock/Cena main event you ask?

How about the rubber match to a best of 3 series at WrestleMania 30?

Yep… that’s where I think we’re headed.  Hear me out.  Everyone and their brother thinks The Rock is going to win in his own home town.  Well, I think it’s better for business if Cena wins.  I think it’d be even better if they finally turned him heel, but that’s not even necessary for this.  So the way I see it, Cena wins this year (in Rock’s home town), Rock will win next year near Cena’s home town (WrestleMania 29 will be held at Met Life Stadium in New Jersey and Cena is from West Newbury, Mass) and that will set up the MEGA match for WrestleMania XXX rumored to be held at Cowboy Stadium which seats over 110,000.  That’s the payoff that Vince is looking for.  The biggest main event in history, at the 30th anniversary of his greatest creation.

By the time WrestleMania 30 rolls around, Vince will be nearly 70 years old.  His son-in-law (and heir apparent to the WWE empire) HHH will be 45 at that point and let’s face it, he’s not REALLY an in-ring performer these days anyhow. Seems to me that right after WrestleMania 30 would be a great time for Vince to “retire” and have HHH officially take over the family business.

Still this it’s far fetched?  Do you really think that The Rock would come “out of retirement” for one match?  Do you really think that the WWE would allow it’s biggest star (Cena) to lose?  Nah… the only way this makes sense is for it to be part of something bigger.

Want some more long term booking?

How about Shawn Michaels vs. HHH for WrestleMania 29?  Yep, I think that’s where we’re going.  Otherwise, why in the HELL is Shawn involved in the Hell In The Cell match this year?  Again… just like Cena/Rock, unless this is part of something bigger it just doesn’t make a hell of a long of sense.  I’m a firm believer in the fact that once you retire from wrestling you should fucking stay retired so I wouldn’t really be happy to see it, but at least in my mind if they’re NOT going to let Shawn stay retired than this makes a ton of sense.  It would also be an epic way for HHH to end his career (if Shawn retires him).

Or maybe I’ve just got wrestling on the brain and I over analyze the crap out of the “sport” that I love.  What do you think?

Since WWE announced it’s Mania main event the day after last year’s show (Rock vs. John Cena for those not paying attention), I figured we’d better get going and put together rules of engagement for the evening’s festivities.

This year, we’re starting something a bit different.  Moving forward, we’ll have 20 rules for each event.  This first batch of 10 will carry over from year to year and the second batch will be Mania-specific rules.

Year Over Year Rules

1. 1 drink for a missed match outcome / 3 drinks if title match / 5 drinks if main event
2. 1 drink for foreign object
3. 3 drinks for a bloody wrestler / 5 if an announcer references a “crimson mask”
4. 3 drinks for (unannounced) legend appearance or a surprise return
5. 1 drink for a small package attempt / finish beer if it wins the match
6. 1 drink for each reference to the sponsored song
7. 2 drinks for a submission victory
8. 5 drinks for a double count out or double DQ
9. 1 drink for a finisher / 2 if opponent kicks out / 4 if it’s reversed / Finish beer if the reversal directly leads to pin fall or submission
10. 1 drink every time they show footage of a previous WrestleMania

Randy Savage, best knowing for his time in the WWF with his wife/manager Miss Elizabeth, was one of the best performers in the wrestling business.  While he was great as a face (a good guy) I always preferred his work as a heel (a bad guy).  He had the ability to make everyone in the crowd absolutely DESPISE him.  He made my list of Top 10 WrestleMania Matches for the match he had with Ricky Steamboat at WrestleMania III.  Many consider this the best Mania match of all time and I don’t think I can disagree with that statement.

Wrestlers of today can learn a lot by watching tapes of the Macho Man in the ring but could probably learn more by listening to his promos… In my opinion he was one of the best of all time.  All Slim Jim jokes aside, Randy Savage was one of the best all around performers that the wrestling business has ever seen.   There have been rumors for years that he and Vince McMahon don’t get along anymore. I won’t go into them here… look it up if you’re interested.  Regardless I’d like to make a statement to the WWE and specifically to Vince McMahon.

“Vince… do the right thing.
Put Macho Man in the WWE Hall Of Fame NOW.  It’s long overdue.”

R.I.P. Macho.  And thank you for the memories.

Each year as part of our festivities, Pip and I watch the show, drink a few beers and make our match predictions.  When running down the card I realized that if there’s one match that’s a lock it’s that Snooki is going to win.  That pisses me off quite frankly but I can understand why it’s the case.  Vince isn’t going to bring in some high priced “talent” only the let them lose.  Let’s face it.  If Snooki wins it’s the WWE that will also be #winning (thanks to Charlie Sheen for that reference) as it will be covered on MTV, TMZ, ABC, ESPN and a bunch of other networks.  For all the other things that Vince McMahon is, he’s a brilliant businessman.

Not convinced that Ms. Polizzi is going to win?  I won’t go so far as to say I guarantee it (cause let’s face it… anything can happen in the WWE) but I think there’s some pretty compelling evidence from history.  Here’s a list of celebrities that have competed at annual WrestleMania events.  Check it out.

• WrestleMania
  Mr. T/Hulk Hogan vs. Piper/Orndorff
  Mr. T and Hogan get the victory over Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff. 
  Full event review
• WrestleMania 2
  NFL vs. WWF Battle Royal
  Technically I suppose this would be a loss for the celebrities as Andre The Giant won the event.  That said, I think it’s fair to say that the most “over” folks in the match were the NFL guys.
  Full event review
• WrestleMania XI
  Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
  Taylor gets the win over Bam Bam in what is generally considered the worst Mania in history.
  Full event review
• WrestleMania XV
  Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn in a Brawl For All
  Butterbean (who I’m not sure I consider a “celebrity” either) knocks out Bart in 17 seconds.
  Full event review
• WrestleMania 21
  Akebono vs. The Big Show (Sumo Match)
  Not sure there are any winners when you’ve got two guys in diapers, but Akebono gets the official victory.
• WrestleMania 23
  Bobby Lashley/Donald Trump vs. Umaga/Vince McMahon in a Hair vs. Hair Match
  Bobby Lashley gets the job done as Vince gets shaved bald in the middle of the ring by the Donald.
• WrestleMania XXIV
  Floyd Mayweather vs. The Big Show
  Floyd Mayweather knocks out the Giant.

So there you have it.  With the exception of a battle royal I can’t think of one time in history where a celebrity lost a WrestleMania match.  Still think Snooki has any chance of losing on Sunday?  Either way, it’s going to be a great event.  Bring on MANIA!!!

Event:

Brief introduction package on what we’re going to see this evening. Vince, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler on the call which is a great announcing lineup. We get right into the first match.

Four-way Tag Team Elimination Match
The Headbangers (Mosh and Thrasher) defeated The New Blackjacks (Blackjack Windham and Blackjack Bradshaw), The Godwinns (Henry and Phineas) (with Hillbilly Jim), and Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon
I’m not a big fan of tag team wrestling to begin with so I’m certainly not a fan of 4 bad teams wrestling in a tag team elimination match. The Blackjacks quickly get DQ’d and Furnas and LaFon get counted out. Pretty lame way to get down to 2 teams if you ask me. From there, we get a decent tag match between the Headbangers and the Godwinns. In the end the Headbangers get the win. OK match at best obviously on the card to get a lot of talent a spot on the show.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Rocky Maivia (c) defeated The Sultan (with Bob Backlund and The Iron Sheik)
The first WrestleMania appearance of the man that will eventually be known only as The Rock. Rocky looks good early until he goes for a clothesline on the outside and misses and hits the post instead. (Damn did that look painful). Sultan takes over and we get a rest hold. Sultan has terrible pin attempts throughout the match with a ton of rest holds thrown in. Rocky fights back to a double clothesline spot. Rocky hits a huge belly to belly for a close pin and then follows up with a HUGE cross body off the top. Match would have been over but Sheik is on the apron and breaks the count. Crescent kick by the Sultan followed by a big pile driver. Rocky gets a pin to retain the title out of nowhere. Sultan beats down Rocky post match and Iron Sheik slaps on the Camel Clutch. Out of the crowd comes Rocky’s dad Rocky Johnson to make the save. Super lame finish.  Rock and Rocky look like chicken flapping their wings in the middle of the ring.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley (with Chyna) defeated Goldust (with Marlena)
HHH in full blue blood mode here. Goldust in charge from the get go with a nice spot where HHH gets tied up in the ropes OUTSIDE the ring. I can’t remember seeing that particular spot before. After that spot, HHH takes over and lays a beating on Goldust.  Chyna standing stoic on the outside, but announcers are referencing and showing her constantly pretty much guaranteeing that she’s getting involved. Marlena is SMOKING hot here (pun completely intended) as this was her “smoke a cigar ringside” phase. Good back and forth action here but the pace of the match feels like we’re waiting for something. Goldust in charge and Chyna finally makes a move toward Marlena. Goldust has his finisher locked in but releases it to go to Marlena’s aide. HHH hits Goldust and he inadvertently throws Marlena into Chyna who throws her around like a rag doll. This allows HHH to hit the Pedigree for the win. Decent match, but obviously the start of a program between these two rather than a resolution.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Owen Hart and The British Bulldog (c) fought Mankind and Vader (with Paul Bearer) to a double countout
Owen and Vader in to get us started. Vader in charge as you’d imagine and hits a Vader bomb relatively early in the match. He goes for his corner drop and Bulldog over to break it up. Bulldog manages to take over and hits a huge suplex on Vader which is damned impressive.  Vader’s a HUGE dude.  Good teamwork from Mankind/Vader and they take over control of the match. Pretty typical back and forth tag match here with Mankind/Vader generally working to keep Owen on the ring and isolated. Hot tag to Bulldog and Mankind manages to work in the Mandible Claw. They dump out of the ring and Mankind refuses to release the hold. Bulldog selling hit like he’s dead but they both get counted out. Could have been a decent match but had a terrible ending.

Submission Match
Bret Hart defeated Steve Austin
This is the match the made Austin a household name. Not only that, but it started Bret Hart down the path of a heel which was some of the best work in his career in my humble opinion. Forgetting how great the match itself was, these two momentous things alone easily put it in my Top 10 WrestleMania Matches of all time. We start out quick with Austin pouncing on Bret. In quick order, they’re outside of the ring and into the crowd. They’re battling up the stairs of the arena and we get a nice back body drop on the stairs spot. Back in the ring after a few minutes of crowd battling we get an awesome looking swinging neck breaker by Bret. He then starts to work on Austin’s knee obviously setting him up for the Sharpshooter later in the match. Austin manages to hit the Stunner to turn the tide a bit, but there’s no pin falls in the match so it’s irrelevant. A while later, Hart debuts (I believe this was the first time we saw it) the “around the post figure four” which I always liked. Not sure how bad it would hurt, but it looked fucking sweet and Austin sold it like a champ. Hart goes for the “break the ankle in the chair” spot which had been featured on Raw in recent weeks and Austin pops up and WAILS on Bret. Wow. Austin starts in on some submission stuff including a neck crimp and a Boston crab. He goes for the Sharpshooter but Hart gets a thumb in the eye to break it.  Back outside and Austin gets whipped into the guardrail and gets busted open.  Not sure if this was a legit cut or not but DAMN is he bleeding.  This is of course what leads to the most iconic bloodied Austin ever.  Blood just POURING out of Austin’s head.  He manages to hit a low blow to mount a comeback.  Vince makes a reference to the fact that blood doesn’t happen often in the WWF.  Austin has Hart wrapped with a mic cord and Hart uses the ring bell to “ring Austin’s bell”.  He then locks on the Sharpshooter.  This is where you get the shot that’s been in so many montages where Austin’s got blood pouring down his face.  Austin almost breaks out but Bret hangs on and reapplies it.  Austin “passes out” from the pain/blood loss and special ref Ken Shamrock stops the match.  Bret goes after Austin again post match and Shamrock throws him off and squares off against Bret in the ring to a chorus of boos – double turn complete.  Austin to face, Hart to heel.  Announcers totally talking up Austin and what a bad ass he is.  Outstanding match.

Chicago Street Fight
The Legion of Doom (Hawk and Animal) and Ahmed Johnson defeated The Nation of Domination (Crush, Faarooq and Savio Vega) (with Wolfie D, J.C. Ice and Clarence Mason)
This has crap written all over it from the get go.  The Nation is in total “blaxploitation” mode.  LOD and Ahmed coming out looking awesome in their shoulder pads.  No rules, no tags… just a fight.  There are all kinds of weapons in the ring and the action is everywhere.  Kind of difficult to follow cause there’s so much going on (similar to early in a battle royal or when the Royal Rumble gets busy).  Animal goes for a pile driver on the Spanish announce table on Faarooq which was fucking lame.  He just kind of knelt down.  These street fights are typically nothing more than a cluster fuck and this one is no different.  Fire extinguishers, rope, garbage cans, etc.  Naturally they eventually introduce the kitchen sink.  Eventually, LOD hits their finisher on Crush and follow with a clothesline with a 2×4 for the win.  Double Doomsday after the match on Wolfie and J.C. Ice which was pretty cool.  In the end I found myself enjoying it more than I thought I would.  Good work rate from these guys and they put on a decent match.

No DQ Match For The WWF Championship
The Undertaker defeated Sycho Sid (c)
Shawn Michaels is announced and comes to ring area in street clothes to do commentary for the match.  Hi fives around the ring and hamming to the crowd.  Give the “Cliq/ NWO/WolfPac” hand signals all around.  We get a weak ass promo with Sid before the match doing his “master and the ruler of the world” crap.  God is he terrible on the mic.  Taker is out first as the challenger in the old school gray outfit from back in the day.  They go nose to nose in the middle of the ring and before we really get into it Bret Hart makes his way to ringside.  He grabs the mic and starts to bitch at Shawn.  He then tells Taker that they’re no longer friends and tells Sid that he’s a fraud.  Punch and power bomb from Sid for his troubles and the crowd pops further cementing Hart’s heel turn from earlier.  Typical Undertaker to start with some old school moves.  Taker comes out of the corner right into a bear hug from Sid.  Really?  Do we need a rest hold this early?  Sid works on the back and is in charge of the match.  He throws Undertaker out and through the French announce table.  Vince chimes in that this is now a no holds barred match.  I’m thinking they realized that Sid fucked up by bouncing Taker through the table so they had to make the switch on the fly.  Sid locks in a Camel Clutch and keeps working on the back.  Taker has NO offense at all.  Side with a super weak “power slam” and tries to go for 3 pins in a row.  Taker comes back with a crappy looking “jump high and hit a clothesline” move.  Sid back up quickly and they take it outside with Sid into the first row of fans.  They’re outside for like a minute with no count out so apparently it’s no holds barred and no count outs now.  Sid in charge for quite a while until Taker hits a small offensive burst, a power slam and into a rest hold.  Nice spot with a double boot to the face and both guys down.  A few minutes later, Taker manages to make an attempt at the Tombstone but Sid reverses is and hits a Tombstone of his own.  Sid crosses Taker’s arms over his chest and Taker kicks out.  At this point Taker’s “streak” wasn’t what it is today, so this before he kicked out it was looking pretty dicey.  Sid throws Taker outside and goes to work.  Bret Hart shows up yet again (Jesus Bret… go away) and hits Sid with a chair (huh?).  Back in, Taker hits a choke slam but Sid kicks out.  Sid fights back and has Taker set up for the power bomb but fucking Bret is back.  Sid releases Undertaker and goes after Hart on the apron.  Hart give him a “stunner” which sends Sid right into Taker for the Tombstone and the win.  I didn’t remember all of the outside interference in this match.  I wish The Undertaker could have gotten a clean win but I’m happy to see him get the title.  Vince talks about hos Taker is “finally” the champion.  Um… hey Vince.  Did you forget about Tuesday In Texas?  Overall a good title match that sends the fans home happy with Taker getting the belt while forwarding the Bret Hart heel turn.

General Thoughts

• Before the event, there was a Free For All match where Billy Gunn defeated Flash Funk.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… there’s a reason these Free For All matches are NOT on the PPV.
• It’s amazing how much bigger HHH is currently than he was during this event. I’m not saying he’s roided up, but he might be using steroids.
• Funny to hear Jim Ross pimp the AOL chat room during the event. Oh how the times have changed.
• There should be a rule that no match on a PPV can end via count out or via outside interference. It’s just fucking stupid and does nothing put piss off the paying customer both at the arena and at home.
• The “thumb to the eye” move. It’s been around wrestling for years and everyone just takes it with a grain of salt. Have you ever actually stuck your thumb in your eye? This hurts like a son of a bitch.

Event:

We kick off the show with images from the original WrestleMania.  Little Richard sings America The Beautiful poorly.  Pretty sure he was lip syncing and he looks like a damn wax statue.  Scary dude.  We get Jerry “The King” Lawler and Vince McMahon on the mic.

Owen Hart defeated Bret Hart
We get a great recap here pre-match.  Probably the best of the series so far.  We’re then treated to a weak ass fireworks display and then FINALLY nearly 15 minutes after the show started we get the first bell.  Owen playing the heel to perfection.  We start out with some good wrestling and reversals from both guys and right off the bat you know this is going to be a good match.  Great stuff.  Bret takes a whip to the ropes/turnbuckle better than anyone in history.  Great looking Camel Clutch by Owen on Bret that they don’t reference by name.  Course not… then it would be a finishing move.  Awesome match back and forth between both guys.  Owen hits a non-named Tombstone and follows up with an attempt off the top rope which he misses.  Owen goes for a Sharpshooter and Bret reverses it but neither man get it locked on.  Nice innovative spots there.  Bret hurts his knee and Owen starts in.  Figure Four, leg sweeps, etc.  Talk about back and forth action!  Bret hits a superplex off the top.  Owen finally manages to lock in the Sharpshooter and Bret breaks and reverses it.  Bret goes for a victory roll and Owen drops down to get the pin and the victory.  Fucking outstanding match.  It made my Top WrestleMania Matches list as an honorable mention and definitely deserves to be there.

Bam Bam Bigelow and Luna Vachon defeated Doink the Clown and Dink
Wow… how in the hell did we get here?  Doink and Bam Bam start out with some standard stuff and eventually Dink and Luna get in on the action.  I mean really… how much can you do with a midget against a regular sized person?  Though I do have to say that seeing a midget go off the top rope is hilarious.  Huge DDT by Doink on Bam Bam.  Doink goes for his finisher but misses.  Bam Bam takes over and hits a head butt off the top for the victory.  So so match, but luckily it was pretty short.  Post match Dink goes after Bam Bam.  He and Luna go to splash dink but they blow the spot.

Falls Count Anywhere Match
Randy Savage defeated Crush (with Mr. Fuji)
In this “falls count anywhere” match you don’t actually lose the match if you’re pinned.  You have to also fail to return to the ring in 60 seconds.  Crush comes to the ring rocking a serious mullet and Savage attacks before the match starts and we’re off.  The first fall comes after about 30 seconds or so which sets the tone for the entire match.  Savage has to make his way back to the ring after being dropped across a retaining fence.  Naturally he makes it back with about 1 second to spare.  Crush goes for the dreaded “salt to the eyes” but it gets reversed.  Savage takes over and hits the elbow.  After dumping Crush to the outside he gets the fall.  Crush back in with 2 seconds to spare.  At this point they begin to battle through the crowd and to the backstage area.  Savage gets a pin and then hogties Crush upside down in the back.  Crush can’t make it back to the ring in time and Savage gets the win.  Decent match, but due to whole “get back in 60 seconds” rule we lose quite a bit of urgency.

WWF Women’s Championship
Alundra Blayze (c) defeated Leilani Kai
Leilani looks like she’s been ridden hard and put away wet.  Pretty typical women’s match for this day and age (pre Diva stuff).  Blaze gets the victory with a German suplex.  Skip this match completely.  The only noteworthy thing about this one is we’re shown Volkoff, Lou Albano, May Young and Moolah in the crowd.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Men on a Mission (Mabel and Mo) (with Oscar) defeated The Quebecers (c) (Jacques and Pierre) (with Johnny Polo) by countout
M.O.M. raps on the way to the ring… dear lord.  Johnny Polo (also knows as Raven) leads the Quebecers.  MOM in charge early.  Quebecers make a comeback and pull off a nice move where one body drops the other over the top onto the good guys.  Mabel gets a hot tag and cleans house.  The Quebecers get an impressive looking suplex on Mabel (damn that’s a big dude).  They hit their finisher and Mabel kicks out.  Thankfully this comes to an end when MOM win by countout.  Pretty piss poor match.

WWF Championship
Yokozuna (c) (with Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette) defeated Lex Luger by disqualification
Mr. Perfect is the special guest referee and Yokozuna comes to the ring first which sucks – champ should always be in last.  DAMN is Yokozuna big dude.  RIP sir.  Luger gets a real near count with a cross body off the top rope.  Follows that with a HUGE elbow drop.  He then goes for a slam and doesn’t even come close.  Naturally after the failed body slam attempt by Luger, Yoko takes over.  It’s not his fault but being so big his move set is very limited.  He goes into a nerve pinch (rest) hold for a few minutes until Lex gets up and breaks the hold.  At this point, we go into a terribly frustrating portion of the match.  Yoko beats down Luger who gets up, gets some offense in for a minute and then gets beat down by one single punch/kick from Yoko and we follow that up with a minute of a rest hold.  Ugh.  Luger fights back to his feet once again and gets hit with a HUGE belly to belly suplex.  Lex manages to hit Yoko into the exposed turnbuckle.  Luger knocks Yoko off his feet after multiple clotheslines.  Luger then follows that up with a slam (wow) and hits the loaded elbow/forearm.  Yoko out cold.  Cornette and Fuji in to the ring and Luger attacks them and the covers Yoko forever and a day.  Perfect goes to see how Cornette and Fuji are but doesn’t make the count.  Luger gets off of Yoko and goes after Perfect wondering why he’s not counting pushing him in the process.  Perfect then DQs Luger which leads to the crowd starting in on a “bullshit” chant.  I agree folks… fucking terrible.

Earthquake defeated Adam Bomb (with Harvey Wippleman)
Pre-match, Wippelman and Fink (?) get into it.  Why, I have no idea.  Who in the hell wants to see that?  Adam Bomb out and grabs Fink.  Earthquake out to make the save and… oh yeah… to have a match.  He gets the squash victory.  Bad but mercifully quick.

Ladder Match For The WWF Intercontinental Championship
Razor Ramon (c) defeated Shawn Michaels (with Diesel)
This is the ladder match that started it all.  No rules.  The storyline here is Shawn Michaels has a belt that he claims he is the rightful owner of since he never lost it.  Razor’s got a belt that he won when Shawn vacated his title.  To win, you’ve got to scale the ladder and retrieve both belts.  Outstanding mullet for Shawn who’s led to the ring by Diesel.  Razor’s out to some of my all time favorite entrance music.  No ref in the ring but have a couple outside the ring.  Great back and forth action here at the beginning.  Diesel gets involved and nails Razor on the outside.  He promptly gets removed from ringside for the duration of the match.  This naturally makes no fucking sense cause there are NO RULES in this match, so technically what he did was just fine.  In any case, the match continues and Razor removes the padding from the concrete and immediately gets back body dropped out of the ring onto the exposed floor.  Sucks for you Razor.  HBK gets the ladder and begins laying into Razor.  He hits the “ass out” elbow off the ladder which is hilarious.  HBK slams Razor and then proceeds to splash him off the ladder for a what I consider to be my first true “holy shit” moment in professional wrestling.   Razor turns it around and nails Shawn with the ladder out of the ring.  Razor attempts to climb the ladder but Shawn comes off the turnbuckle knocking Razor off the ladder.  Both men climb the ladder and Razor hits a suplex off the ladder.  At this point, the original ladder is broken and twisted.  Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music and follows that up with a big pile driver.  Shawn then “rides” the ladder out of the corner onto Razor – great spot.  Shawn sets up Razor under the ladder and attempts to climb the ladder.  Razor back up and knocks Shawn off the ladder who gets crotched on the top rope in the process.  Shawn’s leg gets wrapped up in the ropes and he can’t get free to stop Razor from climbing the ladder and grabbing the belts and the victory.  Absolutely AWESOME match which is why it made my Top 10.

WWF Championship
Bret Hart defeated Yokozuna (c) (with Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette)
Roddy Piper is the special guest referee for this match and Yoko once again comes to the ring first.  Interesting to note that this is the second WrestleMania is a row where this is the billed main event.  Nice that we get an actual match this time rather than the screwy “Insert Hulk Hogan As Champ” that we got last year.  Bret’s really limping on his way to the ring selling his injury from his previous match nicely.  Yoko takes over early and is in charge for the majority of the match.  Bret manages some offense and Yoko strikes back to take the advantage.  Piper is REALLY fast with his counts on chokes, count outs, etc.  It’s very weird that for such a big guy, Yokozuna never really sweats.  He’s gassed but not sweating.  Yoko charges into a corner and misses which Bret follows up with a bulldog, a forearm off the 2nd rope and a clothesline leading to a bunch of near falls.  Bret goes for another and is caught with a big belly to belly suplex.  Yoko drags Bret to the corner to go for the Banzai Drop and falls off the ropes?  What the fuck?!?!?  Bret gets the pin without another move.  Absolutely terrible ending to a pretty decent match.  Post match, the locker room empties and comes into the ring to give Bret his props.  Owen comes out and scowls at Bret as the show goes off the air.

General Thoughts

• The Heavenly Bodies beat The Bushwhackers in a dark match.
• Throughout the DVD, we’re showing “WrestleMania Moments” from the previous events.
• I absolutely LOVED Vince McMahon when he was a “just” a ring announcer.  Pure gold on the mic.
• The opener here between Bret and Owen is better then the entire WrestleMania IX card put together.
• The “celebrities” for this event are terrible.  Sy Sperling (the Hair Club For Men guy) and a Bill Clinton lookalike?  Come on.  Rhonda Shear and Donnie Whalberg as timekeeper and announcer?  The one bright spot here is Jenny Garth as the guest timekeeper for the main event… nice.  Love me some 90210.
• The ring sounds completely “hollow” during the counts.
• Pretty sloppy programming as there was a 10 man tag match that was apparently scheduled and scrapped.
• Even though there’s some stinkers in here, the fact that it contains two of my Top WrestleMania Matches makes it a decent show.

Showmiz vs. Morrison & RTruth – This was a decent opener.  I didn’t really surprise me that they kept the straps on Showmiz.  Once they lose, The Big Show has absolutely no program to work.  That said, it’s not going to be too long before Miz has fewer belts than he does now.

Orton, Rhodes & DiBiase – Happy to say that I called the outcome of this one.  Nothing real surprising here with Orton getting the win.  I have to say that these guys are definitely better apart than they were together.  I can’t stand Rhodes (not sure why but he just looks “weird”) but DiBiase is gonna be a star in the near future.  I’m guessing that this feud is far from over.

Money In The Bank – Nice looking match.  Honestly I was surprised that Swagger got the win here.  I’m not a big fan of his and I’m very interested to see how they build that character toward his title shot.  You can be sure that it won’t be based on his mic skills.

HHH / Sheamus – I thought HHH would actually put Sheamus over here but was happy that he didn’t.  This was a much better match that I expected.  I’m curious as to if this feud is just going to die.  Thinking they might play the “mutual respect card” and have HHH take him on as a pet project.  If they go that route, the first thing they need to do is get Sheamus a damn tan.

Rey / Punk – Good stuff here. Didn’t think there was a chance in hell that Rey would lose and he didn’t.  Always like watching Rey wrestle.

Hart / McMahon – Totally lame. Was pretty disappointed in this one.  I always though that if there was one wrestler that could come back and look decent it would be Bret.  I was wrong.  It wasn’t terrible, just SLOW.  Can’t blame the guy for having a stroke but I expected more from the Hitman.

Jericho / Edge – Good match.  Glad that they left the strap on Jericho but this is far from over.  I do have to say that since the Rumble in January Edge looks MUCH better in the ring.  Thinking this may be the strap that Swagger ends up getting a run with.

Women’s Match – Bunch of ass running around.  This was a total waste of time and should have never been put on the card.

Cena / Batista – GREAT match until the end where it got a bit sloppy.  Pip mentioned that he thought Cena has a heel run in him in the next year or so and after giving it some thought I tend to agree with him.  Think Cena would be a great heel.

Taker / Shawn – Not as good as their match last year but still the best of the show.  I’m VERY happy to see that this was the main event.  There aren’t too many “legends” left in the WWE and a match with two of them should headline WrestleMania regardless of if there’s a title on the line.  Sorry to see Shawn go but SO glad the streak is intact.  I just don’t see a reason for the WWE to build up that streak for so many years to throw it away at this point.

Overall MUCH better than last year.  No real surprises but I feel much better about spending the money this Monday than I did last year.

Event:

From the very beginning of this DVD you know you’re in for something special.  The intro is a voice over by Vince REALLY turning it on.  Images of a celestial Hogan and Warrior are shown and Vince booms about the “Ultimate Challenge”.  Gorilla and Jesse are back once again (though Ventura is sans mustache).  As we’re in Toronto, Bob Goulet sings the Canadian national anthem.  It’s weird to start a WrestleMania event without America The Beautiful.

Rick Martel defeated Koko B. Ware
This is a battle of terrible characters.  Koko’s one of my least favorite wrestlers of all time and The Model while a pretty decent wrestler he was never able to get over in my book.  Koko hits an early cross body and nearly gets the pin.  That said, he looks like a moron cause he’s clapping all the time.  Stop Koko… you look like a douche.  Model takes control when he throw Koko over the top rope.  He then follows up with a terrible looking double axe handle off the top.  Martel slaps on the Boston Crab and Koko quickly taps out.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Demolition (Ax and Smash) defeated The Colossal Connection (André the Giant and Haku) (c) (with Bobby Heenan)
Prior to the match we get a backstage interview with Mene Gene where he refers to the Connection as “The Colostomy Connection”.  That right there’s funny.  Gorilla makes a reference to a “Three-peat”.  This is right after when Pat Riley has trademarked the phrase.  Andre is in REALLY bad shape at this point and he essentially stands on the apron the entire match.  Even when Haku gains the upper hand he doesn’t tag Andre.  In retrospect this is probably two fold as Andre is a wreck plus it’s a nice tie in for the storyline.  Things go to hell and Andre comes into the ring.  He hold Smash so Haku can super kick him and he nails Andre instead.  Naturally, Andre gets tied up in the ropes (which he always does).  Demolition hits their finisher on Haku to take the titles.  Bobby Heenan is pissed at Andre after the match and slaps Andre.  This begins the final face turn for the Giant.  Andre rides out a hero of his last WrestleMania match (though he would go on to make a couple of appearances).

Earthquake (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Hercules
As Earthquake does his pre-match interview, you can hear Hercules’ music in the background.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… How does Earthquake have a job?  He’s a complete slob.  At this point, Earthquake is undefeated and according to Gorilla has sent 28 men to the hospitals.  Wow, I didn’t realize there were that many jobbers in the WWF!  Has Hercules EVER been above mid card status?  It’s too bad cause I really enjoyed him.  He’s a much better “big man” than most.  We start out with the classic “test of strength” back and forth.  A while later Hercules goes for his back breaker finisher… come on dude.  You know better than that.  Earthquake keeps “flexing” which pisses me off every time he does it.  I mean ol CHEWIE here has better arms that this dude.  Earthquake ends it with his “Balls To The Face” finisher.  Ugh.

At this point we get an interview with Miss Elizabeth talking about how she’s been away from wrestling for a while.  She says that she’s been working with the WWF in an advisory roll but that she’s been thinking about coming back to ringside.  She says that if she does return to ringside, “You’ll see a much more active Liz.”  So… we can pretty much guarantee that Liz will get involved somehow in the Macho match later in the show.

Brutus Beefcake defeated Mr. Perfect (with The Genius)
Before the next match we get a backstage interview with Beefcake.  Beefcake gets the upper hand early and he’s really putting it to Perfect.  Curt sells better than anyone in the history of the sport.  Perfect slows it down and we go into some good back and forth stuff for a couple of minutes.  Beefcake calls for the sleeper but the Genius gets up on the apron and drops his scroll.  Perfect nails Beefcake with his and gains the momentum in the match.  Gorilla notes that the pendulum has swung 360 degrees and Jesse corrects him… hilarious.  Beefcake slingshots Perfect into the corner and he hits the post “knocking him out”.  Beefcake gets the win ending the “perfect” streak.  The Genius runs into the ring and steals the clippers that Beefcake was going to use on Perfect.  Of course, The Genius gets a sleeper and a haircut for his trouble.

Roddy Piper and Bad News Brown fought to a double countout
Before the next match we get a nice recap.  Piper’s painted himself half black which always cracked me up.  Total WTF moment for sure.  He totally sounds like a 5 pack/day smoker the way he’s wheezing during this interview.  No entrance for Bad News on the DVD.  Ventura makes a crack about how someday he’s going to be president… close but not quite Governor.  Gorilla says (as he always does) that THIS is the best WrestleMania in history.  After getting slammed into the turnbuckle a few times, Piper “Pipes Up” and makes a nice comeback.  There’s almost no wrestling at all in this match.  After another beat down, Piper gains the upper hand once again by going with a poke to the eye.  Piper then goes into his tights for a “glove” which the ref apparently doesn’t care about.  This mercifully ends with a double countout and both men continue to fight all the way to the back.  This was a pretty piss poor match… feel free to skip over it.

The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart) defeated The Bolsheviks (Nikolai Volkoff and Boris Zhukov)
Silly little vignette backstage with the Bolsheviks before the match which lasts longer than the match itself.  The Harts attack while Volkoff sings his national anthem.  They throw him out of the ring and hit Zhukov with their finisher for a super quick win.  AWESOME.

The Barbarian (with Bobby Heenan) defeated Tito Santana
Good lord… Arriba!  Tito’s playing the “weak” guy but he’s pretty ripped up here as well.  The Barbarian does look awesome but he’s still nothing compared to the roided up muscle heads of today (Batista, HHH, etc.)  A big boot to the face puts Tito down but he manages to come back and hit a pretty damn good looking forearm to the face.  He would have won the match if it wasn’t for Bobby putting Barb’s foot on the ropes before the three count.  A few minutes later, Barbarian hits a clothesline off the top rope that nearly turns Tito inside out.  Easy pin at that point.

Dusty Rhodes and Sapphire (with Miss Elizabeth) defeated Randy Savage and Sensational Queen Sherri
At this point in his career, Dusty is doing the “common man” gig.  He’s all kinds of crazy.  Macho out first with Sheri by his side.  It’s really weird to see him without Liz there… hmm.  I wonder if she’ll return today?  I would really be a coincidence seeing as she did that interview previously.  Rhodes and Sapphire hit the ring announced as weighing in at 465.  Yeah… right.  Seriously, where in the FUCK did they find this woman and why is she wrestling?  She’s one step removed from Gabourey Sidibe in Precious.  Anyhow, Liz makes her “surprise” appearance and is in the corner of Rhodes and Sapphire for the match.  Quick start to the match and Dusty takes advantage after catching Savage off the top.  The women come in and Sapphire quite literally bounces around for a couple of minutes.  She goes for an airplane spin on Sherri… an AIRPLANE SPIN.  Sherri comes back and goes for an ill-times body slam which of course she can’t complete.  The guys come back in and Savage takes over.  He hits a double axe handle off the top twice and Dusty is in big trouble.  Sapphire comes to his aid and Savage tosses her aside.  Liz comes over to help step in the way.  Savage hits Rhodes with his king scepter but doesn’t go for the cover.  Sapphire is a complete waste here but does manage to throw Sherri out of the ring.  Liz dumps her back in, pulls Sherri’s hair and allows Sapphire to get the pin.  Liz, Dusty and Sapphire “dance” after the match.  Absolutely piss poor wrestling but mildly entertaining for that “car wreck” factor.

At this point we get a few interview segments.  Jesse and Gorilla talking about some “adult footage”, Sherri and Macho King essentially yelling at the camera, Demolition talking about their big win and how the Hart Foundation are waiting for them.  Next up is Hogan.  Pretty typical stuff here what with Hulkamania running wild and all.  Hogan does say that its not whether you win or lose but what kind of winner or loser you are.  I had never caught this before so knowing what I know it was a pretty interesting statement.  Over to the Warrior for his interview.  He’s basically on acid at this point talking about living forever, beliefs and how Hulkamania can live through the Warrior.

The Orient Express (Sato and Tanaka) (with Mr. Fuji) defeated The Rockers (Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) by countout
The Orient Express comes to the ring, you can totally tell that Gorilla isn’t interesting in this match.  The Rockers come down and Shawn is starting to get quite a bit bigger.  Who the hell are the Orient Express?  Anyhow, Shawn takes over but he’s obviously not “HBK” quite yet.  Tanaka get a kick to Shawn’s back and Shawn goes face in peril for a few minutes.  Finally Shawn makes a big tag and Jannetty cleans house.  The Rockers go up to the top to hit their tandem dropkicks off the top but Fuji grabs Jannetty’s leg and then hits him with the dreaded “salt to the eyes”.  Marty sells it like he’s got daggers in his eyes and literally walks OVER the guardrail into the crowd getting counted out in the process.

Jim Duggan defeated Dino Bravo (with Jimmy Hart and Earthquake)
Hacksaw comes to the ring and he’s sticking with the USA chant.  Someone should tell ol Duggan that he’s is in Toronto.  This one isn’t worth watching nor is it worth recapping.  Duggan gets the win when Jimmy throws the 2×4 to Bravo but Duggan grabs it and nails him with it.  Duggan gets his ass beat after the match by Earthquake complete with the “balls to the face” finisher.  Total snoozefest.

Million Dollar Championship
Ted DiBiase (c) (with Virgil) defeated Jake Roberts by countout
The Million Dollar belt is on the line here for the first and I believe only time.  Jake goes for a quick win with the DDT after about 12 seconds.  DiBiase is out of the ring quickly.  Jake goes for it a couple more times in the next minute or so.  He gets frustrated and decides to slow things down and takes over with a hammer lock.  Million Dollar Man takes over after Jake makes a mistake and really slows down the tempo.  The fans get a wave going in the arena.  Silly Canadians.  That said, it doesn’t say much for what they think of the match.  DiBiase hits a pile driver but doesn’t go for the cover right away.  He hooks in the Million Dollar Dream and it looks like it’s going to be over.  Jake makes it to the ropes.  DiBiase stays on him and after a couple of near falls, he goes to the top ropes but gets caught.  Jake takes over and signals for the DDT.  Virgil pulls Jake out of the ring before he can slap it on and DiBiase follows him out.  Virgil dumps Million Dollar Man back in and Jake gets counted out.  After the match, Virgil grabs the Million Dollar belt and takes off.  Jake finally sinks in the DDT and plants DiBiase right in the middle of the ring.  Virgil comes back to save the day before Jake can drape Damien over Million Dollar Man.  Decent little match even though it was a bit predictable.

The Big Boss Man defeated Akeem (with Slick)
Million Dollar Man is still out after getting his DDT in the previous match and he proceeds to beat the hell out of Big Boss Man before the match starts.  Akeem then comes down and proceeds to continue the beating for the first couple of minutes of the match.  Boss Man reverses it and sends him back and forth between the turnbuckles multiple times and then hits his sidewalk slam finisher (always loved that move!) for the win.

A waste of a segment follows with Sean Mooney, Mary Tyler Moore and Rhythm and Blues  (Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine).  The Bushwackers come out and beat the hell out of… the instruments.  Fast forward.

Rick Rude (with Bobby Heenan) defeated Jimmy Snuka
Snuka literally struts like a chicken on his way to the ring.  This is a nice little match with some good back and forth action.  Snuka misses off the second rope and Rude hits his finisher for the victory.  Speaking of nice finishers… this one always looked BRUTAL.  Not sure how he didn’t kill someone doing it.

WWF Intercontinental Championship and WWF Championship
The Ultimate Warrior (Intercontinental Champion) defeated Hulk Hogan (WWF Champion)
This is one of my Top 10 Favorite WrestleMania matches of all time!  Warrior walks to the ring which he never does.  Hogan does his typical entrance.  A classic back and forth “test of strength” at the beginning of the match.  Need to show just how even they really are.  Warrior wins the knuckle showdown and it totally looks like Hogan’s BLOWING the Warrior.  Of course, Hogan makes his way back to his feet and takes the upper hand.  In a beautiful juvenile twist, now Hogan’s getting the suck job.  After all of this, they do some criss crossing in the ring and take turns slamming one another.  Warrior puts Hogan over the top and Hogan busts up his knee.  After about 2 minutes, Hogan takes over and is walking fine.  The crowd is totally behind Hogan and he’s in control of the match using some rest holds.  Jess talks about how they are “wear down” holds… No shit Jesse.  Classic double clothesline and Warrior comes out on top.  Warrior goes to the rope shake and hits a couple of big clotheslines on Hogan.  Bearhug after that to take a break.  Hogan’s arm drops twice and Hogan comes back.  Ref gets bumped and Warrior hits 2 double axe handles and then misses his shoulder block.  Hogan covers Warrior and has him pinned for like a day.  Warrior hits a back suplex and pins Hogan for the same day.  Warrior finally hits a weak gorilla press followed by a huge splash and we’ve got a ref to make the count.  Hogan kicks out and “Hulks Up”.  He hits the big boot but misses the leg drop finisher.  Warrior follows with a splash to get the victory.  Hogan hands the belt to the Warrior and they hug it out to show good sportsmanship.  OUTSTANDING match!

General Thoughts

• I love it when Gorilla talks about “winner’s money” and “loser’s money”.  This is obviously WAY before the concept of a “smart” wrestling fan.
• During this show, it’s announced that WrestleMania VII will be held at the L.A. Memorial Coliseum.  In actuality it was held at the L.A. Memorial Sports Arena.
• Did Tito Santana ever win a singles match at WrestleMania?
• I totally don’t remember Hogan hurting himself in the title match.  In my memory he put Warrior over clean in the ring.
• This is the last time that Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura hosted together.

The last time Pip and I got together we came dangerously close to “one night one case” and I’m thinking March 28th just may be the night… time will tell.  Let’s get it on!

ED NOTE: Looking back over the photos from last year, we realized that we did in fact take down a case that night… too drunk to remember until a year later.

1. 3 drinks when (not if) Bret puts Vince in a sharpshooter
2. 3 drinks for every missed match outcome
3. Slam a full beer if Undertaker loses
4. 3 drinks for any legend cameo, 5 if they actually get involved in a match
5. Half a beer for a successful airplane spin
6. 3 drinks for each wrestler who bleeds
7. 5 drinks should someone win by submission
8. 2 drinks for every wrestler who performs their signature move
9. 4 drinks for every wrestler who has their signature move reversed
10. 6 drinks if “Money In The Bank” winner cashes in their title shot opportunity the same night
11. 1 drink for outside interference.
12. 1 drink for every mention of the previous nights HOF ceremonies
13. Full beer if WM 27 is within driving distance of Cleveland/Indy
14. 5 drinks if Shawn Michaels gets involved (defined as interference for either side that would directly effect the matches outcome) in the Vince/Bret match
15. 3 drinks for any surprise run ins
16. 2 drinks for every unsuccessful attempt from the top rope (holy crap)
17. 3 drinks for the appearance of a midget
18. 4 drinks if someone crawls out from under the ring

I have to say that I’ll be incredibly let down if they DON’T pay off this angle.  I’m not saying that I need to see a WrestleMania match, but it would be positively stupid if they brought Bret back for one night to go against TNA only to let it go away without a payoff.

Time will tell.