While it isn’t nearly as awesome as drive up beer, our local library has a window. Now when I think of folks that go to the library, I typically think of “smart” folks. Yes, I understand that it’s a stereotype and I realize that there are stupid people that go to the library, but I typically don’t think of them. That said, I may have to reevaluate my personal library stereotype based on what I saw the other day.

Not only did dude park too far away to utilize the drive up window, be he managed to make take about 12 minutes to return his books.

Library fail.

So… when the Wife goes out for an evening and it’s G, C and I holding down the fort, we have a tendency to watch some Star Wars after they get ready for bed.  At this point, they’ve seen 5 of the 6 films (Revenge of the Sith being the only one that I won’t let them see due to head and hand chopping, immolation, etc.)

It seems that regardless of my best efforts telling them how bad the prequels suck balls, they are still drawn to those films.  So the other night, they get ready for bed and ask if they could watch Star Wars for a couple of minutes before bed.  I needed to clean up the kitchen, so after a double-check to ensure that their rooms were clean (cause you know… sometimes these guys say stuff that isn’t quite true) I told them they could and asked which they’d like to watch.

To my continued dismay, they chose Episode II, though to be fair realizing they only had a few minutes before bed, they decided to fast forward to the best scene of the movie: The Jedi battle scene.  For those of you not familiar with this scene, it’s where a whiny Anakin and a mullet-clad Obi-Wan Kenobi try to take down Dracula… er… Count Dooku.  Naturally, they get their asses handed to them and then Yoda (the baddest man on any planet) has to come in and save them.  This was the first time in the Star Wars saga that we were shown Yoda in any sort of a fight, so even though I can’t stand the prequels in general this is still one of the scenes that I’ll stop and watch.

What I was treated to was one of my proudest moments as a parent… enjoy!

The Lenai (Naples, Florida

This was pretty much a perfect afternoon.  Sitting on the lenai (an covered outdoor porch for those of you that don’t know) with my feet propped up having a beer.  I love vacation.

I’ll steal a quote from the author of this book to start off:

“This book contains material that may be considered crude and vulgar.  The humor, while immature, might be better left for adults.  If you don’t like jokes, don’t read this book.”

I’d say it’s safe to say the same thing about this review.  Still here?  Onward…

It’s a long story how I came about this particular “novel” but it goes something like this.  I was introduced to “The Shocker” years ago when a buddy of mine slipped one into a picture unbeknownst to the picture taker.  Looking back at it now, it was pure brilliance.  That picture (which came from the first night I ever met a fellow quitter on KillTheCan.org) has spawned a love and admiration for The Shocker amongst the merry band of quitters at my second home on the web.

So… these days, The Shocker has become kind of an un-official / official symbol of KTC.  If you peruse the Brotherhood section you’ll see it show up quite often.  Naturally, when I was told of the existence of this piece of literary genius I jumped at the chance to pick it up (Especially for the super affordable Kindle version with cost just $4.99).

Written by Chad Brody, the official name of the book is The Shocker – Two In The Pink, One In The Stink.  Seeing as this post is in the Book Reviews section I may as well get to the review…

This book is fucking BRILLIANT.  It’s CLEARLY not for everyone, but if you understand what it is you’re picking up and you have a juvenile streak running through you the way I do you’re in for a treat.

The “book” itself is very short at only 106 pages.  I say book in quotes because the first part (where the real meat is) is only about a 10 minute read.  All immaturity aside, there’s actually some really interesting stuff here.  Brody talks about the origin of the gesture, provides a critical discussion, offers some possible variations and even gives quite a few diagrams that display how it’s done.

For those of you that don’t know what The Shocker actually is, you’ll be treated to excerpts such as this:

“In case you don’t get the reference, “Two in the pink” refers to the insertion of the first two fingers of the shocker in woman’s vagina, which is generally pink in color, and “One in the stink” refers to the pinky finger going into an anus. Assholes make shit, and shit “stinks”. Get it?”.

Not only do we get hard hitting “reporting” such as that, but the second section of the book contains 365 Shocker-themed jokes/rhymes.  This is quite simply… AWESOME.  Think of it as a the “Page A Day Calendar” of Shockers.

My personal favorite which actually made me laugh out loud when I read it:

“Two in the Blossom,
One in the Awesome.”

There’s really not much more to say.  If you’re into Shocker lore then this one’s definitely for you.   This book is definitely not going to be on any lists of great American novels anytime soon but if you’re into that sort of thing it’s pretty entertaining.

You can pick up a copy for yourself on Amazon in either a traditional book or Kindle format.  When I purchased it, the Kindle format was running about $4.99.  You can also buy directly from the source at http://shockerbook.com/.  I’m not in many brick and mortar bookstores these days (as I don’t think many of them actually exist) but if you go by what the site says you may be able to find a copy there as well.

The “shocking” photograph above was taken during our recent WrestleMania 28 extravaganza.

Have you read The Shocker?  Let me know what you thought!

As I mentioned, we took our yearly trip to Florida recently (HUGE thanks to Grandma & Pop for making this a possibility) and had an absolutely wonderful time.  As you can imagine between the pool and swimming in the ocean (well, the gulf, but to a little guy it’s the same thing) these guys get tired out!!!

C After A Long Day At The Beach

As I said in the title of this post, this guy is COOL.  He absolutely LOVES his trains, and like any kid he’s always up for a trip through the toy aisle (which Super Dad naturally encourages )

C With Dad's Shades

Robert Downey Jr. Has Nothing On The C-Man

Easter is one of the boys’ favorite holidays.  Not only does the Easter Bunny show up, but he brings CANDY!

Cadbury Cream Egg = Winning

Look What I Found!

Yes… I take a lot of pictures.  But with kids this cute who wouldn’t?

Thumbs Up From The C-Man

Best Buds At Target

I can’t have a “family” post without including Momma… she keeps us all in line and (relatively) out of trouble  Sure, we’ve got quite a few stitches recently but this post is about C… Full stitches report when I talk about G-Man!

C-Man & Momma

Thank goodness for the iPhone… If not for this piece of technology it’d be difficult to get stuff like this!

Dad & C - Love You Buddy!

Once again, the Tribe managed to lose the opener, but this year they did it in stunning fashion by giving up a 3 run lead in the 9th inning and then stringing the fans on until the 16th when they finally gave up 3 runs of their own.  Couple that longest opening day in history with the fact that it was cold as hell (after all it IS April in Cleveland) and as you can imagine the bars were a bit crowded.

We managed to stick it out at the game until about the 13th inning, but we finally gave in and headed over to Panini’s to watch the rest of the game.  Apparently I’ve got the look of someone who likes to drink shots, cause I had 2 random dudes (yeah… dudes no less…. this player’s got GAME!!!) who wanted me to do a shot.  But I digress.

So we’re in the bottom of the 15th and some drunk Canadian dude (the Indians were playing Toronto) rolls up and starts chatting me up about how awesome of a game it is, how much he likes Cleveland and how the last time he was in town he spent $200 at Christie’s Cabaret (which let’s face it… is money well spent).  And then… it happened.

I got caught in his “drunk loop”.  You know, when you hear the same story every 12 minutes?  Yeah.  Over the next inning and a half, I heard the same story about how he went into Christie’s, ordered two beers and ended up spending $200 four or five times.  I’m a pretty social guy and I’ve got my share of experience dealing with drunks so I didn’t really mind, but eventually it was time to put an end to the drunk loop.  And there’s only one way to do it.

I told him his own story.

I proceeded to repeat back to him his exact story.  I told him how I went to Christie’s, ordered two beers and by the end of the night ended up spending $200.  (NOTE: In case my wife is reading this… Just so we’re clear… I did NOT go to Christie’s and spend $200)  I’d heard the story enough by this point that I was able to nail every detail.  As I was telling his story I started to notice that he was really trying to process what was going on.  And finally, toward the end of the story, I got the reaction that told me the loop had been broken.

He gave me the “doggie head tilt”.  It was simply priceless to the point where I literally started laughing.  Naturally, drunk Canadian had no idea that I was laughing AT him rather than with him, and he proceeded to buy us a shot.

Gotta love Opening Day in Cleveland!

The Winking Lizard (Bedford Heights, Ohio)

If you’ve never been to the Winking Lizard (@winkinglizard on Twitter) you’re missing out.  They’ve got some of the best wings in Cleveland, have several locations to choose from and have a TON of beers for your tasting pleasure.  This year, I’m participating in the 2012 World Tour of Beers.  This Petrus was #32 on the year.

For those of you that are regular readers of the blog here and AREN’T wrestling fans don’t worry… this is the last wrestling related post for a while.

With that being said, WrestleMania 28 is officially in the books and it’s time for a recap and a look back at the show that was.  As per usual we built our yearly Beeramid which was epic.

First off, I’ll say this was a FAR superior show compared to the last couple of years.  I always enjoy WrestleMania weekend cause we turn it into an event, but I have to say the show itself was a BIG part of my enjoyment this year.  That’s something I’ve not been able to say over the last couple of years.

• Sheamus beat Daniel Bryan for the World Title
  If you blinked, you missed it.  Sheamus hit Bryan with his finisher as soon as he turned around from giving AJ a kiss and just like that it was over.  The WWE has gotten a TON of shit for this one but I have to say this match got one of the loudest pops from us.  While you can’t really call this a “match” and I would have enjoyed watching Sheamus and Bryan go at it, this was a pretty cool way to get the show started.  And when you think about it this is a really nice way to play into the Daniel Bryan story line.
• Kane beat Randy Orton
  I can only imagine how pissed Randy and Kane were when they found out they were going on second.  Guess that’s what happens when you have no time to build a story line and when Orton is hurt all the time.  This was actually a really good wrestling match, but as I watched it I couldn’t help but think we were watching an episode of RAW.  Kane gets the clean win when he choke slams Orton off the top rope.  Good finish and good solid match.
• Big Show beat Cody Rhodes for the Intercontinental Title
  With all the talk of how Big Show chokes at Mania, this was a no brainer for me (though apparently I was in the minority).  Cody Rhodes is clearly an up and comer and quite frankly I think he needed to lose the title so he could move forward in his career.  This was a relatively short match but one that I thought was pretty well done.  Big Show is nearing the end of his career and I for one was happy to see him get a victory on the grandest stage of them all.  He was visibly emotional at the end  which makes me think he’s nearing the end of the road.  Decent match.
• Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos defeated Beth Phoenix and Eve
  Um… yeah.  This match happened.  Was there any doubt that Kelly & Maria were going to win this?  If you doubted it, you should have read this beforehand.  Celebrities don’t lose at WrestleMania… period.  To be fair though, Maria had some broken ribs from her stint on Dancing With The Stars and didn’t totally embarrass herself.  Thankfully this was a short one.  Oh yeah… and Even is smoking hot.  Yum.
• The Undertaker defeated HHH in Hell In A Cell
  I still don’t think Shawn Michaels should have been in this match, but I have to say that all 3 guys brought it and did a HELL of a job.  If you want an example of old school wrestling storytelling you don’t have to go any further than this match.  While Taker, HHH and Shawn are all clearly well beyond their prime these guys far exceeded my expectations and put on an outstanding match.  As big a Taker fan as I am, I had to say that before the match I was VERY worried that the streak would end, but I’m happy to say that he managed to run it to 20-0.  Now I’m just hoping that he’ll retire and not even think about turning back.  If that’s the case I’d like to thank Undertaker for an outstanding career.  Match of the night in my opinion.
• Team Johnny beat Team Teddy
  Honestly I couldn’t have cared less about this match.  To me this was just a way to get a bunch of guys onto the WrestleMania card.  And let’s face it, NO ONE in the locker room wanted to follow HHH/Taker so the placement on the card here makes perfect sense.  It wasn’t nearly the spot fest that I thought it would be and as I sit here just 5 days removed from the event I really can’t pick out anything memorable.  That said, I can’t pick out anything overly terrible either so for a 12 man match this is about as good as we could have expected.
• CM Punk retained his WWE Championhip by making Chris Jericho tap
  Heading into the match there were quite a few folks (myself included) that were hoping this would be the next coming of Savage/Steamboat from WrestleMania III.  And while it didn’t quite live up to that, it was a DAMN good match.  Lots of back and forth action with Jericho doing the clean tap job in the middle of the ring.  With the “your momma’s a whore” build prior to the event the outcome was pretty set in stone, but these guys told a great story and had a superb match.  If I wasn’t such a Taker fan this would have been the match of the night for me.
• The Rock beat John Cena
  I just don’t get it.  The booking here makes absolutely no sense to me.  I stated before where I thought they were going but based on this match and the outcome I’m clearly wrong.  I just don’t see the value of Rock winning here.  The next night on RAW, he did what we all knew he’d do and essentially said goodbye for the foreseeable future.  And for all those John Cena haters out there, PLEASE take a look at this match and watch how he CARRIED The Rock through the whole thing.  Pay special attention to when Rock is in Cena’s submission finisher and damn near falls asleep.  Dear Rock… it’s not a sleeper.  You should be in agony when your leg is touching your head.  I can only hope that there’s some sort of longer term plans here.  The match itself was pretty decent (aside from a couple of examples) but with a year long build which I think was a HUGE mistake this one was bound to fall flat.

So there you have it.  As I said before, overall it was a VERY entertaining show and far superior to the last few year’s offerings.

For those keeping track at home, the final win/losses for the night were:

• Chewie: 5/8
• Pip: 4/8
• Marko: 4/8

Speaking of the WrestleMania 28 Drinking Game.  Here are the final tallies on how often we drank for each rule.  I’m sure we missed a few here and there, but this is the gist.

1 Time

• If a Diva and wrestler make out
• Every time it’s mentioned that Miami is the Rock’s home town
• If Michaels super kicks someone
• Submission victory
• (Uunannounced) legend appearance or surprise return

3 Times

• Small package attempt
• Ref bump

4 Times

• Foreign object

5 Times

• Bloody wrestler
• Reference to the sponsored song
• Footage of a previous WrestleMania
• Something is “trending worldwide”

10 Times

• Missed match outcome

And the CLEAR winner… with a whopping 27 occurrences…

• A finishing move

Once again, it was an absolutely tremendous event and we’re already looking forward to next year.  Got a rule you think we should include in next year’s game?  Post a comment and we’ll get it added!

I have to give HUGE props to my brother Marko for once again joining us for the event.  Not only is the event itself Herculean in nature, but Mark and his wife had just 5 days prior welcomed their first child into the world.  As his wife said, “With a dad and uncle who are so big into wrestling… there’s no chance she won’t be a fan!”  And let’s be honest… what kind of an uncle would I be if I didn’t instill a love for wrestling in my niece?  On another family note, the Wife and kids were out of town this year which was a real bummer cause Pip (aka Mr. Matt) loves to see them and the boys talk about him just about all year… we’ll have to wait till next year for that.

In any case… with our rules of engagement set before us, we awoke Sunday morning ready for action.  I’ve often said that if you’re going to do something stupid you may as well go all the way, so we started with a tremendous pre-WrestleMania breakfast of steak, eggs & Yuengling!

The Breakfast Of Champions

Mark wasn’t going to be doing a ton of drinking as he was running on about 46 minutes of sleep, so Pip and I knew we had our work cut out for us.  Luckily, the first row of the Beeramid flew by with little incident.

1 Row Down... 6 To Go

Row #2 went by pretty easily as well.  Those first two are rough but rows 3, 4 and 5 is when business really starts to pick up.

2 Rows Down - Gaining Confidence

See what I mean?

3rd Row... Foreign Objects

At this point we were about halfway through the show and it was time to kick things into high gear.  Shotgun!

Rise... Above... Beer Bong

Row #4 - Time For An Attitude Adjustment!

Guess Who We're Rooting For?

Chalk this next one up to, “It sounded good at the time.”  Note to self… getting a large man into a Tombstone Piledriver is made to look very easy on television.  But to be fair, I don’t think the Undertaker drinks 15 beers prior to trying it.

Brother's Don't Hug. Brother's Gotta... Tombstone?

Million Dollar Dream & Pip Out = One More Beer!

The Champs... Are HERE!!!

Once again, we made it.  There will come a day when we may have to cut a row out of the glorious structure, but it was not to be this year.  For something as simple as stacking beer cans, the sense of accomplishment that we get is quite exhilarating.

We... Are The Champions... My Friend...

And We'll Keep On Fighting... Till The End

Break It Down!

Once Again... The Structure In All It's Glory

And just like that, Mania weekend was over.  Pip and I tend to build these twice a year weekends up in our mind, but I have to say this one was pretty fucking epic.  The return “match” with the Beeramid will take place at WrestleMania 29 on April 7th, 2013.  Stay tuned!

I don’t do great at predictions, but I think I may have this one pegged.  I’m thinking Cena is going to go over (win) this weekend in Miami (which happens to be The Rock’s home town).  But I don’t think it’s going to end there.  I think we’re actually building to something bigger.  Cause let’s face it… Vince McMahon likes big dudes and even better… he likes big paydays.  What could be bigger than a Rock/Cena main event you ask?

How about the rubber match to a best of 3 series at WrestleMania 30?

Yep… that’s where I think we’re headed.  Hear me out.  Everyone and their brother thinks The Rock is going to win in his own home town.  Well, I think it’s better for business if Cena wins.  I think it’d be even better if they finally turned him heel, but that’s not even necessary for this.  So the way I see it, Cena wins this year (in Rock’s home town), Rock will win next year near Cena’s home town (WrestleMania 29 will be held at Met Life Stadium in New Jersey and Cena is from West Newbury, Mass) and that will set up the MEGA match for WrestleMania XXX rumored to be held at Cowboy Stadium which seats over 110,000.  That’s the payoff that Vince is looking for.  The biggest main event in history, at the 30th anniversary of his greatest creation.

By the time WrestleMania 30 rolls around, Vince will be nearly 70 years old.  His son-in-law (and heir apparent to the WWE empire) HHH will be 45 at that point and let’s face it, he’s not REALLY an in-ring performer these days anyhow. Seems to me that right after WrestleMania 30 would be a great time for Vince to “retire” and have HHH officially take over the family business.

Still this it’s far fetched?  Do you really think that The Rock would come “out of retirement” for one match?  Do you really think that the WWE would allow it’s biggest star (Cena) to lose?  Nah… the only way this makes sense is for it to be part of something bigger.

Want some more long term booking?

How about Shawn Michaels vs. HHH for WrestleMania 29?  Yep, I think that’s where we’re going.  Otherwise, why in the HELL is Shawn involved in the Hell In The Cell match this year?  Again… just like Cena/Rock, unless this is part of something bigger it just doesn’t make a hell of a long of sense.  I’m a firm believer in the fact that once you retire from wrestling you should fucking stay retired so I wouldn’t really be happy to see it, but at least in my mind if they’re NOT going to let Shawn stay retired than this makes a ton of sense.  It would also be an epic way for HHH to end his career (if Shawn retires him).

Or maybe I’ve just got wrestling on the brain and I over analyze the crap out of the “sport” that I love.  What do you think?