This is taken directly from the “couldn’t make this shit up if I tried” file…

Thursday: After [...]]]> I reviewed recently the beginning of my vacation to Naples which didn’t start all that great.  So now that I’ve had a couple of days to decompress here’s the blow by blow rundown of our vacation.

This is taken directly from the “couldn’t make this shit up if I tried” file…

Thursday: After a long day at work I was super excited to get down to Florida and see my wife and kids.  Naturally, my flight was delayed 2 hours on the ground in Cleveland.  Luckily I made friends with a whole slew of other folks making the same trip and we managed to get slightly hammered… er… happy in the airport bar before they closed it.  Note to the staff at Cleveland Hopkins: If you’ve got a bunch of people that are pissed off that they’re waiting on a delayed flight, DON’T close the bar.  You’re losing revenue.  I slept on the plane and my father-in-law picked me up at the airport at around 1:00 in the morning.  After a long drive from the airport we got to the condo around 2:00.  Thanks Dad.

Friday: A couple of hours after I arrived, I was woken up to about the best sight a dad can see… my kids next to my bed saying, “DADDY!”  Sure it was 6:30 in the morning, but really… how awesome is that?  Later that morning, C was standing at the toilet peeing and dropped the seat on his dick.  It turned black and blue in about 4 seconds.  Of course the wife runs in wondering what all the commotion is.  Naturally it was Super Dad’s fault cause I was “supervising” at the time.  I’d been in the state about 6 hours and already I’m in trouble.  Through his crying, C managed to get out “I need an ice block”.  Looking back now it’s very cute, but in the moment my heart was breaking for him.  I can’t imagine how bad that hurt…  As I said when I originally made that post this WASN’T the reason we went to the hospital.  Never fear folks… we’ve got 2 kids.  For that we had to look to the G-man.

A couple of days prior (thank goodness I wasn’t present for this one) G got a couple of “slivers” in his thigh.  “Slivers” in this case are defined as 2 inches long and thicker than a toothpick.  While G wailed, mom got them out but over the next couple of days his leg got infected and was very sore to the point where the little man was limping around.  I have to give HUGE props to the wife here.  She does NOT do well with blood normally, but by all accounts she stepped up big time and took control of the situation.  In any case, Friday morning (after C’s incident) we decided to take him to urgent care and get an x-ray to see if we couldn’t get some additional information.  Apparently wood is really difficult to find in an x-ray, so we had to go to the ER for an ultrasound and it turns out he still had some “foreign objects” in his thigh.  4 hours and 6 stitches later we were done.  Keep in mind that we were in FLA for a trip… you know, where you go swimming?  Oh yeah… in case you don’t know, you can’t get stitches wet.  G was a super trooper through the entire ordeal.  Love you buddy.

Saturday: Since the pool was out of the equation, we headed to the Everglades for a FAST boat ride.  The boys absolutely LOVED it (as did I).  This was my first time in the Everglades and I was really looking forward to it.  If you’ve never been, I’d highly recommend it.  It’s absolutely amazing what those boat captains can do at such high speeds!  The one downer to this trip was that my father-in-law took a header getting out of the boat and scraped the hell out of his hand.  He was headed back to the car and there was a anchor for the boat right on the dock where you stepped out.  Pretty stupid placement if you ask me.  More splinters for him and over the next couple of days his hand puffed up and got nice and red.  I’m happy to say that as of this writing I don’t believe he’s had to go to the ER or the doc.

Sunday: Sunday morning, we went to the club for an outstanding brunch including made to order omelets and all the bacon, sausage, fruit and waffles that a kid could eat.  I tell you… my kids are small, but DAMN can they put food away when they put their mind to it.  I’m actually scared to see what they’re going to eat when they get older.  You’ve heard the term “Eating you out of house and home”?  I have a pretty good feeling that’s going to be us in a couple of years (or sooner).  We’d actually planned on taking the kids to Disney World during this trip and today was the day to pack up and head across Florida to the Magic Kingdom.  Looking at a map you’d think this would be a relatively quick trip but for some reason it seemed to take FOREVER.  When we got there, we checked into the hotel which was on Disney property and DAMN was it awesome.  Could see the castle from our room and the boys got to watch the monorails all night long.  A HUGE thank you to Mom/Dad for an awesome way to experience Disney!

Monday: Our first day at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom.  When I woke up that morning and looked outside the pavement in the parking lot looked a little wet, but I figured it was just from the humidity in “Sunshine” State.  Nah… it was absolutely POURING and continued to do so until about 2:00 in the afternoon.  We said (I’m paraphrasing…), “Fuck it, we’re here, we’re gonna get wet, let’s go.”  So we did.  We had an absolute BLAST even with conditions the way they were.  The nice thing about visiting Disney in the rain is that there’s not too many other stupid people out there doing the same thing.  That said, the lines were really short (or non-existent).  It’s been about 20 years or so since I’ve visited and I can’t even begin to tell you how much has changed!  Went back to the hotel in the afternoon to put the kids down to nap, dried our clothes and headed back that afternoon until the park closed.  The weather was MUCH better in the afternoon with no rain and even some sun!  We got to see the famed Disney fireworks display and I have to say that it was completely awesome.

Tuesday: Back to the park at around 11.  We had considered going to one of the other parks (Epcot, MGM, etc.) but decided to head back to the Magic Kingdom cause there was just SO much to see.  We stayed until the park closed at  6:00 PM and then headed back to Naples.  G’s leg is getting much better and even though he was an asshole at the park most of the day (you know… 4 year old tantrum type stuff) we had an awesome time.  I also became an uncle for the first time as well today… 2 months early.  My niece was born at 4 lbs 4 oz and is doing as well as can be expected for being that early. She’ll have to stay at the hospital for about 5 weeks, but mom & baby (and dad) are doing fine.   Congrats guys!  A’s uncle had a massive heart attack and had to be life flighted to Akron General.  Luckily he’s fine and will make a full recovery (thank goodness).

Wednesday: My father-in-law wasn’t feeling well and was sick in bed so mom-in-law took us to the airport.  It was a typical travel day with a 2 and 4 year old which is to say incredibly hectic.  If you’ve never tried to go through security with 2 kids, a wife, a stroller and 4 carry-ons you have  no idea what you’re in for… I’d strongly advise against it.  However, we had a DVD player for the plane ride and the boys even slept for a while on the plane as well.  Back home to a chilly Cleveland evening and got to see the other set of grandparents who were awesome and brought over a home cooked meal!

So that’s that… Florida 2011.  Talk about an eventful trip!  See ya next time!  Simply saying “thanks” to Mom and Dad isn’t nearly enough as its because of you that these Disney dreams were made reality.  The boys don’t understand just how much you’ve given us/them by taking us on this trip but they’ll always have those memories of their first trip to the Magic Kingdom.  Thank you!

I just got back from our yearly trip to Naples, Florida (more on that to come).  I was delayed getting out of Cleveland so I didn’t get in to Naples until around 2:15 AM on Wednesday (huge thanks to my father-in-law [...]]]> Attention guys: this is going to hurt just to read it… you’ve been warned.

I just got back from our yearly trip to Naples, Florida (more on that to come).  I was delayed getting out of Cleveland so I didn’t get in to Naples until around 2:15 AM on Wednesday (huge thanks to my father-in-law for picking me up).  Obviously the boys were sleeping so I didn’t get to see them that night.  The next morning, I was awakened rather early by my two bundles of joy that wanted to see daddy.  Talk about an ego boost!  I don’t care how tired I was it was awesome to see them.

So as we’re going about our morning, C informs me that he needs to “Go peeps” which is a good thing as he’s essentially done with potty training at this point.  I accompanied him into the bathroom where he stood there and did his business.  He’s the happiest little boy you’ll ever want to meet but he tends to get distracted.  So as he’s standing there finishing up, he’s playing with the toilet seat – putting it up, putting it down.  Until… he dropped it.

Right on his little manhood.

*CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE*

Needless to say he’s screaming bloody murder and I’m trying to figure out what the hell just happened.  By the time I saw “it” he’d turned black and blue with a nice little blood “blister”.  Ouch.  Through all of his screams and sobs he managed to get out one coherent sentence: “I need an ice block.”

Over the next couple of days he continued to report that, “My penis is still pink” but I’m happy to report that things are returning to normal and he no longer plays with the toilet seat.

Oh… and that’s not even the reason we went to he hospital that day… stay tuned for THAT story…

As I was getting out of the shower this morning, C strolled in and said, “Daddy… your penis is so long!” Oh… if their mother would only [...]]]> I’ve often said how much I enjoy being a dad.  Every day these two yahoos say or do something that makes me laugh and today was no exception.

As I was getting out of the shower this morning, C strolled in and said, “Daddy… your penis is so long!” Oh… if their mother would only say the same thing.  Now keep in mind he’s two and a half so he doesn’t really have a whole lot to compare to but every guy likes to be told stuff like that so regardless of the comparison I was pretty happy.

He followed that up seconds later with another profound statement that brought me right back down to Earth, “Daddy… you smell like a homeless man.” Seeing as I was stepping OUT of the shower rather then IN this did not bode well.

At least I’ve got a bigger package than a 2 year old.

“The boys are neanderthals because they’re learning from their blockhead father.”

While I certainly don’t mind the personal comparisons to Charlie Brown, I thought that was a wee bit harsh on G & C so I decided to investigate what would bring their mother [...]]]> The wife looked at me today and made the following statement:

“The boys are neanderthals because they’re learning from their blockhead father.”

While I certainly don’t mind the personal comparisons to Charlie Brown, I thought that was a wee bit harsh on G & C so I decided to investigate what would bring their mother to speak so ill of them.

If you’ve ever read this blog, you know by now that I’m a bit of a wrestling geek.  I don’t apologize for it… it’s been part of who I am for the better part of 3 decades now.  Also, for those longtime readers, you’ll know that as part of the WrestleMania Project I’m right around the mid teens of the event.  In any case, at WrestleMania 15 a tag team called the New Age Outlaws was pretty popular so I got to hear their theme song and it got stuck in my head.

Now this particular theme song is a bit “raunchy” and begins with the line, “Oh, you didn’t know?  Your ass better CALL somebody!!!“  Naturally, with this song stuck in my head my boys wanted to know what I was saying under my breath now and again.  I told them (leaving out the “ass” part) so they’ve been running around the house yelling (at the top of their lungs)… “Oh you didn’t know?!?!?”

So now we come to today… The wife had them in the doctor’s office waiting for their flu shots.  Apparently, my two little angels were running right up to a couple of young girls in the waiting room and saying at the top of their lungs… you guessed it, “Oh you didn’t know?!?!”

I love being a dad

Over the last couple of weeks, there have [...]]]> In a previous post, I relayed a story about how G was turning into quite the little pimp.  I’m here a couple of months later to let you know that he’s not slowed down at all… in fact he’s upped his game.  BIG TIME.

Over the last couple of weeks, there have been a couple of examples of G showing his pimp hand but there were two in particular that stand out.  First are from band night a couple of weeks back.  One of the local PTA organizations was sponsoring a night where the kids and their parents could go and watch the high school marching band practice.  The kids got to go onto the field and actually march right along side of them.  Naturally, G took it upon himself to find some older women to hang out with.  The one pictured here had no idea what she’d gotten herself into when she began returning his attention.  Needless to say she had a bit of a 4 foot shadow for the rest of the evening.

If you’ve got children, you know that if you turn your back for a split second they’ll be gone.  I was on G patrol and mom was watching C.  I saw them out of the corner of my eye and watched as my youngest son was having a blast with the drummers (all while sucking down a bag of Chili Fritos – that’s my boy).  As I turned to find the other apple of my eye, I realized quickly what a mistake I’d made.  G had disappeared into the crowd and now SuperDad needed to spring into action before Mom figured out that I’d lost her son in the midst of a high school marching band.

When doing detective work, you need to know about your subject.  Where they hang out, what they like and who they like to associate with.  Once I put on my Sherlock Dad hat, I knew just where to look… the Starlets!  As you can see, G had set up shop in a prime location to perpetuate his pimping.  Well done kid… well done indeed.

On a personal side note… when did they start letting these young children into high schools?  I know I’m not the spring chicken I once was, but there’s no way in hell that I looked this young when I was in high school.  I’ve heard rumors that I’m getting older and for the longest time I simply wouldn’t allow myself to believe them.  I may have to rethink that stance.  Dammit.

A while back we spent the weekend on a resort celebrating my in-law’s 40th wedding anniversary.  We had an outstanding time even though we did have some bicycle issues.  They boys absolutely love going to the pool and they both made MAJOR progress with swimming this summer.  G also made major progress on his pick up lines.

Now there was some question as to how old this girl was.  Guesses at her age ranged from “pre-teen” (SuperDad’s guess) to “engaged to be married” (Great Grandpa).  Luckily we live in a digital age and we’ve got some video proof of the pimpage.  So you tell me… how old is this chick?  And how much of a mack daddy is G?  I can only say that I’m super scared of this kid growing up.  Not sure we live in a town large enough to contain him.