We’re still in the WWF days… I keep thinking we’re flipping over to WWE pretty soon.  Good intro here that’s just starting to talk about the “Attitude Era”.  Goes into the lineage of the WWF title, introduces Austin, [...]]]> Event: WrestleMania XIV
Date: March 29, 1998
Venue: Fleet Center (Boston, Massachusetts)
Attendance: 19,028

We’re still in the WWF days… I keep thinking we’re flipping over to WWE pretty soon.  Good intro here that’s just starting to talk about the “Attitude Era”.  Goes into the lineage of the WWF title, introduces Austin, DX, Mike Tyson, etc.  We get the announcing duo of Jerry “The King” Lawler and Michael Cole on the mic and we go right into the first match of the night with no anthem, America The Beautiful, etc.

15 – Team Battle Royal
L.O.D. 2000 (Hawk and Animal) (with Sunny) won by last eliminating The New Midnight Express (Bombastic Bob and Bodacious Bart) (with Jim Cornette)
The last team is a “mystery team” and it’s the returning L.O.D. accompanied by Sunny.  That right there makes it all worth it… damn is she hot.  They’ve got a new (silly) look which includes helmets.  Um… OK.  This is a no DQ battle royal where when one member of a team is thrown out the partner needs to go as well.  A good way for WWF to get quite a few guys on the WrestleMania card.  This is a pretty typical match with L.O.D. and the Midnight Express (Bob Holly and Bart Gunn) being the last two teams.  L.O.D. gets the win in a decent if predictable opener.  Oh yeah, did I mention that Sunny is hot?

WWF Light Heavyweight Championship
Taka Michinoku (c) defeated Aguila
Quick match for these guys.  I’m not a huge fan of this type of wrestling but I can totally appreciate how talented these guys are.  Nice looking moonsault to the outside by Aguila.  Good lord would that be difficult to do and not kill yourself.  This is definitely not a typical match but very entertaining.  I wonder if it was so short cause that’s the way it was booked or so the guys don’t kill one another by going longer?  Can’t blame the talent for getting gassed going at this pace.  Taka hits his finisher to retain after a quick yet completely entertaining match.

WWF European Championship
Triple H (c) (with Chyna) defeated Owen Hart
The DX band is in the house playing intro music all night.  Seems silly to me, but at least they get to play it a couple of times.  Commissioner Sgt. Slaughter is handcuffed to Chyna during this match to prevent any shenanigans.  Own starts off with an injured ankle but is out quick and gets the upper hand.  He then lowers his head too early for a backdrop and Hunter takes over.  Chyna is trying to get involved but Slaughter is keeping her at bay.  HHH works over Owen for a couple of minutes and then turns to the injured ankle.  Owen gets cut on the nose (probably hardway) and then makes a nice comeback to get a series of close falls for the title.  This section of the match is tremendous with some great back and forth action.  Nice spot where Owen gets into a corner and falls down and headbutts HHH in the balls.  Owen gets the Sharpshooter on HHH but Chyna helps HHH to the ropes (good job Slaughter).  Chyna then proceeds to throw salt in Slaughter’s eyes and then low blows Owen.  HHH follows up with a Pedigree for the win.  Good match for something early on the card.

Marc Mero and Sable defeated The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust and Luna
Nice recap of what’s led to this match and I’m glad cause I completely don’t remember this feud.  Goldust is in a super gay uniform and is introduced as “formerly known as”.  Mero and Goldy start out with Mero getting the upper hand.  Goldy tags in Luna which means Sable needs to come in (I’ve always hated this type of stipulation… just let them wrestle).  Luna runs from Sable and tags back in Goldust.  Good job playing the heel by Luna as there is no way in hell she’d ever run from Sable.  These inter-gender matches with that stip totally take way the concept of a “hot tag”.  Finally we get to Sable entering the ring and she clears house.  The guys are back in and Mero hits a low blow and tries for his finisher which Goldust counters.  Good stuff from the fellas during this portion of the match.  Mero hits a weak looking TKO and Luna breaks the count.  Sable in and hits the Sable Bomb on Luna and SHE kicks out.  Sable then hits a TKO on Luna (much better than Mero’s version) for the win.  Decent match at best.  Feel free to skip unless you’re a big fan of one of these participants.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
The Rock (c) (with Kama Mustafa, Mark Henry and D’Lo Brown) defeated Ken Shamrock by disqualification

Tennessee Lee in the ring announces Jennifer Flowers and Double J.  She then announces the participants.  Rock is with the Nation of Domination and gets a huge “Rocky sucks” chant from the crowd.  Even back then Rock is a heat machine.  Shamrock out and on fire quickly.  Apparently if Rock is DQd he’ll lose the match and the title.  I can’t decide if I prefer Rock as a heel or a face better… either way he’s damned awesome.  The “Rocky sucks” chant continues throughout the match.  Shamrock in charge completely until Rock uses the tights to pull him to the outside.  Rock hits what will become The People’s Elbow for a two count.  Apparently Rock is at odds with the Nation at this point (I don’t remember the storyline).  Shamrock brings a chair into the ring and pushes the ref down.  Rock picks it up and WAILS on Shamrock’s head.  Wow… talk about a stiff chair shot.  Shamrock kicks out, no sells the shot and takes over.  WTF.  Shamrock “snaps” and hits a power slam and hooks in the ankle lock for the win.  Weak ending.  The Nation comes in and Shamrock takes them out.  Shamrock keeps going back to the ankle lock.  Farooq out to help Rock and then turns his back on him.  Officials into the ring and Shamrock “snaps” again suplexing all of them.  Stretcher out to help Rock to the back and the “Rocky sucks” chants continue.  Damn… this was a bad beating for the Rock.  The referee reverses the decision because Shamrock wouldn’t release the ankle lock.  Shamrock snaps again and goes after Rock knocking him off the stretcher.  They’re totally playing up the Crazy Ken / World’s Most Dangerous Man angle.  Question here… why in the FUCK would they reverse the decision for something that happened after the match?  Lame.

Dumpster Match For The WWF Tag Team Championship
Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie defeated The New Age Outlaws (c) (Billy Gunn and Road Dogg)
Oh you didn’t know?  Your ass better CALLLLLL somebody!  Out comes the Outlaws to one of my favorite themes of all time.  No DQ, no pins, no count outs.  To win you’ve got to put your opponents in the dumpster and close the top.  Think casket match with a garbage can.  This is a tough match to follow as there’s a ton going on both inside and out of the ring.  Mick Foley (Cactus Jack) goes for a dive on Road Dog and misses and hits the dumpster… ouch.  Terry Funk  (for those of you that don’t know that’s Chainsaw Charlie) back body dropped into the dumpster.  Good spot with Cactus and Charlie getting their heads slammed in the dumpster.  Cactus in the dumpster and works out with a double Mandible Claw spot.  Funk is amazing here and it’s even more obvious when Ross points out that he was a WrestleMania 2.  Finally we get in the ring and Cactus/Funk are in charge.  Cactus off the apron with an elbow drop on Billy.  Out comes a ladder and the ECW chants start.  Cactus and Gunn up on the ladder.  James whacks Funk in the head who proceeds to fall into the ladder and Jack/Gunn fall off the ladder into the dumpster.  Nice spot for sure.  Gunn then power bombs Funk into the dumpster off the apron.  The Outlaws take Cactus backstage and beat the hell out of him.  Mick makes a comeback with a chair and some DDTs.  Both Outlaws on a fork lift and they are deposited into another dumpster.  Cactus/Charlie close the lid for the win and the titles.  A clusterfuck to watch but rather entertaining.

The Undertaker defeated Kane (with Paul Bearer)
Good recap of Kane/Taker to this point.  Totally shows how “supernatural”‘ the WWF was back then (lightning, etc.)  Pete Rose out in a tux to be the guest ring announcer.  He’s playing the heel and says something to the effect of, “Last time I was here, we kicked your ass.”  Gay.  Here comes “hell fire and brimstone” (IE Kane) to give Pete a Tombstone.  Stretcher ride for Pete and Undertaker makes his way to the ring.  God DAMN does the man take forever to get to the ring.  Kane plays the bad ass early totally no selling everything Taker throws at him.  Remember that Kane at this point has been built into a MONSTER heel.  I do have to say that it does get a tad bit repetitive to be told their brothers again… and again… and again.  We go outside and Kane is really working over Taker with the ring steps.  Back in and Kane still in charge.  Choke slam and Kane picks him up rather than trying for the win (never a good idea).  Goes into a rest hold and Taker tries to fight back only to have Kane continually beat him down.  Taker knocks Kane outside and then proceeds to leap over the top rope onto Kane but goes right through the Spanish announce table.  Apparently (according to the announcers) Kane sidestepped him.  Looked to me like Taker fucked up.  Back in the ring, Taker goes into his Rope-a-dope cover up.  Taker manages to try for a Tombstone but Kane reverses it and hits it.  Undertaker kicks out and Kane is finally weakening a bit.  Taker hits a choke slam and calls for a Tombstone.  He hits it, crosses Kane’s hands over his chest and goes for a cover which Kane kicks out of.  WOW.  He hits a second Tombstone, crosses the hands and Kane kicks out again!  Awesome.  I totally don’t remember this.  Taker hits a HUGE clothesline and Kane no sells it and sits up.  Taker hits a 3rd Tombstone, hooks the leg and gets the win.  Paul Bearer in with a chair and beats on Taker.  Kane grabs the chair and wails on Taker.  Tombstone on the chair and Taker is left laying in the middle of the ring.  Good stuff here in the original “Brothers of Destruction” Mania match.

WWF Championship
Steve Austin defeated Shawn Michaels (c) (with Triple H and Chyna)
HUGE pop for the glass breaking on Austin’s entrance (which is my cell phone ring tone in case you care).  Love me some Rattlesnake.  Ross refers to HBK as “the greatest champion of all time”.  That may be a stretch, but you could probably put him in the conversation.  The DX band has been playing all night and this is one more chance for them to rock it out.  Early in the match, Michaels is doing the “jab and run” tactic which is clearly pissing Austin off.  When Austin finally catches him, we get the obligatory Michaels “moon the crowd” shot.  DX beats the hell out of Austin and eventually they’re barred from ringside.  HBK/Austin start battling outside the ring, on the band stage, the dumpster, etc.  Back in the ring and Austin takes over.  Good spot where Austin punches off the apron into the announce table.  Back outside and into the crowd.  Tyson to this point is remaining impartial.  Shawn nails Austin with the title belt and he flies into the first row.  Michaels really favoring his back at this point in his career (which is astounding as he kept wrestling YEARS after this).  HBK slows it down for a change and is in control.  He flicks off the crowd and Austin greets him with a Lou Thez press.  HBK regains the upper hand and works the knee of Austin.  Ross/King talk about Tyson and the officiating.  Ironically, Tyson has done nothing to this point other than throw Austin back in the ring one time.  Figure Four in the middle of the ring which is reversed (why does the reversal hurt?)  Austin catapults HBK into the corner and gets a near fall.  HBK follows up with a sleeper and we get a ref bump setting up Tyson’s involvement.  Austin back in charge and stomps a mud hole in Shawn.  HBK with a flying forearm and does his flip up.  He “tunes up the band” for the super kick but misses.  Austin tries for the Stunner but it’s blocked.  HBK goes for the kick again but Austin grabs his foot and hits the Stunner for the 1-2-3 by Tyson for the win.  Post match, HBK gets in Tyson’s face and slaps him.  Tyson levels him with one punch to send the crowd home happy.

General Thoughts

• WWF debuted one of the best promos I’ve ever seen at this show which I’ll refer to here as the “I’m not a real athlete” spot.  These were absolutely AWESOME and give me chills to this day.  If you’ve never seen it please check it out.
• Ross/King then mention the gross take of the event at one point.  I can’t ever remember hearing this before or since.  Weird.
• Whatever happened to Kane’s disfigurement?
• In addition to the “I’m not real” promo, the WWF busted out the “Oldtimers” promo as well.  Phenomenal.
• How the hell does HBK chew gum while he wrestles?
• Mike Tyson has the worst “DX chop” in history.

Brief introduction package on what we’re going to see this evening. Vince, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler on the call which is a great announcing lineup. We get right into the first match.

Four-way Tag Team Elimination Match
Event: WrestleMania 13
Date: March 23, 1997
Venue: Rosemont Horizon (Rosemont, Illinois)
Attendance: 18,197

Brief introduction package on what we’re going to see this evening. Vince, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler on the call which is a great announcing lineup. We get right into the first match.

Four-way Tag Team Elimination Match
The Headbangers (Mosh and Thrasher) defeated The New Blackjacks (Blackjack Windham and Blackjack Bradshaw), The Godwinns (Henry and Phineas) (with Hillbilly Jim), and Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon
I’m not a big fan of tag team wrestling to begin with so I’m certainly not a fan of 4 bad teams wrestling in a tag team elimination match. The Blackjacks quickly get DQ’d and Furnas and LaFon get counted out. Pretty lame way to get down to 2 teams if you ask me. From there, we get a decent tag match between the Headbangers and the Godwinns. In the end the Headbangers get the win. OK match at best obviously on the card to get a lot of talent a spot on the show.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Rocky Maivia (c) defeated The Sultan (with Bob Backlund and The Iron Sheik)
The first WrestleMania appearance of the man that will eventually be known only as The Rock. Rocky looks good early until he goes for a clothesline on the outside and misses and hits the post instead. (Damn did that look painful). Sultan takes over and we get a rest hold. Sultan has terrible pin attempts throughout the match with a ton of rest holds thrown in. Rocky fights back to a double clothesline spot. Rocky hits a huge belly to belly for a close pin and then follows up with a HUGE cross body off the top. Match would have been over but Sheik is on the apron and breaks the count. Crescent kick by the Sultan followed by a big pile driver. Rocky gets a pin to retain the title out of nowhere. Sultan beats down Rocky post match and Iron Sheik slaps on the Camel Clutch. Out of the crowd comes Rocky’s dad Rocky Johnson to make the save. Super lame finish.  Rock and Rocky look like chicken flapping their wings in the middle of the ring.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley (with Chyna) defeated Goldust (with Marlena)
HHH in full blue blood mode here. Goldust in charge from the get go with a nice spot where HHH gets tied up in the ropes OUTSIDE the ring. I can’t remember seeing that particular spot before. After that spot, HHH takes over and lays a beating on Goldust.  Chyna standing stoic on the outside, but announcers are referencing and showing her constantly pretty much guaranteeing that she’s getting involved. Marlena is SMOKING hot here (pun completely intended) as this was her “smoke a cigar ringside” phase. Good back and forth action here but the pace of the match feels like we’re waiting for something. Goldust in charge and Chyna finally makes a move toward Marlena. Goldust has his finisher locked in but releases it to go to Marlena’s aide. HHH hits Goldust and he inadvertently throws Marlena into Chyna who throws her around like a rag doll. This allows HHH to hit the Pedigree for the win. Decent match, but obviously the start of a program between these two rather than a resolution.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Owen Hart and The British Bulldog (c) fought Mankind and Vader (with Paul Bearer) to a double countout
Owen and Vader in to get us started. Vader in charge as you’d imagine and hits a Vader bomb relatively early in the match. He goes for his corner drop and Bulldog over to break it up. Bulldog manages to take over and hits a huge suplex on Vader which is damned impressive.  Vader’s a HUGE dude.  Good teamwork from Mankind/Vader and they take over control of the match. Pretty typical back and forth tag match here with Mankind/Vader generally working to keep Owen on the ring and isolated. Hot tag to Bulldog and Mankind manages to work in the Mandible Claw. They dump out of the ring and Mankind refuses to release the hold. Bulldog selling hit like he’s dead but they both get counted out. Could have been a decent match but had a terrible ending.

Submission Match
Bret Hart defeated Steve Austin
This is the match the made Austin a household name. Not only that, but it started Bret Hart down the path of a heel which was some of the best work in his career in my humble opinion. Forgetting how great the match itself was, these two momentous things alone easily put it in my Top 10 WrestleMania Matches of all time. We start out quick with Austin pouncing on Bret. In quick order, they’re outside of the ring and into the crowd. They’re battling up the stairs of the arena and we get a nice back body drop on the stairs spot. Back in the ring after a few minutes of crowd battling we get an awesome looking swinging neck breaker by Bret. He then starts to work on Austin’s knee obviously setting him up for the Sharpshooter later in the match. Austin manages to hit the Stunner to turn the tide a bit, but there’s no pin falls in the match so it’s irrelevant. A while later, Hart debuts (I believe this was the first time we saw it) the “around the post figure four” which I always liked. Not sure how bad it would hurt, but it looked fucking sweet and Austin sold it like a champ. Hart goes for the “break the ankle in the chair” spot which had been featured on Raw in recent weeks and Austin pops up and WAILS on Bret. Wow. Austin starts in on some submission stuff including a neck crimp and a Boston crab. He goes for the Sharpshooter but Hart gets a thumb in the eye to break it.  Back outside and Austin gets whipped into the guardrail and gets busted open.  Not sure if this was a legit cut or not but DAMN is he bleeding.  This is of course what leads to the most iconic bloodied Austin ever.  Blood just POURING out of Austin’s head.  He manages to hit a low blow to mount a comeback.  Vince makes a reference to the fact that blood doesn’t happen often in the WWF.  Austin has Hart wrapped with a mic cord and Hart uses the ring bell to “ring Austin’s bell”.  He then locks on the Sharpshooter.  This is where you get the shot that’s been in so many montages where Austin’s got blood pouring down his face.  Austin almost breaks out but Bret hangs on and reapplies it.  Austin “passes out” from the pain/blood loss and special ref Ken Shamrock stops the match.  Bret goes after Austin again post match and Shamrock throws him off and squares off against Bret in the ring to a chorus of boos – double turn complete.  Austin to face, Hart to heel.  Announcers totally talking up Austin and what a bad ass he is.  Outstanding match.

Chicago Street Fight
The Legion of Doom (Hawk and Animal) and Ahmed Johnson defeated The Nation of Domination (Crush, Faarooq and Savio Vega) (with Wolfie D, J.C. Ice and Clarence Mason)
This has crap written all over it from the get go.  The Nation is in total “blaxploitation” mode.  LOD and Ahmed coming out looking awesome in their shoulder pads.  No rules, no tags… just a fight.  There are all kinds of weapons in the ring and the action is everywhere.  Kind of difficult to follow cause there’s so much going on (similar to early in a battle royal or when the Royal Rumble gets busy).  Animal goes for a pile driver on the Spanish announce table on Faarooq which was fucking lame.  He just kind of knelt down.  These street fights are typically nothing more than a cluster fuck and this one is no different.  Fire extinguishers, rope, garbage cans, etc.  Naturally they eventually introduce the kitchen sink.  Eventually, LOD hits their finisher on Crush and follow with a clothesline with a 2×4 for the win.  Double Doomsday after the match on Wolfie and J.C. Ice which was pretty cool.  In the end I found myself enjoying it more than I thought I would.  Good work rate from these guys and they put on a decent match.

No DQ Match For The WWF Championship
The Undertaker defeated Sycho Sid (c)
Shawn Michaels is announced and comes to ring area in street clothes to do commentary for the match.  Hi fives around the ring and hamming to the crowd.  Give the “Cliq/ NWO/WolfPac” hand signals all around.  We get a weak ass promo with Sid before the match doing his “master and the ruler of the world” crap.  God is he terrible on the mic.  Taker is out first as the challenger in the old school gray outfit from back in the day.  They go nose to nose in the middle of the ring and before we really get into it Bret Hart makes his way to ringside.  He grabs the mic and starts to bitch at Shawn.  He then tells Taker that they’re no longer friends and tells Sid that he’s a fraud.  Punch and power bomb from Sid for his troubles and the crowd pops further cementing Hart’s heel turn from earlier.  Typical Undertaker to start with some old school moves.  Taker comes out of the corner right into a bear hug from Sid.  Really?  Do we need a rest hold this early?  Sid works on the back and is in charge of the match.  He throws Undertaker out and through the French announce table.  Vince chimes in that this is now a no holds barred match.  I’m thinking they realized that Sid fucked up by bouncing Taker through the table so they had to make the switch on the fly.  Sid locks in a Camel Clutch and keeps working on the back.  Taker has NO offense at all.  Side with a super weak “power slam” and tries to go for 3 pins in a row.  Taker comes back with a crappy looking “jump high and hit a clothesline” move.  Sid back up quickly and they take it outside with Sid into the first row of fans.  They’re outside for like a minute with no count out so apparently it’s no holds barred and no count outs now.  Sid in charge for quite a while until Taker hits a small offensive burst, a power slam and into a rest hold.  Nice spot with a double boot to the face and both guys down.  A few minutes later, Taker manages to make an attempt at the Tombstone but Sid reverses is and hits a Tombstone of his own.  Sid crosses Taker’s arms over his chest and Taker kicks out.  At this point Taker’s “streak” wasn’t what it is today, so this before he kicked out it was looking pretty dicey.  Sid throws Taker outside and goes to work.  Bret Hart shows up yet again (Jesus Bret… go away) and hits Sid with a chair (huh?).  Back in, Taker hits a choke slam but Sid kicks out.  Sid fights back and has Taker set up for the power bomb but fucking Bret is back.  Sid releases Undertaker and goes after Hart on the apron.  Hart give him a “stunner” which sends Sid right into Taker for the Tombstone and the win.  I didn’t remember all of the outside interference in this match.  I wish The Undertaker could have gotten a clean win but I’m happy to see him get the title.  Vince talks about hos Taker is “finally” the champion.  Um… hey Vince.  Did you forget about Tuesday In Texas?  Overall a good title match that sends the fans home happy with Taker getting the belt while forwarding the Bret Hart heel turn.

General Thoughts

• Before the event, there was a Free For All match where Billy Gunn defeated Flash Funk.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… there’s a reason these Free For All matches are NOT on the PPV.
• It’s amazing how much bigger HHH is currently than he was during this event. I’m not saying he’s roided up, but he might be using steroids.
• Funny to hear Jim Ross pimp the AOL chat room during the event. Oh how the times have changed.
• There should be a rule that no match on a PPV can end via count out or via outside interference. It’s just fucking stupid and does nothing put piss off the paying customer both at the arena and at home.
• The “thumb to the eye” move. It’s been around wrestling for years and everyone just takes it with a grain of salt. Have you ever actually stuck your thumb in your eye? This hurts like a son of a bitch.

Still coming to you as the World Wrestling Federation.  Damn if I can’t remember when the switch came.  I could have sworn it was around this time.  We start off with a Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels promo and go [...]]]> Event: WrestleMania XII
Date: March 31, 1996
Venue: Arrowhead Pond (Anaheim, California)
Attendance: 18,853

Still coming to you as the World Wrestling Federation.  Damn if I can’t remember when the switch came.  I could have sworn it was around this time.  We start off with a Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels promo and go right into the action – No America The Beautiful or National Anthem.

Camp Cornette (Vader, Owen Hart and The British Bulldog) (with Jim Cornette) defeated Yokozuna, Jake Roberts and Ahmed Johnson (with Mr. Fuji)
Jake Roberts looks REALLY out of place on his team.  The Sesame Street One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others song ran through my head when I saw it.  Yoko’s team is playing face here and we start off with all 6 guys in the ring with the baby faces getting the upper hand.  I can’t for the life of me remember what happened between Owen & Yoko.  The last WrestleMania they walked out as champs.  * Shrugs *  Apparently, if Yoko’s team wins, he gets 5 minutes alone in the ring with Jim Cornette.  We KNOW that’s not going to happen, so the outcome here is a foregone conclusion.  The Bulldog looks rather small here… must be off the roids at this point in his career.  Pretty standard 6-man stuff here which is to say rather boring.  Is Jake EVER going to tag into this match?  Yep… finally he lumbers in wearing his full body gear to hide his gut.  He promptly starts getting his ass handed to him.  Bulldog hits a power slam on Jake and he actually kicks out – WOW.  Jake kicks out of a Vader splash as well (what the hell?) and manages to make a tag to Yoko.  After a few minutes, Jake is inexplicably tagged back in and hits a DDT on Owen but Cornette comes in to break the count.  Vader bomb on Jake and it’s over.  Thank God.

Stone Cold Steve Austin (with Ted DiBiase) defeated Savio Vega
Stone Cold is the “Million Dollar Champion” here playing the heel in a match before he absolutely blew up (see WrestleMania 13).  Quick start to the match with a ton of punches and slaps.  Austin takes over with some good heel stuff from Austin.  Even here you can tell he’s definitely on his way.  Roddy Piper calls in on his cell phone (see Hollywood Backlot Brawl) and he and Vince talk over Austin/Vega for far too long.  Austin in full on methodical mode here keeping the upper hand.  We’re shown some footage of Piper following Goldust but it’s just recycled OJ footage… groan.  Meanwhile, Vega hits Austin with a huge kick and sends him down.  Quite a few pin attempts by both guys.  Austin goes to the top rope (huh?) and gets caught when Vega gets a boot up.  Vega works up some good momentum until he inadvertently kicks the ref.  Austin nails Vega with the Million Dollar belt and the slaps on the Million Dollar Dream.  DiBiase wakes up the ref who sees Austin with Vega in the hold in the middle of the ring.  Austin gets the win.  Decent match for a mid card (minus the crappy Piper/Goldust storyline).

The Ultimate Warrior defeated Hunter Hearst Helmsley (with Sable)
HHH here in full blueblood getup escorted by Sable before she was Sable. The Warrior is returning to the WWF after an extended layoff and naturally has the same shtick as always: fly down to ring, shake the ropes, bandannas, etc.  HHH attacks from behind to start the match.  Whips Warrior to the ropes, boot to midsection and hits the Pedigree.  Warrior no sells it and stands straight up.  Clotheslines, shoulder block, gorilla press slam, splash and pin.  Squash win for the Warrior for his return match.  HHH must not have been fucking Stephanie at this point or he would never have been asked to do a job like this.  Looking back this was a pretty terrible “match” but at the time I remember absolutely loving it.

After the match, we get an interview with new Superstar Marc Mero.  Ahh, so THAT’s why Sable was on HHH’s arm.  For those of you that don’t know, Sable and Marc Mero were married at this point.  Right on cue, HHH busts in to interrupt the interview and Mero and he get into it.  We cut away from that to some more annoying Piper/Goldust footage.

The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated Diesel
Diesel is announced as being 7 feet tall.  Taker is dressed in the purple gear with black greasy hair.  This match contains some absolutely unbelievable moves from two big guys.  Cross body block by Taker followed up by the old school rope walk.  This is SUCH a better match than Taker/Gonzalez from WrestleMania IX it’s not even funny.  The crowd is totally behind Taker here but Diesel is in control for the majority of the match playing the heel quite nicely.  Taker makes a comeback and they go with some “big men mirror” moves such as the “same time punch/kick” spot.  Taker is up first and goes to the top and hits a big clothesline.  Quite literally out of nowhere, Diesel hits a Jackknife, taunts the Undertaker and then hits another.  More taunts and then after a minute finally goes for a pin attempt only to be grabbed by the neck.  Diesel pummels Taker back to the mat.  UT works his way back up and Diesel hits a nice looking side suplex (RIP Dino Bravo).  Undertaker works his way back and they’re slugging it out.  Taker hits a clothesline followed by a weak ass looking choke slam and a Tombstone for the win.  Good big man match as I’m a huge fan of Taker and have always enjoyed Nash in a heel role.

Hollywood Backlot Brawl
Roddy Piper defeated Goldust (with Marlena)
The coverage of this “match” actually begins after the first match of the night and continues throughout the entire show.  We’re given a nice recap which is good cause I really don’t remember the storyline at this point.  Piper is the acting president of the WWF and apparently Goldust has become enamored with him.  This “match” begins with Piper beating the hell out of Goldust’s Cadillac.  Um… OK.  Piper drags Goldust out of the car and beats the snot out of him for about 5 minutes.  Goldy gets a low blow, gets back in his car, hits Piper with the car and speeds away.  Piper jumps in a white Bronco (come on WWF, you can do better than that) and follows him.  [Insert Austin/Vega match]  After the Austin/Vega match, we’re shown some more OJ footage.  Vince actually says something to the effect of, “This looks familiar.”  No shit Vince.  Its one thing to try to be clever and show us OJ footage but it’s another thing to actually call it out on your own show.  More footage after the HHH/Warrior match and after Diesel/Taker we’re back with live footage.  Why in the hell would Goldust ever come back to the arena?  Naturally, they make their way to the ring.  Goldust takes over beating on Piper’s legs.  Goldust is SO gay at this point it’s completely over the top.  He rips of Piper’s shirt and chokes him with it.  Goldust is all over Piper and the kisses him (WTF) which sends Piper over the edge.  Piper grabs Goldust by the balls (yep… you read that right) and proceeds to knee him in the nuts, spank his ass, strip him down (Goldust is wearing lingerie) and kiss him back.  Jesus H Christ, I can’t believe I just had to write that sentence.  Another ball shot from Piper and Goldust leaves the ring.  So, I guess Piper’s the winner?  One thing’s for sure… we lose.  Some WWF writer is so homophobic it’s not even funny.  I know this was at the beginning of the “Attitude Era” but this was just way over the top and completely ridiculous.

Iron Man Match for the WWF Championship
Shawn Michaels (with Jose Lothario) defeated Bret Hart (c)
One of my Top 10 WrestleMania Matches of all time and it definitely holds up well.  We get a nice intro to the Iron Man Match and Gorilla Monsoon is introduced as the new President of the WWF.  This seems out of place, but is important later in the night.  Jose Lothario comes out to Shawn’s music but he’s by himself.  He takes a couple of steps, stops and points to the rafters.  At this point, we see Shawn on a zipline and he takes the ride we’ve seen in every WWE promo since.  In Vince’s words, “Ahhh, what a ride!!!”  Shawn showboats for a while and then it’s time for the Hitman to make his entrance.  Interesting to see Shawn clapping for Bret as he makes his way down.  We get an old school knee pad check and instructions.  Per Earl Hebner this is an “Arn Man Match” and we’ll be “Rasslin for 60 minutes”.  Bret kisses the belt, gives his shades to his son and we’re off and running.  The crowd is pretty dead early on but I’m not sure I’d be all that psyched at the start of a match that I knew would be 60 minutes.  Speaking of the crowd, they’re definitely behind Shawn in this one.  King and Vince keep referring to the importance of the “first decision”.  Bret goes into a headlock spot for a good couple of minutes.  There are some very good “wrestling” sequences in here.  You totally expect that sort of thing from Hart but not necessarily from Michaels.  Very impressive.  King and Vince keep referring to Shawn’s “Mexican” moves – shows just how far wrestling has come since 96.  At the 45 minute mark, Bret finds himself sitting on the outside in the timekeeper’s lap (don’t ask).  HBK goes for a super kick, Bret moves and the timekeeper takes the kick right to the face – nice spot.  The stretcher is brought out for this poor dude and we’re back to a rest hold in the ring.  This spot was clearly there to show the “power” of Shawn’s super kick.  Back in the ring, some very good storytelling going on here with HBK continuing to work on Bret’s shoulder.  Shawn in control mid match with a ton of great back and forth action throughout.  Absolutely amazing that these guys aren’t just gassed by the end of this thing (or halfway through for that matter).  Huge props to both guys for the effort level. HBK goes over the corner turnbuckle to the outside in an amazing spot that allows Bret to take over and work on the back at about the 20 minute remaining mark.  Bret’s in charge big time and with about 13 minutes remaining King and Vince first mention the fact that one fall might win this thing.  Classic double clothesline spot with 7:30 remaining and Shawn manages to make a comeback at the 4 minute mark. The last 3 minutes of this match are absolutely unbelievable with a TON of near falls with Shawn really pouring it on trying to get the victory.  With 34 seconds remaining on the clock, Shawn goes off the top ropes but Bret catches him and locks him in the Sharpshooter.  Time expires with Shawn in the hold but he never gives up.  The ref gives the belt to Bret and he leaves the ring.  Gorilla (remember, the new President) gets in the ring and announces that the match must continue in sudden death until we have a winner.  Bret’s all kinds of pissed off (rightfully so in my opinion) but he’s back in the ring going to town on Shawn’s back.  HBK whipped into the corner, leap frogs Bret and hits Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere but is too injured to capitalize and get the pin.  He hits Hart with another and gets the pin clean in the middle of the ring for the title.  Historic match that every fan needs to see with an amazing climax to regulation and overtime.

General Thoughts

• There was a Free For All match between The Bodydonnas (with Sunny) and The Godwinns (with Hillbilly Jim) for the vacant WWF Tag Team Championship.  The Bodydonnas won both the match and the award for better looking valet   Kind of shocked that a title match was put on a Free For All but I’m not going to complain cause couldn’t care less about either team.
• One word: Marlena.  Damn.
• The Hollywood Backlot Brawl is an interesting idea, but they way they have it interspersed within the entire show gets really annoying. The fact that WWF went with OJ chase footage is in poor taste even for them.
• Shawn was a legitimate dick at this point in his career (self admitted).  If you read his lips after he’s won the title and is being presented with the belt, he says something to the effect of, “Get him out of my ring” referring to Hart.  If my memory serves me correctly, Hart recounts this in his book.
• With only 6 matches on the card including a 60 minute match to end I thought this would be a slow show to watch – to its credit it’s not.

The opening montage talks about the special guest stars that will be in attendance at the event including Pamela Anderson, Jenny McCarthy, etc.  Looking like the WWF is starting to REALLY branch out into “sports entertainment” at [...]]]> Event: WrestleMania XI
Date: April 2, 1995
Venue: Hartford Civic Center (Hartford, Connecticut)
Attendance: 16,305

The opening montage talks about the special guest stars that will be in attendance at the event including Pamela Anderson, Jenny McCarthy, etc.  Looking like the WWF is starting to REALLY branch out into “sports entertainment” at this point.  We get a Special Olympian’s rendition of America The Beautiful.  She’s over singing BIG time complete with the waggle in her voice.  I don’t care if she’s “special” – she sucks.

The Allied Powers (Lex Luger and The British Bulldog) defeated The Blu Brothers (Jacob and Eli) (with Uncle Zebekiah)
The Blu twins look like Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds.  Great character in a movie… not a great gimmick for a wrestler in my opinion.  Then again, I never was a big Hillbilly Jim fan either so I’m not a big fan of the whole “mountain man” thing.  Luger and Bulldog in charge early allowing Bulldog to show off with a HUGE suplex on one of the twins.  Cause they look alike, the twins pull the whole “change with no tag” spot.  Come on guys… leave that to the Killer Bees.  Hot tag to Luger who hits a lame looking power slam.  He then hits a flying forearm with no mention of the plate in his arm.  Guess that’s only for when he’s a heel.  The twins pull the no-tag switch again so he’s able to kick out of the loaded forearm.  One of the twins go for a pile driver on Luger and Bulldog comes off the top for a sunset flip and the win.  Bulldog and Luger pose after the match with music and lighting.  So so to kick off the show.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Razor Ramon (with The 1-2-3 Kid) defeated Jeff Jarrett (c) (with The Roadie) by disqualification
We get a promo of Razor and Kid backstage… Christ, these guys have been together forever! Good recap of how JJ won the title which is good cause I had no idea – interference by the Roadie in case you were wondering. Razor is in charge early with JJ playing the heel to perfection. Razor whips JJ into the corner and totally fucks up – he’s working moves that just aren’t there. Hilarious. Razor goes for his finisher and Roadie pulls JJ out to save him. As I watched this I realized that I’ve never been a big fan of “outside interference” matches. Let the guys wrestle… tell the story in the ring. I don’t mind a little bit, but when the crux of the story is outside the ring it gets to be a bit much for my liking. On top of it all, this is a very sloppy match. We then go into a portion of the match where both guys keep hitting moves on the same time and both keep going down (same time punch, etc.). JJ hooks the figure four in the middle of the ring. Razor has JJ up for the Razor’s Edge once again and Roadies comes in to cause a DQ. Cluster fuck after the match with Roadie, Kid and referees. Ehhh..

The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated King Kong Bundy (with Ted DiBiase)
Bundy vs. Taker for the urn??? I’ve never liked that prop even though Taker is my favorite wrestler of all time. Absolutely love the purple outfit that Taker’s in here. For some odd reason we get an American League baseball umpire as the referee in this match. Doing some Wiki searching I realize that baseball was actually on strike during this time (ironically, the strike ended the day of this event). About a minute or so in, Taker walks out and grabs the urn from DiBiase. Ted then calls Kama out to ringside and he grabs it back and takes off… um, OK. He says he’s going to melt it and make a chain out of it. Remember, this is pre-Ho Train Kama/Godfather here so now we know where he got some of his bling. Bundy is in charge with some rest holds until he hits an Avalanche and the Undertaker stands straight up completely no selling it. Big slam on Bundy (was he going to try for a Tombstone?) and Taker adds to the streak.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Owen Hart and Yokozuna (with Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette) defeated The Smoking Gunns (c) (Billy and Bart)
Yoko is a surprise as they interview the Gunns. Right off the bat you know they’re gonna lose the titles. Yoko is absolutely HUGE. I’ve always been impressed with the way Yoko moves for such a big man. Pretty typical stuff here with some good double team stuff thrown in by the Gunns. Vince starts to talk about how the Smoking Gunns have been having issues with Men On A Mission. Are we going to see them do a run in? Billy’s playing the face in peril here and finally works for a hot tag to Bart. Gunns go for a double team but Yoko gets a belly to BIG belly on Billy. He then follows that up with the Banzai Drop. Bart breaks up the tag, but Owen gets tagged in and makes the cover for the win and the straps. Outcome was obvious as soon as Yokozuna was announced as the partner.

“I Quit” Match
Bret Hart defeated Bob Backlund
Can someone please tell me why Bob Backlund is in this high profile of a match this late in his career? He’s got the charisma of a folding chair. Piper’s the special guest referee and quite honestly is completely annoying. He grabs the mic every two seconds when someone’s in a hold asking them if they give up. Hart gets a figure four on and is totally in charge early. Both Hart and Backlund do a good job telling the story here as Hart’s working on Backlund’s leg and Backlund’s working on Hart’s arm. I’ll say it again… I know it’s a submission match, but Piper needs to shut the fuck up. Bret whips Bob into the corner and follows him in getting posted on his shoulder. This sets up Backlund to go for his finisher the Cross Face Chicken Wing. Bret reverses the hold and beats Backlund with his own move though in all honesty Backlund never said “I Quit”. More of a “Arggghhshshshdhg” type sound. Good match here that from a historical perspective is a great precursor to the Hart/Austin match at WrestleMania 13.

WWF Championship
Diesel (c) (with Pamela Anderson) defeated Shawn Michaels (with Sid and Jenny McCarthy)
HBK accompanied to the ring by Jenny McCarthy. Wow. Have to say that I absolutely love the HBK mullet here as it’s in full effect. Diesel comes out and the motions to the back. Here comes Pam who’s been missing all evening and was supposed to come out with Shawn. I remember this match specifically because it showed me what a great worker Shawn is with any size opponent. He takes some AMAZING bumps including a huge back body drop. At one point, he’s tossed over the top and lands on a photographer and get legitimately pissed at the guy. Pretty funny to see wrestlers break character like that. Shawn’s great at carrying the big men and it never ceases to amaze me how FAST he is in the ring. Some good stuff with Shawn attacking Diesel outside the ring here. Shawn’s in charge for a good few minutes mid match. Shawn hits the elbow off the top to Diesel’s ribs and follows that up with a sleeper that puts Diesel down for quite a while. Diesel works out and mounts some offense. I know HBK is the “Boy Toy” and all, but must he ALWAYS show his ass? The official is out of position at one point (twisted ankle) and Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music but doesn’t have a ref to get the cover. Shawn goes up to the 2nd rope and Diesel catches him in a sidewalk slam. Diesel hits the Jackknife (though a terrible one) for the win and retains the title. Good match that should have been the main event. Diesel leaves with both Pam and Jenny on his arm. I have absolutely no desire to watch Bam Bam and L.T. at this point.

Lawrence Taylor defeated Bam Bam Bigelow (with Ted DiBiase)
Money Inc. and the All Pro Team are introduced. They star jawing pre-match though we KNOW that there’s no way in hell L.T. is going to lose this match. This was such a bad idea from the get go it’s not even funny. What DID Bam Bam do to deserve this? I’d love to see a celebrity actually lose one of these matches… has that ever happened? In any case… Taylor hits Bam Bam with a HUGE forearm to start the match and follows up with a clothesline over the top. I’ll give him credit – L.T. is really taking it to Bam Bam early on. Bam Bam takes over and we get a bunch of forearms and head butts from both guys. Taylor is just terrible and unfortunately Bam Bam isn’t good enough to carry him (though I’m not sure anyone would have been). Bigelow slaps on a Boston Crab and Taylor works his way out. Bam Bam goes up and hits a splash moonsault off the top. He goes for a cover and rolls off after a 1 count. Apparently he’s “hurt his knee”. Taylor hits a “Jackknife” because apparently he’s been training with Diesel and gets a 2 count. Bam Bam works back into it and manages to hit his patented head butt off the top rope and Taylor kicks out. L.T. gets a 2nd (or 3rd, or 4th) wind and hits Bigelow with 2 forearms and the follows that up with a flying forearm off the second rope for the win. After the match L.T. looks like he’s injured himself. Absolutely awful way to end the show.

General Thoughts

• They’re having a ton of technical difficulties throughout the show.  What the hell guys… it’s not like this is your Super Bowl or anything.  Guessing someone lost a job over it.
• Nicholas Turturro is in Pam Anderson’s dressing room with Jenny McCarthy.  DAMN is she hot.
• The “celebrities” of this event are incredibly weak.  We’re getting back stage interviews with L.T.’s All Pro team calling out wrestlers and Bob Backlund playing chess with the kid from Tool Time.  Ouch.
• Bam Bam gives an interview part way through the show saying that he won’t be known as the man who lost to L.T.  Um… yeah you will.  I feel bad for you Bam Bam.  You deserved better.

We kick off the show with images from the original WrestleMania.  Little Richard sings America The Beautiful poorly.  Pretty sure he was lip syncing and he looks like a damn wax statue.  Scary dude.  We [...]]]> Event: WrestleMania X
Date: March 20, 1994
Venue: Madison Square Garden (New York, New York)
Attendance: 18,065

We kick off the show with images from the original WrestleMania.  Little Richard sings America The Beautiful poorly.  Pretty sure he was lip syncing and he looks like a damn wax statue.  Scary dude.  We get Jerry “The King” Lawler and Vince McMahon on the mic.

Owen Hart defeated Bret Hart
We get a great recap here pre-match.  Probably the best of the series so far.  We’re then treated to a weak ass fireworks display and then FINALLY nearly 15 minutes after the show started we get the first bell.  Owen playing the heel to perfection.  We start out with some good wrestling and reversals from both guys and right off the bat you know this is going to be a good match.  Great stuff.  Bret takes a whip to the ropes/turnbuckle better than anyone in history.  Great looking Camel Clutch by Owen on Bret that they don’t reference by name.  Course not… then it would be a finishing move.  Awesome match back and forth between both guys.  Owen hits a non-named Tombstone and follows up with an attempt off the top rope which he misses.  Owen goes for a Sharpshooter and Bret reverses it but neither man get it locked on.  Nice innovative spots there.  Bret hurts his knee and Owen starts in.  Figure Four, leg sweeps, etc.  Talk about back and forth action!  Bret hits a superplex off the top.  Owen finally manages to lock in the Sharpshooter and Bret breaks and reverses it.  Bret goes for a victory roll and Owen drops down to get the pin and the victory.  Fucking outstanding match.  It made my Top WrestleMania Matches list as an honorable mention and definitely deserves to be there.

Bam Bam Bigelow and Luna Vachon defeated Doink the Clown and Dink
Wow… how in the hell did we get here?  Doink and Bam Bam start out with some standard stuff and eventually Dink and Luna get in on the action.  I mean really… how much can you do with a midget against a regular sized person?  Though I do have to say that seeing a midget go off the top rope is hilarious.  Huge DDT by Doink on Bam Bam.  Doink goes for his finisher but misses.  Bam Bam takes over and hits a head butt off the top for the victory.  So so match, but luckily it was pretty short.  Post match Dink goes after Bam Bam.  He and Luna go to splash dink but they blow the spot.

Falls Count Anywhere Match
Randy Savage defeated Crush (with Mr. Fuji)
In this “falls count anywhere” match you don’t actually lose the match if you’re pinned.  You have to also fail to return to the ring in 60 seconds.  Crush comes to the ring rocking a serious mullet and Savage attacks before the match starts and we’re off.  The first fall comes after about 30 seconds or so which sets the tone for the entire match.  Savage has to make his way back to the ring after being dropped across a retaining fence.  Naturally he makes it back with about 1 second to spare.  Crush goes for the dreaded “salt to the eyes” but it gets reversed.  Savage takes over and hits the elbow.  After dumping Crush to the outside he gets the fall.  Crush back in with 2 seconds to spare.  At this point they begin to battle through the crowd and to the backstage area.  Savage gets a pin and then hogties Crush upside down in the back.  Crush can’t make it back to the ring in time and Savage gets the win.  Decent match, but due to whole “get back in 60 seconds” rule we lose quite a bit of urgency.

WWF Women’s Championship
Alundra Blayze (c) defeated Leilani Kai
Leilani looks like she’s been ridden hard and put away wet.  Pretty typical women’s match for this day and age (pre Diva stuff).  Blaze gets the victory with a German suplex.  Skip this match completely.  The only noteworthy thing about this one is we’re shown Volkoff, Lou Albano, May Young and Moolah in the crowd.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Men on a Mission (Mabel and Mo) (with Oscar) defeated The Quebecers (c) (Jacques and Pierre) (with Johnny Polo) by countout
M.O.M. raps on the way to the ring… dear lord.  Johnny Polo (also knows as Raven) leads the Quebecers.  MOM in charge early.  Quebecers make a comeback and pull off a nice move where one body drops the other over the top onto the good guys.  Mabel gets a hot tag and cleans house.  The Quebecers get an impressive looking suplex on Mabel (damn that’s a big dude).  They hit their finisher and Mabel kicks out.  Thankfully this comes to an end when MOM win by countout.  Pretty piss poor match.

WWF Championship
Yokozuna (c) (with Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette) defeated Lex Luger by disqualification
Mr. Perfect is the special guest referee and Yokozuna comes to the ring first which sucks – champ should always be in last.  DAMN is Yokozuna big dude.  RIP sir.  Luger gets a real near count with a cross body off the top rope.  Follows that with a HUGE elbow drop.  He then goes for a slam and doesn’t even come close.  Naturally after the failed body slam attempt by Luger, Yoko takes over.  It’s not his fault but being so big his move set is very limited.  He goes into a nerve pinch (rest) hold for a few minutes until Lex gets up and breaks the hold.  At this point, we go into a terribly frustrating portion of the match.  Yoko beats down Luger who gets up, gets some offense in for a minute and then gets beat down by one single punch/kick from Yoko and we follow that up with a minute of a rest hold.  Ugh.  Luger fights back to his feet once again and gets hit with a HUGE belly to belly suplex.  Lex manages to hit Yoko into the exposed turnbuckle.  Luger knocks Yoko off his feet after multiple clotheslines.  Luger then follows that up with a slam (wow) and hits the loaded elbow/forearm.  Yoko out cold.  Cornette and Fuji in to the ring and Luger attacks them and the covers Yoko forever and a day.  Perfect goes to see how Cornette and Fuji are but doesn’t make the count.  Luger gets off of Yoko and goes after Perfect wondering why he’s not counting pushing him in the process.  Perfect then DQs Luger which leads to the crowd starting in on a “bullshit” chant.  I agree folks… fucking terrible.

Earthquake defeated Adam Bomb (with Harvey Wippleman)
Pre-match, Wippelman and Fink (?) get into it.  Why, I have no idea.  Who in the hell wants to see that?  Adam Bomb out and grabs Fink.  Earthquake out to make the save and… oh yeah… to have a match.  He gets the squash victory.  Bad but mercifully quick.

Ladder Match For The WWF Intercontinental Championship
Razor Ramon (c) defeated Shawn Michaels (with Diesel)
This is the ladder match that started it all.  No rules.  The storyline here is Shawn Michaels has a belt that he claims he is the rightful owner of since he never lost it.  Razor’s got a belt that he won when Shawn vacated his title.  To win, you’ve got to scale the ladder and retrieve both belts.  Outstanding mullet for Shawn who’s led to the ring by Diesel.  Razor’s out to some of my all time favorite entrance music.  No ref in the ring but have a couple outside the ring.  Great back and forth action here at the beginning.  Diesel gets involved and nails Razor on the outside.  He promptly gets removed from ringside for the duration of the match.  This naturally makes no fucking sense cause there are NO RULES in this match, so technically what he did was just fine.  In any case, the match continues and Razor removes the padding from the concrete and immediately gets back body dropped out of the ring onto the exposed floor.  Sucks for you Razor.  HBK gets the ladder and begins laying into Razor.  He hits the “ass out” elbow off the ladder which is hilarious.  HBK slams Razor and then proceeds to splash him off the ladder for a what I consider to be my first true “holy shit” moment in professional wrestling.   Razor turns it around and nails Shawn with the ladder out of the ring.  Razor attempts to climb the ladder but Shawn comes off the turnbuckle knocking Razor off the ladder.  Both men climb the ladder and Razor hits a suplex off the ladder.  At this point, the original ladder is broken and twisted.  Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music and follows that up with a big pile driver.  Shawn then “rides” the ladder out of the corner onto Razor – great spot.  Shawn sets up Razor under the ladder and attempts to climb the ladder.  Razor back up and knocks Shawn off the ladder who gets crotched on the top rope in the process.  Shawn’s leg gets wrapped up in the ropes and he can’t get free to stop Razor from climbing the ladder and grabbing the belts and the victory.  Absolutely AWESOME match which is why it made my Top 10.

WWF Championship
Bret Hart defeated Yokozuna (c) (with Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette)
Roddy Piper is the special guest referee for this match and Yoko once again comes to the ring first.  Interesting to note that this is the second WrestleMania is a row where this is the billed main event.  Nice that we get an actual match this time rather than the screwy “Insert Hulk Hogan As Champ” that we got last year.  Bret’s really limping on his way to the ring selling his injury from his previous match nicely.  Yoko takes over early and is in charge for the majority of the match.  Bret manages some offense and Yoko strikes back to take the advantage.  Piper is REALLY fast with his counts on chokes, count outs, etc.  It’s very weird that for such a big guy, Yokozuna never really sweats.  He’s gassed but not sweating.  Yoko charges into a corner and misses which Bret follows up with a bulldog, a forearm off the 2nd rope and a clothesline leading to a bunch of near falls.  Bret goes for another and is caught with a big belly to belly suplex.  Yoko drags Bret to the corner to go for the Banzai Drop and falls off the ropes?  What the fuck?!?!?  Bret gets the pin without another move.  Absolutely terrible ending to a pretty decent match.  Post match, the locker room empties and comes into the ring to give Bret his props.  Owen comes out and scowls at Bret as the show goes off the air.

General Thoughts

• The Heavenly Bodies beat The Bushwhackers in a dark match.
• Throughout the DVD, we’re showing “WrestleMania Moments” from the previous events.
• I absolutely LOVED Vince McMahon when he was a “just” a ring announcer.  Pure gold on the mic.
• The opener here between Bret and Owen is better then the entire WrestleMania IX card put together.
• The “celebrities” for this event are terrible.  Sy Sperling (the Hair Club For Men guy) and a Bill Clinton lookalike?  Come on.  Rhonda Shear and Donnie Whalberg as timekeeper and announcer?  The one bright spot here is Jenny Garth as the guest timekeeper for the main event… nice.  Love me some 90210.
• The ring sounds completely “hollow” during the counts.
• Pretty sloppy programming as there was a 10 man tag match that was apparently scheduled and scrapped.
• Even though there’s some stinkers in here, the fact that it contains two of my Top WrestleMania Matches makes it a decent show.

Gorilla Monsoon on the mic for this outdoor event at Caesars Palace.  They’re referring to it as “the world’s largest toga party”.  I’m sure that’s supposed to be clever, but it comes across and being completely lame.  [...]]]> Event: WrestleMania IX
Date: April 4, 1993
Venue: Caesars Palace (Las Vegas, Nevada)
Attendance: 16,891

Gorilla Monsoon on the mic for this outdoor event at Caesars Palace.  They’re referring to it as “the world’s largest toga party”.  I’m sure that’s supposed to be clever, but it comes across and being completely lame.  When Howard Finkel is announced, he’s referred to as “Finkus Maximus”.  I can’t begin to tell you how incredibly retarded this looks.  Caesar and Cleopatra are paraded down to the ring to welcome the fans.  I understand it’s Vegas, but this is ridiculous.  Macho Man comes to the ring eating grapes and Bobby Heenan comes to the ring riding a camel… backwards.  Lord almighty.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Tatanka (with Sensational Sherri) defeated Shawn Michaels (c) (with Luna Vachon) by countout
Decent little opener with the IC title on the line.  Early on, HBK goes up and off the top rope.  Tatanka hits him with an arm drag mid air which looks awesome.  Shawn has an injured shoulder (coming into the match) and Bobby, Ross and Savage remind us like a billion times.  Tatanka takes over and goes to work on said shoulder.  A while later Shawn manages to his the crescent kick – not billed as Sweet Chin Music yet – and proceeds to throw Tatanka over the top rope and really go to work on him.  Tatanka goes for a “Hulk Up” type move which I thought was reserved for Hogan and the Warrior. * shrug *  He takes over and slingshots Shawn into the corner.  Shawn to the top rope and Tatanka catches him with a power slam – very nice.  HBK then goes for a flying cross body on the outside and misses.  A few minutes later, Shawn levels the ref, Tatanka hits his finisher and naturally doesn’t get the pin cause there is no ref in sight.  Ref finally calls for a countout on HBK in a huge WTF moment.  Sherri was completely worthless at ringside during the match so it only makes sense that Luna nails her post match so Tatanka can carry her out.  Decent match with a pretty piss poor ending.

The Steiner Brothers (Rick and Scott) defeated The Headshrinkers (Samu and Fatu) (with Afa)
Jim Ross waits until the second match of the card to whip out “slobberknocker”.  Scott Steiner was always a big guy but he REALLY buffed up during his Big Poppa Pump days.  Looking at him here by comparison he looks small.  Steiners start off the match by coming off the top rope and leveling the Shrinkers.  JR tells us that Sherri has been attacked back stage by Luna.  Um… who cares?  Scott gets slingshotted over the top from the middle of the ring (wow) and gets his ass kicked on the outside.  Scott has been isolated essentially the whole match.  Not sure if Rick was hurt or they were purposefully showcasing Scott.  Rick finally gets tagged in and goes apeshit crazy.  The Shrinkers go for a Doomesday-like finisher but Rick catches one of them mid air and slams him off the other Shrinker’s shoulders!  Holy shit for sure.  Scott back in to hit a franken-steiner for the win.  Enjoyable match even for this non tag fan.

We’re 50 minutes into the show and we’ve had 2 matches.

Doink the Clown defeated Crush
Recap of the Doink/Crush feud.  Doink makes a reference to Crush having “double vision” later this afternoon.   If you know what’s coming this is a terrible pun.  Crush takes charge at the beginning of the match.  Crush hits a neckbreaker that used to be called the Rude Awakening.  Crush totally in charge for the majority of the match.  Doink gets a little offense in and then Crush reverses him off the top into a power slam.  Doink tries to crawl under the ring but Crush catches him.  Crush goes for his finisher and Doink escapes and goes under the ring.  A second “Doink” comes from under the ring and they take out Crush with a loaded fake arm (good thing we had the recap or the folks would have no idea why this is relevant).  The two Doinks look at one another and do a “mirror” image thing.  After the match referees come down to look under the ring and of course they don’t find anything.

Razor Ramon defeated Bob Backlund
This is one of those “huh” type matches that I never quite get.  Razor shows some power moves at the beginning of the match.  He also shows that his move set hasn’t changed one bit in the last 20 years.  Backlund follows up with a couple of the world’s worst hip tosses.  He follows this up by a complete whiff of a dropkick.  Follow that up with a TERRIBLE looking atomic drop and it makes you wonder why the WWF ever put the strap on him.  Ramon gets a small package out of fucking nowhere for the victory.  Completely worthless match.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Money Inc. (Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster) (c) defeated The Mega-Maniacs (Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake) (with Jimmy Hart) by disqualification
Hogan and Beefcake come out second to a small cloud of red and yellow smoke.  Hogan is SMALL  and on top of that his eye is all kinds of fucked up.  Mega-Maniacs in charge early and Hogan actually looks good in the ring.  Almost no offense from Money Inc. and they finally decide to leave the ring.  They’ve obviously decided to say “Fuck it” and are willing to lose the match via count out.  The ref then rules that if the get counted out they will not only lose the match but the titles as well.  Heenan goes berserk and Money Inc. back in.  DiBiase manages to slap the Million Dollar Dream on Hogan in the middle of the ring.  I cannot for the life of me remember ANYONE ever getting out of that hold, which naturally means Hogan will do it.  Instead, IRS and Beefcake come in to break things up.  Ref tries to get IRS out of the ring and Beefcake puts the sleeper on DiBiase.  Both Hogan and DiBiase are out and we finally get a hot tag to Beefcake.  A while later, DiBiase manages to hit Beefcake in the back with their (obviously loaded) briefcase and Money Inc. takes over.  They take off Beefcake’s “titanium” mask that he had worn to the ring and threaten to break his face (I guess).  Beefcake fights back with a double clothesline and gets the sleeper on IRS.  The end comes when we get a ref bump, Hogan uses the “titanium” mask on DiBiase.  With no ref in sight, Jimmy Hart jumps in the ring, puts on a striped jacket so he looks like a ref and counts the 3.  He presents the Mega-Maniacs with the titles.  Another ref comes from backstage and raises the hands of IRS.  After the match, Hogan/Beefcake pose down, open the briefcase to find a brick and wads of cash which they throw to the crowd.  Savage closes this by saying, “The Mega-Maniacs ARE the Mega-Maniacs.”  Um… OK, thanks Randy.  LONG match which is decent except for the swerve non-ending.

Lex Luger defeated Mr. Perfect
Mr. Perfect gives a less than perfect interview and essentially walks off screen.  A whole slew of “thonged” ladies lead Lex to the ring as he’s in his Narcissist phase.  Perfect playing the face and takes control early hamming to the crowd.  Luger takes over and goes to work on Perfect’s back.  Luger working the power moves even though Perfect is rocking the awesome Body Glove gear.  Talk about a fashion that I don’t miss.  Perfect fights his way back and gets a couple of very near falls.  Luger hooks a backslide for the pin but Perfect has his legs on the ropes (though the ref didn’t see it).  Luger hits the “loaded elbow/forearm” post match and knocks Perfect out cold.  Where the hell are the backstage refs THIS match?  Backstage, Perfect goes after Luger and HBK gets involved (huh)?  While this was pretty sloppy, this is the first time that I remember them doing any “backstage” stuff on camera during a Mania event (aside from promos).  Not the worst match on the card, but definitely not the best either.

The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated Giant Gonzalez (with Harvey Wippleman) by disqualification
Gonzalez comes to the ring wearing a crazy suit with muscles spray painted on.  I’ve seen some bad wrestling outfits in my day, but this one definitely takes the cake.  With that getup he looks like a complete douche bag, but God DAMN is that guy big.  Note that the Undertaker is 6′ 10″ and looks small by comparison.  This is a pretty typical “big man” match for most of the time with Giant in charge.  Quite a few rest holds here for absolutely no reason.  Undertaker is still going with the whole “mystical urn” gimmick at this point in his career.  Giant eventually grabs a rag with some “chloroform” on it and puts Taker out getting DQ’d in the process.  Undertaker out cold in the middle of the ring.  Fucking ridiculous ending.  We get a ton of officials out from the back and hear Savage say, “This is bad” like 100 times.  Taker is stretchered out of the ring and Gonzalez proceeds to choke slam a referee.  It’s absolutely crazy how small the ref is in comparison.  The gong hits and Taker staggers back to the ring.  Gonzalez selling this like he’s seen a ghost.  Undertaker hits a couple of clotheslines and it’s over.  Thankfully.

WWF Championship
Yokozuna (with Mr. Fuji) defeated Bret Hart (c)
Before this match gets started, we get an interview with Hulk Hogan where he explains that he’d been beaten up the night before.  He then goes on to challenge either Bret Hart or “The Jap”.  Wow.  As the competitors make their way to the ring, the announcers keep talking about how big of a favorite Yoko is.  God DAMN is he big.  Bret starts the match very quickly with a running dropkick.  Yoko literally runs over Bret and then tosses him out of the ring.  Bret gets Yoko’s foot tangled and manages to get some good offense in during a pretty innovative spot.  Bret hits a couple of clotheslines but doesn’t take Yoko off his feet.  Yoko follows this with a clothesline of his own which takes Bret down and continues with a HUGE leg drop.  I’m not sure how you COULDN’T get hurt when taking a leg drop from a guy as big as Yokozuna.  Yoko in complete control and we go into a rest hold.  The crowd starts with a “USA, USA” chant which is pretty funny considering it’s a Japanese guy vs. a Canadian.  Yokozuna misses Bret coming into the turnbuckle and Hitman follows with a big bulldog.  Bret goes for a Sharpshooter (good luck Bret) and Fuji takes the opportunity to throw salt in his eyes.  Bret sells it like he’s got razor blades in his eyes and Yoko gets the pin without even doing another move.  Weak ending.

WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan defeated Yokozuna (c) (with Mr. Fuji)
Hogan comes out to help Bret and Fuji gets on the mic and challenges Hogan to match right then and there (see pre-match interview with Hogan).  Bret tells Hogan to go for it and in he goes.  Fuji goes for the salt and naturally hits Yoko instead.  Hogan hits a clothesline followed by the standard leg drop of doom and get the win and the title in a “match” that lasted all of 21 seconds.  Even if you’re a big Hogan fan, this was a terrible way to end a terrible show.

General Thoughts

• Tito Santana defeated Papa Shango in a dark match.  Tito’s been relegated to dark matches… so sad.
• It always amazes me the extreme swings in attendance WrestleMania gets.  62,000 plus last year down to 16,000 plus this year.  I understand venues have different seating capacity, but that seems crazy to me.
• Randy Savage is absolutely terrible on the mic.  Ugh.  I love him in the ring and when’s on the mic as a wrestler, but when he’s doing commentary it just doesn’t work.  At one point, he talks about how people are “hanging from the rafters” but then realizes that since we’re outside and there are no rafters he needs to correct himself.
• How many times are we going to be reminded that it’s a Roman Colosseum.  We get it.
• Why is it that a move used by one guy can be a finisher for another guy as long as it’s got a cool name?
• Since when do referees watch from the back?  And not only watch, but when they see something that’s not Kosher rush to the ring to make it right?
• Looking back, there’s not one GOOD match on the card.  The opener is solid but nothing to write home about and there’s a couple of really piss poor efforts in here.  Definitely the worst Mania I’ve reviewed thus far.

This show was billed as having a “double main event” which rarely (if ever) works out.  I believe that this is the first Mania event that I watched live on PPV.  We get Gorilla and Bobby [...]]]> Event: WrestleMania VIII
Date: April 5, 1992
Venue: Hoosier Dome ( Indianapolis, Indiana)
Attendance: 65,167

This show was billed as having a “double main event” which rarely (if ever) works out.  I believe that this is the first Mania event that I watched live on PPV.  We get Gorilla and Bobby Heenan on the mic here which is a good lineup.  Reba McEntire sings the national anthem.  It seems weird that the WWF can never make up its mind.  National anthem or America The Beautiful?

Shawn Michaels (with Sensational Sherri) defeated El Matador
Tito’s gone “El Matador” on us which is just so sad.  Shawn is heel at this point and really coming into his own as a singles wrestler (even though he’s leading off this card against an aging Tito).  Tito in charge early and sends HBK to the outside.  He yanks him back in and goes directly into a side headlock (rest) that lasts WAY too long.  Come on guys… you can’t be gassed yet can you?  Small package?  Side headlock.  Whip to ropes hop over?  Side headlock.  Shawn gains the upperhand when Tito goes to the ropes and Shawn sidesteps him and throws him over the top.  HBK is sporting a beautifully fluffed mullet at this point.  Very slow match.  HBK hits his super kick which is not yet named “Sweet Chin Music” but rather the more mundane “crescent kick”.  He goes for his side suplex finisher but Tito catches him with a forearm and follows up with his flying forearm and sends Shawn to the outside.  Tito brings him back and and Shawn scores a pin out of nowhere for the win.  No replay on that one.  Pretty weak match.

Before the next match we get an interview the Legion of Doom and Paul Ellering.  “We’re the best blah blah blah”, “We’re not here to mess around blah blah blah”.  “Ooooo, what a rush…”

The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated Jake Roberts
Pre-match we get a Sean Mooney interview with Jake where he’s talking about how Jack Tunny says that he can’t bring a snake to the ring.  After that we get a nice recap package of this feud.  Undertaker is a face by the point but is still doing the very methodical/plodding thing in the ring.  Jake is doing the quick strike approach keeping his distance in the ring.  Jake hits a clothesline which sends Taker over the top 360 style but he lands on his feet.  Back in the ring, Jake continues with the upper hand until Undertaker takes over with some blatant  choke holds.  Taker breaks out the heavy artillery and hits some big moves (elbows, clotheslines, etc.)  Jake hits the DDT out of nowhere and Taker sits right up.  Jake plants him HARD with a second one and Taker stays down.  Instead of going for the win, Jake goes outside and grabs Paul.  This of course allows Taker time to grab Jake on the outside and hit the Tombstone on the concrete.  He rolls Jake in and covers him for the win.  Once again we get no recaps here.  Pretty slow match, but great for vintage Undertaker fans out there.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Bret Hart defeated Roddy Piper (c)
One of my Top WrestleMania Matches of all time and watching it again reaffirms that it was a good choice to be put on the list.  Before the match we get an interview with both champ and challenger at the same time.  Once we get in the ring we get right to it with a slew of arm drags.  Bret uses some leverage and tosses Roddy to the outside.  He gets pissed and proceeds to spit on Bret.  Strength test followed by a great spot where Bret grabs onto Roddy’s arm and won’t let go for like two minutes.  Hitman then “hurts his shoulder” and when Piper gets close enough he goes for a small package in the center of the ring… nice.  Piper hits a bulldog on Hart and Bret blades.  Not the best blade job of his career but it gets the job done and he’s bleeding like a stuck pig.  Roddy’s in control until we get a classic double clothesline.  Piper goes to the top (WTF???) and Bret catches him and turns it into his “5 Moves Of Death” -  inverted atomic drop, suplex, Russian leg sweep, neck breaker and back breaker but can’t get the Sharpshooter on.  A while later we get a ref bump.  Piper grabs the bell and does the “good guy” thing and decides not to use it.  He slaps a sleeper on Bret and Bret uses the turnbuckle to flip over.  Piper doesn’t release the hold and gets pinned.  Piper presents the belt to Hitman and they hug it out.  Outstanding match.

Next up we get an interview with Lex Luger sitting at home pimping the World Bodybuilding Federation.  He drinks a milkshake.  If that sounds pretty pathetic and boring it’s cause it is.

The Big Boss Man, Virgil, Sgt. Slaughter, and Jim Duggan defeated The Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags), Repo Man, and The Mountie (with Jimmy Hart)
Before this match gets started, we get interviews with the participants.  The interviews include so many wrestling cliches it’s not even funny.  Actually, it is kind of funny.  Ray Combs (of Family Feud fame) is announcing and trying to be clever.  I’ve just got to say… an 8 man?  Really?  Did I stumble into Survivor Series?  Pretty standard 8 man match here and nothing really noteworthy.  The end comes when Big Boss Man catches Mountie off the second rope and slams him.  A melee  ensues.  One Nasty Boy holds Virgil while the other winds up to hit him.  Naturally, Virgil ducks and one Nasty knocks the other out.  Good guys win.  Recommendation?  Fast forward.

WWF Championship
Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) defeated Ric Flair (c) (with Mr. Perfect)
Flair out first.  I’ll say it again, the champ should ALWAYS come out last.  Randy’s jogging to the ring.  When the hell did he get un-retired?  No Liz by his side.  Savage comes out on fire and takes control.  Bobby is going crazy but this lasts only until Savage gets back dropped to the outside.  Flair takes over with typical moves – chops, suplex, etc.  Savage getting his ass kicked for a good 8-9 minutes.  Ric going very slow and cocky… classic Flair.  Strut, beat, strut, beat.  Savage finally comes out of a corner and mounts some offense.  Flair goes up to the top (never a good sign) and naturally gets caught/slammed.  Double axe handle off the top to the outside from Savage.  “Flair flop” on the outside after getting rammed on the post.  Flair blades bad and is busted open.  Not sure where I read it, but Flair was fined quite a bit for this move as this was during a “no blood” period of the WWF.  Savage nails the elbow but Perfect stops the count.  Perfect then gives Flair a foreign object who proceeds to drill Savage with it.  Flair is REALLY bloody here.  We get a good spot with Flair sinking in the figure four on Savage and he’s got to really work to get out.  Out of nowhere, Savage goes for a rollover, pulls the trunks and gets the win and the title.  Post match, Flair kisses Liz (who’d made her way to ringside during the match) and she slaps him.  Classic Flair/Savage interviews post match in the dressing room.  Good stuff.  This is the version of Flair that I love (a cocky heel) and also my favorite version of the Macho Man (a little bit crazy).

Tatanka defeated Rick Martel
Christ.  Tatanka comes to the ring with some dancing indians.  This is worse than the opening to the Olympic games.  Bobby Heenan and Gorilla continue to talk about the Savage/Flair match WELL into this one (which tells you what you need to know about this match).  Martel playing the heel and Bobby Heenan being so un-PC it’s hilarious.  “Hey how are ya, hey how are ya.”.  Wow.  Model goes up and gets crotched on the top.  Tatanka hits a cross body out of nowhere for the win.  Lame.

WWF Tag Team Championship
The Natural Disasters (Earthquake and Typhoon) defeated Money Inc. (Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster) (c) (with Jimmy Hart) by countout
Earthquake now has a clone named Tugboat… ugh.  If you’ve been reading these recaps you know that I’m not a big fan of Earthquake, so you can imagine how much I’d like ANOTHER fat dude that can’t wrestle.  DiBiase and Schyster are good wrestlers, but even they can’t carry the Disasters along through this sloppy match.  Earthquake goes for his “balls to the face” finisher but Jimmy Hart sneaks in and pulls IRS out.  The champs walk out of the arena to get counted out.

Owen Hart defeated Skinner
Owen does a back flip into the ring and Skinner spits in his face to start the match.  After only a minute or so, Owen goes for a sunset flip and it’s over.  I simply do not understand why matches like this are on a WrestleMania card.  Save this shit for the Saturday morning shows or Raw.  I love Owen, but stuff like this is a complete waste of time and does nothing except piss off the fans.

Hulk Hogan defeated Sid Justice (with Harvey Wippleman) by disqualification
Pre-match we get an interview with Hogan and Vince where Hogan is asked if this is his “last match”.  In retrospect this is just laughable.  Sid does an interview complete with his “rule the world” bit which always kind of bored me.  “Real American” hits and the crowd goes wild.  Sid attacks before the bell rings and Hogan fights him off while the music continues to play.  The crowd is fucking HOT right now.  After a great opening this match slows down considerably.  Lots of time on the outside of the ring for Sid.  Back in we get a test of strength which is nothing more than a rest hold.  Sid hits a choke slam out of nowhere and then proceeds to talk to the camera rather than going for a pin.  When he returns, he goes straight into another rest hold (the shoulder pinch of doom) and Hogan’s hand falls twice.  Hogan powers out and Side regains control with a side suplex and shortly thereafter hits his power bomb finisher.  The power bomb actually looked pretty good.  I don’t remember Hogan taking that many big moves.  Hogan kicks out and “Hulks Up” hitting the boot, body slam and the big leg drop.  Sid kicks out!  Very happy to see this as that damn move always put people out.  I remember watching this not knowing what the hell was going to happen now.  Wippelman in and causes the DQ.  Papa Shango (WTF) comes out and starts beating on Hogan with Sid.  Hogan’s tied in the ropes and the Warrior’s music hits!  Warrior flies to the ring and clears house.  He and Hogan pose down to end the show.

General Thoughts

• In a dark match, the Bushwackers defeated The Beverly Brothers.  Thank God for dark matches.
• Apparently there was a match scheduled between The British Bulldog and The Berzerker which had to be scrapped due to time constraints.  Not really sure why as the match times only run just over an hour and a half.
• Heenan says, “I’m Indiana’s favorite Bobby.”  Absolutely hilarious seeing as this is prime time Bobby Knight country and point in his career.
• Heenan is now known as a “broadcast journalist” – a title which would follow him for quite a few years.
• Saw a couple of Horsemen banners in the crowd.  I still wish the WWF would/could have brought that stable in.  Woo!
• Warrior looked much smaller than when he left the WWF.  This no doubt fueled the rumors that this was a “new” Ultimate Warrior and that the original had died.

At WrestleMania VI, it was announced that this event would be held at the LA Memorial Coliseum.  Between WM VI and now, the venue was changed to the Sports Arena.  According to the WWF [...]]]> Event: WrestleMania VII
Date: March 24, 1991
Venue: Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena (Los Angeles, California)
Attendance: 16,158

At WrestleMania VI, it was announced that this event would be held at the LA Memorial Coliseum.  Between WM VI and now, the venue was changed to the Sports Arena.  According to the WWF at the time, this was due to some death threats that Slaughter had received.  Other reports say it was due to slow ticket sales.  Personally I’m of the opinion that it was the latter.  WrestleMania VI had over 67,000 people in attendance and here we’ve got just over 16,000.  Hmm.  During the intro, Hulk Hogan is now officially referred to as “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan.  In addition to the sudden venue change, this is also the first WM where Jesse Ventura is not part of the lineup which is a real bummer.  We get an a cappella performance by Willie Nelson before we get things started.

The Rockers (Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) defeated The Barbarian and Haku (with Bobby Heenan)
If you can get past the fact that Hacksaw Jim Duggan is on the mic (which is REALLY difficult to do) and it’s a little long, this is a decent opener for the event.  The Rockers are “tag team specialists” so you’ve got to think they’re going to win this one right off the bat.  They do their little double elbow drop gimmick and run directly into a huge double clothesline by the Barbarian.  Jennetty plays face in peril and gets a massive slingshot over the top rope.  Just a reminder… Hacksaw sucks on the mic (as if that’s any surprise).  Marty goes for a cross body and gets power slammed for his efforts.  He finally gets a hot tag to Michaels who cleans house.  Jannetty gets back into the action with a drop kick off the top which Shawn follows up with a cross body off the top for the win.  Long match (10 minutes +) for an opener but a good way to start the show.

Regis, Marla Maples and Alex Trebek.  Come on WWF, can’t you do better than this for your “celebrities”?

The Texas Tornado defeated Dino Bravo (with Jimmy Hart)
Next up is Dino Bravo against the Ultimate Warrior without face paint… er, I mean Texas Tornado.  Bravo attacks before the bell and takes the upper hand before we even get started.  Tornado takes over and goes for the claw early in the match up.   Bravo regains the advantage after getting a knee up on a charging Tornado.  Bravo hits his side suplex finisher but Tornado kicks out.  Hey Bravo… your finisher didn’t work.  You’re fucked.  Dino follows that up with the worst chop ever off the 2nd rope.  He goes for it again but is caught in Tornado’s claw which is quickly followed with a “Spinning Tornado” for the victory.  I’ve never been a big fan of either of these guys so it was thankfully a pretty quick match.  I do have to say that it does suck to watch two dead guys wrestle though.  RIP fellas.

The British Bulldog defeated The Warlord (with Slick)
Pre-match interview with The Warlord (wearing some crappy Legion Of Doom gear and a Hannibal Lecter mask) and Slick.  Slick is an absolutely pathetic character and only goes to show what the WWF was able to get away with in those days.  WOW.  The Warlord talks about how no wrestler has escaped his full nelson so we can pretty much assume that we’ll see that spot sometime during the match.  In the ring we get to see these guys go at it and god DAMN are they big.  We get a couple of chest bumps and finally Warlord goes down.  Bulldog goes for a crucifix and gets slammed hard.   This is a pretty typical “big man” match but Bulldog is definitely leading the way.  He always did move great even for a big guy.  By comparison, this is much better than the WrestleMania XX match between Goldberg and Lesnar (which I was in attendance for).  Bulldog is on the short end of the stick for most of this match and then takes control with a very impressive standing dropkick.  He goes for a piledriver which gets reversed and Warlord gets the full nelson but doesn’t lock the fingers.  As predicted, Bulldog breaks the hold and gets Warlord up for a HUGE running power slam and the win.  Good match.

WWF Tag Team Championship
The Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags) (with Jimmy Hart) defeated The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart) (c)
We get a pre-match interview with the Nastys who proceed to make a “stink and pink” reference.  Wow… talk about  a “shocking” display of guts to get off that blast on a live PPV.  We start out with some good back-and-forth action in the early going.  The Hart Foundation is simply not going for the pin and even Heenan points it out.  Bret get overwhelmed and plays face in peril for a while.  Actually that’s kind of an understatement… he’s getting his ass handed to him for a while.  Jimmy’s megaphone gets tossed into the ring and one Nasty hits the other by mistake.  The Foundation takes over and hits their finisher on Knobbs.  Jimmy then throws in his helmet (not sure why he was wearing it other than to have an excuse to have a foreign object at ringside) and Saggs blasts Anvil with it.  Knobbs rolls over and gets the pin and the titles.  Nice match with a great heel-ish ending.

Blindfold Match
Jake Roberts defeated Rick Martel
From the recap, we’re told that Jake has been “blinded” when Martel shot him in the eye with his cologne “Arrogance”.  I remember this storyline like it was yesterday as it played out over a couple of weeks on Superstars.  As we head into this blindfold match I can’t imagine that they can’t see under these hoods.  I’m guessing its essentially  a see-through mesh type bag.  In any case, once the match gets going it’s like 2 minutes before they even touch one another as they’re just playing to the crowd pointing at one another.  Kind of funny as the crowd always points Martel in the wrong direction.  Hilarious.  Martel whips Jake to the ropes and goes for a backdrop which is hysterical to watch.  Other than that kind of stuff, this starts out REALLY slow.  I think I’m going to start my own “bo-ring” chant.  Martel finally catches up to Jake and body slams him and then follows up with an elbow drop, which of course Jake has moved out of the way of.  Not sure how many times they’ll go for the “Oops, I missed cause I’m blindfolded” spot but I’m guessing this wasn’t the last time.  The crowd is really into this one and I’m not sure why.  They start up a “DDT” chant which we just know is coming.  They go out of the ring (?) and Martel grabs a chair which he proceeds to blast the ring post with.  Per my previous point there’s no way they’d be out there swinging shit around if they really couldn’t see anything.  Back in the ring, Martel hits a back breaker and goes for his Boston crab which Jake finally breaks.  Once again they stumble around the ring until they are back to back in the middle and Jake nails the DDT for the win.  Other than the last 2 minutes or so this is a total snooze fest.  Feel free to skip.

The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated Jimmy Snuka
And “The Streak” begins.  Snuka is out in leopard skin underwear… Christ.  Taker is in control from the get go but misses an elbow after a couple of minutes which allows Snuka his first bit of offense.  Snuka goes for a cross body and totally misses.  Superfly slingshots back in from the outside and Taker catches him and goes right into the Tombstone for the victory.  Snuka is essentially a jobber here.  This should have been saved for a Saturday morning show though I’m guessing the WWF wanted to show Undertaker as a bad ass kicking the crap out of a “superstar” albeit an old one.

Retirement Match
The Ultimate Warrior defeated Randy Savage (with Sensational Queen Sherri)
Career vs. career matches are never quite what they’re cracked up to be as most wrestlers never actually “retire” (See Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, etc.)  That being said, this one was a great match from beginning to end.  We see Miss Elizabeth in the crowd and Warrior walks to the ring rather than dashing in as he’s known to do.  This really gives an “important” vibe to this match though it does look like he’s wearing a shredded garbage bag to the ring.  Warrior takes control from the beginning but he’s not wresting his type of match.  Savage goes for a cross body off the top and Warrior catches him, puts him down and slaps him… nice spot.  Sherri keeps getting involved until Warrior gets pissed and shoves her down.  There’s a TON of outside the ring action going on here and this really should be a no DQ match.  Not sure it was a botched spot or what, but at one point Warrior does his crisscross like 5 times and then essentially does a face plant cause he’s nowhere near Savage.  Not sure who, but someone fucked up.  We get a classic double clothes line spot and both guys are gassed.  Warrior gets a small package but the ref is out of position.  We follow this up with a ref bump and Sherri comes in to pound on Warrior but his Savage by mistake (shoe).  Savage manages to make a comeback and hits his patented clothesline  over the top and sets up Warrior for the big elbow.  Nails it not once, not twice, but 5 TIMES!  Warrior inexplicably kicks out and if you didn’t by this point you know that Savage’s “career” is done.  Warrior starts shaking the ropes and “Hulks Up” hitting clothesline after clothesline on Savage.  He hits the gorilla press slam on Savage but Savage kicks out as well.  Wow.  Warrior then starts talking to “The Gods” and starts to leave the ring.  Savage goes to the top and plans to go to the outside on top of Warrior but misses and hits the guardrail.  Another crisscross from Warrior followed by the shoulder block knocks Savage out of the ring.  Warrior dumps him back in and hits him with the same move twice more finally ending the match by putting his foot on Savage’s chest for the pin.  Absolutely outstanding match.  May have to revisit my Top 10 WrestleMania Matches and put this one on there… wow.  In retrospect, it’s kind of ironic that the Warrior won this career match and he’s essentially done with the WWF at this point.  Savage lost here and he had another decade (or 2) in the biz.  Post-match, Sherri beats down Macho and Liz comes to his rescue jumping the barricade.  Hug/love fest with Savage and Liz and there are literally people crying ringside (hey folks… this is scripted).

After the brilliant Savage/Warrior match, we follow that up with some super gay backstage stuff.  Regis is getting fitted for a casket by Taker, Trebek talks to Demolition, back to Regis with Tenryu/Kitao who don’t speak a lick of English and then back to Trebek talking with Jake & Damien.  Complete waste of time.

Tenryu and Kitao defeated Demolition (Crush and Smash) (with Mr. Fuji)
Tenryu and Kitao were on loan from another promotion so you know they’re not going to lose here which sucks cause I was a huge Demolition fan.  Asian guy #2 hits a crappy looking power bomb for the win.  Piped in crowd noise when they’re leaving the ring.  Terrible match.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
The Big Boss Man defeated Mr. Perfect (c) (with Bobby Heenan) by disqualification
Pre-match, Boss Man is bitching about how his momma’s feelings were hurt.  Come on… are we really resorting to mom jokes?  For some reason, Lord Alfred Hayes is back – worst on air WWF talent ever and that’s saying a lot.  Boss Man takes over from the beginning and crowd loving it.  Hayes and Gorilla talk about the whole Savage/Liz ending from the previous match and Alfred says it’s the most touching thing he’s seen… ever.  Um, OK.  Perfect takes over and plays the heel to perfection (excuse the pun).  God damn was he great.  His hold-the-guy-and-summer-salt-over-him-neck-snap was always one of my favorites.  A while later, Boss Man is back in control until he makes the mistake of turning his attention to Heenan.  Perfect naturally attacks from behind.  Andre The Giant (?) comes down to ringside and grabs the belt.  Perfect tries to grab it, but Andre lays out Perfect but Boss Man can’t capitalize.  Haku and the Barbarian come down and cause a DQ finish.  I remember being pissed at this outcome cause I always wanted to see Boss Man win a title.  Watching this match now I can’t help but marvel at how great Henning was.  The story here was garbage as I hate non-finishes especially at a PPV.

Next we get an Mean Gene interview with Donald Trump and Chuck Norris in the stands.  Henry Winkler is sitting right there and Gene totally blows him off until he’s ready to talk to him.  Hilarious.

Earthquake (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Greg Valentine
Blubberquake and Valentine.  Why does Earthquake flex… ever?  Total squash match here (no pun intended).  Wonder who Hammer pissed off to be in this position?

The Legion of Doom (Hawk and Animal) defeated Power and Glory (Paul Roma and Hercules) (with Slick)
The first appearance for the LOD in a WrestleMania event.  Couple of decent spots with Hawk hitting a double clothesline and Animal catching Roma off the top into a nasty looking power slam.  LOD hits the Doomsday Device and it’s over.  Essentially another squash.  I’m not a big fan of tag wrestling and this was only so so.   If you’re looking for a tag match to watch on this card definitely go with the Rockers opener.

Virgil (with Roddy Piper) defeated Ted DiBiase by countout
For the life of me, I can’t remember how Piper go inserted into this feud so I can’t tell you why in God’s name he’s with Virgil.  Million Dollar Man looking stupid at the get go with Virgil taking control.  Props to DiBiase for making himself look so bad and Virgil so good.  Crowd totally not into it and it sounds like a bingo hall.   No that isn’t a reference to ECW… it actually sounds like a bingo hall.  Not sure if it’s the bad attendance or bad acoustics in the building.  DiBiase takes over with a piledriver and goes methodical heel on Virgil really slowing the pace.  On the outside, DiBiase blasts Piper who’s on crutches for this bout.  Piper uses the crutch to bring DiBiase over the top rope where he subsequently gets counted out.  This is back in the day where people gave a shit about a count out win, so Virgil celebrates like he just gave birth.  DiBiase gets the Million Dollar Dream after the match and Piper blasts him with the crutch to make the save.  Sensational Sherri comes down to help out DiBiase and they give a bad beat down to Piper’s bad leg.  DiBiase is playing ruthless heel here… more so than I remember.  I’ve always thought of him as that Ric Flair type villain where he’ll cheat to win but have never thought of him as a really brutal heel.  This seems out of character but I might just be remember wrong.  Virgil and Piper have a “hug it out bitch” moment after the match.

After this, we get a nice little recap of the Hogan/Slaughter match up.  No matter how many times I hear it, “Pukeamaniacs” is still funny.

The Mountie (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Tito Santana
Whip to the ropes with the first move of the match.  Leapfrog and Tito hits the flying forearm.  Noggin knocker on the outside on Mountie and Hart.  Mountie hits Tito with the cattle prod and the match is over in less than 2 minutes.  Poor Tito.  I wish I knew what he did to become a jobber.  He deserves better.

WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan defeated Sgt. Slaughter (c) (with General Adnan)
Typical Hogan interview beforehand.  Once again the “F” is beeped out when he references WWF on this version of the DVD.  More recap/footage of Slaughter and Hogan.  There’s a shot in here where Slaughter has Hogan in the camel clutch and Adnan is showing the title belt to Hogan.  One problem… he’s got the belt upside down.  Hogan proceeds to rip off his shirt during the interview.  Slaughter is introduced first into the ring which always pisses me off.  Even if they’re a heel, the champ should come to the ring second.  Always.  Hogan’s “Real American” hits and he’s got himself a new shirt for his entrance.  He’s officially announced as “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan which is kind of gay if you ask me.  Seeing Hogan here one specific movie quote came to mind: “Jesus… didn’t that guy ever have hair?”  Lock up early and Hogan pushes the ref out of the way.  Crowd REALLY hot.  They’ve mentioned multiple times that Hogan can’t win the title on a count out or a DQ.  Slaughter grabs a chair on the outside and hits Hogan with it in plain view of the ref.  Hogan no sells it and we don’t get a DQ.  I have this as my Top WrestleMania Matches and in re-watching is I’m realizing it’s actually pretty terrible from a wrestling standpoint (not that Hogan ever has any “good” matches).  We get some good old back-raking action which can only be described as awesome.  Hogan in control and really giving Slaughter a beating.  Hogan for some reason goes to his aerial assault and of course gets caught when Adnan holds his leg.  This allows Slaughter to take over with a ton of heelish tactics.  More chair shots with no DQ as well as a mic cord choking Hogan out.  Sarge goes to work on the lower back with punches, boots and a Boston crab.  Hogan is essentially under the rope but decides to try and power out anyhow.  When he can’t he goes to the ropes and Slaughter thinks he’s won.  Slaughter continues to pound on the back and Adnan distracts the ref.  Slaughter covers Hogan for like a day but Adnan is still yapping.   Chair shot to Hogan and he’s busted wide open – GREAT crimson mask.  Camel Clutch in the middle of the ring on a bloody Hogan.  He finally breaks it but runs into a turnbuckle and is down for the count.  Sarge brings in the Iraq flag and places it over Hogan and goes for the cover.  Hogan kicks out, rips the flag and “Hulks Up” for the victory.  This is the quintessential Hulk Hogan moment which is why it’s one of my favs.  Match sucks, but if you’re a Hogan fan you’ll love it.

General Thoughts

• There was a dark match on the card where Koko B. Ware actually won a match and beat the Brooklyn Brawler.  Fuck Koko.
• I wonder if Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart is pissed that he never got his own entrance theme?
• Jimmy Hart must keep airbrushers in business with all of his custom made jackets.  They are AWESOME.
• It’s amazing to look back on some of the story lines and realize just how LONG they took to develop.  With the advent of monthly PPVs you just don’t get that kind of build these days.
• A couple times its mentioned that this is the “largest PPV audience in history”.  Wish I knew what the number was.
• Weird that there are very few match recaps during these old Mania events.
• The Hogan/Slaughter match made my Top WrestleMania Matches as an honorable mention.  Watching this show again, the Warrior/Savage match should be the one that represents this show.

Showmiz vs. [...]]]> WrestleMania XXVI is in the books and I have to say it was a very good offering overall.  Quite frankly this is the type of show I wish they had last year for the 25th anniversary.  It wasn’t anything mind blowing but it was a very solid event from top to bottom.

Showmiz vs. Morrison & RTruth – This was a decent opener.  I didn’t really surprise me that they kept the straps on Showmiz.  Once they lose, The Big Show has absolutely no program to work.  That said, it’s not going to be too long before Miz has fewer belts than he does now.

Orton, Rhodes & DiBiase – Happy to say that I called the outcome of this one.  Nothing real surprising here with Orton getting the win.  I have to say that these guys are definitely better apart than they were together.  I can’t stand Rhodes (not sure why but he just looks “weird”) but DiBiase is gonna be a star in the near future.  I’m guessing that this feud is far from over.

Money In The Bank – Nice looking match.  Honestly I was surprised that Swagger got the win here.  I’m not a big fan of his and I’m very interested to see how they build that character toward his title shot.  You can be sure that it won’t be based on his mic skills.

HHH / Sheamus – I thought HHH would actually put Sheamus over here but was happy that he didn’t.  This was a much better match that I expected.  I’m curious as to if this feud is just going to die.  Thinking they might play the “mutual respect card” and have HHH take him on as a pet project.  If they go that route, the first thing they need to do is get Sheamus a damn tan.

Rey / Punk – Good stuff here. Didn’t think there was a chance in hell that Rey would lose and he didn’t.  Always like watching Rey wrestle.

Hart / McMahon – Totally lame. Was pretty disappointed in this one.  I always though that if there was one wrestler that could come back and look decent it would be Bret.  I was wrong.  It wasn’t terrible, just SLOW.  Can’t blame the guy for having a stroke but I expected more from the Hitman.

Jericho / Edge – Good match.  Glad that they left the strap on Jericho but this is far from over.  I do have to say that since the Rumble in January Edge looks MUCH better in the ring.  Thinking this may be the strap that Swagger ends up getting a run with.

Women’s Match – Bunch of ass running around.  This was a total waste of time and should have never been put on the card.

Cena / Batista – GREAT match until the end where it got a bit sloppy.  Pip mentioned that he thought Cena has a heel run in him in the next year or so and after giving it some thought I tend to agree with him.  Think Cena would be a great heel.

Taker / Shawn – Not as good as their match last year but still the best of the show.  I’m VERY happy to see that this was the main event.  There aren’t too many “legends” left in the WWE and a match with two of them should headline WrestleMania regardless of if there’s a title on the line.  Sorry to see Shawn go but SO glad the streak is intact.  I just don’t see a reason for the WWE to build up that streak for so many years to throw it away at this point.

Overall MUCH better than last year.  No real surprises but I feel much better about spending the money this Monday than I did last year.