HONORABLE MENTIONS

Revenge Of The Ninja (1983) – When I think of “ninja movies” this is the one that comes to mind.  Main character Cho (Sho Kosugi) swears off being a ninja only to be brought “out of retirement” by the silver-masked “demon ninja”.  Some unbelievable kills in here and off the chart action.  Some additional thoughts here.

F/X (1986) – Bryan Brown plays Rollie Tyler, a special effects guru who is hired by the Department of Justice to fake the murder of a mob informant.  Brian Dennehy plays a cop who gets interested in the case when things go south.  Naturally some great special effects combined with a story that’s actually very compelling.

Cobra (1986) – Sylvester Stallone plays Marion “Cobra” Cobretti who’s part of the elusive Zombie Squad. He’s called in to deal with the city’s latest threat: The Night Stalker.  A quick 87 minutes of fury that stars Brigitte Nielsen in the lead female role.

Action Jackson (1988) – Action Jackson (Carl Weathers) is a Detroit cop out to bust a crooked businessman (Craig T. Nelson).  The end scene features Jackson driving a car up 3 flights of stairs to get to the bad guy.  AWESOME.  Cast also includes the smoking hot Vanity and Sharon Stone.

Tango & Cash (1989) – Ray Tango (Sylvester Stallone) and Gabriel Cash (Kurt Russell) are two LAPD cops who are framed for crimes they didn’t commit.  The flick follows them as they break out of prison and clear their names.  Two HUGE action names in one flick and they share the screen brilliantly.  Also features Teri Hatcher and Jack Palance.

THE TOP TEN
Please note these are listed in chronological order.  I didn’t have it in me to try and rank them.

The Empire Strikes Back (1980) – Many people will argue that this is a science fiction movie.  I’ll say I don’t care how you define it, it’s on my list.  I’ll admit that the original Star Wars is more of an “action” movie in my mind, but that came out in the 70′s so it doesn’t qualify for this list.  I’m not going to go into plot details here cause if you’ve never seen Empire you’re no longer allowed to read this post or this blog.  Be gone.  As I’m sure you can tell, I’m a HUGE fan of not only this franchise, but also of this iconic 2nd (or 5th depending on your point of view) entry in the saga.  Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Lando Calrissian and Darth Vader.  Enough said.  May the Force be with you!

Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981) – Just thinking about scenes from this movie gets my blood pumping.  Between Harrison Ford’s portrayal of Indiana Jones, some incredible action sequences and probably the best score to a movie ever, this one has it all.  Guns, whips, explosions, fistfights and chase scenes.  What more could you ask for in an action movie?  It’s unfortunate the the 4th installment of this franchise was ever made, but no amount of crappy sequels will ever take away from the pure brilliance that is Raiders.

Commando (1985) – When I think of Arnold, this is the one that pops to mind.  He’s certainly had some definitive roles, but for me, John Matrix is THE one.  Matrix, a retired special forces guy, has to save his daughter (Alyssa Milano pre-hotness) when she is kidnapped by mercenaries.  This leads to some incredible fight and chase scenes as well as some of the best (worst) one liners in movie history.  Arnold wasn’t interested in doing a sequel to this so the script was rewritten, retitled and given to another actor.  It became known as Die Hard.

Die Hard (1988) – John McClane played by Bruce Willis is a cop caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.  There are so many bad ass moments in this flick that I don’t dare list them for fear of leaving one off.  This is probably the most well known “stuck in one place” action flick and it’s one of my absolute favorites.  I purposefully didn’t rank this list as it would be too damn difficult, but if I did I’m nearly sure this would be at the top.  Alan Rickman plays a villain for the ages and the amount of flying glass, explosions and blood is second to none.  Yippie-kay-ay motherfuckers!!!

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) – This is another of those “one man against the world” type movies that we’ve grown to love.  John Rambo (who we first met in First Blood, the movie that inspired this list) is given the opportunity to get out of prison if he’ll go on a mission back into Viet Nam where he served.  He’s looking for American POWs who are being held captive.  His insertion goes awry and he’s forced to make due with what equipment he’s got behind enemy lines with no backup.  This one is less “campy” than some others on the list as it’s got a real “gritty” feel to it.

The Delta Force (1986) – There’s a reason that there are so many Chuck Norris references out there in pop culture today… this film is part of the reason why.  The Delta Force tells the story of a hijacked plane en route from Athens, Greece to New York City.  Lebanese terrorists take control of the plane and take it to Beirut and begin making their demands.  The Delta Force led by Scott McCoy (Norris) and  Nick Alexander (Lee Marvin in his final appearance) are tasked with rescuing the hostages and saving the day.  This one always felt very “real” to me as the flick ends with one of the Deltas dying after the hostages have been thwarted.

Iron Eagle (1986) – When it comes to fighter jet movies from the 80′s most people think Top Gun first but I MUCH prefer Iron Eagle.   Many people think that Eagle is a copy of Gun, when in fact Eagle came out 5 months prior (Jan 17, 1986 vs. May 16, 1986).  In any case this flick tells the story of Doug Masters (Jason Gedrick) as he attempts to rescue his old man who’s been shot down behind enemy lines.  Doug enlists the help of his father’s fried Col. Chappy Sinclair (Louis Gossett, Jr.) and without the knowledge of the Air Force plan the excursion.  Top Gun was the by FAR the better performing flick at the box office, but this one makes my list.  NOTE: for Transformers geeks out there, Stan Bush said that his song The Touch was inspired by this flick.

Lethal Weapon (1987) – Widely considered the best “buddy cop” flick of all time, Lethal Weapon tells the story of soon to retire Roger Murtaugh (Danny Glover) and Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) as they attempt to get to the bottom of a plot involving sex, drugs and murder.  Along the way, Riggs treads dangerously close to the line of breaking the law as he’s a bit unstable mentally.  As they dig deeper, they unearth the elusive Shadow Company headed up by a retired general along with his enforcer Mr. Joshua (Gary Busey).  As the sequels play out, Riggs and Murtaugh become great friends and there’s more comedy thrown in.  If you’re looking for a gritty action flick, this is the place to start.

Road House (1989) – I did a full review of this movie and though I didn’t have this list in mind when I wrote it, the flick was destined to be included here.  Patrick Swayze’s “Dalton” is one of those characters that the audience can really identify with.  The girls love him and the guys want to be him.  The villain here isn’t a monster or a genius… he’s a normal guy.  He’s the type of asshole that we come across in every day life which allows us to connect to the story even more so.  80′s action is all about one liners for me and this one has some of the best: “Pain don’t hurt”.  Awesome.

Predator (1987) – Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers and Jesse Ventura walk into a jungle…  No this isn’t the beginning of a joke – it’s the plot of Predator.  They’re part of a bad ass commando unit that is sent into the jungle of Guatemala on a rescue mission.  When they get to their destination they find a slew of soldiers that have been skinned alive.  Before we know it, they’re in a jungle chess match with a highly advanced creature who’s sole purpose is to hunt and kill them.  While there’s not a ton of story this flick delivers from the word go.  And seeing as this is a list of ACTION movies that’s what we’re looking for here.

COMMENTS
I’d be remiss not to point out that 4 movies not listed here are part of my Guilty Pleasure Top 10 that could just as easily have been included here: Megaforce (1982), The Beastmaster (1982), Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (1985) and Big Trouble In Little China (1986).  In addition, this was a VERY difficult list to put together cause there was just so much awesomeness in the 80′s.  Please don’t think that I forgot about stuff like Conan, Tron, Jedi, Mad Max, Missing In Action, Platoon, Aliens, etc.  I had 15 spots to play with and the list had to end somewhere.

Interesting to note that Stallone is in here in 3 roles (4 if you include the flick that inspired the list).  Schwarzenegger is in here twice as is Carl Weathers (though Weathers was a supporting character in one movie).  If you’re a fan of 80′s action flicks, you’ll want to check out the upcoming release The Expendables as it’s looking to be an 80′s action fan’s wet dream.  Cast includes: Stallone, Lungren, Willis, Schwarzenegger and others… WOW.

Event:

At WrestleMania VI, it was announced that this event would be held at the LA Memorial Coliseum.  Between WM VI and now, the venue was changed to the Sports Arena.  According to the WWF at the time, this was due to some death threats that Slaughter had received.  Other reports say it was due to slow ticket sales.  Personally I’m of the opinion that it was the latter.  WrestleMania VI had over 67,000 people in attendance and here we’ve got just over 16,000.  Hmm.  During the intro, Hulk Hogan is now officially referred to as “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan.  In addition to the sudden venue change, this is also the first WM where Jesse Ventura is not part of the lineup which is a real bummer.  We get an a cappella performance by Willie Nelson before we get things started.

The Rockers (Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) defeated The Barbarian and Haku (with Bobby Heenan)
If you can get past the fact that Hacksaw Jim Duggan is on the mic (which is REALLY difficult to do) and it’s a little long, this is a decent opener for the event.  The Rockers are “tag team specialists” so you’ve got to think they’re going to win this one right off the bat.  They do their little double elbow drop gimmick and run directly into a huge double clothesline by the Barbarian.  Jennetty plays face in peril and gets a massive slingshot over the top rope.  Just a reminder… Hacksaw sucks on the mic (as if that’s any surprise).  Marty goes for a cross body and gets power slammed for his efforts.  He finally gets a hot tag to Michaels who cleans house.  Jannetty gets back into the action with a drop kick off the top which Shawn follows up with a cross body off the top for the win.  Long match (10 minutes +) for an opener but a good way to start the show.

Regis, Marla Maples and Alex Trebek.  Come on WWF, can’t you do better than this for your “celebrities”?

The Texas Tornado defeated Dino Bravo (with Jimmy Hart)
Next up is Dino Bravo against the Ultimate Warrior without face paint… er, I mean Texas Tornado.  Bravo attacks before the bell and takes the upper hand before we even get started.  Tornado takes over and goes for the claw early in the match up.   Bravo regains the advantage after getting a knee up on a charging Tornado.  Bravo hits his side suplex finisher but Tornado kicks out.  Hey Bravo… your finisher didn’t work.  You’re fucked.  Dino follows that up with the worst chop ever off the 2nd rope.  He goes for it again but is caught in Tornado’s claw which is quickly followed with a “Spinning Tornado” for the victory.  I’ve never been a big fan of either of these guys so it was thankfully a pretty quick match.  I do have to say that it does suck to watch two dead guys wrestle though.  RIP fellas.

The British Bulldog defeated The Warlord (with Slick)
Pre-match interview with The Warlord (wearing some crappy Legion Of Doom gear and a Hannibal Lecter mask) and Slick.  Slick is an absolutely pathetic character and only goes to show what the WWF was able to get away with in those days.  WOW.  The Warlord talks about how no wrestler has escaped his full nelson so we can pretty much assume that we’ll see that spot sometime during the match.  In the ring we get to see these guys go at it and god DAMN are they big.  We get a couple of chest bumps and finally Warlord goes down.  Bulldog goes for a crucifix and gets slammed hard.   This is a pretty typical “big man” match but Bulldog is definitely leading the way.  He always did move great even for a big guy.  By comparison, this is much better than the WrestleMania XX match between Goldberg and Lesnar (which I was in attendance for).  Bulldog is on the short end of the stick for most of this match and then takes control with a very impressive standing dropkick.  He goes for a piledriver which gets reversed and Warlord gets the full nelson but doesn’t lock the fingers.  As predicted, Bulldog breaks the hold and gets Warlord up for a HUGE running power slam and the win.  Good match.

WWF Tag Team Championship
The Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags) (with Jimmy Hart) defeated The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart) (c)
We get a pre-match interview with the Nastys who proceed to make a “stink and pink” reference.  Wow… talk about  a “shocking” display of guts to get off that blast on a live PPV.  We start out with some good back-and-forth action in the early going.  The Hart Foundation is simply not going for the pin and even Heenan points it out.  Bret get overwhelmed and plays face in peril for a while.  Actually that’s kind of an understatement… he’s getting his ass handed to him for a while.  Jimmy’s megaphone gets tossed into the ring and one Nasty hits the other by mistake.  The Foundation takes over and hits their finisher on Knobbs.  Jimmy then throws in his helmet (not sure why he was wearing it other than to have an excuse to have a foreign object at ringside) and Saggs blasts Anvil with it.  Knobbs rolls over and gets the pin and the titles.  Nice match with a great heel-ish ending.

Blindfold Match
Jake Roberts defeated Rick Martel
From the recap, we’re told that Jake has been “blinded” when Martel shot him in the eye with his cologne “Arrogance”.  I remember this storyline like it was yesterday as it played out over a couple of weeks on Superstars.  As we head into this blindfold match I can’t imagine that they can’t see under these hoods.  I’m guessing its essentially  a see-through mesh type bag.  In any case, once the match gets going it’s like 2 minutes before they even touch one another as they’re just playing to the crowd pointing at one another.  Kind of funny as the crowd always points Martel in the wrong direction.  Hilarious.  Martel whips Jake to the ropes and goes for a backdrop which is hysterical to watch.  Other than that kind of stuff, this starts out REALLY slow.  I think I’m going to start my own “bo-ring” chant.  Martel finally catches up to Jake and body slams him and then follows up with an elbow drop, which of course Jake has moved out of the way of.  Not sure how many times they’ll go for the “Oops, I missed cause I’m blindfolded” spot but I’m guessing this wasn’t the last time.  The crowd is really into this one and I’m not sure why.  They start up a “DDT” chant which we just know is coming.  They go out of the ring (?) and Martel grabs a chair which he proceeds to blast the ring post with.  Per my previous point there’s no way they’d be out there swinging shit around if they really couldn’t see anything.  Back in the ring, Martel hits a back breaker and goes for his Boston crab which Jake finally breaks.  Once again they stumble around the ring until they are back to back in the middle and Jake nails the DDT for the win.  Other than the last 2 minutes or so this is a total snooze fest.  Feel free to skip.

The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated Jimmy Snuka
And “The Streak” begins.  Snuka is out in leopard skin underwear… Christ.  Taker is in control from the get go but misses an elbow after a couple of minutes which allows Snuka his first bit of offense.  Snuka goes for a cross body and totally misses.  Superfly slingshots back in from the outside and Taker catches him and goes right into the Tombstone for the victory.  Snuka is essentially a jobber here.  This should have been saved for a Saturday morning show though I’m guessing the WWF wanted to show Undertaker as a bad ass kicking the crap out of a “superstar” albeit an old one.

Retirement Match
The Ultimate Warrior defeated Randy Savage (with Sensational Queen Sherri)
Career vs. career matches are never quite what they’re cracked up to be as most wrestlers never actually “retire” (See Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, etc.)  That being said, this one was a great match from beginning to end.  We see Miss Elizabeth in the crowd and Warrior walks to the ring rather than dashing in as he’s known to do.  This really gives an “important” vibe to this match though it does look like he’s wearing a shredded garbage bag to the ring.  Warrior takes control from the beginning but he’s not wresting his type of match.  Savage goes for a cross body off the top and Warrior catches him, puts him down and slaps him… nice spot.  Sherri keeps getting involved until Warrior gets pissed and shoves her down.  There’s a TON of outside the ring action going on here and this really should be a no DQ match.  Not sure it was a botched spot or what, but at one point Warrior does his crisscross like 5 times and then essentially does a face plant cause he’s nowhere near Savage.  Not sure who, but someone fucked up.  We get a classic double clothes line spot and both guys are gassed.  Warrior gets a small package but the ref is out of position.  We follow this up with a ref bump and Sherri comes in to pound on Warrior but his Savage by mistake (shoe).  Savage manages to make a comeback and hits his patented clothesline  over the top and sets up Warrior for the big elbow.  Nails it not once, not twice, but 5 TIMES!  Warrior inexplicably kicks out and if you didn’t by this point you know that Savage’s “career” is done.  Warrior starts shaking the ropes and “Hulks Up” hitting clothesline after clothesline on Savage.  He hits the gorilla press slam on Savage but Savage kicks out as well.  Wow.  Warrior then starts talking to “The Gods” and starts to leave the ring.  Savage goes to the top and plans to go to the outside on top of Warrior but misses and hits the guardrail.  Another crisscross from Warrior followed by the shoulder block knocks Savage out of the ring.  Warrior dumps him back in and hits him with the same move twice more finally ending the match by putting his foot on Savage’s chest for the pin.  Absolutely outstanding match.  May have to revisit my Top 10 WrestleMania Matches and put this one on there… wow.  In retrospect, it’s kind of ironic that the Warrior won this career match and he’s essentially done with the WWF at this point.  Savage lost here and he had another decade (or 2) in the biz.  Post-match, Sherri beats down Macho and Liz comes to his rescue jumping the barricade.  Hug/love fest with Savage and Liz and there are literally people crying ringside (hey folks… this is scripted).

After the brilliant Savage/Warrior match, we follow that up with some super gay backstage stuff.  Regis is getting fitted for a casket by Taker, Trebek talks to Demolition, back to Regis with Tenryu/Kitao who don’t speak a lick of English and then back to Trebek talking with Jake & Damien.  Complete waste of time.

Tenryu and Kitao defeated Demolition (Crush and Smash) (with Mr. Fuji)
Tenryu and Kitao were on loan from another promotion so you know they’re not going to lose here which sucks cause I was a huge Demolition fan.  Asian guy #2 hits a crappy looking power bomb for the win.  Piped in crowd noise when they’re leaving the ring.  Terrible match.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
The Big Boss Man defeated Mr. Perfect (c) (with Bobby Heenan) by disqualification
Pre-match, Boss Man is bitching about how his momma’s feelings were hurt.  Come on… are we really resorting to mom jokes?  For some reason, Lord Alfred Hayes is back – worst on air WWF talent ever and that’s saying a lot.  Boss Man takes over from the beginning and crowd loving it.  Hayes and Gorilla talk about the whole Savage/Liz ending from the previous match and Alfred says it’s the most touching thing he’s seen… ever.  Um, OK.  Perfect takes over and plays the heel to perfection (excuse the pun).  God damn was he great.  His hold-the-guy-and-summer-salt-over-him-neck-snap was always one of my favorites.  A while later, Boss Man is back in control until he makes the mistake of turning his attention to Heenan.  Perfect naturally attacks from behind.  Andre The Giant (?) comes down to ringside and grabs the belt.  Perfect tries to grab it, but Andre lays out Perfect but Boss Man can’t capitalize.  Haku and the Barbarian come down and cause a DQ finish.  I remember being pissed at this outcome cause I always wanted to see Boss Man win a title.  Watching this match now I can’t help but marvel at how great Henning was.  The story here was garbage as I hate non-finishes especially at a PPV.

Next we get an Mean Gene interview with Donald Trump and Chuck Norris in the stands.  Henry Winkler is sitting right there and Gene totally blows him off until he’s ready to talk to him.  Hilarious.

Earthquake (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Greg Valentine
Blubberquake and Valentine.  Why does Earthquake flex… ever?  Total squash match here (no pun intended).  Wonder who Hammer pissed off to be in this position?

The Legion of Doom (Hawk and Animal) defeated Power and Glory (Paul Roma and Hercules) (with Slick)
The first appearance for the LOD in a WrestleMania event.  Couple of decent spots with Hawk hitting a double clothesline and Animal catching Roma off the top into a nasty looking power slam.  LOD hits the Doomsday Device and it’s over.  Essentially another squash.  I’m not a big fan of tag wrestling and this was only so so.   If you’re looking for a tag match to watch on this card definitely go with the Rockers opener.

Virgil (with Roddy Piper) defeated Ted DiBiase by countout
For the life of me, I can’t remember how Piper go inserted into this feud so I can’t tell you why in God’s name he’s with Virgil.  Million Dollar Man looking stupid at the get go with Virgil taking control.  Props to DiBiase for making himself look so bad and Virgil so good.  Crowd totally not into it and it sounds like a bingo hall.   No that isn’t a reference to ECW… it actually sounds like a bingo hall.  Not sure if it’s the bad attendance or bad acoustics in the building.  DiBiase takes over with a piledriver and goes methodical heel on Virgil really slowing the pace.  On the outside, DiBiase blasts Piper who’s on crutches for this bout.  Piper uses the crutch to bring DiBiase over the top rope where he subsequently gets counted out.  This is back in the day where people gave a shit about a count out win, so Virgil celebrates like he just gave birth.  DiBiase gets the Million Dollar Dream after the match and Piper blasts him with the crutch to make the save.  Sensational Sherri comes down to help out DiBiase and they give a bad beat down to Piper’s bad leg.  DiBiase is playing ruthless heel here… more so than I remember.  I’ve always thought of him as that Ric Flair type villain where he’ll cheat to win but have never thought of him as a really brutal heel.  This seems out of character but I might just be remember wrong.  Virgil and Piper have a “hug it out bitch” moment after the match.

After this, we get a nice little recap of the Hogan/Slaughter match up.  No matter how many times I hear it, “Pukeamaniacs” is still funny.

The Mountie (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Tito Santana
Whip to the ropes with the first move of the match.  Leapfrog and Tito hits the flying forearm.  Noggin knocker on the outside on Mountie and Hart.  Mountie hits Tito with the cattle prod and the match is over in less than 2 minutes.  Poor Tito.  I wish I knew what he did to become a jobber.  He deserves better.

WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan defeated Sgt. Slaughter (c) (with General Adnan)
Typical Hogan interview beforehand.  Once again the “F” is beeped out when he references WWF on this version of the DVD.  More recap/footage of Slaughter and Hogan.  There’s a shot in here where Slaughter has Hogan in the camel clutch and Adnan is showing the title belt to Hogan.  One problem… he’s got the belt upside down.  Hogan proceeds to rip off his shirt during the interview.  Slaughter is introduced first into the ring which always pisses me off.  Even if they’re a heel, the champ should come to the ring second.  Always.  Hogan’s “Real American” hits and he’s got himself a new shirt for his entrance.  He’s officially announced as “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan which is kind of gay if you ask me.  Seeing Hogan here one specific movie quote came to mind: “Jesus… didn’t that guy ever have hair?”  Lock up early and Hogan pushes the ref out of the way.  Crowd REALLY hot.  They’ve mentioned multiple times that Hogan can’t win the title on a count out or a DQ.  Slaughter grabs a chair on the outside and hits Hogan with it in plain view of the ref.  Hogan no sells it and we don’t get a DQ.  I have this as my Top WrestleMania Matches and in re-watching is I’m realizing it’s actually pretty terrible from a wrestling standpoint (not that Hogan ever has any “good” matches).  We get some good old back-raking action which can only be described as awesome.  Hogan in control and really giving Slaughter a beating.  Hogan for some reason goes to his aerial assault and of course gets caught when Adnan holds his leg.  This allows Slaughter to take over with a ton of heelish tactics.  More chair shots with no DQ as well as a mic cord choking Hogan out.  Sarge goes to work on the lower back with punches, boots and a Boston crab.  Hogan is essentially under the rope but decides to try and power out anyhow.  When he can’t he goes to the ropes and Slaughter thinks he’s won.  Slaughter continues to pound on the back and Adnan distracts the ref.  Slaughter covers Hogan for like a day but Adnan is still yapping.   Chair shot to Hogan and he’s busted wide open – GREAT crimson mask.  Camel Clutch in the middle of the ring on a bloody Hogan.  He finally breaks it but runs into a turnbuckle and is down for the count.  Sarge brings in the Iraq flag and places it over Hogan and goes for the cover.  Hogan kicks out, rips the flag and “Hulks Up” for the victory.  This is the quintessential Hulk Hogan moment which is why it’s one of my favs.  Match sucks, but if you’re a Hogan fan you’ll love it.

General Thoughts

• There was a dark match on the card where Koko B. Ware actually won a match and beat the Brooklyn Brawler.  Fuck Koko.
• I wonder if Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart is pissed that he never got his own entrance theme?
• Jimmy Hart must keep airbrushers in business with all of his custom made jackets.  They are AWESOME.
• It’s amazing to look back on some of the story lines and realize just how LONG they took to develop.  With the advent of monthly PPVs you just don’t get that kind of build these days.
• A couple times its mentioned that this is the “largest PPV audience in history”.  Wish I knew what the number was.
• Weird that there are very few match recaps during these old Mania events.
• The Hogan/Slaughter match made my Top WrestleMania Matches as an honorable mention.  Watching this show again, the Warrior/Savage match should be the one that represents this show.

Event:

From the very beginning of this DVD you know you’re in for something special.  The intro is a voice over by Vince REALLY turning it on.  Images of a celestial Hogan and Warrior are shown and Vince booms about the “Ultimate Challenge”.  Gorilla and Jesse are back once again (though Ventura is sans mustache).  As we’re in Toronto, Bob Goulet sings the Canadian national anthem.  It’s weird to start a WrestleMania event without America The Beautiful.

Rick Martel defeated Koko B. Ware
This is a battle of terrible characters.  Koko’s one of my least favorite wrestlers of all time and The Model while a pretty decent wrestler he was never able to get over in my book.  Koko hits an early cross body and nearly gets the pin.  That said, he looks like a moron cause he’s clapping all the time.  Stop Koko… you look like a douche.  Model takes control when he throw Koko over the top rope.  He then follows up with a terrible looking double axe handle off the top.  Martel slaps on the Boston Crab and Koko quickly taps out.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Demolition (Ax and Smash) defeated The Colossal Connection (André the Giant and Haku) (c) (with Bobby Heenan)
Prior to the match we get a backstage interview with Mene Gene where he refers to the Connection as “The Colostomy Connection”.  That right there’s funny.  Gorilla makes a reference to a “Three-peat”.  This is right after when Pat Riley has trademarked the phrase.  Andre is in REALLY bad shape at this point and he essentially stands on the apron the entire match.  Even when Haku gains the upper hand he doesn’t tag Andre.  In retrospect this is probably two fold as Andre is a wreck plus it’s a nice tie in for the storyline.  Things go to hell and Andre comes into the ring.  He hold Smash so Haku can super kick him and he nails Andre instead.  Naturally, Andre gets tied up in the ropes (which he always does).  Demolition hits their finisher on Haku to take the titles.  Bobby Heenan is pissed at Andre after the match and slaps Andre.  This begins the final face turn for the Giant.  Andre rides out a hero of his last WrestleMania match (though he would go on to make a couple of appearances).

Earthquake (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Hercules
As Earthquake does his pre-match interview, you can hear Hercules’ music in the background.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… How does Earthquake have a job?  He’s a complete slob.  At this point, Earthquake is undefeated and according to Gorilla has sent 28 men to the hospitals.  Wow, I didn’t realize there were that many jobbers in the WWF!  Has Hercules EVER been above mid card status?  It’s too bad cause I really enjoyed him.  He’s a much better “big man” than most.  We start out with the classic “test of strength” back and forth.  A while later Hercules goes for his back breaker finisher… come on dude.  You know better than that.  Earthquake keeps “flexing” which pisses me off every time he does it.  I mean ol CHEWIE here has better arms that this dude.  Earthquake ends it with his “Balls To The Face” finisher.  Ugh.

At this point we get an interview with Miss Elizabeth talking about how she’s been away from wrestling for a while.  She says that she’s been working with the WWF in an advisory roll but that she’s been thinking about coming back to ringside.  She says that if she does return to ringside, “You’ll see a much more active Liz.”  So… we can pretty much guarantee that Liz will get involved somehow in the Macho match later in the show.

Brutus Beefcake defeated Mr. Perfect (with The Genius)
Before the next match we get a backstage interview with Beefcake.  Beefcake gets the upper hand early and he’s really putting it to Perfect.  Curt sells better than anyone in the history of the sport.  Perfect slows it down and we go into some good back and forth stuff for a couple of minutes.  Beefcake calls for the sleeper but the Genius gets up on the apron and drops his scroll.  Perfect nails Beefcake with his and gains the momentum in the match.  Gorilla notes that the pendulum has swung 360 degrees and Jesse corrects him… hilarious.  Beefcake slingshots Perfect into the corner and he hits the post “knocking him out”.  Beefcake gets the win ending the “perfect” streak.  The Genius runs into the ring and steals the clippers that Beefcake was going to use on Perfect.  Of course, The Genius gets a sleeper and a haircut for his trouble.

Roddy Piper and Bad News Brown fought to a double countout
Before the next match we get a nice recap.  Piper’s painted himself half black which always cracked me up.  Total WTF moment for sure.  He totally sounds like a 5 pack/day smoker the way he’s wheezing during this interview.  No entrance for Bad News on the DVD.  Ventura makes a crack about how someday he’s going to be president… close but not quite Governor.  Gorilla says (as he always does) that THIS is the best WrestleMania in history.  After getting slammed into the turnbuckle a few times, Piper “Pipes Up” and makes a nice comeback.  There’s almost no wrestling at all in this match.  After another beat down, Piper gains the upper hand once again by going with a poke to the eye.  Piper then goes into his tights for a “glove” which the ref apparently doesn’t care about.  This mercifully ends with a double countout and both men continue to fight all the way to the back.  This was a pretty piss poor match… feel free to skip over it.

The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart) defeated The Bolsheviks (Nikolai Volkoff and Boris Zhukov)
Silly little vignette backstage with the Bolsheviks before the match which lasts longer than the match itself.  The Harts attack while Volkoff sings his national anthem.  They throw him out of the ring and hit Zhukov with their finisher for a super quick win.  AWESOME.

The Barbarian (with Bobby Heenan) defeated Tito Santana
Good lord… Arriba!  Tito’s playing the “weak” guy but he’s pretty ripped up here as well.  The Barbarian does look awesome but he’s still nothing compared to the roided up muscle heads of today (Batista, HHH, etc.)  A big boot to the face puts Tito down but he manages to come back and hit a pretty damn good looking forearm to the face.  He would have won the match if it wasn’t for Bobby putting Barb’s foot on the ropes before the three count.  A few minutes later, Barbarian hits a clothesline off the top rope that nearly turns Tito inside out.  Easy pin at that point.

Dusty Rhodes and Sapphire (with Miss Elizabeth) defeated Randy Savage and Sensational Queen Sherri
At this point in his career, Dusty is doing the “common man” gig.  He’s all kinds of crazy.  Macho out first with Sheri by his side.  It’s really weird to see him without Liz there… hmm.  I wonder if she’ll return today?  I would really be a coincidence seeing as she did that interview previously.  Rhodes and Sapphire hit the ring announced as weighing in at 465.  Yeah… right.  Seriously, where in the FUCK did they find this woman and why is she wrestling?  She’s one step removed from Gabourey Sidibe in Precious.  Anyhow, Liz makes her “surprise” appearance and is in the corner of Rhodes and Sapphire for the match.  Quick start to the match and Dusty takes advantage after catching Savage off the top.  The women come in and Sapphire quite literally bounces around for a couple of minutes.  She goes for an airplane spin on Sherri… an AIRPLANE SPIN.  Sherri comes back and goes for an ill-times body slam which of course she can’t complete.  The guys come back in and Savage takes over.  He hits a double axe handle off the top twice and Dusty is in big trouble.  Sapphire comes to his aid and Savage tosses her aside.  Liz comes over to help step in the way.  Savage hits Rhodes with his king scepter but doesn’t go for the cover.  Sapphire is a complete waste here but does manage to throw Sherri out of the ring.  Liz dumps her back in, pulls Sherri’s hair and allows Sapphire to get the pin.  Liz, Dusty and Sapphire “dance” after the match.  Absolutely piss poor wrestling but mildly entertaining for that “car wreck” factor.

At this point we get a few interview segments.  Jesse and Gorilla talking about some “adult footage”, Sherri and Macho King essentially yelling at the camera, Demolition talking about their big win and how the Hart Foundation are waiting for them.  Next up is Hogan.  Pretty typical stuff here what with Hulkamania running wild and all.  Hogan does say that its not whether you win or lose but what kind of winner or loser you are.  I had never caught this before so knowing what I know it was a pretty interesting statement.  Over to the Warrior for his interview.  He’s basically on acid at this point talking about living forever, beliefs and how Hulkamania can live through the Warrior.

The Orient Express (Sato and Tanaka) (with Mr. Fuji) defeated The Rockers (Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) by countout
The Orient Express comes to the ring, you can totally tell that Gorilla isn’t interesting in this match.  The Rockers come down and Shawn is starting to get quite a bit bigger.  Who the hell are the Orient Express?  Anyhow, Shawn takes over but he’s obviously not “HBK” quite yet.  Tanaka get a kick to Shawn’s back and Shawn goes face in peril for a few minutes.  Finally Shawn makes a big tag and Jannetty cleans house.  The Rockers go up to the top to hit their tandem dropkicks off the top but Fuji grabs Jannetty’s leg and then hits him with the dreaded “salt to the eyes”.  Marty sells it like he’s got daggers in his eyes and literally walks OVER the guardrail into the crowd getting counted out in the process.

Jim Duggan defeated Dino Bravo (with Jimmy Hart and Earthquake)
Hacksaw comes to the ring and he’s sticking with the USA chant.  Someone should tell ol Duggan that he’s is in Toronto.  This one isn’t worth watching nor is it worth recapping.  Duggan gets the win when Jimmy throws the 2×4 to Bravo but Duggan grabs it and nails him with it.  Duggan gets his ass beat after the match by Earthquake complete with the “balls to the face” finisher.  Total snoozefest.

Million Dollar Championship
Ted DiBiase (c) (with Virgil) defeated Jake Roberts by countout
The Million Dollar belt is on the line here for the first and I believe only time.  Jake goes for a quick win with the DDT after about 12 seconds.  DiBiase is out of the ring quickly.  Jake goes for it a couple more times in the next minute or so.  He gets frustrated and decides to slow things down and takes over with a hammer lock.  Million Dollar Man takes over after Jake makes a mistake and really slows down the tempo.  The fans get a wave going in the arena.  Silly Canadians.  That said, it doesn’t say much for what they think of the match.  DiBiase hits a pile driver but doesn’t go for the cover right away.  He hooks in the Million Dollar Dream and it looks like it’s going to be over.  Jake makes it to the ropes.  DiBiase stays on him and after a couple of near falls, he goes to the top ropes but gets caught.  Jake takes over and signals for the DDT.  Virgil pulls Jake out of the ring before he can slap it on and DiBiase follows him out.  Virgil dumps Million Dollar Man back in and Jake gets counted out.  After the match, Virgil grabs the Million Dollar belt and takes off.  Jake finally sinks in the DDT and plants DiBiase right in the middle of the ring.  Virgil comes back to save the day before Jake can drape Damien over Million Dollar Man.  Decent little match even though it was a bit predictable.

The Big Boss Man defeated Akeem (with Slick)
Million Dollar Man is still out after getting his DDT in the previous match and he proceeds to beat the hell out of Big Boss Man before the match starts.  Akeem then comes down and proceeds to continue the beating for the first couple of minutes of the match.  Boss Man reverses it and sends him back and forth between the turnbuckles multiple times and then hits his sidewalk slam finisher (always loved that move!) for the win.

A waste of a segment follows with Sean Mooney, Mary Tyler Moore and Rhythm and Blues  (Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine).  The Bushwackers come out and beat the hell out of… the instruments.  Fast forward.

Rick Rude (with Bobby Heenan) defeated Jimmy Snuka
Snuka literally struts like a chicken on his way to the ring.  This is a nice little match with some good back and forth action.  Snuka misses off the second rope and Rude hits his finisher for the victory.  Speaking of nice finishers… this one always looked BRUTAL.  Not sure how he didn’t kill someone doing it.

WWF Intercontinental Championship and WWF Championship
The Ultimate Warrior (Intercontinental Champion) defeated Hulk Hogan (WWF Champion)
This is one of my Top 10 Favorite WrestleMania matches of all time!  Warrior walks to the ring which he never does.  Hogan does his typical entrance.  A classic back and forth “test of strength” at the beginning of the match.  Need to show just how even they really are.  Warrior wins the knuckle showdown and it totally looks like Hogan’s BLOWING the Warrior.  Of course, Hogan makes his way back to his feet and takes the upper hand.  In a beautiful juvenile twist, now Hogan’s getting the suck job.  After all of this, they do some criss crossing in the ring and take turns slamming one another.  Warrior puts Hogan over the top and Hogan busts up his knee.  After about 2 minutes, Hogan takes over and is walking fine.  The crowd is totally behind Hogan and he’s in control of the match using some rest holds.  Jess talks about how they are “wear down” holds… No shit Jesse.  Classic double clothesline and Warrior comes out on top.  Warrior goes to the rope shake and hits a couple of big clotheslines on Hogan.  Bearhug after that to take a break.  Hogan’s arm drops twice and Hogan comes back.  Ref gets bumped and Warrior hits 2 double axe handles and then misses his shoulder block.  Hogan covers Warrior and has him pinned for like a day.  Warrior hits a back suplex and pins Hogan for the same day.  Warrior finally hits a weak gorilla press followed by a huge splash and we’ve got a ref to make the count.  Hogan kicks out and “Hulks Up”.  He hits the big boot but misses the leg drop finisher.  Warrior follows with a splash to get the victory.  Hogan hands the belt to the Warrior and they hug it out to show good sportsmanship.  OUTSTANDING match!

General Thoughts

• I love it when Gorilla talks about “winner’s money” and “loser’s money”.  This is obviously WAY before the concept of a “smart” wrestling fan.
• During this show, it’s announced that WrestleMania VII will be held at the L.A. Memorial Coliseum.  In actuality it was held at the L.A. Memorial Sports Arena.
• Did Tito Santana ever win a singles match at WrestleMania?
• I totally don’t remember Hogan hurting himself in the title match.  In my memory he put Warrior over clean in the ring.
• This is the last time that Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura hosted together.

As you can see above, this is the first (and I believe only) WrestleMania event to come to us from different locations.  Essentially we get 3 “main events” – one from each of the locations.  On the mic we get Vince McMahon and Susan Saint James (really WWF – this is the best “celebrity” you could come up with?) from New York.  In Chicago we get Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund, and Cathy Lee Crosby (of That’s Incredible fame) and Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira follow up from LA.  Ray Charles starts things off with a rendition of America The Beautiful which wouldn’t really be noteworthy except for one thing.  During the performance they ran some patriotic photos on screen.  Again… this wouldn’t be noteworthy until the last two shots.  The first was Hogan pointing to the American flag.  The second and final shot in the montage was just Hogan.  I know this was the beginning of Hogan being “The Real American” but come on WWF.  With Hogan being in the main event did ANYONE see him losing after this?

Results from the Nassau Coliseum

Prior to this match we get an interview with Piper.  He’s his typical self going so far as to say he’ll retire if Mr. T beats him.  One thing that I found hilarious was when he says he’ll never shave his head and paint himself black.  Ironic seeing as Piper ended up doing just that at WrestleMania VI for his match up with Bad News Brown.  The WWF can’t seem to get their shit together as these comments are running right over the first match.

Paul Orndorff and The Magnificent Muraco (with Mr. Fuji) fought to a double count out
This is a pretty piss poor start to the event.  Anything that ends with a double count out can’t be all that great.  Apparently since last year’s WrestleMania Orndorff has gone from heel to baby face as the crowd is loving him.  Muraco looks in great shape here.  Vince is clearly struggling to pull Susan Saint James along on the commentary and is forced to give us stuff like, “And Moraco is sweating profusely”.  After about 4 minutes this one mercifully comes to an end with a double count out.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Randy Savage (c) (with Miss Elizabeth) defeated George Steele
More technical confusion after the match as we get Howard Finkel talking over a pre-taped interview with Mr. T.  The next match up is an I.C. title match with Savage defending.  This is back in the day where Savage was still a heel and George Steele is playing his face.  Steele (if you’re not familiar) has a shtick where we would “eat” the turnbuckles during his match.  During this feud he was more interested in Miss Elizabeth than he was the title.  Essentially Steele is the “Eugene” character that we’ve been given in recent years (IE, a little slow).  George is obviously terrible in the ring and Savage has to work really hard to put on a decent match with him.  To his credit Savage does just that playing the heel to perfection.  Running in and out of the ring, using Liz to his advantage and playing the coward well.  George actually kicks out of the Savage elbow during this match which I did NOT remember.  Macho pulls off the heel victory with a “foot on the ropes” pin.  A step above the previous match but still pretty damn terrible.

Jake Roberts defeated George Wells
This is early in Jake’s career as he’s still undefeated in the WWF.  He’s got his snake in toe but it’s never referred to as Damien.  Jake’s matches are never all that exciting athletically but Jake in the ring is a master of the cerebral stuff.  This is more of the same with Jake “slithering” in and out of the ring.  Wells is essentially one step above a jobber here as I believe this is his last appearance in a WWF ring.  He’s actually got the upper hand through quite a bit of the match (a fact that Vince and Susan continue to point out).  Out of nowhere comes the DDT to give Jake the victory which we all knew was coming.  Damien is placed over the prone Wells who promptly foams from the mouth.

Boxing match
Mr. T (with Joe Frazier and The Haiti Kid) defeated Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton and Lou Duva) by disqualification
We’re treated to a couple of guests prior to this first main event.  Joan Rivers looks worse at this event than she does now… some 23 years later.  This feud has been going on since WrestleMania and T and Piper are here to end things.  They obviously can’t straight up wrestle so we get a boxing match.  I wouldn’t call this “real” boxing but I found myself rather entertained while watching this match.  The first round is pretty uneventful with no knockdowns.  T goes down in the second round and Pipe goes down twice in round three.  They’re both completely punch drunk and the arms are getting REALLY tired and Piper puts an end to things by slamming T in the middle of the ring getting himself disqualified.

Results from the Rosemont Horizon

WWF Women’s Championship
The Fabulous Moolah (c) defeated Velvet McIntyre
This is really weak.  Its obviously a filler match to get something additional on the card but the fans would have been better served if they were given Iron Mike Sharpe vs.  Barry O.  Luckily this one is over after only about a minute and a half with Moolah getting a pin out of absolutely no where.  Feel free to fast forward right the fuck over this one.

Flag match
Corporal Kirchner defeated Nikolai Volkoff (with Freddie Blassie)
This one is slightly better than the previous crapfest, but not much.  So apparently the contestants in this match really care about their flags cause the winner gets to fly theirs.  Um… OK.  Kirchner defeats Volkoff in about 2 minutes and gets to fly his flag.  I tell you what.  If I was a the Rosemont for this event I’d be PISSED at this point.  They’ve seen two matches for a total of about 3 minutes of match time.  Snooze.

Twenty-man battle royal
André the Giant defeated 19 other participants by last eliminating Bret Hart
The guest hosts aren’t getting any better here as now we’re given the “Where’s the Beef” chick.  Talk about a blast from the past.  Luckily for the folks in attendance they finally get themselves a decent match.  We’ve got a smattering of NFL stars and wrestlers with William Refrigerator Perry getting the biggest pop (hilarious that they listed him at 304 lbs).  The Hart Foundation (dressed in blue) work well together and make it to the final 3 with Andre the Giant only to be overtaken by the big man.

WWF Tag Team Championship
The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid) (with Ozzy Osbourne and Lou Albano) defeated The Dream Team (Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake) (c) (with Johnny Valiant)
I’ve always considered myself a big Beefcake fan and for the life of me I don’t ever remember him winning a title.  Obviously I’m wrong as he’s defending here with Valentine.  The Bulldogs are being accompanied by Ozzy Osbourne which is only made weirder by the fact that Ozzy is wearing a pink suit – no shit.  Gorilla Monsoon keeps referring to Beefcake as “The Beefer” and it consistently cracks me up.  This is absolutely outstanding tag match!  Tons of tags and quick action in and out of the ring.  It sounds silly but the Bulldogs really do show what tag team wrestling is all about.  The ending is kind of weird as Dynamite sticks his head into the ring and knocks Valentine out cold while knocking himself clear to the floor and busting himself open.

Results from the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena

Ricky Steamboat defeated Hercules Hernandez
Lord Alfred Hayes is back again for a second WrestleMania and unfortunately he’s not much better from a commentary standpoint.  This is a pretty standard Steamboat match complete with chops, crisscrossing in the ring and body blocks.  Hernandez does some typical “strong man” stuff and the end comes when Steamboat hits his cross body block off the top rope.  Not great but far and away the best opening match of any of the venues.

Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Uncle Elmer
First thought: how did Adrian get a job?  Dude is so out of shape it’s not even funny.  The only possible answer is that they wanted someone to play the dress wearing fag and no one else would do it.  He’d never have a chance in modern day WWF (though that’s true for quite a bit of the WrestleMania 2 roster.  Adonis is in this match (that I coined the Battle Of The Bad Gimmicks) against Uncle Elmer who’s essentially a bad Hillbilly Jim ripoff.  One thing I will say is Adonis knows how to sell and does so like a master.

Terry Funk and Hoss Funk (with Jimmy Hart) defeated The Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana
I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again but I’m not a huge fan of tag team wrestling.  That said, this is a pretty solid match (even though this seems like a totally thrown together match up).  There’s some GREAT heel in peril action here with Tito getting hammered.  The funks take Jimmy Hart’s megaphone to JYD’s head for the victory.  Terry Funk is selling a knee injury like it’s his job (which I suppose it is )

Steel cage match for the WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan (c) defeated King Kong Bundy (with Bobby Heenan)
We get a little vignette of Hogan training and we’re shown footage of where Bundy injured Hogan’s ribs a couple of weeks back.  This training montage takes about 9 minutes and is obviously just thrown in to give them an opportunity to put the cage together.  They go into great lengths to show that Hogan is going “against doctor’s orders” with this title defense.  This is a great cage match even though it’s the “old style” cage.  Hogan takes the advantage giving Bundy a pretty good beating.  Bundy turns the tide and starts working over Hogan’s injured ribs.  We go back and forth for a while with each guy getting the upper hand.  Finally Hogan rams Bundy against the cage busting him open.  After a failed slam attempt Hogan looks in bad shape as Bundy gives him the avalanche and a splash.  However, after the next avalanche Hogan “Hulks Up” and proceeds to power slam and leg drop Bundy.  He makes his way over the top of the cage to retain the world title.  Then of course we get the Hogan / Bobby Heenan show in the cage with Heenan obviously coming out on the short end.  All in all a very entertaining main event.

General Thoughts

• The multi-location thing didn’t work.  I tell you, I’m sure they showed the other locations up on the big screens but I’d be PISSED if I paid for a ticket and then saw only 4 matches live.
• I’d have to say that each event got better by location.  The first two Rosemont matches were the weakest on the card but the battle royal and the outstanding tag match redeemed it.
• I wish they’d have the “lead in” material on these DVDs.  This stuff is 25 years ago and hell if I can remember why feuds started.
• Overall I’d say this is a better show than the original WrestleMania.  It would have been MUCH better if they’d had it it one location and cut out some of the filler matches.

If you’ve never seen this show before and you’re a fan of modern day WWE stuff the first thing you’ll notice is the production value here absolutely blows.  But don’t judge them too harshly.  First off, this show was 25 years ago and it was the first time something like this had ever been done.

The first voice we hear is Gorilla Monsoon and he’s sitting next to Jesse “The Body” Ventura.  As an old school wrestling fan this is definitely my favorite combination on the mic.  From there Howard Finkel welcomes us to the show and then we head right into the Star Spangled Banner by non other than… Mean Gene Okerlund.  Um… what?

Tito Santana defeated The Executioner
Before the match gets started we get a brief intro by an incredibly uncomfortable looking Lord Alfred Hayes followed by taped interviews with Mene Gene, Tito and The Executioner.  Of note here is that Gene tells Tito that he knows absolutely nothing about The Executioner (Paul Perschmann better known as “Playboy” Buddy Rose) and Executioner tells Tito that he’s going to go after the leg that Greg Valentine had previously injured.  To his credit he does in fact “work the leg” during the match.  4:50 into the match Tito hits the flying forearm and then slaps on the figure four for the victory.

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Special Delivery Jones
More Alfred Hayes looking like a fish out of water. He’s so uncomfortable doing live TV it’s not even funny.  The introductions of the wrestlers and Jimmy Hart (accompanying Bundy) take longer than the match.  Bundy catches SD in a bear hug, throws him into a corner, hits the Avalanche followed by a splash and gets the pin.  They announce it as officially 9 seconds.  Bundy is announced as 458 lbs and Monsoon continually refers to him as over 500 lbs.  Hilarious.

Ricky Steamboat defeated Matt Borne
Matt Borne (would go on to WWF fame as Doink The Clown) and Ricky Steamboat are up next.  The pre-interviews are really funny here as they’re trying to create heat between them which just obviously isn’t there.  Steamboat is HUGE here – completely roided out which is weird cause when I think back to him I never picture him as being a monster.  Borne looks like he’s completely winded after about 4 minutes.  Steamboat gets the win after a flying tackle off the top rope (which Monsoon tells us was 15 feet across the ring).

David Sammartino (with Bruno Sammartino) fought Brutus Beefcake (with Johnny Valiant) to a double DQ
More uncomfortable camera time for Alfred Hayes.  It’s hilarious that the wrestlers are entering and leaving the right in the same isle where Hayes is broadcasting from.  Johnny Valiant is accompanying Beefcake and goes to great lengths to let us know that only HE will speak for Brutus.  In fact Gene sticks the mic in his face and all Beefcake manages is a fart sound / raspberry.  No shit.  This is “pre-Barber” days for Beefcake and he’s playing the heel very nicely.  This is actually a pretty good match with some sold back and forth action until Beefcake throws Sammartino out of the ring where Valiant slams him on the concrete.  Bruno is there to back up his boy and we’re off the races for a classic double DQ finish.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
The Junkyard Dog defeated Greg Valentine (c) (with Jimmy Hart)
In the pre-match interviews Valentine goes on record saying that he’s in the best shape of his career and that he’s lost quite a bit of weight going into this match… yeah right.  One thing that you notice very quickly in these older WrestleManias is that the guys aren’t NEARLY as ripped as they are today.  Valentine certainly isn’t out of shape but he’s not ripped up the way HHH and Batista are today.  That said, Monsoon does refer to “The Hammer” as the best Intercontinental champion in history here.  Solid match (though slow) with Hammer working over JYD getting him ready for the figure four and Dog getting in some patented headbutts.  Hammer gets the pin while having both of his feet up on the ropes.  Referee didn’t see it (do they ever?) and declares Hammer the winner.  As he and Jimmy Hart leave the ring here comes Tito Santana to let the referee know what he’s missed.  The referee determines that Tito is obviously telling the truth and restarts the match.  From here Hammer gets counted out and JYD is declared the winner.  He’s AWFULLY happy for winning the match (but not the title).  Monsoon says about 12 times that Hammer is still the IC Champion.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik (with Freddie Blassie) defeated The U.S. Express (Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham) (c) (with Lou Albano)
Prior to this match we get a great Lord Alfred Hayes interlude.  Hayes says, “Both these teams had pointed opinions.  Let us hear some more about those opinions that they had to express.“  Seriously?  We couldn’t find anyone better to be on the mic?  * sigh *  After that we get an interview with the Iron Sheik who’s always awesome.  “Gene Mean, this is my best time of life for shape situation.“  Translation… “I’m in good shape”.  We get the standard singing of the Russian national anthem from Volkoff which brings back some great memories.  I’m not a huge fan of tag team wrestling but this is decent for what it was.  Volkoff and Shiek play the heels but honestly they’re not really doing much “heelish” until the very end when Shiek breaks Freddie Blassie’s cane over Windham’s head to get the pin fall and the victory.  I have to wonder… where was Tito to save this title for the good guys?

$15,000 Body Slam Challenge
André the Giant defeated Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan)
This is a clusterfuck from the beginning.  I don’t remember the lead up to this match but the story goes like this.  Andre wins if he can slam Big John Studd.  If Andre doesn’t win he retires.  Beyond that, I’m not sure what to tell you.  Monsoon makes reference once to the fact that pin falls don’t count in the match up so it appears that the only way Studd can win is to make it to the time limit without getting slammed.  I’ve never been a fan of “big men” matches and this one doesn’t do anything to change my opinion.  It’s not Andre’s fault but he’s just too damn big to do anything in ring.  He’s completely winded after about 4 minutes of kicks, punches, bear hugs and ass-slams in the corner.  Yes… he puts Studd in the corner and essentially backs into him.  Apparently it’s a wicked offensive maneuver.  Andre finally ends the boredom by slamming Studd, winning the match and grabbing the $15k from Bobby Heenan.  He the proceeds to start throwing the cash to the fans until “The Weasel” grabs the back and heads to the locker room.  For as bad as Andre is in the ring, he’s worse on the mic and the WWF knows it… to the point where they completely cut off his post-match promo mid sentence.

WWF Women’s Championship
Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper) defeated Leilani Kai (c) (with the Fabulous Moolah)
This is the first “Rock and Wrestling” match as we get the inclusion of Cyndi Lauper accompanying Wendi Richter to the ring.  It’s obviously a ploy by the WWF to get another audience into wrestling and I’m not sure that it works.  I honestly don’t remember ever seeing this match before and after seeing it I see no reason to watch it again.  This is definitely not a “Diva’s Match” that we get in current story lines.  This is woman’s wrestling and it’s SLOW.  We’re treated to quite a few hammer locks, arm bars and pulling of the hair.  At least with current WWE Divas we get a bit of T&A that makes up for the sub-standard wrestling (though I have to say some of the current Divas are decent workers).  Near the end of the match Lauper and Moolah (accompanying Kai) get into it outside the ring.  Cyndi is obviously not comfortable in thie element and it shows.  This match thankfully comes to an end when Kai attempts a cross body block off the top rope which Richter clumsily rolls through to get the pin.

Hulk Hogan and Mr. T (with Jimmy Snuka) defeated Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff (with Cowboy Bob Orton)
This is the time where the WWF starts to bring out the big guns… sort of.  Billy Martin is announced as the special guest ring announcer.  Liberace (being accompanied to the ring by The Rockettes) is the guest timekeeper and Muhammad Ali is the special guest referee (though he’s a “floor ref” rather than in the ring).  This doesn’t start out promising as we get a complete  mosh right off the bat.  Cowboy Bob Orton (with the “bad guys”) and Superfly Jimmy Snuka (with the “good guys”) all make there way into the ring as does Ali.  At one point Snuka’s on the top rope waiting to do a splash but just jumps off feet first… lame.  I do have to give MAJOR props to Mr. T for his work here.  He’s doing body slams and hip tosses out there like this is his first job.  Well done B.A.  Well done.  Hogan is thrown to the outside and slammed with a chair (however the padded chair does cut down on the desired effect).  After another mele in the ring Orndorff has Hogan in a full nelson and is holding him so Bob Orton can come off the top rope and hit Hogan with his “loaded” cast.  Of course Hogan moves at the last minute pulling Orndorff into harms way “knocking him out” long enough for Hogan to get the pin.  We actually get a post-match interview which is rare as most shows these days go off the air with the winner posing in the ring.

General Thoughts

• The ropes are crazy floppy.  In fact the ring looks like it’s going to fall apart as the wrestlers are moving around.
• Moves that today are nothing more than “filler” are talked about as “power moves” – body slam, back body drop, suplex, etc.
• The ringside announce table is literally RIGHT at ringside.
• Whatever happened to announcing where people are from and their weights?
• Jesse makes reference to the fact that it’s the biggest card in history – 1.2 million people.  He’s obviously referring to the closed circuit crowd (remember this was before PPV) but he doesn’t reference that.
• I miss the times where “hooking the leg” was a prerequisite for actually getting a pin.
• Fans don’t throw trash into the ring anymore.
• For the most part the wrestlers are complete crap on the mic.  It’s obvious that back in these days the “product” was more about in ring than story lines.  Amazing that they gave the mic to some of these guys.
• Today, the concept of a “time limit” in any match aside from an Iron Man Match is completely absent.  During WrestleMania they announced the time limit for just about every match.
• Personally these shows have always been about the wrestling.  I like the idea of having one big show at the end of the “season” and I could do without all the celebrity stuff.  Let’s face it… Billy Martin, Cindy Lauper, Liberace, The Rockettes and Ali knew nothing about wrestling, care nothing about wrestling, etc.  They’re obvioulsy there for name value.  I’m sure it worked for some of the non-wrestling fans but for us “pure” fans they’re nothing but a boring distraction.