Triple Threat Steel Cage match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Daniel Bryan (c) defeated Big Show and Mark Henry
Talk about a great way to start the show.  I’m absolutely loving Daniel Bryan as a heel and putting him in this type of match against two big men where there’s “no escape” is brilliant.  This was a bit shorter that I would have liked but all 3 guys worked hard even though  it was reported that Henry was injured going into the match.  I’d thought this was going to be “match of the night” and while it didn’t quite live up to that it was a great opener.

The Bella Twins and The Divas of Doom (Beth Phoenix & Natalya) defeated Alicia Fox, Eve, Kelly Kelly and Tamina
I’ll admit that this I could have done without, but there was some good stuff here as well.  I don’t understand the folks who scream at the top of their lungs for the WWE to develop a Diva’s roster, but then complain when they put a match like this on the card.  Think about it… the only way you’re going to build this kind of division is to put these fine ass ladies on PPV.  Sure a one on one match between Phoenix and say Kharma is what we all want, but this type of match gives 8 spots on PPV as opposed to 2.

 John Cena fought Kane to a double count out
Yeah… this sucked balls.  This whole “embrace the hate” speed bump on the way to The Rock at WrestleMania is just silly.  At this point I don’t think there’s a chance in hell they’re going to turn John Cena heel so why bother with this?  And if you ARE going to do it, then why not end the feud here?  The way it stands there’s only 1 more PPV before Mania where you KNOW that Cena isn’t really going to be going 100% for fear of getting injured.  Are they really going to build Zack Ryder out of this?  Um… kay.  I absolutely HATE when we get count outs or disqualifications on PPV so this was an epic fail in my book.

Brodus Clay (with Cameron Lynn and Naomi) defeated Drew McIntyre
I feel bad for Drew McIntyre.  Dude is a good worker that’s stuck in this mid card hell.  Sure the WWE needs folks to feed the Brodus Clay machine but I could think of about 30 other guys that I’m throw at him first.  A lot of people were pissed that we got our Clay fix here rather than in the Rumble match itself.  Why?  He clearly wasn’t going to win the Rumble this year, which means someone’s going to have to put him out making him look weak at least for a moment.  This way, he can have another squash, get the PPV exposure and continue to the story.  Good booking.

Singles match for the WWE Championship with John Laurinaitis as special guest referee
CM Punk (c) defeated Dolph Ziggler
I’ll be honest.  I thought this was going to suck.  I wasn’t sure how they were going to work the Laurinaitis angle in here and I was pretty sure that they were going to put the strap on Ziggler.  While I love the #HEEL, I think it’s a bit too soon and it would been a mistake.  Luckily I was wrong and the WWE got this one right.  The in-ring action was exactly what I’d hoped for and Ziggler once again cemented himself as one of the best bumpers in the business.  With Johnny Ace taking himself out of the ring Punk & Ziggles were able to put on a good match without too many shenanigans (until the end at least).  Hearing Punk say, “I beat him 3 times” was just awesome and I have to say that I was impressed with the way the match ended.  Match of the night.

The Royal Rumble
This was the best Rumble match I can remember in the last few years.  There were quite a few guys that had a legit shot of winning. It was the first time in history that everyone was eligible (even folks who’s wrestled earlier in the evening) so there was a real sense of anticipation as the seconds clicked down to see who was next.  While we didn’t have the super returns that we’ve had in the past (Diesel & Booker T last year, Cena, HHH, Taker in previous years) there were some surprise entrants that made me mark out.  Ricardo Rodriguez coming out to ADR’s gimmick was outstanding.  Seeing the first ever Rumble winner Hacksaw Jim Duggan mix it up was awesome and I just about popped my top when Kharma made her return.

There’s a ton of people out there that are pissed Sheamus won the Rumble.  Why?  He’s a stud.  Are you pissed that Chris Jericho didn’t win?  He doesn’t need it.  He’s gonna go into a program with Punk (I still think he should go after Taker) and that frees up Sheamus to have the battle that was bumped from last year’s Mania: Bryan vs. Sheamus.  Or better yet, how about a 4-way match that would unify the titles?  How epic would Sheamus vs. Jericho vs. Punk vs. Bryan be???

The Road To The Beeramid

While the Rumble is the first stop on the Road To WrestleMania, it’s also the first stop on the Road To The Beeramid.  From now until the big day, Pip and I will be putting the finishing touches on the WrestleMania 28 Drinking Game.  Marko watched the show with me this year but wasn’t drinking and my brother from another mother Pip wasn’t in town.  That said, I got into pre-Beeramid form with a first… The Rumblemid!

The First Ever Rumblemid

To see them sitting there playing their Harry Potter video game was just awesome.  Every once in a while I look at my family and realize once again just how lucky I am to be a dad and a husband… this was one of those times.

My respect for George Lucas is officially gone.  The man that created what I consider to be the greatest series of films ever has finally gone too far.  There was a day long ago where the idea of sitting down with the bearded and plaid clad Lucas would have a been a dream come true for me.  Not anymore.

Next month The Phantom Menace is going to be back in theaters… in 3D.  You remember the Phantom Menace right?  It was the piece of shit movie that George gave us that kicked off the prequel trilogy.  Yeah… that one.  When the 10 year anniversary of TPM rolled around, I wrote this post about how I was done defending Lucas.  I just re-read it and I stand by it 100%.

Now to the real crux of this post.  George Lucas I have a question for you sir.  How much fucking money do you need?  When will enough be enough?  Cause let’s face it… that’s all you care about these days.

Why else would you re-release your legacy in 3D?  I’m pretty sure the “I’m still tinkering with my story to give you my original vision,” line of bullshit is completely out the window at this point.  Do you honestly think we’ll believe that you wanted that stupid ass “NOOO” from Vader at the end of Jedi?  Come on dude.

I could even get behind this 3D thing if you came out and said something to the effect of, “I wanted to see how my films would look with today’s technology.”   But let’s face it sir… the only films that you’ve made that people still want to see these days are your original trilogy.  The crap that you put out starting with Phantom Menace no one wants to see.  The fact that you’re going to rape us for the additional 3D fees just really pisses me off.  THAT is why I hope this movie fails at the box office.  It’s time to start voting with our dollars.

I didn’t buy Star Wars on Blu-ray when it came out.  (Luckily Pip did )  To be fair, I don’t own a Blu-ray player at all, but when I get one you can rest assured that Star Wars won’t be my first purchase.  Old Uncle George already has enough of my money with what seem like annual releases of his saga.  If George wants to get any more of my money for a home video release, he’s going to have to give me the ORIGINAL versions of Star Wars, Empire and Jedi.  I don’t want special editions where Han looks like a pussy and doesn’t shoot first.  I don’t want CGI-laden crap where Darth Vader has no eyebrows and I don’t want 36 hours of commentary from George and other producers telling me why I should love these versions.

I didn’t head to the theater the last time Star Wars was in theaters… you know why?  Cause it was essentially nothing more than 2 episodes of a crappy television show that George decided to slap together and call a feature film.  I fully recognize that The Clone Wars isn’t for me.  My kids love it and to George’s credit I don’t ever recall him saying that he was trying to appease fans like me.  He’s more interested in action figure sales.

Merchandising…

I like action figures.  I’ve always enjoyed collecting and playing with them.  Because of that, there is a nostalgia around these products for me.  And good ol George capitalizes on that better than anyone.  But enough is enough.

The original Kenner line of Star Wars action figures was around from 1977 to 1985.  During that time there were “only” 115 action figures released.  12 figures per year isn’t too much to ask for from a collector especially when you figure in the price of the toys back then. By comparison, the “Vintage Collection” from 2010-2011 contains 98 figures.  That’s an average of 49 figures per year for ONE LINE.  Factor in the other lines (Saga Legends, Clone Wars, Legacy Collection) and you can just start to see why collectors might get pissed.

But I can’t put all the blame on George for this stuff.  After all… if there weren’t folks buying it he wouldn’t put it out right?

Folks, if you get excited by a “packaging variant” you’re a dork.  Do you buy your toys specifically to keep them in the package and get them “graded”?  You’re wasting your money and kind of pathetic in my book.  Did you pay more for an “exclusive” version of a figure cause it was packaged differently?  Seriously?  Just as it’s George’s “right” to remake his movies as often as he likes, it’s your “right” to spend your money any way that you see fit and “collect” anything that you want to collect.  And it’s my “right” to laugh at you and write about it here.

Yep… I do a bit of collecting myself.  But you know what I do when I get home with my action figures?  I open that shit up…

Would it be nice to take my kids to see Star Wars on the big screen?  Sure it would.  But I can’t in good conscience give George Lucas one more dime of my hard earned money.  I honestly think that the ONLY way it will stop is if one of these projects crashes and burns.  What if the LOSE money on this Phantom Menace release?  That’s not going to happen, but boy would that be AWESOME. If it sounds like I’m bitter its cause I am.  Star Wars was a huge part of my childhood and at this point I feel like I’m being taken advantage of by a flash in the pan filmmaker who hasn’t had an original idea since 1983.  Except of course which action figure will bring in the most cash.

Chewie's Family Room (Twinsburg, Ohio)

We had the family over on New Year’s day for some grazing on great food and to watch the Steelers / Browns game.  My wonderful brother brought over a few 12 Dogs Of Christmas Ales… Outstanding!

The Top 10 Posts Of 2011
(Based On Number Of Views)

#10 – Thoughts At 35
No matter how hard I try, I continue to get older.  On this “milestone” birthday I decided to jot down a few musings.

#9 – 100 Facts About Me – Or At Least 50
I really dove into Twitter in the past year.  There was a game/activity going around where you had to tweet out 100 facts about yourself.  I got halfway home before I decided to call it a day.

#8 – WrestleMania VI – The Ultimate Challenge
This was #10 on last year’s list.  It’s part of my WrestleMania Project where I’m reviewing every show since the beginning.  This particular show was outstanding, as the main event pitted Intercontinental Champion the Ultimate Warrior against WWF World Champion Hulk Hogan.  Tremendous.

#7 – Top 10 Guilty Pleasure Movies
Another list that I put together way back in the day.  These are flicks that no matter how bad they are, I’ll watch every time they’re on TV.

#6 – Harry Hamlin Made Me Smile (in 2010)
Another repeat from last year’s list.  This is a report of a video game that Pip played with an interesting cameo in it.

#5 – The Overuse Of LOL
There aren’t a lot of things in pop culture that piss me off, but this is of them.  My take (OK… more of a rant) on the use of the term “LOL” in today’s culture.

#4 – Empire Snow Removal – Solon, Ohio & Twinsburg, Ohio
Way back in 2008, I got screwed over by a scam called The Snowplow Guys.  This year, I got a flyer in my mailbox for the same service.  I wasn’t happy, and wrote this post.

#3 – The Best Animated GIF Ever
The title of the post pretty much says it all.  It’s epic.

#2 – The WrestleMania 27 Drinking Game
If you’re a regular reader, you know that a couple of times a year, Pip and I get together and pretend we’re a lot younger than we are.  One of these times is during WrestleMania weekend.  Each year, we build The Beeramid with the help of a drinking game that we develop through the year.

#1 – Top 80?s Action Movies
For the second year in a row, the top spot goes to this post that I made about my favorite 80?s action flicks.  Love it!

Unfortunately, living in our areas there aren’t all that many options, but The Wife did the research and found Windstream which offers Internet, home phone and cable (through DISH) for FAR less than Time Warner.  On top of that they were offering a “lifetime price guarantee” which we know most likely isn’t actually that but it sounds good.  To make a long story short, we’re going to save nearly $1,000 a year.  Nice.

So the one thing that I requested when all of this was going down was to have my own DVR in my man cave (basement).  As you can imagine, I have considerably different tastes in television and movies from the Wife and boys so I didn’t think that was too much to ask.

I came home one day and it was all taken care of.  No more Time Warner boxes, brand new DISH boxes and a new home phone number.  Everything seemed good until ya know… I turned it on.  Low definition.  Oh yeah, and I didn’t have a DVR.  I was sharing the signal with the upstairs TV and I when that unit changed channels, so did mine.  Not good.

After about a week or so we got it all straightened out and I’ve got glorious HD in my basement with my very own DVR.  Not to mention we’re getting 3 free months of all kinds of movie channels which is super cool.  Good riddance Time Warner… I can’t say that I’ll miss you.

• I’d never heard of a Leap Pad until the wife told me I had to be at Target five mornings a week before 8:00 AM to get one.
• I’d never heard of The Elf On The Shelf until last year (Charlie in our house for those keeping track).
• I have no idea what Pinterest is or why I would want to use it.

That’s just a few examples and I’m sure there are countless others.  But I digress.  I ran across this (excuse the pun) piece of shit the other day: The Doggie Doo.  Apparently it’s one of this Christmas season’s hottest toys.  Seeing as I’d never heard of it, I’ve obviously never played it, but from what I can gather it involves feeding this dog some play dough like substance until it shits.  The first player who collects 3 “messes” wins.

The website – http://www.doggiedoogame.com/ – will tell you all about the game, show you some videos, tell you where to buy it and enthrall you with content like this:

“You can only pick up the dog’s mess when it has fallen on the table. When it is hanging outside the end of the dog, just tap him on the back until it drops.”

“If Doggie Doo has stomach problems, and no mess is coming out of the dog, feed him just one more time with the correct amount of food and it should push it out.”

Please allow me to bang my head against my desk for a moment at this scatalogical entry into pop culture.  I can only thank God that my kids haven’t caught wind of this yet.

I’ve gotta ask a few questions here:

1. What parent honestly thinks this is a good toy?  I mean lets face it, at least Everyone Poops has some redeeming value as an educational tool. This just seems rather silly to me.
2. How creepy is the photo on the right?  I spose it’s not too bad until you realize it was taken from a toy that promotes dogs pooping so you can win.  Gives a new meaning to Charlie Sheen’s “winning” doesn’t it?
3. Where can I get one?  After all, it’s only a matter of time until the boys are thinking about nothing else… crap.