This is the first WrestleMania that I remember a hype for outside of the wrestling world.  In addition to the pre-event hype, I remember vividly seeing on front page of the Cleveland Plain Dealer sports page the next day a huge photo of Hogan and Andre.  In my mind this is the first time that WrestleMania was really an “event”.  The opening shots of the crowd are very impressive and the venue is so big that the wrestlers need to be carted in from the dressing room.

The Can-Am Connection (Rick Martel and Tom Zenk) defeated Bob Orton and The Magnificent Muraco (with Mr. Fuji)
I’ve gone on record with my distaste for tag team wrestling and this one really didn’t do a whole lot to change that.  First off… what’s with tag teams that LOOK the same?  Zenk and Martel are essentially the same dude with the exception that Zenk walks like he’s got a stick up his ass.  The good guys get the win when they hit a cross body block on Muraco in conjunction with a schoolboy.  Not a terrible match but nothing more than a crowd warm up in my opinion.

Billy Jack Haynes and Hercules (with Bobby Heenan) fought to a double countout
Very happy to say that the WWF is finally getting it and giving us some storyline recaps before the matches.  To make a long story short this is full nelson vs. full nelson.  Hercules is REALLY getting into character in his pre-match interview when he makes reference to “When I used these chains thousands of years ago”.  Um… OK.  Billy Jack looks like a cross between a gay leprechaun and Randy Savage.  How’s that for a mental image?  Hercules is the first to lock on the full nelson but alas his fingers aren’t locked.  For some reason I kept thinking of the Sly Stallone flick Over The Top here cause we all know, that in arm wrestling if you move your thumb over 2 inches you’re definitely going to win.  In any case we get both wrestlers out of the ring and Billy Jack chooses THIS time to lock on his full nelson.  After the fastest 10 count in the history of the WWF both wrestlers are counted out.  After the match, Hercules uses his 1,000 year old chain to bust open BJ to further the storyline.

Hillbilly Jim, The Haiti Kid and Little Beaver defeated King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo and Lord Littlebrook by disqualification
OK… one question.  Who did Bundy piss off to go from main eventing WrestleMania 2 to being part of a 6-man midget match at WrestleMania III?  And while we’re on the subject – a MIDGET match?  Come on WWF.  I know times have changed but who thought this was a good idea?  Believe it or not, this one is actually rather entertaining until Bundy drops an elbow on one of the little guys and gets DQ’d.  Then of course all the midgets ban together with Hillbilly Jim to protect their downed brethren.  Funny little (no pun intended) match but not much more than filler.

Loser Must Bow match
Harley Race (with Bobby Heenan and The Fabulous Moolah) defeated The Junkyard Dog
One of the things that I’m noticing while re-watching these events is just how far we’ve come from a politically correct standpoint.  During one of his pre-match interviews JYD says something to the effect of, “I’m as black as the day is long.”  This sort of thing doesn’t bother me in the slightest but there’s no way that a statement like this would make it on the air today.  OK, end social observation.  This is a decent little match for what it is.  Harley Race is way past his prime here and I’m not sure that JYD was ever all that great of an in ring performer.  Race gets the victory with an “out of no where” belly to belly suplex that really didn’t look all that devastating.  JYD give a little curtsy to fulfill his “loser bows” stipulation and then proceeds to hit Race with a chair and put on his cape to a huge pop from the crowd.

The Dream Team (Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake) (with Johnny Valiant and Dino Bravo) defeated The Fabulous Rougeaus (Jacques and Raymond)
This match is here for a couple of reasons.  First, it was to showcase the Rougeaue brothers who were going to be getting a big push in future months.  Second it was the start of the Brutus Beefcake face turn (when he became “The Barber”).  To make a really long and boring story short, The Rougeaus hit their finisher (as I like to call it the Balls-to-the-Face) but don’t manage to win the match.  Dino bravo gets involved knocking one of the Rougeaus out allowing the Dream Team to get the pin.  Beefcake (for some reason) isn’t happy with this turn of events and doesn’t leave the ring with Valentine, Bravo and Valiant.  This becomes important in the next match…

Hair vs. Hair match
Roddy Piper defeated Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart)
I commented in my WrestleMania 2 review about how out of shape Adrian Adonis was.  A year later and the WM2 version of Adonis looks slim in comparison to his WM3 counterpart.  This is billed a Piper’s “retirment match” which in retrospect is fucking hilarious seeing as Piper is STILL active in wrestling to this day.  All of that said this is a great match.  It’s hair vs. hair with Piper “on his way out” so you pretty much have to assume that he’s going to win but they do a nice little swerve ending with Adonis putting Piper to sleep only to celebrate one second too soon and not allowing Piper’s hand to hit the mat the third time.  Brutus Beefcake runs to Piper’s aid helping him to wake up which allows Piper to slap on a sleeper of his own getting the victory.  Beefcake holds Jimmy Hart down as Piper shaves Adrian’s head.  Beefcake gets in on the action as well creating his “Barber” persona which he’d have for many years.  My most memorable moment of this match is when Adonis comes to and realizes he’s lost the match and has his head shaved.  Piper shows him a mirror which Adrian punches and clearly mouths “WHAT THE FUCK!!!”  Hilarious.

The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart) and Danny Davis (with Jimmy Hart) defeated The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid) and Tito Santana
Before this match Jesse “The Body” Ventura is announced to the crowd.  Not sure why as he doesn’t do or say anything.  I suspect it’s simply because Predator was opening shortly and they wanted to get his name/face out there some more.  On to the match.  There’s nothing worse on a big card (I.E. WrestleMania) than a filler match.  That is except for a 6-man tag team filler match.  There’s some semblance of story line here as Danny Davis is a corrupt referee that has essentially give the tag titles to the Hart Foundation and has caused Tito to lose the IC title.  That’s not enough to keep me interested in this snooze fest that ends with Davis hitting Davey with Hart’s megaphone for the win.  Yawn.

Butch Reed (with Slick) defeated Koko B. Ware
Butch Reed makes his debut against future WWE Hall Of Famer Koko B. Ware.  And please don’t even get me started on why in the HELL Koko is a Hall Of Famer.  Koko does what he does best – loses a match.  Afterward, Tito Santana continues his WrestleMania tradition of getting involved where it makes absolutely no sense and come to the ring and beats up poor Slick.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Ricky Steamboat (with George Steele) defeated Randy Savage (c) (with Miss Elizabeth)
Part of the reason that I’ve really been looking forward to WrestleMania III is due to the fact that this match was on the card.  It’s one of my Top Ten WrestleMania Matches and it’s always a joy to watch it.  Part of what made this match amazing was the back story which the WWF does a great job recapping.  Essentially Macho Man crushed Steamboat’s larynx and put him out of commission for a couple of months.  This is Steamboat’s last chance to get revenge and the title.  The crowd is into this match from the start and literally gets to a frenzy through a series of close finishes.  This match is pure brilliance as Savage and Steamboat go back and forth with some really slick moves.  Macho hits his flying elbow but the referee has been knocked out so he doesn’t get the win.  Savage then goes to the outside and grabs the bell which he used to injure Steamboat’s larynx.  George Steele gets involved and takes the bell away from him.  Savage then turns his attention back to Steamboat and picks him up for a body slam.  Steamboat reverses the slam into a small package and pins Savage clean in the center of the ring for the victory.  If you’ve never seen this match you owe it to yourself to do so… it’s a classic.

The Honky Tonk Man (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Jake Roberts (with Alice Cooper)
I tell you… as time goes by I enjoy Honky Tonk Man more and more.  I don’t think I really appreciated him all that much back in the day but damn can he play a heel with the best of them.  Jake was never all that great in the ring but he’s one of the best ever when it comes to portraying a character.  This is tight little match with some good back and forth action before Honky uses the ropes to get the pin.  In retrospect this match is an obvious setup for the Intercontinental Title run that Honky went on as well as future programs with Jake.  After the match Alice Cooper gets involved and drapes Damien over Jimmy Hart.  The post match stuff was a complete waste of time but not surprising when you’ve got a “celebrity” like Alice Cooper in the ring.

The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff (with Slick) defeated The Killer Bees (B. Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell) by disqualification
I’m shocked that this match was as late in the card as it was.  It was a decent little tag match with outside interference by Hacksaw Jim Duggin causing the Bees to lose.  Hacksaw is on his anti-all-things-not-American kick and of course has vowed never to allow Volkoff to sing his Russian national anthem (which we all know he does all the time).  I honestly don’t remember where this feud went but this match is an obvious setup for that.  Unfortunately for Bees fans this is essentially the last of their heyday as they went onto get repeatedly squashed by Demolition.

WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan (c) defeated André the Giant (with Bobby Heenan)
This match made my honorable mentions on my Top WrestleMania Matches and after re-watching it I think I might have been wrong in making it just an honorable mention!  This match is outstanding!  Hogan is a huge dude and he’s absolutely dwarfed by Andre.  Typically “big men” matches are pretty boring but this one simply isn’t.  Hogan goes for a slam at the very beginning of the match and hurts his back.  Andre nearly gets a pin in the first 30 seconds of the match.  From there Andre essentially beats on Hogan for a good couple of minutes with Hogan playing it perfectly.  Hogan makes a brief comeback which Andre squashes.  There are a couple of complete “rest holds” in here (bear hug) but both men are really making it look great.  Andre whips Hogan into the ropes and goes for a big kick which Hogan ducks and follows up with a big forearm that knocks The Giant to the mat.  Hogan goes for a scoop slam which I don’t care what you say is damn impressive.  He finishes off Andre with a patented leg drop for the 1-2-3.  Real American and pose down follows “giving the crowd what they want”.

General Thoughts

• THIS is finally what WrestleMania should be.  It feels like a big show.  The matches deliver.  I’m guessing this is the first time they were able to deliver what Vince McMahon had in mind when he dreamed up the concept.
• Whatever happened to the concept of a “stable” of wrestlers?  The Heenan Family, The Four Hoursemen, Jimmy Hart’s crew?  These days the best we’ve got is DX and they’re simply a tag team.  I miss stables who had one another’s backs.
• The intro packages are finally up to snuff here.  This is the first WrestleMania where you can sit down and watch it without knowing the history (as they give you enough of the storyline to be caught up).
• There are a couple of references in here to the “Federettes” (ring side girls).  It’s the only time that I remember them every being referenced in WWF history.
• Celebrity involvement blows.  I don’t mind so much when they’re announcers, timekeepers, etc. but when they are in the corner of the wrestlers you just KNOW that they’re going to get involved.  Leave the fighting to the wrestlers people.
• There have been hundreds of matches in WrestleMania history.  Any show that produces two of my all time favorites is a show worth watching.

As you can see above, this is the first (and I believe only) WrestleMania event to come to us from different locations.  Essentially we get 3 “main events” – one from each of the locations.  On the mic we get Vince McMahon and Susan Saint James (really WWF – this is the best “celebrity” you could come up with?) from New York.  In Chicago we get Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund, and Cathy Lee Crosby (of That’s Incredible fame) and Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira follow up from LA.  Ray Charles starts things off with a rendition of America The Beautiful which wouldn’t really be noteworthy except for one thing.  During the performance they ran some patriotic photos on screen.  Again… this wouldn’t be noteworthy until the last two shots.  The first was Hogan pointing to the American flag.  The second and final shot in the montage was just Hogan.  I know this was the beginning of Hogan being “The Real American” but come on WWF.  With Hogan being in the main event did ANYONE see him losing after this?

Results from the Nassau Coliseum

Prior to this match we get an interview with Piper.  He’s his typical self going so far as to say he’ll retire if Mr. T beats him.  One thing that I found hilarious was when he says he’ll never shave his head and paint himself black.  Ironic seeing as Piper ended up doing just that at WrestleMania VI for his match up with Bad News Brown.  The WWF can’t seem to get their shit together as these comments are running right over the first match.

Paul Orndorff and The Magnificent Muraco (with Mr. Fuji) fought to a double count out
This is a pretty piss poor start to the event.  Anything that ends with a double count out can’t be all that great.  Apparently since last year’s WrestleMania Orndorff has gone from heel to baby face as the crowd is loving him.  Muraco looks in great shape here.  Vince is clearly struggling to pull Susan Saint James along on the commentary and is forced to give us stuff like, “And Moraco is sweating profusely”.  After about 4 minutes this one mercifully comes to an end with a double count out.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Randy Savage (c) (with Miss Elizabeth) defeated George Steele
More technical confusion after the match as we get Howard Finkel talking over a pre-taped interview with Mr. T.  The next match up is an I.C. title match with Savage defending.  This is back in the day where Savage was still a heel and George Steele is playing his face.  Steele (if you’re not familiar) has a shtick where we would “eat” the turnbuckles during his match.  During this feud he was more interested in Miss Elizabeth than he was the title.  Essentially Steele is the “Eugene” character that we’ve been given in recent years (IE, a little slow).  George is obviously terrible in the ring and Savage has to work really hard to put on a decent match with him.  To his credit Savage does just that playing the heel to perfection.  Running in and out of the ring, using Liz to his advantage and playing the coward well.  George actually kicks out of the Savage elbow during this match which I did NOT remember.  Macho pulls off the heel victory with a “foot on the ropes” pin.  A step above the previous match but still pretty damn terrible.

Jake Roberts defeated George Wells
This is early in Jake’s career as he’s still undefeated in the WWF.  He’s got his snake in toe but it’s never referred to as Damien.  Jake’s matches are never all that exciting athletically but Jake in the ring is a master of the cerebral stuff.  This is more of the same with Jake “slithering” in and out of the ring.  Wells is essentially one step above a jobber here as I believe this is his last appearance in a WWF ring.  He’s actually got the upper hand through quite a bit of the match (a fact that Vince and Susan continue to point out).  Out of nowhere comes the DDT to give Jake the victory which we all knew was coming.  Damien is placed over the prone Wells who promptly foams from the mouth.

Boxing match
Mr. T (with Joe Frazier and The Haiti Kid) defeated Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton and Lou Duva) by disqualification
We’re treated to a couple of guests prior to this first main event.  Joan Rivers looks worse at this event than she does now… some 23 years later.  This feud has been going on since WrestleMania and T and Piper are here to end things.  They obviously can’t straight up wrestle so we get a boxing match.  I wouldn’t call this “real” boxing but I found myself rather entertained while watching this match.  The first round is pretty uneventful with no knockdowns.  T goes down in the second round and Pipe goes down twice in round three.  They’re both completely punch drunk and the arms are getting REALLY tired and Piper puts an end to things by slamming T in the middle of the ring getting himself disqualified.

Results from the Rosemont Horizon

WWF Women’s Championship
The Fabulous Moolah (c) defeated Velvet McIntyre
This is really weak.  Its obviously a filler match to get something additional on the card but the fans would have been better served if they were given Iron Mike Sharpe vs.  Barry O.  Luckily this one is over after only about a minute and a half with Moolah getting a pin out of absolutely no where.  Feel free to fast forward right the fuck over this one.

Flag match
Corporal Kirchner defeated Nikolai Volkoff (with Freddie Blassie)
This one is slightly better than the previous crapfest, but not much.  So apparently the contestants in this match really care about their flags cause the winner gets to fly theirs.  Um… OK.  Kirchner defeats Volkoff in about 2 minutes and gets to fly his flag.  I tell you what.  If I was a the Rosemont for this event I’d be PISSED at this point.  They’ve seen two matches for a total of about 3 minutes of match time.  Snooze.

Twenty-man battle royal
André the Giant defeated 19 other participants by last eliminating Bret Hart
The guest hosts aren’t getting any better here as now we’re given the “Where’s the Beef” chick.  Talk about a blast from the past.  Luckily for the folks in attendance they finally get themselves a decent match.  We’ve got a smattering of NFL stars and wrestlers with William Refrigerator Perry getting the biggest pop (hilarious that they listed him at 304 lbs).  The Hart Foundation (dressed in blue) work well together and make it to the final 3 with Andre the Giant only to be overtaken by the big man.

WWF Tag Team Championship
The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid) (with Ozzy Osbourne and Lou Albano) defeated The Dream Team (Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake) (c) (with Johnny Valiant)
I’ve always considered myself a big Beefcake fan and for the life of me I don’t ever remember him winning a title.  Obviously I’m wrong as he’s defending here with Valentine.  The Bulldogs are being accompanied by Ozzy Osbourne which is only made weirder by the fact that Ozzy is wearing a pink suit – no shit.  Gorilla Monsoon keeps referring to Beefcake as “The Beefer” and it consistently cracks me up.  This is absolutely outstanding tag match!  Tons of tags and quick action in and out of the ring.  It sounds silly but the Bulldogs really do show what tag team wrestling is all about.  The ending is kind of weird as Dynamite sticks his head into the ring and knocks Valentine out cold while knocking himself clear to the floor and busting himself open.

Results from the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena

Ricky Steamboat defeated Hercules Hernandez
Lord Alfred Hayes is back again for a second WrestleMania and unfortunately he’s not much better from a commentary standpoint.  This is a pretty standard Steamboat match complete with chops, crisscrossing in the ring and body blocks.  Hernandez does some typical “strong man” stuff and the end comes when Steamboat hits his cross body block off the top rope.  Not great but far and away the best opening match of any of the venues.

Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Uncle Elmer
First thought: how did Adrian get a job?  Dude is so out of shape it’s not even funny.  The only possible answer is that they wanted someone to play the dress wearing fag and no one else would do it.  He’d never have a chance in modern day WWF (though that’s true for quite a bit of the WrestleMania 2 roster.  Adonis is in this match (that I coined the Battle Of The Bad Gimmicks) against Uncle Elmer who’s essentially a bad Hillbilly Jim ripoff.  One thing I will say is Adonis knows how to sell and does so like a master.

Terry Funk and Hoss Funk (with Jimmy Hart) defeated The Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana
I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again but I’m not a huge fan of tag team wrestling.  That said, this is a pretty solid match (even though this seems like a totally thrown together match up).  There’s some GREAT heel in peril action here with Tito getting hammered.  The funks take Jimmy Hart’s megaphone to JYD’s head for the victory.  Terry Funk is selling a knee injury like it’s his job (which I suppose it is )

Steel cage match for the WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan (c) defeated King Kong Bundy (with Bobby Heenan)
We get a little vignette of Hogan training and we’re shown footage of where Bundy injured Hogan’s ribs a couple of weeks back.  This training montage takes about 9 minutes and is obviously just thrown in to give them an opportunity to put the cage together.  They go into great lengths to show that Hogan is going “against doctor’s orders” with this title defense.  This is a great cage match even though it’s the “old style” cage.  Hogan takes the advantage giving Bundy a pretty good beating.  Bundy turns the tide and starts working over Hogan’s injured ribs.  We go back and forth for a while with each guy getting the upper hand.  Finally Hogan rams Bundy against the cage busting him open.  After a failed slam attempt Hogan looks in bad shape as Bundy gives him the avalanche and a splash.  However, after the next avalanche Hogan “Hulks Up” and proceeds to power slam and leg drop Bundy.  He makes his way over the top of the cage to retain the world title.  Then of course we get the Hogan / Bobby Heenan show in the cage with Heenan obviously coming out on the short end.  All in all a very entertaining main event.

General Thoughts

• The multi-location thing didn’t work.  I tell you, I’m sure they showed the other locations up on the big screens but I’d be PISSED if I paid for a ticket and then saw only 4 matches live.
• I’d have to say that each event got better by location.  The first two Rosemont matches were the weakest on the card but the battle royal and the outstanding tag match redeemed it.
• I wish they’d have the “lead in” material on these DVDs.  This stuff is 25 years ago and hell if I can remember why feuds started.
• Overall I’d say this is a better show than the original WrestleMania.  It would have been MUCH better if they’d had it it one location and cut out some of the filler matches.

If you’ve never seen this show before and you’re a fan of modern day WWE stuff the first thing you’ll notice is the production value here absolutely blows.  But don’t judge them too harshly.  First off, this show was 25 years ago and it was the first time something like this had ever been done.

The first voice we hear is Gorilla Monsoon and he’s sitting next to Jesse “The Body” Ventura.  As an old school wrestling fan this is definitely my favorite combination on the mic.  From there Howard Finkel welcomes us to the show and then we head right into the Star Spangled Banner by non other than… Mean Gene Okerlund.  Um… what?

Tito Santana defeated The Executioner
Before the match gets started we get a brief intro by an incredibly uncomfortable looking Lord Alfred Hayes followed by taped interviews with Mene Gene, Tito and The Executioner.  Of note here is that Gene tells Tito that he knows absolutely nothing about The Executioner (Paul Perschmann better known as “Playboy” Buddy Rose) and Executioner tells Tito that he’s going to go after the leg that Greg Valentine had previously injured.  To his credit he does in fact “work the leg” during the match.  4:50 into the match Tito hits the flying forearm and then slaps on the figure four for the victory.

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Special Delivery Jones
More Alfred Hayes looking like a fish out of water. He’s so uncomfortable doing live TV it’s not even funny.  The introductions of the wrestlers and Jimmy Hart (accompanying Bundy) take longer than the match.  Bundy catches SD in a bear hug, throws him into a corner, hits the Avalanche followed by a splash and gets the pin.  They announce it as officially 9 seconds.  Bundy is announced as 458 lbs and Monsoon continually refers to him as over 500 lbs.  Hilarious.

Ricky Steamboat defeated Matt Borne
Matt Borne (would go on to WWF fame as Doink The Clown) and Ricky Steamboat are up next.  The pre-interviews are really funny here as they’re trying to create heat between them which just obviously isn’t there.  Steamboat is HUGE here – completely roided out which is weird cause when I think back to him I never picture him as being a monster.  Borne looks like he’s completely winded after about 4 minutes.  Steamboat gets the win after a flying tackle off the top rope (which Monsoon tells us was 15 feet across the ring).

David Sammartino (with Bruno Sammartino) fought Brutus Beefcake (with Johnny Valiant) to a double DQ
More uncomfortable camera time for Alfred Hayes.  It’s hilarious that the wrestlers are entering and leaving the right in the same isle where Hayes is broadcasting from.  Johnny Valiant is accompanying Beefcake and goes to great lengths to let us know that only HE will speak for Brutus.  In fact Gene sticks the mic in his face and all Beefcake manages is a fart sound / raspberry.  No shit.  This is “pre-Barber” days for Beefcake and he’s playing the heel very nicely.  This is actually a pretty good match with some sold back and forth action until Beefcake throws Sammartino out of the ring where Valiant slams him on the concrete.  Bruno is there to back up his boy and we’re off the races for a classic double DQ finish.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
The Junkyard Dog defeated Greg Valentine (c) (with Jimmy Hart)
In the pre-match interviews Valentine goes on record saying that he’s in the best shape of his career and that he’s lost quite a bit of weight going into this match… yeah right.  One thing that you notice very quickly in these older WrestleManias is that the guys aren’t NEARLY as ripped as they are today.  Valentine certainly isn’t out of shape but he’s not ripped up the way HHH and Batista are today.  That said, Monsoon does refer to “The Hammer” as the best Intercontinental champion in history here.  Solid match (though slow) with Hammer working over JYD getting him ready for the figure four and Dog getting in some patented headbutts.  Hammer gets the pin while having both of his feet up on the ropes.  Referee didn’t see it (do they ever?) and declares Hammer the winner.  As he and Jimmy Hart leave the ring here comes Tito Santana to let the referee know what he’s missed.  The referee determines that Tito is obviously telling the truth and restarts the match.  From here Hammer gets counted out and JYD is declared the winner.  He’s AWFULLY happy for winning the match (but not the title).  Monsoon says about 12 times that Hammer is still the IC Champion.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik (with Freddie Blassie) defeated The U.S. Express (Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham) (c) (with Lou Albano)
Prior to this match we get a great Lord Alfred Hayes interlude.  Hayes says, “Both these teams had pointed opinions.  Let us hear some more about those opinions that they had to express.“  Seriously?  We couldn’t find anyone better to be on the mic?  * sigh *  After that we get an interview with the Iron Sheik who’s always awesome.  “Gene Mean, this is my best time of life for shape situation.“  Translation… “I’m in good shape”.  We get the standard singing of the Russian national anthem from Volkoff which brings back some great memories.  I’m not a huge fan of tag team wrestling but this is decent for what it was.  Volkoff and Shiek play the heels but honestly they’re not really doing much “heelish” until the very end when Shiek breaks Freddie Blassie’s cane over Windham’s head to get the pin fall and the victory.  I have to wonder… where was Tito to save this title for the good guys?

$15,000 Body Slam Challenge
André the Giant defeated Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan)
This is a clusterfuck from the beginning.  I don’t remember the lead up to this match but the story goes like this.  Andre wins if he can slam Big John Studd.  If Andre doesn’t win he retires.  Beyond that, I’m not sure what to tell you.  Monsoon makes reference once to the fact that pin falls don’t count in the match up so it appears that the only way Studd can win is to make it to the time limit without getting slammed.  I’ve never been a fan of “big men” matches and this one doesn’t do anything to change my opinion.  It’s not Andre’s fault but he’s just too damn big to do anything in ring.  He’s completely winded after about 4 minutes of kicks, punches, bear hugs and ass-slams in the corner.  Yes… he puts Studd in the corner and essentially backs into him.  Apparently it’s a wicked offensive maneuver.  Andre finally ends the boredom by slamming Studd, winning the match and grabbing the $15k from Bobby Heenan.  He the proceeds to start throwing the cash to the fans until “The Weasel” grabs the back and heads to the locker room.  For as bad as Andre is in the ring, he’s worse on the mic and the WWF knows it… to the point where they completely cut off his post-match promo mid sentence.

WWF Women’s Championship
Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper) defeated Leilani Kai (c) (with the Fabulous Moolah)
This is the first “Rock and Wrestling” match as we get the inclusion of Cyndi Lauper accompanying Wendi Richter to the ring.  It’s obviously a ploy by the WWF to get another audience into wrestling and I’m not sure that it works.  I honestly don’t remember ever seeing this match before and after seeing it I see no reason to watch it again.  This is definitely not a “Diva’s Match” that we get in current story lines.  This is woman’s wrestling and it’s SLOW.  We’re treated to quite a few hammer locks, arm bars and pulling of the hair.  At least with current WWE Divas we get a bit of T&A that makes up for the sub-standard wrestling (though I have to say some of the current Divas are decent workers).  Near the end of the match Lauper and Moolah (accompanying Kai) get into it outside the ring.  Cyndi is obviously not comfortable in thie element and it shows.  This match thankfully comes to an end when Kai attempts a cross body block off the top rope which Richter clumsily rolls through to get the pin.

Hulk Hogan and Mr. T (with Jimmy Snuka) defeated Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff (with Cowboy Bob Orton)
This is the time where the WWF starts to bring out the big guns… sort of.  Billy Martin is announced as the special guest ring announcer.  Liberace (being accompanied to the ring by The Rockettes) is the guest timekeeper and Muhammad Ali is the special guest referee (though he’s a “floor ref” rather than in the ring).  This doesn’t start out promising as we get a complete  mosh right off the bat.  Cowboy Bob Orton (with the “bad guys”) and Superfly Jimmy Snuka (with the “good guys”) all make there way into the ring as does Ali.  At one point Snuka’s on the top rope waiting to do a splash but just jumps off feet first… lame.  I do have to give MAJOR props to Mr. T for his work here.  He’s doing body slams and hip tosses out there like this is his first job.  Well done B.A.  Well done.  Hogan is thrown to the outside and slammed with a chair (however the padded chair does cut down on the desired effect).  After another mele in the ring Orndorff has Hogan in a full nelson and is holding him so Bob Orton can come off the top rope and hit Hogan with his “loaded” cast.  Of course Hogan moves at the last minute pulling Orndorff into harms way “knocking him out” long enough for Hogan to get the pin.  We actually get a post-match interview which is rare as most shows these days go off the air with the winner posing in the ring.

General Thoughts

• The ropes are crazy floppy.  In fact the ring looks like it’s going to fall apart as the wrestlers are moving around.
• Moves that today are nothing more than “filler” are talked about as “power moves” – body slam, back body drop, suplex, etc.
• The ringside announce table is literally RIGHT at ringside.
• Whatever happened to announcing where people are from and their weights?
• Jesse makes reference to the fact that it’s the biggest card in history – 1.2 million people.  He’s obviously referring to the closed circuit crowd (remember this was before PPV) but he doesn’t reference that.
• I miss the times where “hooking the leg” was a prerequisite for actually getting a pin.
• Fans don’t throw trash into the ring anymore.
• For the most part the wrestlers are complete crap on the mic.  It’s obvious that back in these days the “product” was more about in ring than story lines.  Amazing that they gave the mic to some of these guys.
• Today, the concept of a “time limit” in any match aside from an Iron Man Match is completely absent.  During WrestleMania they announced the time limit for just about every match.
• Personally these shows have always been about the wrestling.  I like the idea of having one big show at the end of the “season” and I could do without all the celebrity stuff.  Let’s face it… Billy Martin, Cindy Lauper, Liberace, The Rockettes and Ali knew nothing about wrestling, care nothing about wrestling, etc.  They’re obvioulsy there for name value.  I’m sure it worked for some of the non-wrestling fans but for us “pure” fans they’re nothing but a boring distraction.