Event:

Brief introduction package on what we’re going to see this evening. Vince, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler on the call which is a great announcing lineup. We get right into the first match.

Four-way Tag Team Elimination Match
The Headbangers (Mosh and Thrasher) defeated The New Blackjacks (Blackjack Windham and Blackjack Bradshaw), The Godwinns (Henry and Phineas) (with Hillbilly Jim), and Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon
I’m not a big fan of tag team wrestling to begin with so I’m certainly not a fan of 4 bad teams wrestling in a tag team elimination match. The Blackjacks quickly get DQ’d and Furnas and LaFon get counted out. Pretty lame way to get down to 2 teams if you ask me. From there, we get a decent tag match between the Headbangers and the Godwinns. In the end the Headbangers get the win. OK match at best obviously on the card to get a lot of talent a spot on the show.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Rocky Maivia (c) defeated The Sultan (with Bob Backlund and The Iron Sheik)
The first WrestleMania appearance of the man that will eventually be known only as The Rock. Rocky looks good early until he goes for a clothesline on the outside and misses and hits the post instead. (Damn did that look painful). Sultan takes over and we get a rest hold. Sultan has terrible pin attempts throughout the match with a ton of rest holds thrown in. Rocky fights back to a double clothesline spot. Rocky hits a huge belly to belly for a close pin and then follows up with a HUGE cross body off the top. Match would have been over but Sheik is on the apron and breaks the count. Crescent kick by the Sultan followed by a big pile driver. Rocky gets a pin to retain the title out of nowhere. Sultan beats down Rocky post match and Iron Sheik slaps on the Camel Clutch. Out of the crowd comes Rocky’s dad Rocky Johnson to make the save. Super lame finish.  Rock and Rocky look like chicken flapping their wings in the middle of the ring.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley (with Chyna) defeated Goldust (with Marlena)
HHH in full blue blood mode here. Goldust in charge from the get go with a nice spot where HHH gets tied up in the ropes OUTSIDE the ring. I can’t remember seeing that particular spot before. After that spot, HHH takes over and lays a beating on Goldust.  Chyna standing stoic on the outside, but announcers are referencing and showing her constantly pretty much guaranteeing that she’s getting involved. Marlena is SMOKING hot here (pun completely intended) as this was her “smoke a cigar ringside” phase. Good back and forth action here but the pace of the match feels like we’re waiting for something. Goldust in charge and Chyna finally makes a move toward Marlena. Goldust has his finisher locked in but releases it to go to Marlena’s aide. HHH hits Goldust and he inadvertently throws Marlena into Chyna who throws her around like a rag doll. This allows HHH to hit the Pedigree for the win. Decent match, but obviously the start of a program between these two rather than a resolution.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Owen Hart and The British Bulldog (c) fought Mankind and Vader (with Paul Bearer) to a double countout
Owen and Vader in to get us started. Vader in charge as you’d imagine and hits a Vader bomb relatively early in the match. He goes for his corner drop and Bulldog over to break it up. Bulldog manages to take over and hits a huge suplex on Vader which is damned impressive.  Vader’s a HUGE dude.  Good teamwork from Mankind/Vader and they take over control of the match. Pretty typical back and forth tag match here with Mankind/Vader generally working to keep Owen on the ring and isolated. Hot tag to Bulldog and Mankind manages to work in the Mandible Claw. They dump out of the ring and Mankind refuses to release the hold. Bulldog selling hit like he’s dead but they both get counted out. Could have been a decent match but had a terrible ending.

Submission Match
Bret Hart defeated Steve Austin
This is the match the made Austin a household name. Not only that, but it started Bret Hart down the path of a heel which was some of the best work in his career in my humble opinion. Forgetting how great the match itself was, these two momentous things alone easily put it in my Top 10 WrestleMania Matches of all time. We start out quick with Austin pouncing on Bret. In quick order, they’re outside of the ring and into the crowd. They’re battling up the stairs of the arena and we get a nice back body drop on the stairs spot. Back in the ring after a few minutes of crowd battling we get an awesome looking swinging neck breaker by Bret. He then starts to work on Austin’s knee obviously setting him up for the Sharpshooter later in the match. Austin manages to hit the Stunner to turn the tide a bit, but there’s no pin falls in the match so it’s irrelevant. A while later, Hart debuts (I believe this was the first time we saw it) the “around the post figure four” which I always liked. Not sure how bad it would hurt, but it looked fucking sweet and Austin sold it like a champ. Hart goes for the “break the ankle in the chair” spot which had been featured on Raw in recent weeks and Austin pops up and WAILS on Bret. Wow. Austin starts in on some submission stuff including a neck crimp and a Boston crab. He goes for the Sharpshooter but Hart gets a thumb in the eye to break it.  Back outside and Austin gets whipped into the guardrail and gets busted open.  Not sure if this was a legit cut or not but DAMN is he bleeding.  This is of course what leads to the most iconic bloodied Austin ever.  Blood just POURING out of Austin’s head.  He manages to hit a low blow to mount a comeback.  Vince makes a reference to the fact that blood doesn’t happen often in the WWF.  Austin has Hart wrapped with a mic cord and Hart uses the ring bell to “ring Austin’s bell”.  He then locks on the Sharpshooter.  This is where you get the shot that’s been in so many montages where Austin’s got blood pouring down his face.  Austin almost breaks out but Bret hangs on and reapplies it.  Austin “passes out” from the pain/blood loss and special ref Ken Shamrock stops the match.  Bret goes after Austin again post match and Shamrock throws him off and squares off against Bret in the ring to a chorus of boos – double turn complete.  Austin to face, Hart to heel.  Announcers totally talking up Austin and what a bad ass he is.  Outstanding match.

Chicago Street Fight
The Legion of Doom (Hawk and Animal) and Ahmed Johnson defeated The Nation of Domination (Crush, Faarooq and Savio Vega) (with Wolfie D, J.C. Ice and Clarence Mason)
This has crap written all over it from the get go.  The Nation is in total “blaxploitation” mode.  LOD and Ahmed coming out looking awesome in their shoulder pads.  No rules, no tags… just a fight.  There are all kinds of weapons in the ring and the action is everywhere.  Kind of difficult to follow cause there’s so much going on (similar to early in a battle royal or when the Royal Rumble gets busy).  Animal goes for a pile driver on the Spanish announce table on Faarooq which was fucking lame.  He just kind of knelt down.  These street fights are typically nothing more than a cluster fuck and this one is no different.  Fire extinguishers, rope, garbage cans, etc.  Naturally they eventually introduce the kitchen sink.  Eventually, LOD hits their finisher on Crush and follow with a clothesline with a 2×4 for the win.  Double Doomsday after the match on Wolfie and J.C. Ice which was pretty cool.  In the end I found myself enjoying it more than I thought I would.  Good work rate from these guys and they put on a decent match.

No DQ Match For The WWF Championship
The Undertaker defeated Sycho Sid (c)
Shawn Michaels is announced and comes to ring area in street clothes to do commentary for the match.  Hi fives around the ring and hamming to the crowd.  Give the “Cliq/ NWO/WolfPac” hand signals all around.  We get a weak ass promo with Sid before the match doing his “master and the ruler of the world” crap.  God is he terrible on the mic.  Taker is out first as the challenger in the old school gray outfit from back in the day.  They go nose to nose in the middle of the ring and before we really get into it Bret Hart makes his way to ringside.  He grabs the mic and starts to bitch at Shawn.  He then tells Taker that they’re no longer friends and tells Sid that he’s a fraud.  Punch and power bomb from Sid for his troubles and the crowd pops further cementing Hart’s heel turn from earlier.  Typical Undertaker to start with some old school moves.  Taker comes out of the corner right into a bear hug from Sid.  Really?  Do we need a rest hold this early?  Sid works on the back and is in charge of the match.  He throws Undertaker out and through the French announce table.  Vince chimes in that this is now a no holds barred match.  I’m thinking they realized that Sid fucked up by bouncing Taker through the table so they had to make the switch on the fly.  Sid locks in a Camel Clutch and keeps working on the back.  Taker has NO offense at all.  Side with a super weak “power slam” and tries to go for 3 pins in a row.  Taker comes back with a crappy looking “jump high and hit a clothesline” move.  Sid back up quickly and they take it outside with Sid into the first row of fans.  They’re outside for like a minute with no count out so apparently it’s no holds barred and no count outs now.  Sid in charge for quite a while until Taker hits a small offensive burst, a power slam and into a rest hold.  Nice spot with a double boot to the face and both guys down.  A few minutes later, Taker manages to make an attempt at the Tombstone but Sid reverses is and hits a Tombstone of his own.  Sid crosses Taker’s arms over his chest and Taker kicks out.  At this point Taker’s “streak” wasn’t what it is today, so this before he kicked out it was looking pretty dicey.  Sid throws Taker outside and goes to work.  Bret Hart shows up yet again (Jesus Bret… go away) and hits Sid with a chair (huh?).  Back in, Taker hits a choke slam but Sid kicks out.  Sid fights back and has Taker set up for the power bomb but fucking Bret is back.  Sid releases Undertaker and goes after Hart on the apron.  Hart give him a “stunner” which sends Sid right into Taker for the Tombstone and the win.  I didn’t remember all of the outside interference in this match.  I wish The Undertaker could have gotten a clean win but I’m happy to see him get the title.  Vince talks about hos Taker is “finally” the champion.  Um… hey Vince.  Did you forget about Tuesday In Texas?  Overall a good title match that sends the fans home happy with Taker getting the belt while forwarding the Bret Hart heel turn.

General Thoughts

• Before the event, there was a Free For All match where Billy Gunn defeated Flash Funk.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… there’s a reason these Free For All matches are NOT on the PPV.
• It’s amazing how much bigger HHH is currently than he was during this event. I’m not saying he’s roided up, but he might be using steroids.
• Funny to hear Jim Ross pimp the AOL chat room during the event. Oh how the times have changed.
• There should be a rule that no match on a PPV can end via count out or via outside interference. It’s just fucking stupid and does nothing put piss off the paying customer both at the arena and at home.
• The “thumb to the eye” move. It’s been around wrestling for years and everyone just takes it with a grain of salt. Have you ever actually stuck your thumb in your eye? This hurts like a son of a bitch.

This is the first WrestleMania that I remember a hype for outside of the wrestling world.  In addition to the pre-event hype, I remember vividly seeing on front page of the Cleveland Plain Dealer sports page the next day a huge photo of Hogan and Andre.  In my mind this is the first time that WrestleMania was really an “event”.  The opening shots of the crowd are very impressive and the venue is so big that the wrestlers need to be carted in from the dressing room.

The Can-Am Connection (Rick Martel and Tom Zenk) defeated Bob Orton and The Magnificent Muraco (with Mr. Fuji)
I’ve gone on record with my distaste for tag team wrestling and this one really didn’t do a whole lot to change that.  First off… what’s with tag teams that LOOK the same?  Zenk and Martel are essentially the same dude with the exception that Zenk walks like he’s got a stick up his ass.  The good guys get the win when they hit a cross body block on Muraco in conjunction with a schoolboy.  Not a terrible match but nothing more than a crowd warm up in my opinion.

Billy Jack Haynes and Hercules (with Bobby Heenan) fought to a double countout
Very happy to say that the WWF is finally getting it and giving us some storyline recaps before the matches.  To make a long story short this is full nelson vs. full nelson.  Hercules is REALLY getting into character in his pre-match interview when he makes reference to “When I used these chains thousands of years ago”.  Um… OK.  Billy Jack looks like a cross between a gay leprechaun and Randy Savage.  How’s that for a mental image?  Hercules is the first to lock on the full nelson but alas his fingers aren’t locked.  For some reason I kept thinking of the Sly Stallone flick Over The Top here cause we all know, that in arm wrestling if you move your thumb over 2 inches you’re definitely going to win.  In any case we get both wrestlers out of the ring and Billy Jack chooses THIS time to lock on his full nelson.  After the fastest 10 count in the history of the WWF both wrestlers are counted out.  After the match, Hercules uses his 1,000 year old chain to bust open BJ to further the storyline.

Hillbilly Jim, The Haiti Kid and Little Beaver defeated King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo and Lord Littlebrook by disqualification
OK… one question.  Who did Bundy piss off to go from main eventing WrestleMania 2 to being part of a 6-man midget match at WrestleMania III?  And while we’re on the subject – a MIDGET match?  Come on WWF.  I know times have changed but who thought this was a good idea?  Believe it or not, this one is actually rather entertaining until Bundy drops an elbow on one of the little guys and gets DQ’d.  Then of course all the midgets ban together with Hillbilly Jim to protect their downed brethren.  Funny little (no pun intended) match but not much more than filler.

Loser Must Bow match
Harley Race (with Bobby Heenan and The Fabulous Moolah) defeated The Junkyard Dog
One of the things that I’m noticing while re-watching these events is just how far we’ve come from a politically correct standpoint.  During one of his pre-match interviews JYD says something to the effect of, “I’m as black as the day is long.”  This sort of thing doesn’t bother me in the slightest but there’s no way that a statement like this would make it on the air today.  OK, end social observation.  This is a decent little match for what it is.  Harley Race is way past his prime here and I’m not sure that JYD was ever all that great of an in ring performer.  Race gets the victory with an “out of no where” belly to belly suplex that really didn’t look all that devastating.  JYD give a little curtsy to fulfill his “loser bows” stipulation and then proceeds to hit Race with a chair and put on his cape to a huge pop from the crowd.

The Dream Team (Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake) (with Johnny Valiant and Dino Bravo) defeated The Fabulous Rougeaus (Jacques and Raymond)
This match is here for a couple of reasons.  First, it was to showcase the Rougeaue brothers who were going to be getting a big push in future months.  Second it was the start of the Brutus Beefcake face turn (when he became “The Barber”).  To make a really long and boring story short, The Rougeaus hit their finisher (as I like to call it the Balls-to-the-Face) but don’t manage to win the match.  Dino bravo gets involved knocking one of the Rougeaus out allowing the Dream Team to get the pin.  Beefcake (for some reason) isn’t happy with this turn of events and doesn’t leave the ring with Valentine, Bravo and Valiant.  This becomes important in the next match…

Hair vs. Hair match
Roddy Piper defeated Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart)
I commented in my WrestleMania 2 review about how out of shape Adrian Adonis was.  A year later and the WM2 version of Adonis looks slim in comparison to his WM3 counterpart.  This is billed a Piper’s “retirment match” which in retrospect is fucking hilarious seeing as Piper is STILL active in wrestling to this day.  All of that said this is a great match.  It’s hair vs. hair with Piper “on his way out” so you pretty much have to assume that he’s going to win but they do a nice little swerve ending with Adonis putting Piper to sleep only to celebrate one second too soon and not allowing Piper’s hand to hit the mat the third time.  Brutus Beefcake runs to Piper’s aid helping him to wake up which allows Piper to slap on a sleeper of his own getting the victory.  Beefcake holds Jimmy Hart down as Piper shaves Adrian’s head.  Beefcake gets in on the action as well creating his “Barber” persona which he’d have for many years.  My most memorable moment of this match is when Adonis comes to and realizes he’s lost the match and has his head shaved.  Piper shows him a mirror which Adrian punches and clearly mouths “WHAT THE FUCK!!!”  Hilarious.

The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart) and Danny Davis (with Jimmy Hart) defeated The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid) and Tito Santana
Before this match Jesse “The Body” Ventura is announced to the crowd.  Not sure why as he doesn’t do or say anything.  I suspect it’s simply because Predator was opening shortly and they wanted to get his name/face out there some more.  On to the match.  There’s nothing worse on a big card (I.E. WrestleMania) than a filler match.  That is except for a 6-man tag team filler match.  There’s some semblance of story line here as Danny Davis is a corrupt referee that has essentially give the tag titles to the Hart Foundation and has caused Tito to lose the IC title.  That’s not enough to keep me interested in this snooze fest that ends with Davis hitting Davey with Hart’s megaphone for the win.  Yawn.

Butch Reed (with Slick) defeated Koko B. Ware
Butch Reed makes his debut against future WWE Hall Of Famer Koko B. Ware.  And please don’t even get me started on why in the HELL Koko is a Hall Of Famer.  Koko does what he does best – loses a match.  Afterward, Tito Santana continues his WrestleMania tradition of getting involved where it makes absolutely no sense and come to the ring and beats up poor Slick.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Ricky Steamboat (with George Steele) defeated Randy Savage (c) (with Miss Elizabeth)
Part of the reason that I’ve really been looking forward to WrestleMania III is due to the fact that this match was on the card.  It’s one of my Top Ten WrestleMania Matches and it’s always a joy to watch it.  Part of what made this match amazing was the back story which the WWF does a great job recapping.  Essentially Macho Man crushed Steamboat’s larynx and put him out of commission for a couple of months.  This is Steamboat’s last chance to get revenge and the title.  The crowd is into this match from the start and literally gets to a frenzy through a series of close finishes.  This match is pure brilliance as Savage and Steamboat go back and forth with some really slick moves.  Macho hits his flying elbow but the referee has been knocked out so he doesn’t get the win.  Savage then goes to the outside and grabs the bell which he used to injure Steamboat’s larynx.  George Steele gets involved and takes the bell away from him.  Savage then turns his attention back to Steamboat and picks him up for a body slam.  Steamboat reverses the slam into a small package and pins Savage clean in the center of the ring for the victory.  If you’ve never seen this match you owe it to yourself to do so… it’s a classic.

The Honky Tonk Man (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Jake Roberts (with Alice Cooper)
I tell you… as time goes by I enjoy Honky Tonk Man more and more.  I don’t think I really appreciated him all that much back in the day but damn can he play a heel with the best of them.  Jake was never all that great in the ring but he’s one of the best ever when it comes to portraying a character.  This is tight little match with some good back and forth action before Honky uses the ropes to get the pin.  In retrospect this match is an obvious setup for the Intercontinental Title run that Honky went on as well as future programs with Jake.  After the match Alice Cooper gets involved and drapes Damien over Jimmy Hart.  The post match stuff was a complete waste of time but not surprising when you’ve got a “celebrity” like Alice Cooper in the ring.

The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff (with Slick) defeated The Killer Bees (B. Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell) by disqualification
I’m shocked that this match was as late in the card as it was.  It was a decent little tag match with outside interference by Hacksaw Jim Duggin causing the Bees to lose.  Hacksaw is on his anti-all-things-not-American kick and of course has vowed never to allow Volkoff to sing his Russian national anthem (which we all know he does all the time).  I honestly don’t remember where this feud went but this match is an obvious setup for that.  Unfortunately for Bees fans this is essentially the last of their heyday as they went onto get repeatedly squashed by Demolition.

WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan (c) defeated André the Giant (with Bobby Heenan)
This match made my honorable mentions on my Top WrestleMania Matches and after re-watching it I think I might have been wrong in making it just an honorable mention!  This match is outstanding!  Hogan is a huge dude and he’s absolutely dwarfed by Andre.  Typically “big men” matches are pretty boring but this one simply isn’t.  Hogan goes for a slam at the very beginning of the match and hurts his back.  Andre nearly gets a pin in the first 30 seconds of the match.  From there Andre essentially beats on Hogan for a good couple of minutes with Hogan playing it perfectly.  Hogan makes a brief comeback which Andre squashes.  There are a couple of complete “rest holds” in here (bear hug) but both men are really making it look great.  Andre whips Hogan into the ropes and goes for a big kick which Hogan ducks and follows up with a big forearm that knocks The Giant to the mat.  Hogan goes for a scoop slam which I don’t care what you say is damn impressive.  He finishes off Andre with a patented leg drop for the 1-2-3.  Real American and pose down follows “giving the crowd what they want”.

General Thoughts

• THIS is finally what WrestleMania should be.  It feels like a big show.  The matches deliver.  I’m guessing this is the first time they were able to deliver what Vince McMahon had in mind when he dreamed up the concept.
• Whatever happened to the concept of a “stable” of wrestlers?  The Heenan Family, The Four Hoursemen, Jimmy Hart’s crew?  These days the best we’ve got is DX and they’re simply a tag team.  I miss stables who had one another’s backs.
• The intro packages are finally up to snuff here.  This is the first WrestleMania where you can sit down and watch it without knowing the history (as they give you enough of the storyline to be caught up).
• There are a couple of references in here to the “Federettes” (ring side girls).  It’s the only time that I remember them every being referenced in WWF history.
• Celebrity involvement blows.  I don’t mind so much when they’re announcers, timekeepers, etc. but when they are in the corner of the wrestlers you just KNOW that they’re going to get involved.  Leave the fighting to the wrestlers people.
• There have been hundreds of matches in WrestleMania history.  Any show that produces two of my all time favorites is a show worth watching.

If you’ve never seen this show before and you’re a fan of modern day WWE stuff the first thing you’ll notice is the production value here absolutely blows.  But don’t judge them too harshly.  First off, this show was 25 years ago and it was the first time something like this had ever been done.

The first voice we hear is Gorilla Monsoon and he’s sitting next to Jesse “The Body” Ventura.  As an old school wrestling fan this is definitely my favorite combination on the mic.  From there Howard Finkel welcomes us to the show and then we head right into the Star Spangled Banner by non other than… Mean Gene Okerlund.  Um… what?

Tito Santana defeated The Executioner
Before the match gets started we get a brief intro by an incredibly uncomfortable looking Lord Alfred Hayes followed by taped interviews with Mene Gene, Tito and The Executioner.  Of note here is that Gene tells Tito that he knows absolutely nothing about The Executioner (Paul Perschmann better known as “Playboy” Buddy Rose) and Executioner tells Tito that he’s going to go after the leg that Greg Valentine had previously injured.  To his credit he does in fact “work the leg” during the match.  4:50 into the match Tito hits the flying forearm and then slaps on the figure four for the victory.

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Special Delivery Jones
More Alfred Hayes looking like a fish out of water. He’s so uncomfortable doing live TV it’s not even funny.  The introductions of the wrestlers and Jimmy Hart (accompanying Bundy) take longer than the match.  Bundy catches SD in a bear hug, throws him into a corner, hits the Avalanche followed by a splash and gets the pin.  They announce it as officially 9 seconds.  Bundy is announced as 458 lbs and Monsoon continually refers to him as over 500 lbs.  Hilarious.

Ricky Steamboat defeated Matt Borne
Matt Borne (would go on to WWF fame as Doink The Clown) and Ricky Steamboat are up next.  The pre-interviews are really funny here as they’re trying to create heat between them which just obviously isn’t there.  Steamboat is HUGE here – completely roided out which is weird cause when I think back to him I never picture him as being a monster.  Borne looks like he’s completely winded after about 4 minutes.  Steamboat gets the win after a flying tackle off the top rope (which Monsoon tells us was 15 feet across the ring).

David Sammartino (with Bruno Sammartino) fought Brutus Beefcake (with Johnny Valiant) to a double DQ
More uncomfortable camera time for Alfred Hayes.  It’s hilarious that the wrestlers are entering and leaving the right in the same isle where Hayes is broadcasting from.  Johnny Valiant is accompanying Beefcake and goes to great lengths to let us know that only HE will speak for Brutus.  In fact Gene sticks the mic in his face and all Beefcake manages is a fart sound / raspberry.  No shit.  This is “pre-Barber” days for Beefcake and he’s playing the heel very nicely.  This is actually a pretty good match with some sold back and forth action until Beefcake throws Sammartino out of the ring where Valiant slams him on the concrete.  Bruno is there to back up his boy and we’re off the races for a classic double DQ finish.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
The Junkyard Dog defeated Greg Valentine (c) (with Jimmy Hart)
In the pre-match interviews Valentine goes on record saying that he’s in the best shape of his career and that he’s lost quite a bit of weight going into this match… yeah right.  One thing that you notice very quickly in these older WrestleManias is that the guys aren’t NEARLY as ripped as they are today.  Valentine certainly isn’t out of shape but he’s not ripped up the way HHH and Batista are today.  That said, Monsoon does refer to “The Hammer” as the best Intercontinental champion in history here.  Solid match (though slow) with Hammer working over JYD getting him ready for the figure four and Dog getting in some patented headbutts.  Hammer gets the pin while having both of his feet up on the ropes.  Referee didn’t see it (do they ever?) and declares Hammer the winner.  As he and Jimmy Hart leave the ring here comes Tito Santana to let the referee know what he’s missed.  The referee determines that Tito is obviously telling the truth and restarts the match.  From here Hammer gets counted out and JYD is declared the winner.  He’s AWFULLY happy for winning the match (but not the title).  Monsoon says about 12 times that Hammer is still the IC Champion.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik (with Freddie Blassie) defeated The U.S. Express (Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham) (c) (with Lou Albano)
Prior to this match we get a great Lord Alfred Hayes interlude.  Hayes says, “Both these teams had pointed opinions.  Let us hear some more about those opinions that they had to express.“  Seriously?  We couldn’t find anyone better to be on the mic?  * sigh *  After that we get an interview with the Iron Sheik who’s always awesome.  “Gene Mean, this is my best time of life for shape situation.“  Translation… “I’m in good shape”.  We get the standard singing of the Russian national anthem from Volkoff which brings back some great memories.  I’m not a huge fan of tag team wrestling but this is decent for what it was.  Volkoff and Shiek play the heels but honestly they’re not really doing much “heelish” until the very end when Shiek breaks Freddie Blassie’s cane over Windham’s head to get the pin fall and the victory.  I have to wonder… where was Tito to save this title for the good guys?

$15,000 Body Slam Challenge
André the Giant defeated Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan)
This is a clusterfuck from the beginning.  I don’t remember the lead up to this match but the story goes like this.  Andre wins if he can slam Big John Studd.  If Andre doesn’t win he retires.  Beyond that, I’m not sure what to tell you.  Monsoon makes reference once to the fact that pin falls don’t count in the match up so it appears that the only way Studd can win is to make it to the time limit without getting slammed.  I’ve never been a fan of “big men” matches and this one doesn’t do anything to change my opinion.  It’s not Andre’s fault but he’s just too damn big to do anything in ring.  He’s completely winded after about 4 minutes of kicks, punches, bear hugs and ass-slams in the corner.  Yes… he puts Studd in the corner and essentially backs into him.  Apparently it’s a wicked offensive maneuver.  Andre finally ends the boredom by slamming Studd, winning the match and grabbing the $15k from Bobby Heenan.  He the proceeds to start throwing the cash to the fans until “The Weasel” grabs the back and heads to the locker room.  For as bad as Andre is in the ring, he’s worse on the mic and the WWF knows it… to the point where they completely cut off his post-match promo mid sentence.

WWF Women’s Championship
Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper) defeated Leilani Kai (c) (with the Fabulous Moolah)
This is the first “Rock and Wrestling” match as we get the inclusion of Cyndi Lauper accompanying Wendi Richter to the ring.  It’s obviously a ploy by the WWF to get another audience into wrestling and I’m not sure that it works.  I honestly don’t remember ever seeing this match before and after seeing it I see no reason to watch it again.  This is definitely not a “Diva’s Match” that we get in current story lines.  This is woman’s wrestling and it’s SLOW.  We’re treated to quite a few hammer locks, arm bars and pulling of the hair.  At least with current WWE Divas we get a bit of T&A that makes up for the sub-standard wrestling (though I have to say some of the current Divas are decent workers).  Near the end of the match Lauper and Moolah (accompanying Kai) get into it outside the ring.  Cyndi is obviously not comfortable in thie element and it shows.  This match thankfully comes to an end when Kai attempts a cross body block off the top rope which Richter clumsily rolls through to get the pin.

Hulk Hogan and Mr. T (with Jimmy Snuka) defeated Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff (with Cowboy Bob Orton)
This is the time where the WWF starts to bring out the big guns… sort of.  Billy Martin is announced as the special guest ring announcer.  Liberace (being accompanied to the ring by The Rockettes) is the guest timekeeper and Muhammad Ali is the special guest referee (though he’s a “floor ref” rather than in the ring).  This doesn’t start out promising as we get a complete  mosh right off the bat.  Cowboy Bob Orton (with the “bad guys”) and Superfly Jimmy Snuka (with the “good guys”) all make there way into the ring as does Ali.  At one point Snuka’s on the top rope waiting to do a splash but just jumps off feet first… lame.  I do have to give MAJOR props to Mr. T for his work here.  He’s doing body slams and hip tosses out there like this is his first job.  Well done B.A.  Well done.  Hogan is thrown to the outside and slammed with a chair (however the padded chair does cut down on the desired effect).  After another mele in the ring Orndorff has Hogan in a full nelson and is holding him so Bob Orton can come off the top rope and hit Hogan with his “loaded” cast.  Of course Hogan moves at the last minute pulling Orndorff into harms way “knocking him out” long enough for Hogan to get the pin.  We actually get a post-match interview which is rare as most shows these days go off the air with the winner posing in the ring.

General Thoughts

• The ropes are crazy floppy.  In fact the ring looks like it’s going to fall apart as the wrestlers are moving around.
• Moves that today are nothing more than “filler” are talked about as “power moves” – body slam, back body drop, suplex, etc.
• The ringside announce table is literally RIGHT at ringside.
• Whatever happened to announcing where people are from and their weights?
• Jesse makes reference to the fact that it’s the biggest card in history – 1.2 million people.  He’s obviously referring to the closed circuit crowd (remember this was before PPV) but he doesn’t reference that.
• I miss the times where “hooking the leg” was a prerequisite for actually getting a pin.
• Fans don’t throw trash into the ring anymore.
• For the most part the wrestlers are complete crap on the mic.  It’s obvious that back in these days the “product” was more about in ring than story lines.  Amazing that they gave the mic to some of these guys.
• Today, the concept of a “time limit” in any match aside from an Iron Man Match is completely absent.  During WrestleMania they announced the time limit for just about every match.
• Personally these shows have always been about the wrestling.  I like the idea of having one big show at the end of the “season” and I could do without all the celebrity stuff.  Let’s face it… Billy Martin, Cindy Lauper, Liberace, The Rockettes and Ali knew nothing about wrestling, care nothing about wrestling, etc.  They’re obvioulsy there for name value.  I’m sure it worked for some of the non-wrestling fans but for us “pure” fans they’re nothing but a boring distraction.