The 411 From 406 » Complaint Department

Come On Folks… Make Some Coffee

Chewie — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 14:08:22 +0000

Folks… when you work in an office environment and you drink coffee, have some decency and make a pot if you take last cup. It won’t kill you. This simple act of brewing a pot of coffee will certainly NOT kill you, and will make other coworkers (who are looking for coffee) want to kill you less.

Oh, and don’t think that just cause you don’t take the last 4 drops of you’re off the hook. Dump the rest of that shit out and make a new pot. Again, it won’t kill you. For those of you out there who’ve never MADE a pot of coffee, here are some general instructions. Please keep in mind that I’ve never been to YOUR particular office, so the details may vary slightly. Don’t blame me.

Pour out old coffee (if you’re one of those assholes thinking about leaving 4 drops in the pot).
Empty old filter. PLEASE don’t reuse coffee filters/grounds. That’s just nasty.
Replace filter.
Add coffee. Folks… coffee is brown. If you use too much it’ll look and taste like black sludge. If you use too little it looks like muddy water. Figure this out immediately.
Add water. Coffee is made when water is poured over coffee grounds (see step 4).
Wait. I put this step in here for the imbecile that thinks he’s so fucking important that he can’t wait for the pot to finish brewing. Instead, he decides to grab the pot mid-brew and pour himself a cup… while coffee goes all over the place. Naturally, when he’s done with his pour, he replaces the pot and walks away. No need to clean up after himself.

Sorry for the grumpiness. I think I need another cup of coffee.

Time Warner FAIL

Chewie — Mon, 24 May 2010 14:29:59 +0000

Last night was the series finale of Lost on ABC. We pulled together an impromptu viewing party (OK, so it was the in-laws, the wife and I, but that’s still a gathering dammit) and settled in to watch one of the most beautiful shows on TV come to an end. That is until Time Warner Cable got involved. The high definition feed was so bad that we eventually had to switch over to the regular feed. That was OK as we were able to watch the story unfold, but let’s be honest. Part of what makes Lost so visually stunning is the scenery. The island of Oahu (where the show is filmed) is absolutely breathtaking and it’s even better in high definition.

The fact that Time Warner couldn’t get their shit together on THAT night is crazy. I could almost understand it if the weather sucked last night… but it didn’t. About half way through the show we got a “We’re Experiencing Technical Difficulties” message. No shit. Next we got a message that said, “The season finale of Lost will re-air in its entirety next Saturday…” Great. So I get to watch it the way it was intended to be seen a week after it’s original air date. The only comparison I can make would be if they were having these kinds of issues during the Super Bowl. “Attention, Super Bowl XLV will be re-aired in its entirety next Sunday…” Really?

Snowblowing Etiquette

Chewie — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 06:58:36 +0000

So last week we got about 30 inches of snow in a two day period. This of course means snowblowing… and lots of it. I’m a tad bit anal when it comes to keeping my driveway clean so I’m the neighbor that’s out there multiple times per day keeping it clear.

I make sure that I’ve got the entire driveway nice and clean so when it’s time for me to venture out I can do it. The city then comes by with their huge snowplows and plows the street in front of my house. Invariably they create a HUGE ice/snow pile at the bottom of my driveway. This isn’t such a big deal when you’re blowing a couple of times per day, but when you’re gone for a couple of days (like we were) then when you come home you’ve got about 20 inches of ice/snow to get through. Luckily we had the SUV otherwise we’d be screwed trying to get IN to our driveway.

Of course, my first order of business once we got home was to blow the damn driveway. Naturally, I took that opportunity to blow all of that ice and snow right back out into the street. Not sure if this makes me a bad neighbor, but I figure if the city can pile it up in my driveway, I can blow it right back into the street. Fuck em.

Where Did All This Traffic Come From?

Chewie — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 17:27:49 +0000

I leave the house at exactly the same time every morning (give or take 2 or 3 minutes). The morning routine is the same:

Get ready for work
Talk to the G-man
Get milk for the boys
Take dog out
Kiss G & Mom goodbye
Head out

For some reason, my commute time in the last couple of weeks has gone up by about 10 or 15 minutes. The obvious culprit is that school is back in session now. But here’s my question… where the hell does everyone go in the summer? I mean sure I know that kids aren’t in school so there would be SOME drop in morning commute but do you mean to tell me that all of these parents are just working from home during the summer? Are there THAT many people that take summer vacations?

And don’t even get me started on bad whether drivers… I’ve lived in Cleveland for a long time. I know how to drive in the rain (just a little slower) and the snow (a little slower than that). That seems pretty straight forward to me. Apparently for the majority of people in this damn town rain=forget how to drive.

Grumble grumble grumble.

10 Years Later This Geek Is Done Defending Lucas

Chewie — Wed, 20 May 2009 21:29:48 +0000

Let me start off by saying I’m a HUGE Star Wars fan. Always have been and I always will be. Those movies and everything associated with them will always have a special place in my heart. By association I’m a huge fan of George Lucas and the galaxy far far away that he created. That said, on the 10 year anniversary of The Phantom Menace, this geek is done defending him.

Ever since the final scene of Return of the Jedi in 1983 I wanted more. I wanted to find out where Darth Vader came from. I wanted to find out what made this guy such a badass and of course I wanted to know how he became not only so powerful but also part machine. I wanted to know why Luke didn’t know his sister when he kissed her in Empire. I wanted to know why Obi-Wan was sitting in the desert just hanging out and I wanted to know why Yoda was sitting in isolation on a planet devoid of sunlight. I wanted to know the backstory of the Empire, I wanted to know where Han Solo came from, I wanted to know it all. And I got most of it… sort of.

As I said before, this entire universe is the creation of George Lucas. He can do with it what he wants. Who am I to tell him if he’s right or wrong? Years after Jedi we were treated to an announcement that the long rumored prequels would indeed be made. Fanboys everywhere rejoiced. Fans came out of the closets. Toys started flying off the shelves. There was a marketing tie-in on every corner (literally). Then came the movie. Eh. It was OK. It gave us a story of little Anakin Skywalker. It told us where he came from (sort of). It gave us Jar Jar. It gave us some new Jedi that we’d never heard of and it gave us a bad ass Sith named Darth Maul. It gave us some insight to the Emperor that we knew from the first films. The movie made a shit ton of money. Star Wars fans were pleased to be given new content after all this time and best of all… we had TWO MORE MOVIES coming!!!

A couple of years later we were treated to Attack Of The Clones. ALL RIGHT! Now we’re talking. This is what we had in mind! No more winy Anakin. Just a bunch of Jedi kicking ass and taking names. Quite a bit less Jar Jar to deal with but we’re moving the story along. We’re seeing a little bit of how Anakin is going to be a “bad guy” but we still just don’t get it. We get to see Obi-Wan with a mullett which (let’s be honest) is super cool. We get to see the genesis of the super cool Boba Fett. All this time we’re saying, “Don’t worry, we’ve got one more movie. All our prayers will be answered there.”

And then it comes… Revenge Of The Sith. Finally. We can all go to our graves knowing how the story ends. We know what was so bad that turned Anakin to the Dark Side. We know what happened to all the Jedi. We completely understand how the Empire was formed. It all makes perfect sense. Sort of. Revenge Of The Sith was by FAR the best of the prequals in my opinion. In fact it’s really the only one worth watching. Sure there’s some cool stuff in the first two films but this is the only one that matters. It’s the only one that really ties in with the originals and it’s the only one that a “casual” fan would care about.

For the last 10 years, I’ve been defending these prequels. I’ve been asked by my non Star Wars friends why they were so great. I’ve tried to explain to them that they were part of the Star Wars universe and to truly appreciate them you had to understand where they fit in. I was wrong. They’re a completely different story. But they’re not Star Wars… at least not my Star Wars. MY Star Wars is Luke, Han, Chewie & Leia. MY Star Wars is Yoda, Cloud City and Tauntauns. MY Star Wars is about the toys that were affordable and you played with… not that you bought for what they were going to be worth in the future.

But like I said before, this isn’t MY Star Wars… nor should it be. This is what Lucas wants it to be. Personally I think these days he’s in it for the money… that’s the only explanation (to this nerd) for some of the crap that’s been put out. Don’t even get me started on that stuff on Cartoon Network… that’s NOT Star Wars. But again, it doesn’t have to be.

It may sound like I’m bitter… I’m not. I’m actually sad. As I look back on my childhood I have very fond memories of Star Wars. I had hoped that my children would have something similar but I doubt they will. That’s probably more of a function of there being a blockbuster per week these days rather than one per year. Nothing can help that. Lucas is a very smart business man and if I were in his position I’d probably be doing the exact same thing. He’s capitalizing on his vision… more power to him. To me it seems that the films and the cartoon is all about merchandising. There are so many toys out there I don’t know how people keep up (let alone have the cash for it all). If you want to listen to an OUTSTANDING podcast check out Star Wars Action News – it’s all about Star Wars collecting. The folks that run that podcast are passionate about their collections… as they should be. The entire Star Wars collecting industry is here today because of Lucas’ vision… we’ve got a lot to be thankful for. That said, I’ll stick to my vintage figures and look at them on the shelf with a yearning toward the past.

So I’m done. I’m done defending the property blindly. I love Star Wars and what it meant. I’ll still watch the movies and when my boys are old enough I’ll share the universe with them. I’m not saying the prequels are bad movies… they just don’t fit in with my vision of the Star Wars universe.

I’ll leave you with this… thank you George. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for my childhood.

I’m going to go watch A New Hope now… May the Force be with you!

All Of A Sudden, I’m “That” Neighbor

Chewie — Sun, 10 May 2009 02:21:10 +0000

I just don’t get it. I don’t know when it happened. I don’t know why it happened. But I’ve become “that” neighbor. The neighbor that doesn’t want the neighborhood kids walking through his yard. Now don’t get me wrong. I love kids. I’ve got two of my own. But there is not many things that I find more irritating than sitting in my living room and watching kids run through my backyard. What… the… fuck! Not only that, but RIGHT up next to the house. I suppose it would be one thing if they were back near the woods, but no. They decide that it would be no problem to roll right across my patio. Really? Is this OK? Is it me or isn’t this the type of behavior that a parent should step in and stop? I don’t know about you but I was raised to respect other people’s property and space. I don’t blame the kids so much (though I have actually asked them multiple times to stay in the front yard). The more I think about it, the more irritated I get at the parents. Perhaps I should just go walk my dog and allow them to shit in their yard. OK, I’m done ranting. Time to see what Google has on “electrified fences”.

Monday’s Pet Peeves

Chewie — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 16:09:10 +0000

Burger King Square Pants – come on… maybe I’m just showing my age and becoming a grumpy old man, but there’s no way that Burger King should be using “Baby Got Back” as one of their theme songs in a commercial. Not only are they using it in their commercial, but it’s being done to promote a Sponge Bob toy tie in. Do people really think this is OK? What’s next… A Nine Inch Nails: Closer/ Dora The Explorer combo???
Spell check – use it people. Unless you’re using Notepad.exe there’s really no reason NOT to spell check something. That goes for you Blackberry and iPhone users as well. Having a digital signature that says “Sent from my iPhone” does not allow you to spell like a 2 year old. Please stop.
Monday’s – yep… they suck. Especially after a weekend like we just had.
Email forwards without checking your facts – please stop sending me emails that say “I verified this with Snopes!” when you haven’t even heard of Snopes. If you’re going to spam me with crap about the newest email virus that’s going to erase my hard drive please make sure it’s ACTUALLY going to erase my hard drive.
Dollar stores where stuff ISN’T a dollar – this is just stupid. I walk in and the first item I see is $5.99. Huh??? That’s kinda like walking into a Honda dealership and seeing a bunch of Fords. False advertising people.
Shows that don’t end on time – the wife and I watch American Idol. We haven’t watched anything (non sports at least) live in the past 6-7 years. That said, if shows run long we don’t get the end of it. When it comes to Idol I’d much rather see the end of the show instead of a crappy Coke commercial or 30 minutes of back story about a contestant that will never win.
The American Idol “Save” – speaking of Idol (since I don’t sound gay enough yet) this whole concept of a save is dumb to begin with… but the way they used it is even dumber. Simon stated originally that it had to be unanimous. The decision obviously wasn’t. He then went on to tell Matt that he didn’t think he could win… but that they were saving him. HUH? Why save someone you don’t think can win. Stupid.
Easter egg coloring – this stuff is irritating. I completely understand that it’s part of the Easter tradition and I really enjoyed watching my kids enjoy it. Hey PAAS, how bout you give me a coloring tab that doesn’t dye the INSIDE of the egg. Nothing worse that pealing an egg that’s been dyed and finding a pink, blue and purple egg. Dye the shell… not the egg. Don’t even get me started on the fact that this stuff is LETHAL when it comes to counter tops.

Rainy Wednesday Morning Musings

Chewie — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 13:27:17 +0000

There is a car across the street from my office with it’s alarm going off. This has been occurring about every 12 minutes for the past 3 days. This is rather annoying. I’m currently thinking of ways to wipe this car from the face of the Earth.
Both the Indians and Cavs appeared to be playing the same game last night. It went something like this: start off good, get a huge lead, think you’ve got the game in hand, have an “oh shit” moment and realize that the other team is coming back, kick it back into gear, win the game, feel like shit about it. Such is life for a Cleveland sports fan.
Meetings are the bane of my existence. I’m to the point where I have to schedule a meeting so others DON’T schedule a meeting so I can get my work done.
The “why’s” have begun at our house. My (nearly) 3 year old has figured out that simply taking what his parents say at face value is kind of boring… so he responds to EVERYTHING with “why”? It’s a fairly simple and innocent question… until he does it 487 times in a row.
I miss poker… it’s been too long since I’ve played.
This summer is going to be crazy. It’s only April and I think just about every weekend from June through August is spoken for. I don’t say this cause I’m a social calendar stud… merely cause it’s pretty overwhelming when I think that the grass is going to be 4 feet long before too long.

Random And (Not So) Deep Thoughts

Chewie — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:04:26 +0000

My son has taken to sleeping in the nude. I’m not sure why I think that’s so funny but it cracks me up every time I think about it.
“Better late than pregnant” – this line came from some random email forward that I got and it made me laugh.
The Tribe kicked the shit out of the Yankees on opening day of their new stadium. The Yankees will probably win the World Series this year cause they’ve got more money than God, but it’s nice to see them (and their fans) brought down a notch. With this terrible season that the Indians are having this may just be the bright spot. Love it.
The Cavs are good… really good. It scares me cause I live in Cleveland and we can never have a championship. It will be interesting to see how they fuck things up in the playoffs.
I’m really looking forward to Spring/Summer this year. Fall has traditionally been my favorite season but this winter has sucked balls and a little sunshine will be more than welcome.
The wife and I were driving past Wallgreens last night and noticed something weird. Underneath the name, they had three signs: Pharmacy, BLANK & Photos. The “blank” was covered up and we didn’t know why. After some careful investigation we determined that it was “clinic”. That said, if you’re looking to go to Wallgreen’s clinic, you’re probably screwed.
This economy blows. Obama isn’t making anything better and I just had to pay taxes. Enough said.
I haven’t had a dip in 999 days – but who’s counting. Tomorrow is a big day.

WrestleMania 25 Recap – Lackluster Show With A Couple Of Standouts

Chewie — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 16:38:39 +0000

Pip, my brother and I got together and carried on our tradition of watching WrestleMania together. This was the 25th anniversary of the show so were expecting big things and a great show. What we got (with a couple of exceptions) was neither. Overall I’d have to say it was a pretty bad show with just a couple of high spots – certainly not what we were expecting from the biggest show of the year… and the 25th anniversary at that. I’ll take it one step further and say that the only thing that made this one watchable was that Pip and I were hanging out and drinking heavily (Beeramid 2009 pics here).

Carlito & Primo vs. John Morrison & The Miz – no fucking idea why this wasn’t shown. I’m not a huge fan of tag team wrestling but these guys are pretty solid in the ring and it would have been nice to see more of the roster on the 25th WrestleMania show. This is especially true when we got what we did (keep reading).

Money In The Bank – good opener but I don’t think it should have been the opener. This match included CM Punk, Mark Henry, MVP, Finlay, Shelton Benjamin, Kofi Kingston, Christian Cage and Kane. REALLY sloppy but I suppose I can forgive it cause there’s just so much going on. Pretty sure Shelton took a header and no one caught him. Ouch.

Kid Rock Performance – OK… I love his music but what… the… fuck! There’s absolutely NO NEED for him to sing 4 songs. This is time that was wasted and should have been spent elsewhere on the show.

Diva Battle Royal – Um… OK. Have a dude win Miss WrestleMania??? As Pip said, that’s the kind of thing that you should do like the 5th or 6th time you have this battle royal… not the first and CERTAINLY not on this show. The announcers didn’t even know who was in the ring. Pathetic. These weren’t announced on the show so in case you’re interested here’s the divas that were included: Santina Marella, Eve Torres, Jillian, Katie Lea, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Beth Phoenix, Alicia Fox, Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, Layla, Maryse, Michelle McCool, Melina, Maria, Natalya, Mickie James, Tiffany, Rosa Mendez, Joy Giovanni, Molly Holly, Jackie Gayda, Sunny, Torrie Wilson and Victoria.

Chris Jerico vs. Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka & Ricky Steamboat (with Ric Flair) – There’s dust that’s younger than Snuka and his one man-boob sticking out was just terrible. I can’t remember Piper EVER doing a dropkick and his one-legged variation reminded me why. Steamboat was awesome… simply amazing. We made a comment that he could get in there today and win the IC title. It was so great to see a “legend” that still has it. Thank you Ricky Steamboat! The Wrestler was a great movie but the whole Rourke tie-in was gay on the PPV. We totally saw it coming and his doing with 1 punch what the other guys couldn’t do three on one? Come on. WWE fans deserve better than this.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy – I actually put the boys to bed during this and heard that I didn’t miss much. The final twist of fate was pretty cool through from what I saw on the replay.

JBL/Rey Misterio - huh??? JBL’s been talking for weeks about how he’s going to do something “special” at WrestleMania. So he goes out, proceeds to lose the Intercontinental title in 21 seconds and then quit? Whatever. JBL deserves better than this.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels – WOW!!! Fucking wow. This right here made it worth the $55 that I spent on the show. Absolutely unbelievable. This match just got itself a spot in my “Top 10 WrestleMania matches” list. SO glad that they kept the streak intact. In fact I’ll be super fucking bitter if they ever end it. Mean Mark Calloway deserves to retire with it.

Edge vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena – I thought for sure that Edge or Show was going to take it. I was pleasantly surprised that Cena took it down. I really like him as champ rather than playing the role of chasing the title.

HHH vs. Randy Orton – OK… what the hell happened here? They were running WAY late on the show and someone must have told them to go home right then. Weak ending to a pretty poor match and it was even worse that this was the main event of the show. I can only assume (based on this debacle) that this feud isn’t over.

GENERAL THOUGHTS:

This felt like any other show. Aside from the “legends” match and the piss poor HOF stuff there was nothing special about this “25th anniversary edition. How can you NOT have Hogan, Warrior, Hart, Savage, etc. on this show? I know that there’s a TON of bad blood there but come on!

How could we have this show without the McMahons? This just seemed pretty poorly thought out. I’d definitely give the writing crew a bad grade here.

Anyone watch the HOF on USA Saturday night? 20 minutes of Steamboat, 5 minutes of “the others” and the rest of the show for Austin. Stone Cold is OBVIOUSLY the biggest player there but you’ve just GOT to include some more people in your coverage.

And why… in the hell… was Koko inducted? If you watch the montage they showed it goes like this:

Koko beating a jobber
Koko beating a jobber
Koko as part of a 3 man tag match
Koko beating a jobber
Oh, Koko lost that match
Koko beating a jobber
Koko beating a jobber

What the hell… I’d just like to announce right here that I’ll be inducted next year as the WWE’s number 1 fan. Apparently all it takes is longevity.

Ugh…

* chewie runs away and waits for the DVD to come out which he KNOWS he’ll have to buy *