Event:

We kick off the show with images from the original WrestleMania.  Little Richard sings America The Beautiful poorly.  Pretty sure he was lip synching and he looks like a damn wax statue.  Scary dude.  We get Jerry “The King” Lawler and Vince McMahon on the mic.

Owen Hart defeated Bret Hart
We get a great recap here pre-match.  Probably the best of the series so far.  We’re then treated to a weak ass fireworks display and then FINALLY nearly 15 minutes after the show started we get the first bell.  Owen playing the heel to perfection.  We start out with some good wrestling and reversals from both guys and right off the bat you know this is going to be a good match.  Great stuff.  Bret takes a whip to the ropes/turnbuckle better than anyone in history.  Great looking Camel Clutch by Owen on Bret that they don’t reference by name.  Course not… then it would be a finishing move.  Awesome match back and forth between both guys.  Owen hits a non-named Tombstone and follows up with an attempt off the top rope which he misses.  Owen goes for a Sharpshooter and Bret reverses it but neither man get it locked on.  Nice innovative spots there.  Bret hurts his knee and Owen starts in.  Figure Four, leg sweeps, etc.  Talk about back and forth action!  Bret hits a superplex off the top.  Owen finally manages to lock in the Sharpshooter and Bret breaks and reverses it.  Bret goes for a victory roll and Owen drops down to get the pin and the victory.  Fucking outstanding match.  It made my Top WrestleMania Matches list as an honorable mention and definitely deserves to be there.

Bam Bam Bigelow and Luna Vachon defeated Doink the Clown and Dink
Wow… how in the hell did we get here?  Doink and Bam Bam start out with some standard stuff and eventually Dink and Luna get in on the action.  I mean really… how much can you do with a midget against a regular sized person?  Though I do have to say that seeing a midget go off the top rope is hilarious.  Huge DDT by Doink on Bam Bam.  Doink goes for his finisher but misses.  Bam Bam takes over and hits a head butt off the top for the victory.  So so match, but luckily it was pretty short.  Post match Dink goes after Bam Bam.  He and Luna go to splash dink but they blow the spot.

Falls Count Anywhere Match
Randy Savage defeated Crush (with Mr. Fuji)
In this “falls count anywhere” match you don’t actually lose the match if you’re pinned.  You have to also fail to return to the ring in 60 seconds.  Crush comes to the ring rocking a serious mullet and Savage attacks before the match starts and we’re off.  The first fall comes after about 30 seconds or so which sets the tone for the entire match.  Savage has to make his way back to the ring after being dropped across a retaining fence.  Naturally he makes it back with about 1 second to spare.  Crush goes for the dreaded “salt to the eyes” but it gets reversed.  Savage takes over and hits the elbow.  After dumping Crush to the outside he gets the fall.  Crush back in with 2 seconds to spare.  At this point they begin to battle through the crowd and to the backstage area.  Savage gets a pin and then hogties Crush upside down in the back.  Crush can’t make it back to the ring in time and Savage gets the win.  Decent match, but due to whole “get back in 60 seconds” rule we lose quite a bit of urgency.

WWF Women’s Championship
Alundra Blayze (c) defeated Leilani Kai
Leilani looks like she’s been ridden hard and put away wet.  Pretty typical women’s match for this day and age (pre Diva stuff).  Blaze gets the victory with a German suplex.  Skip this match completely.  The only noteworthy thing about this one is we’re shown Volkoff, Lou Albano, May Young and Moolah in the crowd.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Men on a Mission (Mabel and Mo) (with Oscar) defeated The Quebecers (c) (Jacques and Pierre) (with Johnny Polo) by countout
M.O.M. raps on the way to the ring… dear lord.  Johnny Polo (also knows as Raven) leads the Quebecers.  MOM in charge early.  Quebecers make a comeback and pull off a nice move where one body drops the other over the top onto the good guys.  Mabel gets a hot tag and cleans house.  The Quebecers get an impressive looking suplex on Mabel (damn that’s a big dude).  They hit their finisher and Mabel kicks out.  Thankfully this comes to an end when MOM win by countout.  Pretty piss poor match.

WWF Championship
Yokozuna (c) (with Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette) defeated Lex Luger by disqualification
Mr. Perfect is the special guest referee and Yokozuna comes to the ring first which sucks – champ should always be in last.  DAMN is Yokozuna big dude.  RIP sir.  Luger gets a real near count with a cross body off the top rope.  Follows that with a HUGE elbow drop.  He then goes for a slam and doesn’t even come close.  Naturally after the failed body slam attempt by Luger, Yoko takes over.  It’s not his fault but being so big his move set is very limited.  He goes into a nerve pinch (rest) hold for a few minutes until Lex gets up and breaks the hold.  At this point, we go into a terribly frustrating portion of the match.  Yoko beats down Luger who gets up, gets some offense in for a minute and then gets beat down by one single punch/kick from Yoko and we follow that up with a minute of a rest hold.  Ugh.  Luger fights back to his feet once again and gets hit with a HUGE belly to belly suplex.  Lex manages to hit Yoko into the exposed turnbuckle.  Luger knocks Yoko off his feet after multiple clotheslines.  Luger then follows that up with a slam (wow) and hits the loaded elbow/forearm.  Yoko out cold.  Cornette and Fuji in to the ring and Luger attacks them and the covers Yoko forever and a day.  Perfect goes to see how Cornette and Fuji are but doesn’t make the count.  Luger gets off of Yoko and goes after Perfect wondering why he’s not counting pushing him in the process.  Perfect then DQs Luger which leads to the crowd starting in on a “bullshit” chant.  I agree folks… fucking terrible.

Earthquake defeated Adam Bomb (with Harvey Wippleman)
Pre-match, Wippelman and Fink (?) get into it.  Why, I have no idea.  Who in the hell wants to see that?  Adam Bomb out and grabs Fink.  Earthquake out to make the save and… oh yeah… to have a match.  He gets the squash victory.  Bad but mercifully quick.

Ladder Match For The WWF Intercontinental Championship
Razor Ramon (c) defeated Shawn Michaels (with Diesel)
This is the ladder match that started it all.  No rules.  The storyline here is Shawn Michaels has a belt that he claims he is the rightful owner of since he never lost it.  Razor’s got a belt that he won when Shawn vacated his title.  To win, you’ve got to scale the ladder and retrieve both belts.  Outstanding mullet for Shawn who’s led to the ring by Diesel.  Razor’s out to some of my all time favorite entrance music.  No ref in the ring but have a couple outside the ring.  Great back and forth action here at the beginning.  Diesel gets involved and nails Razor on the outside.  He promptly gets removed from ringside for the duration of the match.  This naturally makes no fucking sense cause there are NO RULES in this match, so technically what he did was just fine.  In any case, the match continues and Razor removes the padding from the concrete and immediately gets back body dropped out of the ring onto the exposed floor.  Sucks for you Razor.  HBK gets the ladder and begins laying into Razor.  He hits the “ass out” elbow off the ladder which is hilarious.  HBK slams Razor and then proceeds to splash him off the ladder for a what I consider to be my first true “holy shit” moment in professional wrestling.   Razor turns it around and nails Shawn with the ladder out of the ring.  Razor attempts to climb the ladder but Shawn comes off the turnbuckle knocking Razor off the ladder.  Both men climb the ladder and Razor hits a suplex off the ladder.  At this point, the original ladder is broken and twisted.  Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music and follows that up with a big pile driver.  Shawn then “rides” the ladder out of the corner onto Razor – great spot.  Shawn sets up Razor under the ladder and attempts to climb the ladder.  Razor back up and knocks Shawn off the ladder who gets crotched on the top rope in the process.  Shawn’s leg gets wrapped up in the ropes and he can’t get free to stop Razor from climbing the ladder and grabbing the belts and the victory.  Absolutely AWESOME match which is why it made my Top 10.

WWF Championship
Bret Hart defeated Yokozuna (c) (with Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette)
Roddy Piper is the special guest referee for this match and Yoko once again comes to the ring first.  Interesting to note that this is the second WrestleMania is a row where this is the billed main event.  Nice that we get an actual match this time rather than the screwy “Insert Hulk Hogan As Champ” that we got last year.  Bret’s really limping on his way to the ring selling his injury from his previous match nicely.  Yoko takes over early and is in charge for the majority of the match.  Bret manages some offense and Yoko strikes back to take the advantage.  Piper is REALLY fast with his counts on chokes, count outs, etc.  It’s very weird that for such a big guy, Yokozuna never really sweats.  He’s gassed but not sweating.  Yoko charges into a corner and misses which Bret follows up with a bulldog, a forearm off the 2nd rope and a clothesline leading to a bunch of near falls.  Bret goes for another and is caught with a big belly to belly suplex.  Yoko drags Bret to the corner to go for the Banzai Drop and falls off the ropes?  What the fuck?!?!?  Bret gets the pin without another move.  Absolutely terrible ending to a pretty decent match.  Post match, the locker room empties and comes into the ring to give Bret his props.  Owen comes out and scowls at Bret as the show goes off the air.

General Thoughts

• The Heavenly Bodies beat The Bushwhackers in a dark match.
• Throughout the DVD, we’re showing “WrestleMania Moments” from the previous events.
• I absolutely LOVED Vince McMahon when he was a “just” a ring announcer.  Pure gold on the mic.
• The opener here between Bret and Owen is better then the entire WrestleMania IX card put together.
• The “celebrities” for this event are terrible.  Sy Sperling (the Hair Club For Men guy) and a Bill Clinton lookalike?  Come on.  Rhonda Shear and Donnie Whalberg as timekeeper and announcer?  The one bright spot here is Jenny Garth as the guest timekeeper for the main event… nice.  Love me some 90210.
• The ring sounds completely “hollow” during the counts.
• Pretty sloppy programming as there was a 10 man tag match that was apparently scheduled and scrapped.
• Even though there’s some stinkers in here, the fact that it contains two of my Top WrestleMania Matches makes it a decent show.

Event:

Gorilla Monsoon on the mic for this outdoor event at Caesars Palace.  They’re referring to it as “the world’s largest toga party”.  I’m sure that’s supposed to be clever, but it comes across and being completely lame.  When Howard Finkel is announced, he’s referred to as “Finkus Maximus”.  I can’t begin to tell you how incredibly retarded this looks.  Caesar and Cleopatra are paraded down to the ring to welcome the fans.  I understand it’s Vegas, but this is ridiculous.  Macho Man comes to the ring eating grapes and Bobby Heenan comes to the ring riding a camel… backwards.  Lord almighty.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Tatanka (with Sensational Sherri) defeated Shawn Michaels (c) (with Luna Vachon) by countout
Decent little opener with the IC title on the line.  Early on, HBK goes up and off the top rope.  Tatanka hits him with an arm drag mid air which looks awesome.  Shawn has an injured shoulder (coming into the match) and Bobby, Ross and Savage remind us like a billion times.  Tatanka takes over and goes to work on said shoulder.  A while later Shawn manages to his the crescent kick – not billed as Sweet Chin Music yet – and proceeds to throw Tatanka over the top rope and really go to work on him.  Tatanka goes for a “Hulk Up” type move which I thought was reserved for Hogan and the Warrior. * shrug *  He takes over and slingshots Shawn into the corner.  Shawn to the top rope and Tatanka catches him with a power slam – very nice.  HBK then goes for a flying cross body on the outside and misses.  A few minutes later, Shawn levels the ref, Tatanka hits his finisher and naturally doesn’t get the pin cause there is no ref in sight.  Ref finally calls for a countout on HBK in a huge WTF moment.  Sherri was completely worthless at ringside during the match so it only makes sense that Luna nails her post match so Tatanka can carry her out.  Decent match with a pretty piss poor ending.

The Steiner Brothers (Rick and Scott) defeated The Headshrinkers (Samu and Fatu) (with Afa)
Jim Ross waits until the second match of the card to whip out “slobberknocker”.  Scott Steiner was always a big guy but he REALLY buffed up during his Big Poppa Pump days.  Looking at him here by comparison he looks small.  Steiners start off the match by coming off the top rope and leveling the Shrinkers.  JR tells us that Sherri has been attacked back stage by Luna.  Um… who cares?  Scott gets slingshotted over the top from the middle of the ring (wow) and gets his ass kicked on the outside.  Scott has been isolated essentially the whole match.  Not sure if Rick was hurt or they were purposefully showcasing Scott.  Rick finally gets tagged in and goes apeshit crazy.  The Shrinkers go for a Doomesday-like finisher but Rick catches one of them mid air and slams him off the other Shrinker’s shoulders!  Holy shit for sure.  Scott back in to hit a franken-steiner for the win.  Enjoyable match even for this non tag fan.

We’re 50 minutes into the show and we’ve had 2 matches.

Doink the Clown defeated Crush
Recap of the Doink/Crush feud.  Doink makes a reference to Crush having “double vision” later this afternoon.   If you know what’s coming this is a terrible pun.  Crush takes charge at the beginning of the match.  Crush hits a neckbreaker that used to be called the Rude Awakening.  Crush totally in charge for the majority of the match.  Doink gets a little offense in and then Crush reverses him off the top into a power slam.  Doink tries to crawl under the ring but Crush catches him.  Crush goes for his finisher and Doink escapes and goes under the ring.  A second “Doink” comes from under the ring and they take out Crush with a loaded fake arm (good thing we had the recap or the folks would have no idea why this is relevant).  The two Doinks look at one another and do a “mirror” image thing.  After the match referees come down to look under the ring and of course they don’t find anything.

Razor Ramon defeated Bob Backlund
This is one of those “huh” type matches that I never quite get.  Razor shows some power moves at the beginning of the match.  He also shows that his move set hasn’t changed one bit in the last 20 years.  Backlund follows up with a couple of the world’s worst hip tosses.  He follows this up by a complete whiff of a dropkick.  Follow that up with a TERRIBLE looking atomic drop and it makes you wonder why the WWF ever put the strap on him.  Ramon gets a small package out of fucking nowhere for the victory.  Completely worthless match.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Money Inc. (Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster) (c) defeated The Mega-Maniacs (Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake) (with Jimmy Hart) by disqualification
Hogan and Beefcake come out second to a small cloud of red and yellow smoke.  Hogan is SMALL  and on top of that his eye is all kinds of fucked up.  Mega-Maniacs in charge early and Hogan actually looks good in the ring.  Almost no offense from Money Inc. and they finally decide to leave the ring.  They’ve obviously decided to say “Fuck it” and are willing to lose the match via count out.  The ref then rules that if the get counted out they will not only lose the match but the titles as well.  Heenan goes berserk and Money Inc. back in.  DiBiase manages to slap the Million Dollar Dream on Hogan in the middle of the ring.  I cannot for the life of me remember ANYONE ever getting out of that hold, which naturally means Hogan will do it.  Instead, IRS and Beefcake come in to break things up.  Ref tries to get IRS out of the ring and Beefcake puts the sleeper on DiBiase.  Both Hogan and DiBiase are out and we finally get a hot tag to Beefcake.  A while later, DiBiase manages to hit Beefcake in the back with their (obviously loaded) briefcase and Money Inc. takes over.  They take off Beefcake’s “titanium” mask that he had worn to the ring and threaten to break his face (I guess).  Beefcake fights back with a double clothesline and gets the sleeper on IRS.  The end comes when we get a ref bump, Hogan uses the “titanium” mask on DiBiase.  With no ref in sight, Jimmy Hart jumps in the ring, puts on a striped jacket so he looks like a ref and counts the 3.  He presents the Mega-Maniacs with the titles.  Another ref comes from backstage and raises the hands of IRS.  After the match, Hogan/Beefcake pose down, open the briefcase to find a brick and wads of cash which they throw to the crowd.  Savage closes this by saying, “The Mega-Maniacs ARE the Mega-Maniacs.”  Um… OK, thanks Randy.  LONG match which is decent except for the swerve non-ending.

Lex Luger defeated Mr. Perfect
Mr. Perfect gives a less than perfect interview and essentially walks off screen.  A whole slew of “thonged” ladies lead Lex to the ring as he’s in his Narcissist phase.  Perfect playing the face and takes control early hamming to the crowd.  Luger takes over and goes to work on Perfect’s back.  Luger working the power moves even though Perfect is rocking the awesome Body Glove gear.  Talk about a fashion that I don’t miss.  Perfect fights his way back and gets a couple of very near falls.  Luger hooks a backslide for the pin but Perfect has his legs on the ropes (though the ref didn’t see it).  Luger hits the “loaded elbow/forearm” post match and knocks Perfect out cold.  Where the hell are the backstage refs THIS match?  Backstage, Perfect goes after Luger and HBK gets involved (huh)?  While this was pretty sloppy, this is the first time that I remember them doing any “backstage” stuff on camera during a Mania event (aside from promos).  Not the worst match on the card, but definitely not the best either.

The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated Giant Gonzalez (with Harvey Wippleman) by disqualification
Gonzalez comes to the ring wearing a crazy suit with muscles spray painted on.  I’ve seen some bad wrestling outfits in my day, but this one definitely takes the cake.  With that getup he looks like a complete douche bag, but God DAMN is that guy big.  Note that the Undertaker is 6′ 10″ and looks small by comparison.  This is a pretty typical “big man” match for most of the time with Giant in charge.  Quite a few rest holds here for absolutely no reason.  Undertaker is still going with the whole “mystical urn” gimmick at this point in his career.  Giant eventually grabs a rag with some “chloroform” on it and puts Taker out getting DQ’d in the process.  Undertaker out cold in the middle of the ring.  Fucking ridiculous ending.  We get a ton of officials out from the back and hear Savage say, “This is bad” like 100 times.  Taker is stretchered out of the ring and Gonzalez proceeds to choke slam a referee.  It’s absolutely crazy how small the ref is in comparison.  The gong hits and Taker staggers back to the ring.  Gonzalez selling this like he’s seen a ghost.  Undertaker hits a couple of clotheslines and it’s over.  Thankfully.

WWF Championship
Yokozuna (with Mr. Fuji) defeated Bret Hart (c)
Before this match gets started, we get an interview with Hulk Hogan where he explains that he’d been beaten up the night before.  He then goes on to challenge either Bret Hart or “The Jap”.  Wow.  As the competitors make their way to the ring, the announcers keep talking about how big of a favorite Yoko is.  God DAMN is he big.  Bret starts the match very quickly with a running dropkick.  Yoko literally runs over Bret and then tosses him out of the ring.  Bret gets Yoko’s foot tangled and manages to get some good offense in during a pretty innovative spot.  Bret hits a couple of clotheslines but doesn’t take Yoko off his feet.  Yoko follows this with a clothesline of his own which takes Bret down and continues with a HUGE leg drop.  I’m not sure how you COULDN’T get hurt when taking a leg drop from a guy as big as Yokozuna.  Yoko in complete control and we go into a rest hold.  The crowd starts with a “USA, USA” chant which is pretty funny considering it’s a Japanese guy vs. a Canadian.  Yokozuna misses Bret coming into the turnbuckle and Hitman follows with a big bulldog.  Bret goes for a Sharpshooter (good luck Bret) and Fuji takes the opportunity to throw salt in his eyes.  Bret sells it like he’s got razor blades in his eyes and Yoko gets the pin without even doing another move.  Weak ending.

WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan defeated Yokozuna (c) (with Mr. Fuji)
Hogan comes out to help Bret and Fuji gets on the mic and challenges Hogan to match right then and there (see pre-match interview with Hogan).  Bret tells Hogan to go for it and in he goes.  Fuji goes for the salt and naturally hits Yoko instead.  Hogan hits a clothesline followed by the standard leg drop of doom and get the win and the title in a “match” that lasted all of 21 seconds.  Even if you’re a big Hogan fan, this was a terrible way to end a terrible show.

General Thoughts

• Tito Santana defeated Papa Shango in a dark match.  Tito’s been relegated to dark matches… so sad.
• It always amazes me the extreme swings in attendance WrestleMania gets.  62,000 plus last year down to 16,000 plus this year.  I understand venues have different seating capacity, but that seems crazy to me.
• Randy Savage is absolutely terrible on the mic.  Ugh.  I love him in the ring and when’s on the mic as a wrestler, but when he’s doing commentary it just doesn’t work.  At one point, he talks about how people are “hanging from the rafters” but then realizes that since we’re outside and there are no rafters he needs to correct himself.
• How many times are we going to be reminded that it’s a Roman Colosseum.  We get it.
• Why is it that a move used by one guy can be a finisher for another guy as long as it’s got a cool name?
• Since when do referees watch from the back?  And not only watch, but when they see something that’s not Kosher rush to the ring to make it right?
• Looking back, there’s not one GOOD match on the card.  The opener is solid but nothing to write home about and there’s a couple of really piss poor efforts in here.  Definitely the worst Mania I’ve reviewed thus far.

Event:

This show was billed as having a “double main event” which rarely (if ever) works out.  I believe that this is the first Mania event that I watched live on PPV.  We get Gorilla and Bobby Heenan on the mic here which is a good lineup.  Reba McEntire sings the national anthem.  It seems weird that the WWF can never make up its mind.  National anthem or America The Beautiful?

Shawn Michaels (with Sensational Sherri) defeated El Matador
Tito’s gone “El Matador” on us which is just so sad.  Shawn is heel at this point and really coming into his own as a singles wrestler (even though he’s leading off this card against an aging Tito).  Tito in charge early and sends HBK to the outside.  He yanks him back in and goes directly into a side headlock (rest) that lasts WAY too long.  Come on guys… you can’t be gassed yet can you?  Small package?  Side headlock.  Whip to ropes hop over?  Side headlock.  Shawn gains the upperhand when Tito goes to the ropes and Shawn sidesteps him and throws him over the top.  HBK is sporting a beautifully fluffed mullet at this point.  Very slow match.  HBK hits his super kick which is not yet named “Sweet Chin Music” but rather the more mundane “crescent kick”.  He goes for his side suplex finisher but Tito catches him with a forearm and follows up with his flying forearm and sends Shawn to the outside.  Tito brings him back and and Shawn scores a pin out of nowhere for the win.  No replay on that one.  Pretty weak match.

Before the next match we get an interview the Legion of Doom and Paul Ellering.  “We’re the best blah blah blah”, “We’re not here to mess around blah blah blah”.  “Ooooo, what a rush…”

The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated Jake Roberts
Pre-match we get a Sean Mooney interview with Jake where he’s talking about how Jack Tunny says that he can’t bring a snake to the ring.  After that we get a nice recap package of this feud.  Undertaker is a face by the point but is still doing the very methodical/plodding thing in the ring.  Jake is doing the quick strike approach keeping his distance in the ring.  Jake hits a clothesline which sends Taker over the top 360 style but he lands on his feet.  Back in the ring, Jake continues with the upper hand until Undertaker takes over with some blatant  choke holds.  Taker breaks out the heavy artillery and hits some big moves (elbows, clotheslines, etc.)  Jake hits the DDT out of nowhere and Taker sits right up.  Jake plants him HARD with a second one and Taker stays down.  Instead of going for the win, Jake goes outside and grabs Paul.  This of course allows Taker time to grab Jake on the outside and hit the Tombstone on the concrete.  He rolls Jake in and covers him for the win.  Once again we get no recaps here.  Pretty slow match, but great for vintage Undertaker fans out there.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Bret Hart defeated Roddy Piper (c)
One of my Top WrestleMania Matches of all time and watching it again reaffirms that it was a good choice to be put on the list.  Before the match we get an interview with both champ and challenger at the same time.  Once we get in the ring we get right to it with a slew of arm drags.  Bret uses some leverage and tosses Roddy to the outside.  He gets pissed and proceeds to spit on Bret.  Strength test followed by a great spot where Bret grabs onto Roddy’s arm and won’t let go for like two minutes.  Hitman then “hurts his shoulder” and when Piper gets close enough he goes for a small package in the center of the ring… nice.  Piper hits a bulldog on Hart and Bret blades.  Not the best blade job of his career but it gets the job done and he’s bleeding like a stuck pig.  Roddy’s in control until we get a classic double clothesline.  Piper goes to the top (WTF???) and Bret catches him and turns it into his “5 Moves Of Death” -  inverted atomic drop, suplex, Russian leg sweep, neck breaker and back breaker but can’t get the Sharpshooter on.  A while later we get a ref bump.  Piper grabs the bell and does the “good guy” thing and decides not to use it.  He slaps a sleeper on Bret and Bret uses the turnbuckle to flip over.  Piper doesn’t release the hold and gets pinned.  Piper presents the belt to Hitman and they hug it out.  Outstanding match.

Next up we get an interview with Lex Luger sitting at home pimping the World Bodybuilding Federation.  He drinks a milkshake.  If that sounds pretty pathetic and boring it’s cause it is.

The Big Boss Man, Virgil, Sgt. Slaughter, and Jim Duggan defeated The Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags), Repo Man, and The Mountie (with Jimmy Hart)
Before this match gets started, we get interviews with the participants.  The interviews include so many wrestling cliches it’s not even funny.  Actually, it is kind of funny.  Ray Combs (of Family Feud fame) is announcing and trying to be clever.  I’ve just got to say… an 8 man?  Really?  Did I stumble into Survivor Series?  Pretty standard 8 man match here and nothing really noteworthy.  The end comes when Big Boss Man catches Mountie off the second rope and slams him.  A melee  ensues.  One Nasty Boy holds Virgil while the other winds up to hit him.  Naturally, Virgil ducks and one Nasty knocks the other out.  Good guys win.  Recommendation?  Fast forward.

WWF Championship
Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) defeated Ric Flair (c) (with Mr. Perfect)
Flair out first.  I’ll say it again, the champ should ALWAYS come out last.  Randy’s jogging to the ring.  When the hell did he get un-retired?  No Liz by his side.  Savage comes out on fire and takes control.  Bobby is going crazy but this lasts only until Savage gets back dropped to the outside.  Flair takes over with typical moves – chops, suplex, etc.  Savage getting his ass kicked for a good 8-9 minutes.  Ric going very slow and cocky… classic Flair.  Strut, beat, strut, beat.  Savage finally comes out of a corner and mounts some offense.  Flair goes up to the top (never a good sign) and naturally gets caught/slammed.  Double axe handle off the top to the outside from Savage.  “Flair flop” on the outside after getting rammed on the post.  Flair blades bad and is busted open.  Not sure where I read it, but Flair was fined quite a bit for this move as this was during a “no blood” period of the WWF.  Savage nails the elbow but Perfect stops the count.  Perfect then gives Flair a foreign object who proceeds to drill Savage with it.  Flair is REALLY bloody here.  We get a good spot with Flair sinking in the figure four on Savage and he’s got to really work to get out.  Out of nowhere, Savage goes for a rollover, pulls the trunks and gets the win and the title.  Post match, Flair kisses Liz (who’d made her way to ringside during the match) and she slaps him.  Classic Flair/Savage interviews post match in the dressing room.  Good stuff.  This is the version of Flair that I love (a cocky heel) and also my favorite version of the Macho Man (a little bit crazy).

Tatanka defeated Rick Martel
Christ.  Tatanka comes to the ring with some dancing indians.  This is worse than the opening to the Olympic games.  Bobby Heenan and Gorilla continue to talk about the Savage/Flair match WELL into this one (which tells you what you need to know about this match).  Martel playing the heel and Bobby Heenan being so un-PC it’s hilarious.  “Hey how are ya, hey how are ya.”.  Wow.  Model goes up and gets crotched on the top.  Tatanka hits a cross body out of nowhere for the win.  Lame.

WWF Tag Team Championship
The Natural Disasters (Earthquake and Typhoon) defeated Money Inc. (Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster) (c) (with Jimmy Hart) by countout
Earthquake now has a clone named Tugboat… ugh.  If you’ve been reading these recaps you know that I’m not a big fan of Earthquake, so you can imagine how much I’d like ANOTHER fat dude that can’t wrestle.  DiBiase and Schyster are good wrestlers, but even they can’t carry the Disasters along through this sloppy match.  Earthquake goes for his “balls to the face” finisher but Jimmy Hart sneaks in and pulls IRS out.  The champs walk out of the arena to get counted out.

Owen Hart defeated Skinner
Owen does a back flip into the ring and Skinner spits in his face to start the match.  After only a minute or so, Owen goes for a sunset flip and it’s over.  I simply do not understand why matches like this are on a WrestleMania card.  Save this shit for the Saturday morning shows or Raw.  I love Owen, but stuff like this is a complete waste of time and does nothing except piss off the fans.

Hulk Hogan defeated Sid Justice (with Harvey Wippleman) by disqualification
Pre-match we get an interview with Hogan and Vince where Hogan is asked if this is his “last match”.  In retrospect this is just laughable.  Sid does an interview complete with his “rule the world” bit which always kind of bored me.  “Real American” hits and the crowd goes wild.  Sid attacks before the bell rings and Hogan fights him off while the music continues to play.  The crowd is fucking HOT right now.  After a great opening this match slows down considerably.  Lots of time on the outside of the ring for Sid.  Back in we get a test of strength which is nothing more than a rest hold.  Sid hits a choke slam out of nowhere and then proceeds to talk to the camera rather than going for a pin.  When he returns, he goes straight into another rest hold (the shoulder pinch of doom) and Hogan’s hand falls twice.  Hogan powers out and Side regains control with a side suplex and shortly thereafter hits his power bomb finisher.  The power bomb actually looked pretty good.  I don’t remember Hogan taking that many big moves.  Hogan kicks out and “Hulks Up” hitting the boot, body slam and the big leg drop.  Sid kicks out!  Very happy to see this as that damn move always put people out.  I remember watching this not knowing what the hell was going to happen now.  Wippelman in and causes the DQ.  Papa Shango (WTF) comes out and starts beating on Hogan with Sid.  Hogan’s tied in the ropes and the Warrior’s music hits!  Warrior flies to the ring and clears house.  He and Hogan pose down to end the show.

General Thoughts

• In a dark match, the Bushwackers defeated The Beverly Brothers.  Thank God for dark matches.
• Apparently there was a match scheduled between The British Bulldog and The Berzerker which had to be scrapped due to time constraints.  Not really sure why as the match times only run just over an hour and a half.
• Heenan says, “I’m Indiana’s favorite Bobby.”  Absolutely hilarious seeing as this is prime time Bobby Knight country and point in his career.
• Heenan is now known as a “broadcast journalist” – a title which would follow him for quite a few years.
• Saw a couple of Horsemen banners in the crowd.  I still wish the WWF would/could have brought that stable in.  Woo!
• Warrior looked much smaller than when he left the WWF.  This no doubt fueled the rumors that this was a “new” Ultimate Warrior and that the original had died.

Event:

At WrestleMania VI, it was announced that this event would be held at the LA Memorial Coliseum.  Between WM VI and now, the venue was changed to the Sports Arena.  According to the WWF at the time, this was due to some death threats that Slaughter had received.  Other reports say it was due to slow ticket sales.  Personally I’m of the opinion that it was the latter.  WrestleMania VI had over 67,000 people in attendance and here we’ve got just over 16,000.  Hmm.  During the intro, Hulk Hogan is now officially referred to as “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan.  In addition to the sudden venue change, this is also the first WM where Jesse Ventura is not part of the lineup which is a real bummer.  We get an a cappella performance by Willie Nelson before we get things started.

The Rockers (Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) defeated The Barbarian and Haku (with Bobby Heenan)
If you can get past the fact that Hacksaw Jim Duggan is on the mic (which is REALLY difficult to do) and it’s a little long, this is a decent opener for the event.  The Rockers are “tag team specialists” so you’ve got to think they’re going to win this one right off the bat.  They do their little double elbow drop gimmick and run directly into a huge double clothesline by the Barbarian.  Jennetty plays face in peril and gets a massive slingshot over the top rope.  Just a reminder… Hacksaw sucks on the mic (as if that’s any surprise).  Marty goes for a cross body and gets power slammed for his efforts.  He finally gets a hot tag to Michaels who cleans house.  Jannetty gets back into the action with a drop kick off the top which Shawn follows up with a cross body off the top for the win.  Long match (10 minutes +) for an opener but a good way to start the show.

Regis, Marla Maples and Alex Trebek.  Come on WWF, can’t you do better than this for your “celebrities”?

The Texas Tornado defeated Dino Bravo (with Jimmy Hart)
Next up is Dino Bravo against the Ultimate Warrior without face paint… er, I mean Texas Tornado.  Bravo attacks before the bell and takes the upper hand before we even get started.  Tornado takes over and goes for the claw early in the match up.   Bravo regains the advantage after getting a knee up on a charging Tornado.  Bravo hits his side suplex finisher but Tornado kicks out.  Hey Bravo… your finisher didn’t work.  You’re fucked.  Dino follows that up with the worst chop ever off the 2nd rope.  He goes for it again but is caught in Tornado’s claw which is quickly followed with a “Spinning Tornado” for the victory.  I’ve never been a big fan of either of these guys so it was thankfully a pretty quick match.  I do have to say that it does suck to watch two dead guys wrestle though.  RIP fellas.

The British Bulldog defeated The Warlord (with Slick)
Pre-match interview with The Warlord (wearing some crappy Legion Of Doom gear and a Hannibal Lecter mask) and Slick.  Slick is an absolutely pathetic character and only goes to show what the WWF was able to get away with in those days.  WOW.  The Warlord talks about how no wrestler has escaped his full nelson so we can pretty much assume that we’ll see that spot sometime during the match.  In the ring we get to see these guys go at it and god DAMN are they big.  We get a couple of chest bumps and finally Warlord goes down.  Bulldog goes for a crucifix and gets slammed hard.   This is a pretty typical “big man” match but Bulldog is definitely leading the way.  He always did move great even for a big guy.  By comparison, this is much better than the WrestleMania XX match between Goldberg and Lesnar (which I was in attendance for).  Bulldog is on the short end of the stick for most of this match and then takes control with a very impressive standing dropkick.  He goes for a piledriver which gets reversed and Warlord gets the full nelson but doesn’t lock the fingers.  As predicted, Bulldog breaks the hold and gets Warlord up for a HUGE running power slam and the win.  Good match.

WWF Tag Team Championship
The Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags) (with Jimmy Hart) defeated The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart) (c)
We get a pre-match interview with the Nastys who proceed to make a “stink and pink” reference.  Wow… talk about  a “shocking” display of guts to get off that blast on a live PPV.  We start out with some good back-and-forth action in the early going.  The Hart Foundation is simply not going for the pin and even Heenan points it out.  Bret get overwhelmed and plays face in peril for a while.  Actually that’s kind of an understatement… he’s getting his ass handed to him for a while.  Jimmy’s megaphone gets tossed into the ring and one Nasty hits the other by mistake.  The Foundation takes over and hits their finisher on Knobbs.  Jimmy then throws in his helmet (not sure why he was wearing it other than to have an excuse to have a foreign object at ringside) and Saggs blasts Anvil with it.  Knobbs rolls over and gets the pin and the titles.  Nice match with a great heel-ish ending.

Blindfold Match
Jake Roberts defeated Rick Martel
From the recap, we’re told that Jake has been “blinded” when Martel shot him in the eye with his cologne “Arrogance”.  I remember this storyline like it was yesterday as it played out over a couple of weeks on Superstars.  As we head into this blindfold match I can’t imagine that they can’t see under these hoods.  I’m guessing its essentially  a see-through mesh type bag.  In any case, once the match gets going it’s like 2 minutes before they even touch one another as they’re just playing to the crowd pointing at one another.  Kind of funny as the crowd always points Martel in the wrong direction.  Hilarious.  Martel whips Jake to the ropes and goes for a backdrop which is hysterical to watch.  Other than that kind of stuff, this starts out REALLY slow.  I think I’m going to start my own “bo-ring” chant.  Martel finally catches up to Jake and body slams him and then follows up with an elbow drop, which of course Jake has moved out of the way of.  Not sure how many times they’ll go for the “Oops, I missed cause I’m blindfolded” spot but I’m guessing this wasn’t the last time.  The crowd is really into this one and I’m not sure why.  They start up a “DDT” chant which we just know is coming.  They go out of the ring (?) and Martel grabs a chair which he proceeds to blast the ring post with.  Per my previous point there’s no way they’d be out there swinging shit around if they really couldn’t see anything.  Back in the ring, Martel hits a back breaker and goes for his Boston crab which Jake finally breaks.  Once again they stumble around the ring until they are back to back in the middle and Jake nails the DDT for the win.  Other than the last 2 minutes or so this is a total snooze fest.  Feel free to skip.

The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated Jimmy Snuka
And “The Streak” begins.  Snuka is out in leopard skin underwear… Christ.  Taker is in control from the get go but misses an elbow after a couple of minutes which allows Snuka his first bit of offense.  Snuka goes for a cross body and totally misses.  Superfly slingshots back in from the outside and Taker catches him and goes right into the Tombstone for the victory.  Snuka is essentially a jobber here.  This should have been saved for a Saturday morning show though I’m guessing the WWF wanted to show Undertaker as a bad ass kicking the crap out of a “superstar” albeit an old one.

Retirement Match
The Ultimate Warrior defeated Randy Savage (with Sensational Queen Sherri)
Career vs. career matches are never quite what they’re cracked up to be as most wrestlers never actually “retire” (See Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, etc.)  That being said, this one was a great match from beginning to end.  We see Miss Elizabeth in the crowd and Warrior walks to the ring rather than dashing in as he’s known to do.  This really gives an “important” vibe to this match though it does look like he’s wearing a shredded garbage bag to the ring.  Warrior takes control from the beginning but he’s not wresting his type of match.  Savage goes for a cross body off the top and Warrior catches him, puts him down and slaps him… nice spot.  Sherri keeps getting involved until Warrior gets pissed and shoves her down.  There’s a TON of outside the ring action going on here and this really should be a no DQ match.  Not sure it was a botched spot or what, but at one point Warrior does his crisscross like 5 times and then essentially does a face plant cause he’s nowhere near Savage.  Not sure who, but someone fucked up.  We get a classic double clothes line spot and both guys are gassed.  Warrior gets a small package but the ref is out of position.  We follow this up with a ref bump and Sherri comes in to pound on Warrior but his Savage by mistake (shoe).  Savage manages to make a comeback and hits his patented clothesline  over the top and sets up Warrior for the big elbow.  Nails it not once, not twice, but 5 TIMES!  Warrior inexplicably kicks out and if you didn’t by this point you know that Savage’s “career” is done.  Warrior starts shaking the ropes and “Hulks Up” hitting clothesline after clothesline on Savage.  He hits the gorilla press slam on Savage but Savage kicks out as well.  Wow.  Warrior then starts talking to “The Gods” and starts to leave the ring.  Savage goes to the top and plans to go to the outside on top of Warrior but misses and hits the guardrail.  Another crisscross from Warrior followed by the shoulder block knocks Savage out of the ring.  Warrior dumps him back in and hits him with the same move twice more finally ending the match by putting his foot on Savage’s chest for the pin.  Absolutely outstanding match.  May have to revisit my Top 10 WrestleMania Matches and put this one on there… wow.  In retrospect, it’s kind of ironic that the Warrior won this career match and he’s essentially done with the WWF at this point.  Savage lost here and he had another decade (or 2) in the biz.  Post-match, Sherri beats down Macho and Liz comes to his rescue jumping the barricade.  Hug/love fest with Savage and Liz and there are literally people crying ringside (hey folks… this is scripted).

After the brilliant Savage/Warrior match, we follow that up with some super gay backstage stuff.  Regis is getting fitted for a casket by Taker, Trebek talks to Demolition, back to Regis with Tenryu/Kitao who don’t speak a lick of English and then back to Trebek talking with Jake & Damien.  Complete waste of time.

Tenryu and Kitao defeated Demolition (Crush and Smash) (with Mr. Fuji)
Tenryu and Kitao were on loan from another promotion so you know they’re not going to lose here which sucks cause I was a huge Demolition fan.  Asian guy #2 hits a crappy looking power bomb for the win.  Piped in crowd noise when they’re leaving the ring.  Terrible match.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
The Big Boss Man defeated Mr. Perfect (c) (with Bobby Heenan) by disqualification
Pre-match, Boss Man is bitching about how his momma’s feelings were hurt.  Come on… are we really resorting to mom jokes?  For some reason, Lord Alfred Hayes is back – worst on air WWF talent ever and that’s saying a lot.  Boss Man takes over from the beginning and crowd loving it.  Hayes and Gorilla talk about the whole Savage/Liz ending from the previous match and Alfred says it’s the most touching thing he’s seen… ever.  Um, OK.  Perfect takes over and plays the heel to perfection (excuse the pun).  God damn was he great.  His hold-the-guy-and-summer-salt-over-him-neck-snap was always one of my favorites.  A while later, Boss Man is back in control until he makes the mistake of turning his attention to Heenan.  Perfect naturally attacks from behind.  Andre The Giant (?) comes down to ringside and grabs the belt.  Perfect tries to grab it, but Andre lays out Perfect but Boss Man can’t capitalize.  Haku and the Barbarian come down and cause a DQ finish.  I remember being pissed at this outcome cause I always wanted to see Boss Man win a title.  Watching this match now I can’t help but marvel at how great Henning was.  The story here was garbage as I hate non-finishes especially at a PPV.

Next we get an Mean Gene interview with Donald Trump and Chuck Norris in the stands.  Henry Winkler is sitting right there and Gene totally blows him off until he’s ready to talk to him.  Hilarious.

Earthquake (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Greg Valentine
Blubberquake and Valentine.  Why does Earthquake flex… ever?  Total squash match here (no pun intended).  Wonder who Hammer pissed off to be in this position?

The Legion of Doom (Hawk and Animal) defeated Power and Glory (Paul Roma and Hercules) (with Slick)
The first appearance for the LOD in a WrestleMania event.  Couple of decent spots with Hawk hitting a double clothesline and Animal catching Roma off the top into a nasty looking power slam.  LOD hits the Doomsday Device and it’s over.  Essentially another squash.  I’m not a big fan of tag wrestling and this was only so so.   If you’re looking for a tag match to watch on this card definitely go with the Rockers opener.

Virgil (with Roddy Piper) defeated Ted DiBiase by countout
For the life of me, I can’t remember how Piper go inserted into this feud so I can’t tell you why in God’s name he’s with Virgil.  Million Dollar Man looking stupid at the get go with Virgil taking control.  Props to DiBiase for making himself look so bad and Virgil so good.  Crowd totally not into it and it sounds like a bingo hall.   No that isn’t a reference to ECW… it actually sounds like a bingo hall.  Not sure if it’s the bad attendance or bad acoustics in the building.  DiBiase takes over with a piledriver and goes methodical heel on Virgil really slowing the pace.  On the outside, DiBiase blasts Piper who’s on crutches for this bout.  Piper uses the crutch to bring DiBiase over the top rope where he subsequently gets counted out.  This is back in the day where people gave a shit about a count out win, so Virgil celebrates like he just gave birth.  DiBiase gets the Million Dollar Dream after the match and Piper blasts him with the crutch to make the save.  Sensational Sherri comes down to help out DiBiase and they give a bad beat down to Piper’s bad leg.  DiBiase is playing ruthless heel here… more so than I remember.  I’ve always thought of him as that Ric Flair type villain where he’ll cheat to win but have never thought of him as a really brutal heel.  This seems out of character but I might just be remember wrong.  Virgil and Piper have a “hug it out bitch” moment after the match.

After this, we get a nice little recap of the Hogan/Slaughter match up.  No matter how many times I hear it, “Pukeamaniacs” is still funny.

The Mountie (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Tito Santana
Whip to the ropes with the first move of the match.  Leapfrog and Tito hits the flying forearm.  Noggin knocker on the outside on Mountie and Hart.  Mountie hits Tito with the cattle prod and the match is over in less than 2 minutes.  Poor Tito.  I wish I knew what he did to become a jobber.  He deserves better.

WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan defeated Sgt. Slaughter (c) (with General Adnan)
Typical Hogan interview beforehand.  Once again the “F” is beeped out when he references WWF on this version of the DVD.  More recap/footage of Slaughter and Hogan.  There’s a shot in here where Slaughter has Hogan in the camel clutch and Adnan is showing the title belt to Hogan.  One problem… he’s got the belt upside down.  Hogan proceeds to rip off his shirt during the interview.  Slaughter is introduced first into the ring which always pisses me off.  Even if they’re a heel, the champ should come to the ring second.  Always.  Hogan’s “Real American” hits and he’s got himself a new shirt for his entrance.  He’s officially announced as “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan which is kind of gay if you ask me.  Seeing Hogan here one specific movie quote came to mind: “Jesus… didn’t that guy ever have hair?”  Lock up early and Hogan pushes the ref out of the way.  Crowd REALLY hot.  They’ve mentioned multiple times that Hogan can’t win the title on a count out or a DQ.  Slaughter grabs a chair on the outside and hits Hogan with it in plain view of the ref.  Hogan no sells it and we don’t get a DQ.  I have this as my Top WrestleMania Matches and in re-watching is I’m realizing it’s actually pretty terrible from a wrestling standpoint (not that Hogan ever has any “good” matches).  We get some good old back-raking action which can only be described as awesome.  Hogan in control and really giving Slaughter a beating.  Hogan for some reason goes to his aerial assault and of course gets caught when Adnan holds his leg.  This allows Slaughter to take over with a ton of heelish tactics.  More chair shots with no DQ as well as a mic cord choking Hogan out.  Sarge goes to work on the lower back with punches, boots and a Boston crab.  Hogan is essentially under the rope but decides to try and power out anyhow.  When he can’t he goes to the ropes and Slaughter thinks he’s won.  Slaughter continues to pound on the back and Adnan distracts the ref.  Slaughter covers Hogan for like a day but Adnan is still yapping.   Chair shot to Hogan and he’s busted wide open – GREAT crimson mask.  Camel Clutch in the middle of the ring on a bloody Hogan.  He finally breaks it but runs into a turnbuckle and is down for the count.  Sarge brings in the Iraq flag and places it over Hogan and goes for the cover.  Hogan kicks out, rips the flag and “Hulks Up” for the victory.  This is the quintessential Hulk Hogan moment which is why it’s one of my favs.  Match sucks, but if you’re a Hogan fan you’ll love it.

General Thoughts

• There was a dark match on the card where Koko B. Ware actually won a match and beat the Brooklyn Brawler.  Fuck Koko.
• I wonder if Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart is pissed that he never got his own entrance theme?
• Jimmy Hart must keep airbrushers in business with all of his custom made jackets.  They are AWESOME.
• It’s amazing to look back on some of the story lines and realize just how LONG they took to develop.  With the advent of monthly PPVs you just don’t get that kind of build these days.
• A couple times its mentioned that this is the “largest PPV audience in history”.  Wish I knew what the number was.
• Weird that there are very few match recaps during these old Mania events.
• The Hogan/Slaughter match made my Top WrestleMania Matches as an honorable mention.  Watching this show again, the Warrior/Savage match should be the one that represents this show.

As you can see above, this is the first (and I believe only) WrestleMania event to come to us from different locations.  Essentially we get 3 “main events” – one from each of the locations.  On the mic we get Vince McMahon and Susan Saint James (really WWF – this is the best “celebrity” you could come up with?) from New York.  In Chicago we get Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund, and Cathy Lee Crosby (of That’s Incredible fame) and Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira follow up from LA.  Ray Charles starts things off with a rendition of America The Beautiful which wouldn’t really be noteworthy except for one thing.  During the performance they ran some patriotic photos on screen.  Again… this wouldn’t be noteworthy until the last two shots.  The first was Hogan pointing to the American flag.  The second and final shot in the montage was just Hogan.  I know this was the beginning of Hogan being “The Real American” but come on WWF.  With Hogan being in the main event did ANYONE see him losing after this?

Results from the Nassau Coliseum

Prior to this match we get an interview with Piper.  He’s his typical self going so far as to say he’ll retire if Mr. T beats him.  One thing that I found hilarious was when he says he’ll never shave his head and paint himself black.  Ironic seeing as Piper ended up doing just that at WrestleMania VI for his match up with Bad News Brown.  The WWF can’t seem to get their shit together as these comments are running right over the first match.

Paul Orndorff and The Magnificent Muraco (with Mr. Fuji) fought to a double count out
This is a pretty piss poor start to the event.  Anything that ends with a double count out can’t be all that great.  Apparently since last year’s WrestleMania Orndorff has gone from heel to baby face as the crowd is loving him.  Muraco looks in great shape here.  Vince is clearly struggling to pull Susan Saint James along on the commentary and is forced to give us stuff like, “And Moraco is sweating profusely”.  After about 4 minutes this one mercifully comes to an end with a double count out.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Randy Savage (c) (with Miss Elizabeth) defeated George Steele
More technical confusion after the match as we get Howard Finkel talking over a pre-taped interview with Mr. T.  The next match up is an I.C. title match with Savage defending.  This is back in the day where Savage was still a heel and George Steele is playing his face.  Steele (if you’re not familiar) has a shtick where we would “eat” the turnbuckles during his match.  During this feud he was more interested in Miss Elizabeth than he was the title.  Essentially Steele is the “Eugene” character that we’ve been given in recent years (IE, a little slow).  George is obviously terrible in the ring and Savage has to work really hard to put on a decent match with him.  To his credit Savage does just that playing the heel to perfection.  Running in and out of the ring, using Liz to his advantage and playing the coward well.  George actually kicks out of the Savage elbow during this match which I did NOT remember.  Macho pulls off the heel victory with a “foot on the ropes” pin.  A step above the previous match but still pretty damn terrible.

Jake Roberts defeated George Wells
This is early in Jake’s career as he’s still undefeated in the WWF.  He’s got his snake in toe but it’s never referred to as Damien.  Jake’s matches are never all that exciting athletically but Jake in the ring is a master of the cerebral stuff.  This is more of the same with Jake “slithering” in and out of the ring.  Wells is essentially one step above a jobber here as I believe this is his last appearance in a WWF ring.  He’s actually got the upper hand through quite a bit of the match (a fact that Vince and Susan continue to point out).  Out of nowhere comes the DDT to give Jake the victory which we all knew was coming.  Damien is placed over the prone Wells who promptly foams from the mouth.

Boxing match
Mr. T (with Joe Frazier and The Haiti Kid) defeated Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton and Lou Duva) by disqualification
We’re treated to a couple of guests prior to this first main event.  Joan Rivers looks worse at this event than she does now… some 23 years later.  This feud has been going on since WrestleMania and T and Piper are here to end things.  They obviously can’t straight up wrestle so we get a boxing match.  I wouldn’t call this “real” boxing but I found myself rather entertained while watching this match.  The first round is pretty uneventful with no knockdowns.  T goes down in the second round and Pipe goes down twice in round three.  They’re both completely punch drunk and the arms are getting REALLY tired and Piper puts an end to things by slamming T in the middle of the ring getting himself disqualified.

Results from the Rosemont Horizon

WWF Women’s Championship
The Fabulous Moolah (c) defeated Velvet McIntyre
This is really weak.  Its obviously a filler match to get something additional on the card but the fans would have been better served if they were given Iron Mike Sharpe vs.  Barry O.  Luckily this one is over after only about a minute and a half with Moolah getting a pin out of absolutely no where.  Feel free to fast forward right the fuck over this one.

Flag match
Corporal Kirchner defeated Nikolai Volkoff (with Freddie Blassie)
This one is slightly better than the previous crapfest, but not much.  So apparently the contestants in this match really care about their flags cause the winner gets to fly theirs.  Um… OK.  Kirchner defeats Volkoff in about 2 minutes and gets to fly his flag.  I tell you what.  If I was a the Rosemont for this event I’d be PISSED at this point.  They’ve seen two matches for a total of about 3 minutes of match time.  Snooze.

Twenty-man battle royal
André the Giant defeated 19 other participants by last eliminating Bret Hart
The guest hosts aren’t getting any better here as now we’re given the “Where’s the Beef” chick.  Talk about a blast from the past.  Luckily for the folks in attendance they finally get themselves a decent match.  We’ve got a smattering of NFL stars and wrestlers with William Refrigerator Perry getting the biggest pop (hilarious that they listed him at 304 lbs).  The Hart Foundation (dressed in blue) work well together and make it to the final 3 with Andre the Giant only to be overtaken by the big man.

WWF Tag Team Championship
The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid) (with Ozzy Osbourne and Lou Albano) defeated The Dream Team (Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake) (c) (with Johnny Valiant)
I’ve always considered myself a big Beefcake fan and for the life of me I don’t ever remember him winning a title.  Obviously I’m wrong as he’s defending here with Valentine.  The Bulldogs are being accompanied by Ozzy Osbourne which is only made weirder by the fact that Ozzy is wearing a pink suit – no shit.  Gorilla Monsoon keeps referring to Beefcake as “The Beefer” and it consistently cracks me up.  This is absolutely outstanding tag match!  Tons of tags and quick action in and out of the ring.  It sounds silly but the Bulldogs really do show what tag team wrestling is all about.  The ending is kind of weird as Dynamite sticks his head into the ring and knocks Valentine out cold while knocking himself clear to the floor and busting himself open.

Results from the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena

Ricky Steamboat defeated Hercules Hernandez
Lord Alfred Hayes is back again for a second WrestleMania and unfortunately he’s not much better from a commentary standpoint.  This is a pretty standard Steamboat match complete with chops, crisscrossing in the ring and body blocks.  Hernandez does some typical “strong man” stuff and the end comes when Steamboat hits his cross body block off the top rope.  Not great but far and away the best opening match of any of the venues.

Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Uncle Elmer
First thought: how did Adrian get a job?  Dude is so out of shape it’s not even funny.  The only possible answer is that they wanted someone to play the dress wearing fag and no one else would do it.  He’d never have a chance in modern day WWF (though that’s true for quite a bit of the WrestleMania 2 roster.  Adonis is in this match (that I coined the Battle Of The Bad Gimmicks) against Uncle Elmer who’s essentially a bad Hillbilly Jim ripoff.  One thing I will say is Adonis knows how to sell and does so like a master.

Terry Funk and Hoss Funk (with Jimmy Hart) defeated The Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana
I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again but I’m not a huge fan of tag team wrestling.  That said, this is a pretty solid match (even though this seems like a totally thrown together match up).  There’s some GREAT heel in peril action here with Tito getting hammered.  The funks take Jimmy Hart’s megaphone to JYD’s head for the victory.  Terry Funk is selling a knee injury like it’s his job (which I suppose it is )

Steel cage match for the WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan (c) defeated King Kong Bundy (with Bobby Heenan)
We get a little vignette of Hogan training and we’re shown footage of where Bundy injured Hogan’s ribs a couple of weeks back.  This training montage takes about 9 minutes and is obviously just thrown in to give them an opportunity to put the cage together.  They go into great lengths to show that Hogan is going “against doctor’s orders” with this title defense.  This is a great cage match even though it’s the “old style” cage.  Hogan takes the advantage giving Bundy a pretty good beating.  Bundy turns the tide and starts working over Hogan’s injured ribs.  We go back and forth for a while with each guy getting the upper hand.  Finally Hogan rams Bundy against the cage busting him open.  After a failed slam attempt Hogan looks in bad shape as Bundy gives him the avalanche and a splash.  However, after the next avalanche Hogan “Hulks Up” and proceeds to power slam and leg drop Bundy.  He makes his way over the top of the cage to retain the world title.  Then of course we get the Hogan / Bobby Heenan show in the cage with Heenan obviously coming out on the short end.  All in all a very entertaining main event.

General Thoughts

• The multi-location thing didn’t work.  I tell you, I’m sure they showed the other locations up on the big screens but I’d be PISSED if I paid for a ticket and then saw only 4 matches live.
• I’d have to say that each event got better by location.  The first two Rosemont matches were the weakest on the card but the battle royal and the outstanding tag match redeemed it.
• I wish they’d have the “lead in” material on these DVDs.  This stuff is 25 years ago and hell if I can remember why feuds started.
• Overall I’d say this is a better show than the original WrestleMania.  It would have been MUCH better if they’d had it it one location and cut out some of the filler matches.

If you’ve never seen this show before and you’re a fan of modern day WWE stuff the first thing you’ll notice is the production value here absolutely blows.  But don’t judge them too harshly.  First off, this show was 25 years ago and it was the first time something like this had ever been done.

The first voice we hear is Gorilla Monsoon and he’s sitting next to Jesse “The Body” Ventura.  As an old school wrestling fan this is definitely my favorite combination on the mic.  From there Howard Finkel welcomes us to the show and then we head right into the Star Spangled Banner by non other than… Mean Gene Okerlund.  Um… what?

Tito Santana defeated The Executioner
Before the match gets started we get a brief intro by an incredibly uncomfortable looking Lord Alfred Hayes followed by taped interviews with Mene Gene, Tito and The Executioner.  Of note here is that Gene tells Tito that he knows absolutely nothing about The Executioner (Paul Perschmann better known as “Playboy” Buddy Rose) and Executioner tells Tito that he’s going to go after the leg that Greg Valentine had previously injured.  To his credit he does in fact “work the leg” during the match.  4:50 into the match Tito hits the flying forearm and then slaps on the figure four for the victory.

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Special Delivery Jones
More Alfred Hayes looking like a fish out of water. He’s so uncomfortable doing live TV it’s not even funny.  The introductions of the wrestlers and Jimmy Hart (accompanying Bundy) take longer than the match.  Bundy catches SD in a bear hug, throws him into a corner, hits the Avalanche followed by a splash and gets the pin.  They announce it as officially 9 seconds.  Bundy is announced as 458 lbs and Monsoon continually refers to him as over 500 lbs.  Hilarious.

Ricky Steamboat defeated Matt Borne
Matt Borne (would go on to WWF fame as Doink The Clown) and Ricky Steamboat are up next.  The pre-interviews are really funny here as they’re trying to create heat between them which just obviously isn’t there.  Steamboat is HUGE here – completely roided out which is weird cause when I think back to him I never picture him as being a monster.  Borne looks like he’s completely winded after about 4 minutes.  Steamboat gets the win after a flying tackle off the top rope (which Monsoon tells us was 15 feet across the ring).

David Sammartino (with Bruno Sammartino) fought Brutus Beefcake (with Johnny Valiant) to a double DQ
More uncomfortable camera time for Alfred Hayes.  It’s hilarious that the wrestlers are entering and leaving the right in the same isle where Hayes is broadcasting from.  Johnny Valiant is accompanying Beefcake and goes to great lengths to let us know that only HE will speak for Brutus.  In fact Gene sticks the mic in his face and all Beefcake manages is a fart sound / raspberry.  No shit.  This is “pre-Barber” days for Beefcake and he’s playing the heel very nicely.  This is actually a pretty good match with some sold back and forth action until Beefcake throws Sammartino out of the ring where Valiant slams him on the concrete.  Bruno is there to back up his boy and we’re off the races for a classic double DQ finish.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
The Junkyard Dog defeated Greg Valentine (c) (with Jimmy Hart)
In the pre-match interviews Valentine goes on record saying that he’s in the best shape of his career and that he’s lost quite a bit of weight going into this match… yeah right.  One thing that you notice very quickly in these older WrestleManias is that the guys aren’t NEARLY as ripped as they are today.  Valentine certainly isn’t out of shape but he’s not ripped up the way HHH and Batista are today.  That said, Monsoon does refer to “The Hammer” as the best Intercontinental champion in history here.  Solid match (though slow) with Hammer working over JYD getting him ready for the figure four and Dog getting in some patented headbutts.  Hammer gets the pin while having both of his feet up on the ropes.  Referee didn’t see it (do they ever?) and declares Hammer the winner.  As he and Jimmy Hart leave the ring here comes Tito Santana to let the referee know what he’s missed.  The referee determines that Tito is obviously telling the truth and restarts the match.  From here Hammer gets counted out and JYD is declared the winner.  He’s AWFULLY happy for winning the match (but not the title).  Monsoon says about 12 times that Hammer is still the IC Champion.

WWF Tag Team Championship
Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik (with Freddie Blassie) defeated The U.S. Express (Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham) (c) (with Lou Albano)
Prior to this match we get a great Lord Alfred Hayes interlude.  Hayes says, “Both these teams had pointed opinions.  Let us hear some more about those opinions that they had to express.“  Seriously?  We couldn’t find anyone better to be on the mic?  * sigh *  After that we get an interview with the Iron Sheik who’s always awesome.  “Gene Mean, this is my best time of life for shape situation.“  Translation… “I’m in good shape”.  We get the standard singing of the Russian national anthem from Volkoff which brings back some great memories.  I’m not a huge fan of tag team wrestling but this is decent for what it was.  Volkoff and Shiek play the heels but honestly they’re not really doing much “heelish” until the very end when Shiek breaks Freddie Blassie’s cane over Windham’s head to get the pin fall and the victory.  I have to wonder… where was Tito to save this title for the good guys?

$15,000 Body Slam Challenge
André the Giant defeated Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan)
This is a clusterfuck from the beginning.  I don’t remember the lead up to this match but the story goes like this.  Andre wins if he can slam Big John Studd.  If Andre doesn’t win he retires.  Beyond that, I’m not sure what to tell you.  Monsoon makes reference once to the fact that pin falls don’t count in the match up so it appears that the only way Studd can win is to make it to the time limit without getting slammed.  I’ve never been a fan of “big men” matches and this one doesn’t do anything to change my opinion.  It’s not Andre’s fault but he’s just too damn big to do anything in ring.  He’s completely winded after about 4 minutes of kicks, punches, bear hugs and ass-slams in the corner.  Yes… he puts Studd in the corner and essentially backs into him.  Apparently it’s a wicked offensive maneuver.  Andre finally ends the boredom by slamming Studd, winning the match and grabbing the $15k from Bobby Heenan.  He the proceeds to start throwing the cash to the fans until “The Weasel” grabs the back and heads to the locker room.  For as bad as Andre is in the ring, he’s worse on the mic and the WWF knows it… to the point where they completely cut off his post-match promo mid sentence.

WWF Women’s Championship
Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper) defeated Leilani Kai (c) (with the Fabulous Moolah)
This is the first “Rock and Wrestling” match as we get the inclusion of Cyndi Lauper accompanying Wendi Richter to the ring.  It’s obviously a ploy by the WWF to get another audience into wrestling and I’m not sure that it works.  I honestly don’t remember ever seeing this match before and after seeing it I see no reason to watch it again.  This is definitely not a “Diva’s Match” that we get in current story lines.  This is woman’s wrestling and it’s SLOW.  We’re treated to quite a few hammer locks, arm bars and pulling of the hair.  At least with current WWE Divas we get a bit of T&A that makes up for the sub-standard wrestling (though I have to say some of the current Divas are decent workers).  Near the end of the match Lauper and Moolah (accompanying Kai) get into it outside the ring.  Cyndi is obviously not comfortable in thie element and it shows.  This match thankfully comes to an end when Kai attempts a cross body block off the top rope which Richter clumsily rolls through to get the pin.

Hulk Hogan and Mr. T (with Jimmy Snuka) defeated Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff (with Cowboy Bob Orton)
This is the time where the WWF starts to bring out the big guns… sort of.  Billy Martin is announced as the special guest ring announcer.  Liberace (being accompanied to the ring by The Rockettes) is the guest timekeeper and Muhammad Ali is the special guest referee (though he’s a “floor ref” rather than in the ring).  This doesn’t start out promising as we get a complete  mosh right off the bat.  Cowboy Bob Orton (with the “bad guys”) and Superfly Jimmy Snuka (with the “good guys”) all make there way into the ring as does Ali.  At one point Snuka’s on the top rope waiting to do a splash but just jumps off feet first… lame.  I do have to give MAJOR props to Mr. T for his work here.  He’s doing body slams and hip tosses out there like this is his first job.  Well done B.A.  Well done.  Hogan is thrown to the outside and slammed with a chair (however the padded chair does cut down on the desired effect).  After another mele in the ring Orndorff has Hogan in a full nelson and is holding him so Bob Orton can come off the top rope and hit Hogan with his “loaded” cast.  Of course Hogan moves at the last minute pulling Orndorff into harms way “knocking him out” long enough for Hogan to get the pin.  We actually get a post-match interview which is rare as most shows these days go off the air with the winner posing in the ring.

General Thoughts

• The ropes are crazy floppy.  In fact the ring looks like it’s going to fall apart as the wrestlers are moving around.
• Moves that today are nothing more than “filler” are talked about as “power moves” – body slam, back body drop, suplex, etc.
• The ringside announce table is literally RIGHT at ringside.
• Whatever happened to announcing where people are from and their weights?
• Jesse makes reference to the fact that it’s the biggest card in history – 1.2 million people.  He’s obviously referring to the closed circuit crowd (remember this was before PPV) but he doesn’t reference that.
• I miss the times where “hooking the leg” was a prerequisite for actually getting a pin.
• Fans don’t throw trash into the ring anymore.
• For the most part the wrestlers are complete crap on the mic.  It’s obvious that back in these days the “product” was more about in ring than story lines.  Amazing that they gave the mic to some of these guys.
• Today, the concept of a “time limit” in any match aside from an Iron Man Match is completely absent.  During WrestleMania they announced the time limit for just about every match.
• Personally these shows have always been about the wrestling.  I like the idea of having one big show at the end of the “season” and I could do without all the celebrity stuff.  Let’s face it… Billy Martin, Cindy Lauper, Liberace, The Rockettes and Ali knew nothing about wrestling, care nothing about wrestling, etc.  They’re obvioulsy there for name value.  I’m sure it worked for some of the non-wrestling fans but for us “pure” fans they’re nothing but a boring distraction.