Once again, the Tribe managed to lose the opener, but this year they did it in stunning fashion by giving up a 3 run lead in the 9th inning and then stringing the fans on until the 16th when they finally gave up 3 runs of their own.  Couple that longest opening day in history with the fact that it was cold as hell (after all it IS April in Cleveland) and as you can imagine the bars were a bit crowded.

We managed to stick it out at the game until about the 13th inning, but we finally gave in and headed over to Panini’s to watch the rest of the game.  Apparently I’ve got the look of someone who likes to drink shots, cause I had 2 random dudes (yeah… dudes no less…. this player’s got GAME!!!) who wanted me to do a shot.  But I digress.

So we’re in the bottom of the 15th and some drunk Canadian dude (the Indians were playing Toronto) rolls up and starts chatting me up about how awesome of a game it is, how much he likes Cleveland and how the last time he was in town he spent $200 at Christie’s Cabaret (which let’s face it… is money well spent).  And then… it happened.

I got caught in his “drunk loop”.  You know, when you hear the same story every 12 minutes?  Yeah.  Over the next inning and a half, I heard the same story about how he went into Christie’s, ordered two beers and ended up spending $200 four or five times.  I’m a pretty social guy and I’ve got my share of experience dealing with drunks so I didn’t really mind, but eventually it was time to put an end to the drunk loop.  And there’s only one way to do it.

I told him his own story.

I proceeded to repeat back to him his exact story.  I told him how I went to Christie’s, ordered two beers and by the end of the night ended up spending $200.  (NOTE: In case my wife is reading this… Just so we’re clear… I did NOT go to Christie’s and spend $200)  I’d heard the story enough by this point that I was able to nail every detail.  As I was telling his story I started to notice that he was really trying to process what was going on.  And finally, toward the end of the story, I got the reaction that told me the loop had been broken.

He gave me the “doggie head tilt”.  It was simply priceless to the point where I literally started laughing.  Naturally, drunk Canadian had no idea that I was laughing AT him rather than with him, and he proceeded to buy us a shot.

Gotta love Opening Day in Cleveland!

As were about a half mile away, we assumed it was deer.  As I slowed down I realized it was none other than a couple of dogs.  As I approached, not only did they not move (after repeated horn honking) but the larger of the two actually sat down in the middle of the road and looked at me!  So not only is this dog not smart enough to move when a car comes along, but he’s also arrogant enough to completely ignore me when I honk at him.

I’m happy to report that when we came home a few hours later the dogs were out of the road (though they were still sitting along the side of the road just checking stuff out).  Stupid animals.

But like I said, he’s recovering nicely.  In fact, the G-man has noticed as well!  He was petting Ralph the other day and the walked over to me and said:

“Daddy… Ralphie’s crack is back together!”

I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried…

• A smoothie, when spilled by a two and a half year old, will splatter all over the floor, table, walls & windows.  When said smoothie is mopped up it will leave a stick residue on the floor until you clean it thoroughly.  You cannot simply wipe it up but the floor needs to be mopped completely.  The child that spilled the smoothie will pick THIS time to imitate his parents by blurting out, “Holy CRAP”.  At the same time you’ll be pissed at the child and trying not to laugh at his assessment of the situation.
• Lobster tail that costs $24.99 per pound when frozen does not in fact take only 5 to 7 minutes to steam like it says on the Internet.  Unfortunately I don’t know exactly how long it takes to steam because ours was part too done and part raw.  By the time we got done with it ours was closer to rubber than it was to lobster.  It didn’t matter though because I was with my valentine on Valentine’s Day.
• A two and half year old boy will find the most dangerous activity presented to him and then do that… over and over again.  He will scream bloody murder if you try and stop him.  I believe this to be universal but have not yet confirmed.
• My wife and I love the show Top Chef… we are not qualified to even WATCH this show but we do anyway (see lobster tail bullet above).
• Neighborhood children will completely ignore the “please do not ring bell” sign posted on the front door… especially when both the boys are napping.  The dog notices this most of all.